A life well lived?

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

The Australia-Melbourne group had a meetup last Friday night, I was there first and while I was waiting for everyone, an old man sat down as if looking for company, and offered to buy me a drink. We got talking, he was from interstate and was here for the 20th anniversary of a school he had set up. I was impressed, so he told me about it. It turned out, this man had been in huge positions of power and had been a great force for good in the community in his working life.

But he wouldn't accept my congratulations, and insisted on labelling hmself a failure because he was an alcoholic (his definition). Apparently his wife and children tell him this and deride him for it, and he accepts their verdict. Well by this time, Alsy had turned up. The old man's advice to us was to never neglect your family, they should come before anything else. We did what we could while we were there with him to get him to question his own definition of himself. But he wouldn't be budged and we were left to ponder his story.

I've been wondering what to take from this story. I believe this man had maybe been seduced by the power he held over the years into believing that it was meaningful, but had been eaten out inside and had turned to alcohol to cope with his loneliness. Maybe he had lost what was truly valuable (his family) because he had valued the "glory". The mainstream society would call this man a huge success, but he was a broken shell from what we saw.

I know you haven't met him, but from what I've described, what would YOU take from this?

Joy to you
Hazel

[smallstar]

Small people have small problems. Great people have great problems.

Would he really have been happy, living in his house with his wife, two kids, a steady income, and never aspiring higher?

[nickww]

Please excuse my bad English...

It seems impossible in our society to make everyone happy including ourselves as it comes to combine a successful powerfull carreer and family. Unless everyone (he and his family) has the same values. Without defending alcoholism or only being intrested in money, I think his family was very unthankful for the financial comfort this man's position offered them. I wonder if his income was still at their expectation as he retired...
It seems to me he got human with age.

[cftwo]

I'd take it as his advice not to let power seduce you away from what is important - love and connections with other people. You can be powerful/rich/etc., but don't let it ruin the other treasures you have.

[Andrew Brunelle]

The problem with him is I think that people in power are often placed on a pedastal, but there is no one up on that pedestal with you, so your familly becomes distant, your friends as well. So I think the best thing for him to have done was become partners with the people he was in power of, rather than dominating them.

[Alvin]

Shows you how powerful your beliefs about yourself can be, and how it's really not what happens to you but what you think it means that counts.

This man has obviously done some good in his life and been in positions of power. Yet he refused to label himself a 'success' or at least 'a work in progress' and calls himself a 'failure'? Think about how that does to his self-esteem and ability to stop being an alcoholic!

It's like being in a red room with a guy wearing a blue sunglass. You keep telling him it's a red room and he refuses to acknowledge it because he doesn't see it and refuses to take off his glasses to even test it.

[Radical]

I would heed his advice.

I have had a similar experience in my life so far. At school I was always concerned with being the best at everything, people thought I was big headed and so I wasn't that popular. I got good grades, but ended up with next to no friends. Then it was time for 6th form college. I studied hard and got good grades, but neglected everything and everyone else. Now, I have hardly any friends, so I don't have anyone to go out with etc and I've never had a girlfriend. I have learnt my lesson. Without other people to share your love and happiness with, success is empty and worthless.

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by Radical

Without other people to share your love and happiness with, success is empty and worthless.

I've given you reputation points, Radical. Great quote.

[evpaps]

I think his story is echoing what has been said a million times before. When you get to the end of your life the only thing that matters is your relationships. No one lies on their death bead wishing they had earned more money or worked harder or had more stuff.

I think it was Stephen Covey who studied this, asking hundreds of people on their death beads what they thought of their lives.

[Liara Covert]

I find it strange that meaningful relationships and life balance are seldom used as a criteria to define the nature of success. Western societies often condition people to strive for success in the form of money and power. These are a kind of perceived success, but as a limited view, they can lead to emotional emptiness. Another kind of strength grows from experiencing real support and peace of mind.
Yet, this man's life reveals it's hard to know the invisible benefits before a 'late-life crisis' if the person is unaware of what he is missing.

In 2004, Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer & PIXAR Animation Studios, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and thought he was going to die. Luckily, it was a rare operable form and he lived. During this health crisis, he said,

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life...Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. "

[ethereal]

For some reason, I still feel like taking the old man's side and support what he did. If we are all one, then we act for mankind's best interest, not necessarily for any specific person(s), i.e. our family, or even ourself. All value judgments are arbitrary, i.e. your own son is the same as a starving child in terms of "worth" if there is such a thing. I'm reminded by David Deida's "The Way of the Superior Man", who said that a man's purpose is more important than, and comes before, any woman.

Though I guess you really do have to be enlightened first to really believe in this it's always easier said than done.

[Liara Covert]

People who observed this man's lifetime achievements likely have reason to admire his accomplishments. His alcoholism and overall dissatisfaction are sad on some level because he has the impression whatever he did wasn't enough. This reminds me of a social sickness described in a book called Affluenza written by Clive Hamilton and Richard Denniss. They paint a very insightful picture worth reading.

[esn]

“The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heaven"
Satan, in Milton's Paradise Lost

Best Wishes,
Eric