How to become a 'strong personality'

[Hue]

So, having taken a long hard look at myself lately I've realised that I have been pushed around to one degree or another most of my life. This has been both physical and verbal by the usual suspects; bigger kids at school, older siblings, bosses at work ect.

It is clear to me now that I am dominated by people with forceful personalites all the time.

I think we all agree on here that one's personality can be consciously changed. Can anyone suggest some practical ways to develop what is commonly know as a 'strong character'/ strong personality?

I've had few ideas
-Martial arts, self defense, any combat arts so if a verbal confrontation gets physical you can handle it.
-Go to the gym. Bulk up and develop some presence.
-Join the army. They have a reputation for turning mice into men.
-Do an exercise where you are deliberatley difficult and argumentative. It will be tough the first few times but through repetition and experience I'll toughen up.

All ideas would be greatley appreciated thanks.

[Nico Kempe]

Most of the ideas you posted seem to be aimed at your physical presence.
Although being muscular might help avoid getting bullied, it doesn't really help your state of mind I think.

Best thing would be if you were self confident and being happy with yourself.

One thing you could do is taking small challenges in several areas to improve your confidence. You could for instance say hi to strangers once a day. Maybe later this develops into having light conversation with strangers.
Another thing is making a list of things you need to do and, well, do them. One by one. And cross them from your list when they're done.

This things may not look relevant but look at them as baby steps. Each little victory will help improve your confidence. And when your confidence improves, your happiness and self-respect might improve. And when that improves, then you'll see that your environment will change for the better. People might leave you alone and others may come to appreciate your bright, sincere and happy personality.

Of course the law of attraction plays a big part here as well. Just think about being in a better place, with people treating you kindly, and you being more confident and maybe successful.

Either way, try to make yourself happy and confident, look into yourself, and don't worry about the outside world (the bullies and such). Your thoughts, the way you feel, that is what counts. The people that seem to be influencing your life in a negative way are just external factors that your mind can attract or repel like a magnet. It's up to you to reverse the polarity.

Hope that helps.

[Dan.Linehan]

You need to practice / work on this, but not at all in the way you think.

What is one of your goals right now? Keep that goal in mind for a moment, then ask yourself exactly who is holding you back from achieving it. 95% of the time the answer is nobody is directly stopping you.

You are giving all your attention and focus to the other 5% of the time. You are still making the same mistake - focusing on that which is external instead of dedicating yourself to your goals internally.

The difference between the bigger kids and the bosses of the world and you is that they don't focus on what is stopping them. They do what they want anyway.

When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


What do you want to do, and why aren't you doing it?

[Dave Kaminski]

Do you have goals?

If not, the physical thing might help a ton. It's a big step in the right direction. You're probably pretty strongly tied to your physical body (not everyone here claims to be) and building that resource will gain you much confidence and 'self-esteem'

Once this has been done, you can focus on some more goals or some other goals. You can do it all simultaneously too, but I find it's easier to tackle one at a time unless you have a lot of free time or a lot of discipline.

[Hue]

Thanks guys, I greatley appreciate all the advice and feedback so far.

Just want to address a few points.

'Best thing would be if you were self confident and being happy with yourself'. I know this advice is well intentioned but I find 'be yourself/be happy' advice to be very vague and unactionable.

"What is one of your goals right now?" One of my mid-term goals is to own my own company and to do that I know I will have to be able to give orders and deal with confrontation. I actually got the army idea from Robert Kyosaki as rich dad told him to join the army to develop his leadership skills.

Again thanks for the feedback everybody and I welcome more comments.

[MisterEThoughts]

Personally, reading,writing,working out and diet. Has helped me achieve this goal quite, quickly.

[hkalchemy]

Read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective people by Steven Covey. The personality ethic you are talking about is just a band aid - real, lasting success comes from a deeper way of being in the world. This book cold really change your life, though there are no quick fixes.

Do a google search on this. There are many good articles on this suject. Here's a very brief one that I wrote.

[Jennihul]

Originally Posted by Hue

'Best thing would be if you were self confident and being happy with yourself'. I know this advice is well intentioned but I find 'be yourself/be happy' advice to be very vague and unactionable.

My first impression is that you have an incongruity between what you desire (a strong personality) and what you think can fix it.

What you need to do is figure out what you want. Do you wish to posses such a presence as to never be bullied again? You can accomplish that with physical changes only.

Do you wish to have a winning personality? That doesn't happen in the gym.

Strong personalities have nothing to do with physical strength. Some of the bulkiest men never speak because they have no personalities. (The brainless bouncer at the local dance club) Some of the most accomplished martial artists, dare I say the REAL martial artists, would never consider being loud, brash, demanding or behave in an overt way. (The character Seriph in The Matrix..)

Personality. It can be developed. Molded. Bad habits downplayed and good ones enhanced. But the biggest risk is trying too hard and seeming like a goober. People can see through fake personalities.

Jennifer