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04-28-2008, 06:22 AM
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 A creepy guy asks you for $4.00, what do you do? I wanted to share an experience I had today with my boyfriend. I was at work (at a coffee shop), I was taking a break, sitting at one of the tables and chatting with my boyfriend who had stopped by to visit. A man walks into the shop, looking a bit disheveled and distressed, and after a few seconds he sits down at the table with us and he says something like this: "I need your help guys. My mom just got killed at the Y [an intersection across town]. She was killed in a rollover accident. You can go down there if you don't believe me. I'm not lying. I need $4.00 for the bus so I can go down and get the rest of her stuff. Do you guys have $4.00 I can have?" Throughout his speech we were both shocked and very uncomfortable, as he seemed like he was a little drunk or on drugs, but I suppose if his mother really did just die, than he could have been just really upset. We tried to be sympathetic, but his manner just made us feel really creeped out, and we told him we didn't have any money; however, I bet we could have scrounged up $4.00 for him if we tried. I think we were just so weirded out, and we just wanted him to go away, so we told him we didn't have money so he would leave. I'm curious, how would you guys have handled the situation?      |
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04-28-2008, 11:02 AM
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| I could see he put you in a very uncomfortable position. I would have felt bad for not helping, but it was likely a con job. Here is what happened to me, several years ago. I was driving to class on a Saturday morning. On the exit ramp, a man with some kind of car part in his hand was hitting up all the cars that pulled up to the intersection. He said his car broke down and he only needed a few more dollars to buy the part to fix it. Well I gave him my last 3 bucks and drove on to school. The following Saturday, I saw the same guy out there doing the same thing. It must have worked well for him. I'm not saying all panhandlers are cons, but some people just want your money. I guess to them, it's easier than working. |
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04-28-2008, 11:28 AM
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| Four dollars is not that much to ask. That said though,I would look that person in the eye and base my decision on my gut feeling about said person. Usually though if it is not a lot of money I can part with it.
__________________ If you like yourself you have a friend for life. |
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04-28-2008, 11:32 AM
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| Quote:
Guy walks in front of a Wal-mart parody store with a "help wanted" sign posted. A panhandler stands right beside the sign, so the guy asks him why he doesn't just get a job. The panhandler responds that he wouldn't be able to take such a sharp cut in his pay. Anyways, OP, it does sound like a con of some sort, considering no one's going to call his bluff and check the accident or drive him there. That being said, a lot of these people panhandling on the streets are stricken with mental illnesses and/or addictions and/or really bad personal situations. I volunteered in a soup kitchen and though they may seem disheveled and distressed, most of them are good people. In reality, most of us are just a bad experience away from ending up in their situation as well. Being a student myself, I don't exactly have loads of cash to give away, but I do chip in a dollar every now and then. However, I honestly don't like being lied to. Although there probably wasn't any threat in your situation (it was after all, in the middle of the cafe), I wouldn't have given any money either.
__________________ Ceci n'est pas une phrase. |
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04-28-2008, 01:11 PM
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| About 10 years ago I was touring the UK and Ireland and was in Dublin. By this time I was looking a bit rough myself when I was approached and asked for some money. I gave him the equivalent of about $2 but it wasn't until after he'd gone I realised that this guy was better dressed than I was. In fact, he was wearing a suit! I'm sure I'd have 'fallen' for it. My instinct tells me that this is a rehearsed routine that has worked previously. Let's be honest, how many of us would have 'gone to the Y' to check his story before handing over money. No-one because a) it takes time and b) you would be effectively calling him a liar by having to check. You either pay or you don't. For simplicity's sake I probably would've paid though I think I would resent it afterwards.
__________________ 'Even in the darkest depths of despair there is always hope. NEVER give up!' For another view of the world, view a random Crusty Nomad blog post today. |
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04-28-2008, 02:27 PM
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| Even though I would imagine it was most likely a con story, I would have given him the four dollars if I had it.
__________________ The universe is conspiring to bring me more of what I want. - Me (Steve Pavlina paraphrased). |
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04-28-2008, 03:11 PM
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| I wouldn't have given him the money, frankly that story is just ridiculous, he waited a few seconds so he could scan the room for likely tragets, he asked yuou to go check because he knew that would put pressure on you, and frankly...Why don't the police pick him up if hes's that destitute?
__________________ I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none. - MACBETH |
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04-28-2008, 03:25 PM
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| I don't give money to panhandlers as a rule.
__________________ Best, Dan Linehan |
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04-28-2008, 05:11 PM
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| A few months ago I was in the city nearby doing some business when a nice looking young man approached me asking for some money. I was in the parking lot of the RMV where people from all the nearby towns have to go to do business and it's located right on the edge of the more "challenged" area of town. This very sweet looking boy of about 17 told me that he was from out of town and had run out of gas. He needed about $5 to get home and could I please give him anything I had towards that. The mother in me immediately responded by giving him the money to get home. When I was finished with my business, I drove home but since I know the city, I drove through town instead of taking the expressway and lo and behold, there was the boy, excitedly talking to what appeared to be one of the local crack dealers. They talked for a few minutes and then walked away together. About a month later, I was in another part of town and the same boy approached me with the same line. He was a little worse for the wear and not quite so clear eyed anymore. The mother in me cried this time for that poor, sweet boy. I prefer to give to local charities that help people deal with their addictions than to panhandlers who for the most part, are only interested in feeding their addictions. |
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04-28-2008, 11:17 PM
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| BS story. don't feel bad about it The police would help if someone was actually just killed. He could just call them. If my mom was just killed I wouldn't worry too much about getting back somewhere to make sure no one takes the cheetos out of the trunk. |
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04-29-2008, 12:43 AM
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| Just say "take a walk, bud.." If he persists, stand up, lean forward, mean face and repeat yourself, just louder. You don't have to be rude but you need to get them out of your airspace. People, whether truly desperate or not, have no business demanding anything from you or trying to guilt you into supporting them. There is nothing wrong with giving spare change to less fortunate people but that borders on assault. It would be if he refused to leave. My friends and I always ran into the same guy at Grand Central. Backpack and kind of college grubby. He would give some cok and bull story about losing his train ticket, wanting to visit his mom in Darien...blah blah...We'd be like: dude you hit us up every weekend, get lost. At the very least, these clever losers could earn a living as actors. Jennifer Last edited by Jennihul : 04-29-2008 at 12:45 AM. |
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04-29-2008, 03:55 AM
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| I wouldn't have given him the money. I think you did the right thing. It's a con.
__________________ Don't miss the view becasue you're looking at the signpost. Please visit Effortless Abundance |
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04-29-2008, 03:38 PM
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| I had a similar situation when I was in college. I was in a restaurant. This guy came up to me and asked if I could give him five dollars for gas because his family is outside in a car and they are stranded. He looked like a homeless man, so I gave him a $10 bill and I let him on his way. About a year and a half later, I was walking to a grocery store on the same road and the same guy with the same story came up to me and I told him I had nothing. Now, I'm sure he needed the money, but to be deceitful about it is not the way to go about it. Just say, "I'm hungry." I have more respect for someone who will be honest than someone who will make up a crazy story just to get $4.00??? Anyway, rest assured that the odds of his mother being dead were very low. And believe me, if he comes in again with a similar story, like they always do, you'll see him for what he is. |
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04-29-2008, 06:47 PM
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| offer him lunch, see if he takes it instead - I've told people in similar situations that if they need the money, I don't need to know why. But instead of giving money, I've offered to buy them a sandwich & a pop, but I can't give them money just in case they're going to spend it on booze. If they need to get somewhere, offer to get a taxi for them. Usually people will take the lunch, they may grumble about it but in the end, they'll fill up their belly if you offer it to them. |
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04-29-2008, 09:23 PM
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| Cool! I'm glad I've started an interesting discussion with this question. It will be very interesting if he does come in again, like Andrew said, than I would know for sure what he's trying to do. I didn't believe his story about his mom. Just the fact that he said "if you don't believe me, you can check," planted a huge seed of doubt in me. Quote:
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04-29-2008, 11:08 PM
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| I've encountered people like this several times in different places of business and I always report it to the management. Most businesses don't allow panhandling and they don't like it, because it is bothersome and annoying for their customers. And they know how to handle it. They can ascertain if the person is truly needy or not... and take appropriate action.
__________________ Ree |
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04-30-2008, 02:53 AM
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| A similar thing happened to me recently. I was in the subway when I saw this man go up to a woman and it looked like he was asking for directions. Then he came to me and told me how he has to go this hospital but he doesn't have the money to catch the bus. He looked a little disheveled and I probably would have given him the money if I had cash on me. He also, looked at two girls who were studying and decided against asking them. Now I don't know if that was because he thought they were busy or wouldn't have the money. The woman didn't give him any money either. |
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04-30-2008, 07:47 AM
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| Well... before I opened this thread, just based on the title, I was gonna say that my answer would be: "I don't have any cash, sorry." But after hearing the full story, and hearing the circumstances...I probably would've given the guy the money. Or at least helped him find $4 in cash. Or helped him find a taxi. (Regardless of whether or not he was lying, I would just feel too guilty saying "Sorry, can't help you!" to someone whose mother may have just died.) Last edited by Amandaaa : 04-30-2008 at 08:00 AM. |
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04-30-2008, 08:02 AM
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Generally, I never give people money who ask for it. I get approached by too many creepy homeless people...and they're always obviously either drunk or methed-out, so I know they'll probably spend it on drugs. Usually, I either say "Sorry, I don't have any cash" (always the truth), or I offer to buy them a sandwich (or whatever). Last year, my roommate and I were approached by a homeless guy outside of the mall...and we ended up going in the mall and buying him a $25 blanket.  But as we were walking back to the car, he asked for the receipt... and then we saw him go back in to return it and get the money...  so that kind of made us resentful and distrustful of people in general. (But, hey, at least we did a good deed.  It's kind of like giving money to a charity... You can't control how much of the money actually goes to the cause. But the important part is that you gave it away with good intentions...) |
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04-30-2008, 07:24 PM
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| I will feel somebody out when they ask me for something. Where I grew up, there would be people asking for money on major intersections. My parents taught me not to look at them because they were human garbage for not having a job. While I think many of them are in a self perpetuating state of helplessness, I understand what it's like to be in a difficult situation and lose your worth and dignity. I like to give them food and drink instead of money. They obviously need it and that bypasses the concern that you could be funding their potential drug habits. No matter what a persons situation is, if they're standing around outside asking for money, it's likely that they don't have a clean and well stocked fridge to go home to. Everybody deserves to be nourished. |
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05-02-2008, 06:38 AM
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| Usually when a stranger comes up to you, tells you a sob story, and then asks for money, he's a lying crack addict. That is a fact. I remember some guy approaching me in a mall a couple months back, telling me some story about how his girlfriend had ditched him and he needed money for a bus ride. I told him if he could do 50 perfect pushups I would give up 20 dollars. He failed. |