I now stand up to be a lightworker

[seeker5]

I just want to say I am now committed to being a lightworker.

Four nights ago, I was facing the possibility that this relationship with woman I had been truly loving for the past few months might be over. It was a truly transformation relationship, where I really was able to send out love to someone close to me every day, something I hadn't done before. As I was thinking about the possibility of it being over, I truly didn't like the idea of facing a life where I didn't love people and didn't feel connected to people, the kind of life I've lived most of my life.

Then that same night, I read Steve's article (Rise of the Lightworker) and for the first time ever, I felt the call to be a lightworker. I wrote a short post about it in the thread, and while I was writing it I had tears running down my cheek. Until a few days ago, I was the kind of man who rarely shed tears, and if I did, I definitely never admitted it to anyone.

I wrote yesterday in an email to a friend I've known for over a decade:

I want to keep on loving people, although now instead of just loving my romantic lover, I want to expand that to love everyone. I've been telling today and even yesterday silently in my head when I see people - men, women, young, old, all sorts "I love you" and projecting my love to them. I've lived so long of my life in fear and non-connection to others and now I've gotten to experience the real act of loving that I just can not go back to this place of non-love of fear and isolation. So I'm going to really love and project love to people now.

I know it's probably the last thing you ever expected me to say, knowing how I am, and it's the last thing I'd ever have expected me to say but now I understand so much about some of these love-oriented people that I had never understood before.

I also wrote in my journal as I was journaling about this:

I don't care if I die at the age of 40. I want to live my life to the fullest, developing all of my inner resources such as courage, love, going-for-it, passion, drive, helping others, developing resources during the next 10 years more then setting for a mechanical soul-draining life and living to the age of 80.

I truly feel that I would rather die living my life to the fullest by loving people and make decision based on love then going back to the way to living in fear, non-connection and non-love place. I have very rarely made a decision in my life where I've taken such a stand where I felt strongly that I'd rather die then go back to doing something I used to do. I feel this way now about becoming a lightworker, and sending my love out and making decisions based on love and not on fear.

Now, since I've lived a life that had a lot of fear and decisions made on fear (though never really committed to being a darkworker), I know how to use fear to achieve and move me to do stuff. I've gotten straight A's in college, turned around volunteer organizations successfully and did some other things by using my inner fear to move me. I've never done a 30 day trial of being a lightworker, and never really tried it so this is all brand new to me. I just know right now I'm going to send as much love as possible, start making decisions based on love and I'll be on a huge learning curve on how to be a lightworker. I'm committed to it and there's no going back.

Steve wrote in the post

The transition can be very challenging, since it requires shedding so much of the past. It can be painful for people to watch their previous dreams implode, but this is necessary to make room for the much larger purpose ahead.

That's how it feels for me, that my previous dreams of getting an MBA, etc are imploding and I now have to figure out what to do to become a full-pledge lightworker. Maybe it's still doing an MBA, maybe not. I have a lot of searching to do now and I'm going to write another post to ask for advice and feedback about that.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I am very excited for you. What a wonderful time in your life. Congratulations and I will be looking forward to hearing what you figure out.

[Steve Pavlina]

Awesome!

Your lightworker membership kit, mouse pad, and secret decoder ring will be delivered shortly.

You want to know what's going to happen next? Within the next few weeks (perhaps even within 72 hours), you'll likely experience a counter-surge in fear energy to temp you away from the lightworker side. This will test your commitment to see if you're truly ready to polarize. So don't be too surprised when that happens. You'll recognize it happening when you feel yourself being pushed into situations where you'd normally react with fear and/or greed. Your challenge is to figure out how to respond to those same situations with love.

Sometimes these challenges can be a bit unpleasant, such as experiencing a financial setback to see if you'll be driven into fear. Other times they're tempting, such as having a "golden opportunity" like a new job offer or promotion fall into your lap that seems too good to pass up... except that the nature of the work requires that you suppress your moral beliefs and align yourself with greed.

If you find yourself in such a situation and need extra support or encouragement, don't hesitate to email me if you want to talk privately. I've helped a lot of people through similar transition periods.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself, since it will take time for your physical reality to realign with your internal shift. You're likely to see some dramatic changes happening within the next 30 days.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Your lightworker membership kit, mouse pad, and secret decoder ring will be delivered shortly.

Shhhhh! Don't let on about all the goodies or everyone will be itching to switch to lightworking (or is that all part of your plan...) .

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Shhhhh! Don't let on about all the goodies or everyone will be itching to switch to lightworking (or is that all part of your plan...) .

Darkworkers get a welcome kit too, but it costs $299 plus shipping (discrete packaging of course). The contents are different though. Instead of a mouse pad, darkworkers get a god pad. The darkworker kit also includes a cool-looking ID card (with RFID chip) and hard-bound collector's edition copies of The Prince and The 48 Laws of Power.

[LoraleighV]

Congratulations Seeker5. I am so happy for you.

Steve is so right. And, not only will you get a major fear surge but there's also a series of smaller challenges to watch out for as well. Jack Kornfield says it best in the title of his book "After the Ecstasy, the Laundry."

You just have to keep saying "yes" to the light.

All my best to you!

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Your lightworker membership kit, mouse pad, and secret decoder ring will be delivered shortly.

Just wondering Steve, does the decoder ring come in pink?

[seeker5]

Thanks Aspiring, Steve, and Loraleigh

Originally Posted by LoraleighV

I agree with what Steve said. Not only will you get a major fear surge but there's also a series of smaller challenges to watch out for.

Yeah, I'm going through that now. I had made the switch to lightworker 4 evenings ago, and had been able to send a lot of love out the last three days to everyone I was passing by and talking with. I wrote the post above about becoming a lightworker actually yesterday early afternoon and had something come up so I couldn't post it until today. I'm having a hard time right now, and even went into dark thoughts and emotions today for a few hours. I'm still not back to being in a loving place, although I'm better then where I was a few hours ago.

I'm going to take a break as I realized just now that I've been thinking non-stop about this situation and my relationship that ended for the last 3 days. I haven't gone to work, haven't watched tv, nor read any books, nor listened to my usual audiobooks, nor read any websites not related to either, and 80% of my conversations (phone/email/messages/posts) were related to these two subjects.

Maybe I'll go rent a good movie to watch Then later I'll write about my challenges. Thanks

[LoraleighV]

Yes, I can also get intense about a subject at times.

You're very wise to think about distracting yourself with a movie or something. Ultimately we all know the right next thing to do. It's just a matter of doing it.

Hang in there and take care,

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by LoraleighV

You're very wise to think about distracting yourself with a movie or something. Ultimately we all know the right next thing to do. It's just a matter of doing it.

Thanks I ended watching Peaceful Warrior which I remember Steve writing about it. Quite good movie

[munish]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Darkworkers get a welcome kit too, but it costs $299 plus shipping (discrete packaging of course). The contents are different though. Instead of a mouse pad, darkworkers get a god pad. The darkworker kit also includes a cool-looking ID card (with RFID chip) and hard-bound collector's edition copies of The Prince and The 48 Laws of Power.

The ‘Swastika’, or the inverted Hitler’s symbol flag is complimentary.

[jaydeschizo]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Darkworkers get a welcome kit too, but it costs $299 plus shipping (discrete packaging of course). The contents are different though. Instead of a mouse pad, darkworkers get a god pad. The darkworker kit also includes a cool-looking ID card (with RFID chip) and hard-bound collector's edition copies of The Prince and The 48 Laws of Power.

Now all I have to do to get my hands on that package would be to buy someone's credit card data and wire you their money, so you can send the package to a falsly registered PO-box of a non-existant offshore Hong Kong based company in Europe.

Excellent.

[Angela]

Seeker, you are playing one of the biggest and most inspiring game I've ever heard of. I am with you.

And like Steve said, when you play a big game, expect big challenges! I hope you will recognize them as your source of uncovering more love, and I also hope you'll share them with us so we can play the Home Game!

Lots and lots of love to you,
A

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

Seeker, you are playing one of the biggest and most inspiring game I've ever heard of. I am with you.

And like Steve said, when you play a big game, expect big challenges! I hope you will recognize them as your source of uncovering more love, and I also hope you'll share them with us so we can play the Home Game!

Lots and lots of love to you,
A

Thanks Angela

I'm going through a very hard challenge - this counter-surge in fear energy Steve mentioned is no joke. I've been going through it this weekend and all my worst deepest fears I've ever had have been surfacing like crazy this past weekend - all of them combined at once! Some of those fears I hadn't felt in years. Like a huge tidal wave hitting me and engulfing - felt it in my veins and all over.

For a while I thought I had truly lost it all. However, I bought the book the Power of Now and it's helped me tremendously in subsiding the fears for now.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Thanks Angela

I'm going through a very hard challenge - this counter-surge in fear energy Steve mentioned is no joke. I've been going through it this weekend and all my worst deepest fears I've ever had have been surfacing like crazy this past weekend - all of them combined at once! Some of those fears I hadn't felt in years. Like a huge tidal wave hitting me and engulfing - felt it in my veins and all over.

For a while I thought I had truly lost it all. However, I bought the book the Power of Now and it's helped me tremendously in subsiding the fears for now.

It sounds like the shadow self acting up. This is a good thing. That you need to embrace whatever is coming up as part of you, then the ego has less of a grip on you. You become more whole, which is the lightworker's basis. A LW doesn't project their denials out there, they are whole and able to integrate their self in such a way as to connect with love with others. (I think) Stuff that you have denied as part of you and projected outside of you is now showing up to be claimed instead of denied.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Darkworkers get a welcome kit too, but it costs $299 plus shipping (discrete packaging of course). The contents are different though. Instead of a mouse pad, darkworkers get a god pad. The darkworker kit also includes a cool-looking ID card (with RFID chip) and hard-bound collector's edition copies of The Prince and The 48 Laws of Power.

That's great. LOL

[ladybug]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Thanks Angela

I'm going through a very hard challenge - this counter-surge in fear energy Steve mentioned is no joke. I've been going through it this weekend and all my worst deepest fears I've ever had have been surfacing like crazy this past weekend - all of them combined at once! Some of those fears I hadn't felt in years. Like a huge tidal wave hitting me and engulfing - felt it in my veins and all over.

For a while I thought I had truly lost it all. However, I bought the book the Power of Now and it's helped me tremendously in subsiding the fears for now.

Seeker, you are doing a beautiful thing. It isn't easy, even if it seems that it "should" be. I have been going through very similar experiences myself on my path. I just finished "Power of Now" as well. Feel free to PM me if you would like to just talk about some things. You will feel a bit better soon, but when the past starts bubbling up, it's like your heart is ripping in a million pieces and your head is going to explode. Just know that you are alright and loved.

[seeker5]

Thanks ladybug and wolfgang for the encouragement .

Seems that now that I've calmed over after all of these fears having hit me like a tidal wave over the weekends, I know that I'm going to have to face these fears until they are no longer fears. I wrote them down, and my, there's a huge laundry list of them to face and move toward. Should be interesting!

I love the idea of being able to live without fear, of being able to do what you believe is best for society and the world, without being bothered by fears. That is, the idea of doing what is best, going with your intuition without having fears hold you back.

Yesterday, I went and faced one of those fears by giving the ok to have my pictures posted in that pic thread. Since I've come on this forum over a year ago, I aimed to be anonymous, because I was fearful of three things. One was for people in the current real world to find me here and thus judge me harshly for what I've written, and cause real consequences in my life. The second was for 5-10 years from now, for people in my life then to find what I've written here and also judge me harshly. I've been online since 1994, back when almost nobody was online. I've written (embarrassing) stuff under my real name before search engines existed. Well it's searchable and accessible to this day. Third, I wanted to still be able to post my intimate thoughts on this forum without feeling held back from doing so due to the above fears.

Thus, I've faced those fears and resolved them when I had my pics posted. The interesting thing is that, that evening after having giving the "ok", I felt such a surge of energy, it was unbelievable. I felt great, I felt powerful, really powerful for having faced my fears and not let it bother me anymore. I'm not sure if a lightworker is supposed to feel really powerful, but I felt that for a good moment.

I'm looking forward to finding ways to face my other fears in a way that removes the fear's ability to guide my decision making.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I'm not sure if a lightworker is supposed to feel really powerful, but I felt that for a good moment.

Of course you're supposed to feel powerful. Courage is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger you become.