I'm young and stupid

[Erki]

I'm young and stupid, inexperienced and immature. I can't make good decisions by myself. Etc etc. Nothing I say or do is authentic. I'm just doing things because other people told me so and I am gullible, or that I want to "fit in" or be "cool". Or it's just "hormones" or what not.

It's like that I can't and shouldn't trust myself and my instincts and should do as other, older people say - because they obviously know what they're talking about and know what's best for me.

How do I not give my power away?

I've alway been (perceived as; not really so) a logical, rational, thinking person who wouldn't do anything that isn't wholly secure. So I have always played along with that. I can't play this game forever, though. I want to do things my own way. Maybe I should have given more notice, but I never wanted others to convert me, so it was easier to live underground. I'm tired of living a double life, though.

[silicon toad2000]

the truly young and stupid don't realise that they're young and stupid.
There is nothing wrong with following others suggestions when they make good sense to you. Following others suggestions when they don't make good sense is stupid.
Don't doubt yourself so much. You can only do what the rest of us do and run through the pro's, con's and perceived risks that go along with any decision and then decide.
If you're trying to break out of the box others have put you in you really need to decide is it their perception of you or your perception of them.

[Erki]

Thing is, I'm not very good at breaking things down into pros and cons. I've tried it before with many things, and ultimately I either 1) did what felt right or
2) did what the "authorities" told me to do...

It's not that much that I want to do things all on my own either. I have asked advice on these forums a few times before too. Done it away from the forums, too. Not so much offline, though(maybe a mistake?). But I've always asked for advice from people who I admire, who are inspirational, who I would like to be too. Maybe I should ask more advice from people who are 180 degrees from me? But what use would that be? I don't want to be like them(it's ok to be them, but it's not for me, at least not right now); I could ask for their point of view, but I would put it to the back of my mind, for future use perhaps.

[Plato]

Unfortunately there is no objectively right thing to do or right way to be. That's what liberalism means... Without a way to value anything except by what we feel... well we might as well do anything. Nothing has any real value and there is no gravitas to our decisions. Since there's no right or wrong way to be we might as well just satisfy our desires, even if that means manipulating other people in the process. After all, it doesn't matter what other people want, because they're just trying to satisfy their whims too so it's not like it makes any real difference if they achieve them or not.

Some people see liberalism as the problem.

[Erki]

Why is there no right or wrong? We can still feel something as right or wrong.
I'm not yet so developed to feel that I could feel that everything is perfect. I believe or at least hope that we're all trying to do our best(it's just that some people's best is not as good as other people's..).

[silicon toad2000]

As far as right and wrong, a lot of people have written a lot of books on ethics and not all of them agree. Like Plato said, there's no objective right or wrong.
Where applicable I apply the test, if everyone in the world did exactly the same thing, would the world be a better place as a result.
Not everything can be tested this way, for those I look at the cost/risk or opportunity cost of the action. Like if a mate asks me to go for a drive with him. I could use that time to study, work, spend time with my family, see other friends. Which of those outcomes is the most valuable to me.
You're right, some peoples best is not as good as other peoples best, which is why we have such a diverse world.
Asking the advice of people with opposing views is a valuable thing. Their views can provide you with further information. If your ideas cannot stand up under some opposing arguments then you need to think things through again. All this information should be taken with an open mind but also with a grain of salt. Like you said, keep it in the back of your mind for a while and mull it over.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Erki

Why is there no right or wrong? We can still feel something as right or wrong.
I'm not yet so developed to feel that I could feel that everything is perfect. I believe or at least hope that we're all trying to do our best(it's just that some people's best is not as good as other people's..).

If feelings are good enough for you that's fine. But there's a lot of disadvantages to this. For one everybody has different or even opposing feelings to each other. Doesn't that mean some people's feelings are wrong? What you end up with is a whole load of feelings colliding. You get these incredibly shrill arguments about what is right and wrong but no real standard to determine which one is right. So in the end arguments are solved by who shouts the loudest and appeals to the emotions the best. In other words the best manipulator of people will be the most successful person in our society, if success means achieving your desires.

[Erki]

When I say feelings, I don't mean emotions, I mean something more like gut feeling or intuition if you will. Just that something feels like right, that I should be doing it, that I'm tugged one way but not the other.

And it's not like I'm about to kill anyone either. Although you can of course take everything to the extremes. I mean more like taking the other route, doing things my own way(which can be somewhat illogical then..).

I guess I lack the power to force my own way through... - but even if I do, that would make me immature again.

[andyoyo]

If it makes you feel better Im stupider

[Freelancer]

The skill of acting without the approval of others (or in other words; you only need your own approval in order to act) is like a muscle that you need to exersize and allowing it to grow.

If you suddenly go 180 degree's in the opposite direction you are going to encounter a lot of resistance, without the proper strength training this will just push you have your path.

I don't know your specific situation so I can't give any real suggestions (that you don't have to follow, gut feeling for yourself) besides try something small of the beaten path.

For instance if you've always drank alcohol because everybody else does, quit for a few weeks and see how you feel about it.

[lillywilliam]

I'm also young and stupid, We are having the same Qualifications!

[evelynlim]

Originally Posted by Erki

I'm young and stupid, inexperienced and immature. I can't make good decisions by myself. Etc etc. Nothing I say or do is authentic. I'm just doing things because other people told me so and I am gullible, or that I want to "fit in" or be "cool". Or it's just "hormones" or what not.

Hello Erki,

If you don't mind me saying, I detect a lack of self esteem here. I think you need to start with loving yourself. You sure sound like you have plenty of negative beliefs. There is no need to feel disheartened though; I've been there and the good news is that it is possible to remove your limiting thoughts for more empowering ones.

When you start to love yourself, you also reap the benefits of trusting yourself and forgiving yourself, even if you have made a mistake. Just because someone is older, doesn't mean that they are necessarily wiser. You can choose to nourish your mind with positive beliefs and knowledge.

Hence, work on your negative beliefs first and give yourself space for loving. To work on negative beliefs, I recommend you try out this method known as EFT found here EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else.

If you need any more suggestions, feel free to PM me.

With hugs,
Evelyn

[wolfgang]

What is it that you ask others advice for? Do you really follow what they say - like take a survey and then take your action based an an average of what everyone else said? Just trying to sense how you use the advice.

If you are trying to be liked by others by doing what they think you should do or you doing what you think they want from you - realize that that is ironically not the way to be liked - at least authentically. People, at least in my experience, like people that have their own way of being and doing what they want and deciding. That doesn't mean you can't join others in something that you also like doing.

[Erki]

Well, I should ask my parents for guidance, they know be best... at least that's what they think. But the people who I ask for guidance are quite different from my parents. I'd rather be like thos other people, not like my parents. But I should be more like my parents.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Erki

Well, I should ask my parents for guidance, they know be best... at least that's what they think. But the people who I ask for guidance are quite different from my parents. I'd rather be like thos other people, not like my parents. But I should be more like my parents.

your parents want what's best for you, I'm sure. And they hopefully are batting for you big time so work with them as much as you can.

The word "should" is a very parental word btw.

But what on earth do you need guidance about? It seems like you are not really looking at what you need to decide but rather interested in just the meta level of paralyzation in not deciding. I mean, are you trying to figure out if you should smoke cigs or not? Or what?

If it's how to be cool. One way to be cool is to not fit in at all. There are tons of people that are cool that way and know each other, at least that's been my experience. Be a rebel against having to be cool and you will be cool.

[Erki]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

your parents want what's best for you, I'm sure. And they hopefully are batting for you big time so work with them as much as you can.

But what if they only think they know what's best for me? Who at all knows what is best for me?

I don't know. I don't even want them to be on "my side" that much... I just want to get away from them, if even just for a while and do things on my own, or with some other people who I listen more than my parents.

Originally Posted by wolfgang

But what on earth do you need guidance about? It seems like you are not really looking at what you need to decide but rather interested in just the meta level of paralyzation in not deciding.

Pardon?

Originally Posted by wolfgang

I mean, are you trying to figure out if you should smoke cigs or not? Or what?

Should I smoke cigs or not? Should I drive a BMW or an Audi? Should I go for a blonde or a brunette? These are just a selection of my life's biggest questions.

And: I have no business in anything about being cool or not fitting in. Others of course might perceive it as being so, though.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Erki

But what if they only think they know what's best for me? Who at all knows what is best for me?

who knows what is best for you? that is an age old question that people wonder about often. sometimes just not worrying about what is best is best. that way there's not a lot of hemming and hawing about this and that and you become decisive.

I don't know. I don't even want them to be on "my side" that much... I just want to get away from them, if even just for a while and do things on my own, or with some other people who I listen more than my parents.

well then you are in rebel mode. and I have know idea if your parents have your best interest at heart - although most do. they may not know what's best but usually they care a ton.

Pardon?

yeah, didn't make sense, ha? might not be you that does this, but sometimes people like to have issues to have a story about themselves to get attention. then I speculated that your story is not being able to decide somethings on your own - which is a good story since then you get to ask people what to do.

Should I smoke cigs or not? Should I drive a BMW or an Audi? Should I go for a blonde or a brunette? These are just a selection of my life's biggest questions.

don't smoke. Audi. blond.

And: I have no business in anything about being cool or not fitting in. Others of course might perceive it as being so, though.

if you have no business in anything about being cool or not fitting in - why did you start a post that said:I'm just doing things because other people told me so and I am gullible, or that I want to "fit in" or be "cool". Or it's just "hormones" or what not.

[Erki]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

well then you are in rebel mode. and I have know idea if your parents have your best interest at heart - although most do. they may not know what's best but usually they care a ton.

Maybe. But I'm also tired of their criticism and judging. Of course, they might be right when they say that I'm not good enough for this and that(and the past has shown that they are right a lot of time). But I don't want them to be right all the time. Especially if it involves something that I care about.
Rebel is such a shallow thing to be, innit? If I were a rebel, I would be bad, and I don't want to be bad.

Originally Posted by wolfgang

yeah, didn't make sense, ha? might not be you that does this, but sometimes people like to have issues to have a story about themselves to get attention. then I speculated that your story is not being able to decide somethings on your own - which is a good story since then you get to ask people what to do.

I have enough issues without this indecision issue.

Originally Posted by wolfgang

if you have no business in anything about being cool or not fitting in - why did you start a post that said:I'm just doing things because other people told me so and I am gullible, or that I want to "fit in" or be "cool". Or it's just "hormones" or what not.

Well, that paragraph was rather self-defeating, yes. That was about how I feel that others think about me(as a young person) - that I want to fit in and be cool, or vice versa - not fit in and be special.

[falcan]

Like one of the posters above said, its self-esteem. Look there, not at how to decide at 1000 specific things. Those questions only "flow" from one source, the self-esteem. Also try things. If you don't know if blonde or brunette, try both ;-)

I mean anyone has to have some world opinion or something like that, developing, as you live on this world. Set of beliefs and experiences that you base your decisions on. The question is not so much if you have them, but if you trust yourself enough, because if you trust yourself you also trust in your beliefs.

If you lack an experience somewhere, use belief. If you lack a belief, just try things out to get more experience(and confidence).

[AttractIt]

I'll recommend you the strengthen yourself a bit,
the physical part, that's what I would do.
It will start given you more confidence, and that's
very important for the next steps.

[hkalchemy]

Originally Posted by silicon toad2000

the truly young and stupid don't realise that they're young and stupid.

Now that's good advice. When I was young and stupid I certainly didn't know it. Now I am less young and (I think) less stupid. And I'm certainly more aware. And anyway, being young and stupid isn't a bad thing. It's just the way most of us start out. How could we grow if we didn't start small? Stop worrying.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Erki

Well, I should ask my parents for guidance, they know be best

They do know what's best...for themselves. They probably want something from you, and they are going to try their damnedest to make it happen because it's "good for you" and will "make you happy."

My advice? Go with your gut feeling. It won't always be right, but intuition is your mind taking factors into account much more quickly than you can consciously process them. Thus, since it is taking more factors into account, it will be correct more often than your conscious decisions that contradict your intuition.

Plus, it's your life, and if you want to live it in a way different than the authority figures want you to then they have no right to bar you from happiness, provided it doesn't come at the expense of the rights of others to do the same. You're not stupid. You have a computer inside your skull specifically tooled to seek what is in your best interest. It would be foolish not to use it.

[freestate]

Originally Posted by Erki

But what if they only think they know what's best for me? Who at all knows what is best for me?

I don't know. I don't even want them to be on "my side" that much... I just want to get away from them, if even just for a while and do things on my own, or with some other people