having doubts about writing

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I've been exploring my beliefs about writing last night and realized that I had plenty of very bad thoughts about writing and writers.

I don't agree with these thoughts. They're not mine, I just inadvertedly adopted them. I think even with writing fiction you can help the world more than with aggressive fighting against something.

That's great that you've uncovered what's been bugging you about writing!

I agree with your real thoughts, that writing, even fiction, can do a tremendous amount of good in the world. A number of years ago, I read a book called "Atlas Shrugged" by Atlas Rand - a book that is purely fiction, but through it I was introduced to a philosophy involving freedom and politics that really has affected me, even to this day. Through the book I was finally able to see something that I could not understand until I read it.

Now I'm doing what Knight suggested. I carry a note book with me all the time and write everything down that pops into my mind. It's a lot! I don't know what I'm going to do with all that, but who knows?

Cool! Looking forward to see what comes out of that. Maybe it doesn't matter that you do something with all of it, but that you select your favorite stuff that comes out and spread it with the rest of us?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Pegasus

I could easily see you involved in some sort of theater.

Already did that

Even more than being on stage, what I totally loved was directing. I ended up being the director's assistant and also closely coached one of the actors. It was a great job! I loved watching the rehearsal sessions with the script in my hands, and I loved watching how he was playing in the evening and working on the text interpretation with him in the morning. I could spend 12-14 hours a day at the theater and didn't even notice it.

I had some ideas about light design for some plays and also about some novels that I wanted to adapt for the theater, I even knew how I would direct them.

However, I left. I'm not sure if I'd be willing to do that again. It was more one of those "been there, done that, let's move on" flings. But you're right, that's a real good match for me

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

...what I totally loved was directing. I ended up being the director's assistant and also closely coached one of the actors. It was a great job! I loved watching the rehearsal sessions with the script in my hands, and I loved watching how he was playing in the evening and working on the text interpretation with him in the morning. I could spend 12-14 hours a day at the theater and didn't even notice it.

You were in the zone, Rose. You were being something that had you really living the way you wanted to live, whether you do it specifically in the context of the theater or in some other way.

If you could boil that way of being -- what you described in the above paragraph -- down to a word or two, what would you say you were BEING in those moments?

[uberinquisitive]

When I first started "seriously" writing (last year), I thought I wanted to write a novel.

I took a short-fiction class...and found that even writing 10 pages was tough as all hell. I didn't enjoy it.

Then, I took a screenwriting class. And something "clicked" inside me. I had found my "path." And lucky me...it's the most lucrative field of writing!

If I had to write a novel - I'd be miserable. But I'm working on 2 screenplays right now, and I feel right.

Maybe ghostwriting isn't for you, but another type of writing is better.

[dancer]

Is ghostwriting the same as copywriting? If not, why not try that? Not sure how you would find customers, but there must be a ton of people or companies that need copywriting. Instéad of taking customers that have boring things to write about, why not seek companies that need text about things that interest you? You might be more inspired and motivated. You could contact Vets or Animal Hospitals and ask if they need copy for their websites or contact bodyworkers, theatre groups, writing for children, etc.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

Then, I took a screenwriting class. And something "clicked" inside me.

I SO can understand you. I'm working on a screenplay too now, what a lot of fun!

Maybe ghostwriting isn't for you, but another type of writing is better.

Yup!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

You were in the zone, Rose.

That's true. I've never found it so easy to work anywhere else after that. It didn't feel like work.

If you could boil that way of being -- what you described in the above paragraph -- down to a word or two, what would you say you were BEING in those moments?

I don't know

let me think...

secure?
I was holder of a scholarship, so I had no financial worries and could do whatever I wanted. I knew I would have enough to pay the bills and could focus entirely on my work. Plus I stayed backstage, in the shadow. No contact with the public, with customers or many other strangers. Just my little team of familiar faces and that's it. I was living in a protected world.

creative?
He acted like I wanted him to, I managed the lights, I had ideas and influenced the stage direction. What happened wasn't only my creation, but part of it was. I was expressing myself through my work. I think that made me very happy. In no other job have I been really able to express myself.

Is that what you wanted to know?

[Ninja]

Being a writer does not mean you're obligated to think about it 24/7. It's healthy to have other hobbies, because doing something else helps rechange your batteries. I know exactely what you're going through, as I've been there before. And trust me: you are a writer. You may not always think so, but if it starts to feel like a leech that won't let go, you think about it so much that you sometimes get sick about it and you're convinced that REAL writers do so-and-so (and thus, you are either weird or a fake), you're a writer.

You have already written thousands of stories: you just need to get them on paper. And the best way to coax them out of your mind, is to start writing. By putting your creative outbursts on paper, you're freeing up new space for new ideas. Writing down one briliant quote will spark three more. Those will spark a new chapter, those will spark even more chapters and a subplot or two. And suddenly, you look at your work and think: "hey, that's beginning to look like a book!"

Also remember: books are like dough: you need to beat the crap out of it before it starts resembling something that will not make you throw up on your own shoes. Your first draft, no exeption, will SUCK. It will suck ROYALLY. It will make you want to gough your eyes out and jump off a building. Master the art of re-writing and fame & fortune will be yours... or something like that.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Is that what you wanted to know?

It's not for me, it's for you -- if you can identify what you were being that had you in the zone, you can be that way again, in whatever area you choose.

I'm hearing: You were being safe, contribution, and fully self-expressed. Does that about sum it up? If you sit quietly and summon up feeling safe, contribution, and self-expressed -- imagine it fully and completely in your spirit, really amplify that feeling big and bold in your vision -- how does that feel? Is there anything missing? And do you get a synergistic effect: I mean, is there one word now, as a way of being, that sums this feeling up?

[votoshka]

I am coming a bit late into the conversation, but Rose, you sound a lot like me!!

For starters, a part of me has always considered myself a writer...I have even written several books (none published, but a few which received personalised rejection letters with lovely comments!!)...

However, I have also always errm, how should I put it?? Found other ambitions, I suppose. I have wanted to be a teacher, an actor, a scientist, a computer programmer...etc. etc. And for awhile, I was fully interested in these things, dedicated myself to them, and then...lost interest! The only real constant in my life has been my desire to write.

I have also tried ghostwriting, but ultimately, I decided it wasn't for me. I did some freelance writing of articles and suchlike, and made a bit of money doing it, but I was ultimately unmotivated by it.

I have also gone for long spells at a time doing no writing at all, but even so, there has always been a part of me that is "a writer".

At the moment I do have a job, and I've had it for a whole year, which is a record!! (And I am nearly 35...) I spent many years as a student, doing various courses/degrees, and did a little of this and a little of that while also being a mother to three kids (which in a way gave me an excuse NOT to have a job!)!

Err and did I mention I am also doing another off campus university course It's getting a bit ridiculous!

I have always wished I could find my one true passion and sit down and follow it, but every time I've found that one passion, it has gone the way of the others!

For now, I am looking at writing as something to follow for love, rather than as a career...because when I've looked at it that way, it's put me under too much pressure to create something wonderful, and I've lost my way. The best times I had in my writing were many years ago, when I was still in my teens, and I'd stay up half the night writing, and just loving every second of it! I would love to regain that passion and fun, even if I just wrote rubbish

Good luck Rose in finding your muse and following your heart, no matter where it leads you!

[conniegreenhouse]

I had always wanted to become a writer, but didn't think my writing was good enough. Two years ago I started writing and now I make my living by writing and teaching others to write. Do what feels natural and what you have a passion for and you will feel joyous. There are so many creative ways to express yourself and writing is just one of them.