trying to find my purpose and act on it quickly

[iarlaitha]

Hi everyone, I am currently in the process of applying for grad school - after years of professional life I am enrolled in a grad course - but I realised that the subject I had chosen did not fill me with joy - I want to do something which will also bring in my love of the arts and also build on my professional experience. At the moment I am taking time out from the course, so that I can set something else up. I am still not entirely sure of the topic to apply for on my grad course, but I am getting an idea gradually ... my problem is that the original career choices I made took me away from what I instinctively love and then I kept trying to wack myself into the necessary shape to fit into a role I didn't really suit! Even though many of the people who took my path made money, I had huge resistance to it and nothing flowed and I worked longer and longer hours for less money. And then I went to grad school to study the same subject!

So now I am going back to look at the things I love - so I can make good choices about the grad school proposal. Today I have been listing the things I enjoy - the things that feel energetic and positive for me. And I am also envisaging my perfect day.

I have to make choices about dropping the current course and enrolling on another course within two weeks and i am feeling rather tired and unfocused and unsure about how to decide what I will do for the next 3 years! But I have spent so many years not doing what brings me joy it is very hard to know intuitively what to do! And have the courage to act on it (I have issues of self-confidence due partly to ptsd).

Any tips or prayers welcome!

blessings

Iarlaitha

[oberlee]

Can you take some time off? Travel? There are a lot of organizations that hook you up with jobs overseas--AmEx does I think. Or there's Habitat for Humanity or Teach America. Even just work a simple job for a while? Don't ever, ever think you need to rush this and get it done now. It's better if you give yourself space so that when you apply, you know WHY you're going. Also, you'll have a better chance of getting in.

Hang in there. You're already on the right track!

[Keith]

Originally Posted by iarlaitha

I have to make choices about dropping the current course and enrolling on another course within two weeks and i am feeling rather tired and unfocused and unsure about how to decide what I will do for the next 3 years! But I have spent so many years not doing what brings me joy it is very hard to know intuitively what to do! And have the courage to act on it (I have issues of self-confidence due partly to ptsd).

If it helps, I doubt you'd be locked in for 3 years. Worst case scenario you realise 6 months in that you've backed the wrong horse so next year (semester) you do something else. If it's the wrong thing you're not committed for the 3 years.

[BrettAshlee]

If you are feeling tired, unfocused, and unsure about having to make a snap decision that will affect your course of action for the next 3 years, then you should definitely be listening to those feelings! Take some time to think with your emotional body so you get it right before plunging into something else just because someone other than you (the university) has a deadline. If you force a decision before its time you may end up on the wrong path once again.

Brett