My name, my identity

[manjit]

Hello friends. I am new to this forum.

My name is Manjit. I do not like the way people and I take my name. To tell you the truth, I have met just two people, who when addressed me with my name, I felt proud of my name. One was my former institute's counsellor and the other was my ex-employer. And I talked these two persons just 4-5 times. And I do not have much contact with them right now.

Do I have an inferiority complex with my name? When I was at school people found it very difficult to pronounce my name. That made me feel scared. I was a timid kid, though I had lots of confidence in my abilities. I thought I could do everything...from studies... to sports.... to being mischievous. But there has always been something that I was scared of...I doubt if it was my name...

Another instrospection- I feel quite comfortable in forums when I have a different username. I write genuinely. Whenever I have contributed to any forum with a different name, I can express myself in a better way, I can help people generously, and I have gained appreciation as well. On the contrary, when I use my real name, that is, Manjit.....I am stuck....I cannot write what I think....I cannot offer my help to anyone....I fear that my post will not be liked by someone, and I have actually got some replies that proved it. Actually its not they, its my post where I cannot write what I want to and people misinterpret/misunderstand that.

Another piece of information - I also fear that I might be found on the web if I use my original name, though I have gathered enough courage to post this today with my name. I do not want anyone to know what advice or conversation I have with others. I want to maintain relationships on a one-to-one basis. I sometimes think what kind of a person I am? I am 29 years old....old enough...half of the life is gone...and still I have not accepted my name????

I wonder how people can be so open on the web...I have my friends who have joined social networking sites....but I have not....

Let me tell you - I do have many friends, well wishers and admirers....I am very comfortable when talking with people....I am very open with my friends.......but when it comes to the internet...my approach becomes totally different.

I am:
1.Best comfortable - On the internet with a different username.
2.Comfortable - Face to face conversation with people.
3.Least comfortable - On the internet with my original name.

I want to feel proud of myself and of my name.

[Marco Polo]

It's interesting how much impact our names have on us. Over time they grow into more than mere labels. Like you said, they can sort of become a part of our identity.

anyway, why are you less comfortable on the internet than face to face? I don't get that. After all, there are so many other things that stay hidden here, such as you're physical appearence, accent, body language etc etc. There are probably countless other people with your name, so you're pretty much 100% anonymous. I wouldn't have a clue how to track you down (although I'll take a wild guess here and say you're indian).

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by manjit

On the contrary, when I use my real name, that is, Manjit.....I am stuck....I cannot write what I think....I cannot offer my help to anyone....I fear that my post will not be liked by someone, and I have actually got some replies that proved it.

Yeah, I feel much more comfortable writing under a pseudoname then I would under my real name. Back when the internet was new, and only a few select people were on it, I wrote a lot of things under my full name...very embarassing and stupid things that I later regretted I had written...things that can still be found 14 years later if someone knows how to search for them.

Perhaps one day I'll be able to post under my real name as effortless as I do under this username, but I'm not concerned about that for now.

I am 29 years old....old enough...half of the life is gone...and still I have not accepted my name????

Uh?!?!?!? You intend to die at the age of 58?? Shoot man, I intend to live until I'm 110.

[astra]

I don't know if this is an option for you, but if you're really that unhappy and insecure about your name, why don't you change it, or at least use a nickname? As for writing on internet forums in a different name, there's nothing wrong with that. My name's not really Astra, that's just a kind of pseudo personality i invented for myself long ago, and continue to use for anonymity.

It sounds like you think you're weird but I know several people who aren't comfortable with their real name and use a nickname or their middle name instead. It's quite common.

[Holistic Star]

I never really liked my given name, no real reason - I just didn't feel it suited me.

So for my first name, I use a shortened version of my full name in all correspondence, including at work, apart from booking flights where I have to use my passport.

Second name, I changed my name when I got married to my husbands which I really like.

It feels so much more me.

If you wanted to change your name, you can just ask friends and work to call you by a different name. You'd be surprised how many people use a completely different first name to their given one.
In the UK you can change your name easily by deed-poll. (I don't know how easy it is in other countries).


I have to say a bit of anonimity on the web is possible a safe idea. My name is unique as far as I can tell so I prefer to be more anonymous. It would be different if I had a more common name such as John Smith and wasn't likely to find myself and all my opinions at the no1 spot for my name in google!

[Pegasus]

Names and their associations are interesting.

I was never aware that I had issues with my own name until I was 18. I was a first year university student, taking a required orientation class. We had read Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon (lots of symbolism in the characters’ names) and we students had to write journal entries about our own name. My nickname starts with a different first letter than my given name, so ignorant people start asking me questions I don’t have the answer to, and I get defensive and suggest they look in any baby name book! I had forgotten that I had chosen a different nickname for a month or so when I was ten years old, but it never stuck.

I prefer anonymity. Even when I go to the kind of restaurant where they call out your name when your order is ready, I usually say my given name (which I do not go by), my middle name, or I make something up. This last method backfired on me once when I made up the name “Ezmerelda.” The ordertaker asked me how to spell it and my mind went blank! I couldn’t remember if it was with a “z’ or an “s”!

[manjit]

I would like to thank all of you...your replies were so much comforting. Thanks....

[SonoranBob]

I don't see any problem with being circumspect with your online identity. I don't use my real name here because some clients and family members would judge me for my opinions in ways that would create needless drama and even financial hardship for me.

In addition, my views and attitudes and what I feel like venting about may change and years from now I may find my current childish prattling to be something I don't want to be identified with. Not really because someone might discover these musings and connect them with me, as that, as a rule, I myself am amazed at the crazy sh_t I believed twenty years ago, and don't want to remind myself of it ;-)

But you seem to be saying that you're uneasy about your name itself and that this is simply amplified by using it on the internet. That would seem to me a separate issue. Does it mean something or have some connotation in your language, or is it just an unpopular or old-fashioned name? "Manjit" means nothing to me, and I suspect to most people. What does it mean to you??

(Note, however, that if you answer this question you are simply giving me an excuse to think something about your name ... maybe if you weren't so anxious about it, others wouldn't pick up on whatever it is you're telegraphing).

I don't know what the law is in your country, but in the U.S. it's actually surprisingly easy to change your name if you don't like it. Most people don't realize it. That is one way out, and if you find it doesn't really solve your core issue, whatever it is, or if your anxiety moves to something else in your life, that is instructive, too.

Just a thought, for what it's worth.

--Bob (whose name is very handy in that, even when people spell it backwards, it still is right).