Prejudice against self-help

[vimoh]

I considered naming this thread: Why do we resist inspiration? but chucked it in favour of a more descriptive headline. Bloggers, learn.

I have noticed that people roll up their eyes at the slightest mention of a how to book. A lady told me that she would like to make the mistakes on her own and learn from them. Sound reasoning? I don't know.

I start this thread then to ask why people generally spurn self-help and why they look down upon those that don't. Also, if you have faced situations like this and what you have done about it.

[SonoranBob]

For a lot of people "self help", particularly from books, has a sort of hippy-dippy new agey touch-feely Aura of Gullibility about it. Some of it IMO is earned, some of it is not. People don't want to embrace what they think of as flaky.

Devout conservative Christians often struggle with the heavy element of eastern mysticism, which they have been taugth all their lives is in some way or other misleading or even dangerous. Less religious people object to the same influence just because it is "religious", although this influence is easing I think now that eastern though is less "mysterious" to the average person on the street, and has some connection beyond shaven-headed, tamborine-wielding Hare Krishnas in airports.

But I think the #1 reason is that much of the self help world runs contrary to the Western attachment to rationalism. It's not a Magic Pill. It requires knowing one's self, and developing the intuitive, and often, doing the counter-intuitive. It is in other words, rather hard on the ego.

People in the West love allopaths because an allopath never asks you to change your habits or learn about cause and effect or take any personal responsibility for anything. He dispenses a pill to counteract the consequences of you living any damn way you please. Hence, the general ambivalence about and even antipathy towards alternative medicine. It's the same with self help vs the alternatives -- self help looks inward and MY GOD WE CAN'T DO THAT. Stick an iPod in your ear or do anything necessary to avoid SILENCE.

--Bob

[Parthon]

I like what Bob said, a lot of it is from people being scared to try new things, either because they think it's weird or they might be "tricked into something." I say "Pah!" to them! :P

Something else I've noticed though, people really do feel they don't "need" the self help. They resist the thought because they believes it means they are broken and this will fix them, and noone would like to think of themselves as broken. As I've offered books for others to read, almost always a book that would be valuable to them, I often get a response of "Nah, I'm fine as I am." Mostly it's the ones who are proud that do this, as those that are humble have already overcome that kind of thinking.

I would say this kind of resistance to improvement is driven by the egos need to feel superiour. The ego in us could not bear the thought of not being the best, and the best can't get better so self improvement is a threat to the ego's view. When you use this to look at how people view self development, it makes a lot of sense.

Also Steve's post on the topic is a very good answer for the question.
Self Acceptance vs Personal Growth

[vimoh]

One thing that really gets to me (at least it did till some time ago) is the knowing smiles people pass around when I say I am in the middle of a really empowering book.

One friend was particularly blunt "Your books have loser written all over them!"

And this from a person who can't go to sleep without numbing himself with hours of TV, AND is broke by the middle of the month because of drinking, AND is practically coughing blood due to excessive smoking.

Pinch me somebody!

[RT Wolf]

Honestly? There's no one reason. Just as everyone is different, everyone has different reasons for not liking self-help books. And some people have different reasons than them and like PD books (I prefer the term PD anyway).

Anyhoo, have fun! Grow and dun worry too much about those that don't want to.

[evrgrn3]

I consider myself to have a loving family, supportive friends, nurturing colleagues. All in all, i lead a blessed life full of opportunity.

I was fortunate enough to have the inspiration and stubborn nature to publish a book which in essence is a self-help book. You would think my family, friends and colleagues would line up around the corner to get themselves a copy.

NOPE

Some have bought it...but "haven't had the chance to look at it yet". I have seen in blatant form the fear of self-analysis...people do not want to typically dig so deep into themselves, but at the same time crave an understanding of their inner drive.

It is the self-help paradox!

[astra]

Personally, I don't like self help books because they're... well, I wouldn't say boring, maybe... well, i can't think of the right word. I read a lot of books (sometimes 4 or 5 a week, if I have nothing else to do). The main reason I read is to escape from day-to-day life. I very rarely read a real-life story for the same reason. A self-help book feels a bit like a text-book to me. When I sit down to read something cover to cover, it's something like Harry Potter or Pride & Prejudice, because it takes me somewhere else, somewhere amazing, and it fills me with different emotions. When I pick up a self help book to learn something, it's like being a student back at uni. If i really need to know something particular, I google it (which funnily enough is how i originally found these forums).

So, maybe people might be into personal development, but just don't want to read a book. Also, I know many people who just aren't good readers and therefore try to keep as far away from books as possible.

[kpugh]

I think self-help is a weird phenomenon, honestly. Think about it...we're calling it "self-help", but isn't actually "other's help" we're looking for? And, when we buy a "self-help" book, aren't we reading about the help and advice from somebody else who doesn't know us? I think this is just another way we've distanced ourselves from more traditional relationships. It's another manifestation of "personal removal" and the support of "rugged individualism", you know, that whole idea of "if it is to be, it's up to me". No person is an island. Why not seek help from real people? Friends, family, counselors, coaches...I dunno...maybe I'm preachin' to the choir here?

[vimoh]

Astra: I can understand your reasons. They make a lot of sense. But I wouldn't call them prejudices if I had to come down to it. You prefer fiction ( thank you, I write fiction) and would choose a novel over a self-help book. Which is not to say (I hope) that you think that self-help books are crap. If you ask me however, I think self-help books take me somewhere else too. But somewhere inside me. Expose me to a part of me that I felt but could not see.

kpugh: I think what we mean by self-help is that you choose the sort of help you want. Maybe the phrase originated in opposition to traditional forms readng, which were mostly textbooks. Books that were prescribed to you by others and on the basis of which you were examined and judged. Just my opinion.

And you are misinformed if you think self-help turns people into islands. There are authors who emphasise the value of service. Who say that living for yourself and by yourself is akin to suicide.

It is more about building a better you so you can be of better use to the people around you. Seeking help is what scares many people.

Friends, family, counselors, coaches

Your words right? I italicised coaches and counselors.

[evrgrn3]

I guess the only real "self-Help" book would have to be one written by one's self.

Maybe that is the challenge that some people have -- when you read someone else's version of self-help -- isn't that the book that they created to help themselves and are just hoping will also help someone else? I think sometimes you can pick up self development books and wonder why it just does not seem written for you -- It was probably written for the author :-)

[vimoh]

True. Very true. I have come across some of those myself. But hey, if the book doesn't tell you what to do, you can at least learn what not to do.

[TomSprewer]

I've been reading self-help books and studying material since about 20 years... Made some big changes in my life...

My ultimate goal is to become financially independant, but I don't know if I'm able to. I hope to win the lottery soon.

Good luck to you all,

-Tom