Purposefully driven: Overcoming Doubt

[Freelancer]

A while back I made a post about following my purpose and recreate education as a whole.

At the time of posting I just had the vision of what it could be like, how great it could be. Now 2 weeks later its still in the back of my mind, jarring me like crazy. In those 2 weeks I got relatively little accomplished, simply because I lost focus again. I got distracted by life.

You see I've always thought that when you figure out your purpose you can't stop thinking about it. It would become the central focal point of your existence.

For me its slightly different. Its so easy to get distracted and temporarily 'forget' about it.
I fear that the moment I spend some time visualizing how I can do this that I won't be able to control myself and go after it no matter what. This is scary as hell if you consider the consequences...
The little experimenting I did, the moment I consider that this might help me towards that vision whatever the action I'll do it. Motivation just springs up...
Which scares the living daylights out of me.

The problem is that every time I make plans for the future I'm stumped between two walls;
1) I know that if I follow a different career path I'd be able to get rich and live a life full of abundance but with the irritating knowledge that I didn't follow my own path.
2) The purpose I have requires literally years of dedication and hard work (if I do this, I'm not doing it in a halfass way). Overcoming many obstacles, seen and unseen. Most likely low pay most of the time. No idea if I will manage to succeed. A complete 180 degree shift in my life. Lots of sacrifices have to be made and fears to overcome along the way. On top of that I'm not 100% sure that this is in fact my overriding purpose in life, it feels like it but I'm not sure.

So you can see my predicament, I know that if I truly follow my purpose it'll be insanely difficult and I'll encounter a ton of flak for it (nobody likes change). At the same time I don't think I can live with myself if I don't do this....


So you can see my predicament, the easy road or the very hard road.

Deep inside I know that I should take the hard road, I know that the knocks I'll get from life will shape me as a person, I know that whatever happens I will learn A LOT from this journey. While the easier road has many lessons to be learned as well it'll be easier and more comfortable.

Basically its doubt and fear holding me back.

Doubt that its my purpose.
Doubt that I can do it.
Fear that I can't teach kids.
Fear that I'll fail.
Fear that it will hurt.
Fear of other people's opinons (how stupid but its there).

So tell me, what do you think I should do?




Ps the other thread; Recreating Education, my purpose to follow?

[Joely]

I think you should do what your heart and your gut tell you to do. I think you're right that it's fear and doubt that's in the way. I wouldn't be surprised if the "walls" you've created for yourself (based on, presumably, your beliefs about how much you could earn doing this) have created resistance and you're avoiding it rather than being distracted. In other words, deal with the doubt and fear and you'll stop resisting and find it easy to do the necessary work.

I really, really hear you on the doubt and fear because that's what I've been feeling about my writing career. I've been convinced people will hate me for pursuing my dream, as well as crippled by a bunch of beliefs that writers can't make money, that I'll never get a publishing deal and that I'll fail. I think this is par for the course when it comes to pursuing your true purpose, and it has a lot to do with our subconscious beliefs about ourselves and what the world will think.

Yes, it's horribly scary going out there and doing something like this. It's terrifying. Break from the herd? How could you! How dare you!

I don't want to give advice because everybody's different but after deciding to be a full time writer and getting the financial support to do it at least in the short term, I came right up against all of these fears and doubts. I'm still learning to cope with them now. I've had a lifetime of people telling me I can't, it's impossible, there's no way through. However, after a couple of months of feeling really shaky, I went back to the Sedona Method and began working through that internal structure of limiting beliefs and started releasing them. The result, after only a week, was masses more positivity, much more confidence and a feeling of certainty that's actually been growing within me.

The truth is that you can walk down this path as far as you want to and at any point you can change your mind. It's not like the police are going to hunt you down and insist you stay on it. If it doesn't work out, try something else. I have a friend who's a learning mentor and that was his purpose for a while, but now he's retraining as a hypnotherapist. You may find that your path moves in all kinds of different directions.

To be honest, I think what you're doing is admirable. I really, really understand how scared you must be feeling because boy, am I scared about what I'm doing right now! It is hard - I've hated the years I've spent working and writing at the same time. But in the end the sense of fulfillment is worth it. If you can't live with yourself if you don't even try it, then I'd try it.

Any time you want to message me about fears and doubts about flying in the face of public opinion, let me know. I'm learning all about how to deal with people like that all the time now!

J x

[jtrikster]

Do not doubt.

You think that may help you is to not think of this whole 'predicament' as a life or death situation. You have the rest of your life to follow your life's purpose, so don't be in such a rush to get it done.

You say it may be difficult, but don't forget nothing is happened yet. You haven't made the decision to follow your life's purpose since you're feeling doubt.

"If you want to do it, the difficult becomes easy. If you don't want to do it, the easy becomes difficult."

Don't feel guilty if you don't make the decision you feel you 'should' be making. Remember, you're passing judgement on yourself. You are unecessarily putting pressure on yourself. That's not at all necessary. You really limit your potential by doing that. Don't be afraid of failing and don't forget, you don't have to achieve your goal within the next 24 hours. You have the rest of your life.

As E.E. Cunnings once said, "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

What else are you going to do from now until your death? You might as well follow your purpose.

[mncz]

Never fear.

I started a career in I really wanted when I was 18. It was partly because I really needed money to eat, but still it was the field I wanted (graphic design), and not one of the "cool well paid ones" (not here, anyways). Now I am one of the best paid professionals in the field in this entire (rather small) country. I dropped out of university (law studies) to go with it and I have always been happy with the results.

The career that now looks as if it will bring you abundance although it is not aligned with what your heart looks for ... trust me, it will not bring you anything but pain.

When you pursue your dream, a lot of odd things happen that bring to you things you need, things you want, the right people, money, everything. The only thing you should not do is limit yourself to a belief that what your heart wants is not profitable. All professions are profitable, when pursued with your heart and allowing the money to come to you.

To the contrary, when you choose the "safe way" you will always long for the path your heart desires and you will not feel complete until you have it.

Follow your heart. Never let fear block your way. The fear is only there to mark the fact that you must overcome it and do what you really want to do.

As for the more practical issues:
I am currently working a large and completely new project (in a completely different field than I was working before and on a scale like 100 times bigger than I am used to deal with). I am doing it simply because I asked me what I would really like to do in a way that would bring me solid income even while I would not work (my current income is strictly tied to my working hours and internet-not my thing). This project is what my heart told me to do. Its what I want. It is of the type you state as your 2nd choice: it will take years, it is completely new and I lack LOADS of knowledge. But I am certain I will succeed and I am certain I will both provide great service for local community and achieve my income goals along with it.

I am doing it while sticking with the job that I am doing now, so I have to balance and there are a lot of things that take my mind off the big project for prolonged periods of time. I did find it helpful to:
1) write down a general description of my idea, use all the feeling words and expressions I want to capture the essence of it (I do all this stuff in Word). Keep it in an accessible place and re-read whenever you happen to think about the project.
2) sometime later on make a general timeline, list of requirements and a list of goals. I have planned this entire year by months and written down stuff I need to do every month.
3) make a list of things you need to do for the project for every next week (I actually made myself a planner for this )
4) make a habit to devote x hours a day/week to the new project.
5) do the planned stuff
It works nicely this far (3 weeks in the project now). As every large project, it requires a fair bit of industry, ability to manage time well (still working on it) and I have found Steves article on Soulful Relationships extremely helpful for this, since I have to meet a lot of new people of various backgrounds. I find it extremely helpful to be able to relate to them without fear and as equals regardless of who they are (names or positions). You can do surprisingly many things in the extra hours after work/weekends/extra hours in working time that you spent pointlessly surfing www (surf anyways, but do it on the topic of the project, you will be surprised on the results)/drinking coffee/doing nothing.

To rehash: take the hard road. I have done that. It is worth it.

[Freelancer]

Thank you everyone for your contributions, I truly appreciate it.

think you should do what your heart and your gut tell you to do. I think you're right that it's fear and doubt that's in the way. I wouldn't be surprised if the "walls" you've created for yourself (based on, presumably, your beliefs about how much you could earn doing this) have created resistance and you're avoiding it rather than being distracted. In other words, deal with the doubt and fear and you'll stop resisting and find it easy to do the necessary work.

Yeah most likely thats it.

Yes, it's horribly scary going out there and doing something like this. It's terrifying. Break from the herd? How could you! How dare you!

haha.
To bad its true lol...

The truth is that you can walk down this path as far as you want to and at any point you can change your mind. It's not like the police are going to hunt you down and insist you stay on it. If it doesn't work out, try something else. I have a friend who's a learning mentor and that was his purpose for a while, but now he's retraining as a hypnotherapist. You may find that your path moves in all kinds of different directions.

Your right, my somehow equated this path with eternity. Like if I take the path that leads towards my purpose (in this moment) I'd have to follow it for all eternity. Oh my that sure generates nervousness.

Do not doubt.

You think that may help you is to not think of this whole 'predicament' as a life or death situation. You have the rest of your life to follow your life's purpose, so don't be in such a rush to get it done.

You say it may be difficult, but don't forget nothing is happened yet. You haven't made the decision to follow your life's purpose since you're feeling doubt.

"If you want to do it, the difficult becomes easy. If you don't want to do it, the easy becomes difficult."

Don't feel guilty if you don't make the decision you feel you 'should' be making. Remember, you're passing judgement on yourself. You are unecessarily putting pressure on yourself. That's not at all necessary. You really limit your potential by doing that. Don't be afraid of failing and don't forget, you don't have to achieve your goal within the next 24 hours. You have the rest of your life.

As E.E. Cunnings once said, "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

What else are you going to do from now until your death? You might as well follow your purpose.

Thank you, this helped.

When you pursue your dream, a lot of odd things happen that bring to you things you need, things you want, the right people, money, everything. The only thing you should not do is limit yourself to a belief that what your heart wants is not profitable. All professions are profitable, when pursued with your heart and allowing the money to come to you.

Your right, I really need to stop listening to that little goblin on my shoulder telling me that I'm small like him.

To the contrary, when you choose the "safe way" you will always long for the path your heart desires and you will not feel complete until you have it.

Thats the idea I was getting as well. Like this nagging feeling all the time. Not very comfortable at all.

As for the more practical issues:
I am currently working a large and completely new project (in a completely different field than I was working before and on a scale like 100 times bigger than I am used to deal with). I am doing it simply because I asked me what I would really like to do in a way that would bring me solid income even while I would not work (my current income is strictly tied to my working hours and internet-not my thing). This project is what my heart told me to do. Its what I want. It is of the type you state as your 2nd choice: it will take years, it is completely new and I lack LOADS of knowledge. But I am certain I will succeed and I am certain I will both provide great service for local community and achieve my income goals along with it.

Great work, well done !
How long have you been working on the project and hows it going? (if I am going to personal, just say so )

I am doing it while sticking with the job that I am doing now, so I have to balance and there are a lot of things that take my mind off the big project for prolonged periods of time. I did find it helpful to:
1) write down a general description of my idea, use all the feeling words and expressions I want to capture the essence of it (I do all this stuff in Word). Keep it in an accessible place and re-read whenever you happen to think about the project.
2) sometime later on make a general timeline, list of requirements and a list of goals. I have planned this entire year by months and written down stuff I need to do every month.
3) make a list of things you need to do for the project for every next week (I actually made myself a planner for this )
4) make a habit to devote x hours a day/week to the new project.
5) do the planned stuff
It works nicely this far (3 weeks in the project now). As every large project, it requires a fair bit of industry, ability to manage time well (still working on it) and I have found Steves article on Soulful Relationships extremely helpful for this, since I have to meet a lot of new people of various backgrounds. I find it extremely helpful to be able to relate to them without fear and as equals regardless of who they are (names or positions). You can do surprisingly many things in the extra hours after work/weekends/extra hours in working time that you spent pointlessly surfing www (surf anyways, but do it on the topic of the project, you will be surprised on the results)/drinking coffee/doing nothing.

Great advice, I'm right now working on a plan how to do this. Will require many different habits for me and different environment, a different person even (ego DOWN...DOWN boy, you'll have to change no matter what).


Practical stuff
I've been looking around to what I'll enjoy and what future paths are possible this is what I came up with:
- Get Propedeuse (first year) at my education, there is one class I haven't got....yet
- Switch towards a bachelor Biology education at Utrecht University.
- 3 years over there, at the end complete with a master in Teaching (2 more years).

The rest of this year:
- Work on my Herbalife company to the point that I earn enough money to move out of my parents place (very important for me).
- Prepare moving out, get stuff, look for a room etc.
- Work on various skills like; Voice (Vocal Power, Roger Love), Memory (Phenomenal Memory Course), Social Skills (RSD products and Herbalife).
- Get back in shape (affects mind as well)
Get Knowledge on:
- Future Biology study, this year get as much in my head as possible to prepare. Perhaps its possible to finish faster.
- Herbalife products (familarize myself with everything, nutrition, exercize and put myself on a strict regime. If I want to teach kids how to live, I'd want to know everything about nutrition)

This is in about a 6 month period and should be doable.
I also want to get some habits in place like:
- Exercize (rowing+shovelglove)
- Nutrition (Herbalife, part of getting in shape)
- Journaling
- Phenomenal Memory
- More minimalistic life (to much stuff at the moment) perhaps introduce parts of GTD as well. Depends.


Rowing starts in ~2 months.

This month I'll start with Phenomenal Memory and Shovelglove. (Phenomenal Memory 3x/week -done in ~4 months total + Shovelglove 5x a week)
I'll pay attention to my nutrition as well, I won't do this extensively. The same goes for Journaling, do it if I feel like it but nothing strict.

The next month will be more extensive Journaling (every day) and continueing my previous habits.

The next month I will start with Rowing (getting this habit won't be a big problem, my itch to exercize is huge lol) and preparing for moving out. This means setting up a personalized system of organization.



I'll also start with writing up a plan on what to I want to achieve. Why I want to achieve this. How I want to achieve this. Time schedules, habits etc.

There is a possibility to follow some students around for a day in about a month. Its officially for 5 and 6 VWO (college?) classes and not HBO students. I'll see if I can get in. On top of that a few days later there's also a Open Day where you get a chance to talk with teachers which I'll attend for sure.

A bunch of family members (like 5 ) are also teachers (or ex-teachers) and I'll go to them to talk about my plans. What they can advice me on. Its like my personal group of mentors, awesome.

I also have a few people living in Utrecht and studying at the University, I need to talk to them about this as well. To see if they might have a room for me and there impressions about the University.



How does this sound?

[Joely]

Wow, this all sounds great to me!

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by Joely

Wow, this all sounds great to me!

haha good.
Which reminds me, I've got work to do.

*hops off* whey exercize time