Community College vs. Film School plus my lies with my parents? what to do...

[loveliketheflowers]

I have been living a lie for four years. My parents think im in college and almost about to graduate this june, but that is far from the truth. I haven't been in college/my university since fall '06. I been lying to them saying i'm going to school and i leave early in the morning and basically drive around the city of LA, smoking marijuana and listening to music til its bascially time to go back home in the evening and I act like I went to school. I feel bad, horrible, terrible, miserable, want to disappear...trust me i feel BAD. I been trying though to fix the problem without telling them. I tried to get jobs, but I quit them or leave them. Tried to go to a community college so I can get some credits under my belt but I end up dropping the class or failing. sighhh. so this is a new year, i really want to be better and good. I decided I was going to go back to school and finish, since I don't know what I want to do for work (sorry mcdonalds is not going to cut it for me, i feel like i have something way more to offer)...my counselor recommended i attend a comunity college trade school and get my AA there. So i agreed and decided i'll just do graphic design, get my certificate in that, and get whatever type of job. But this has not been sitting well with me. I don't feel like this is really want I want to do, and if I start this i'm just going to end up quiting again. I mean I love art, but i'm not that artistic. I was accepted last summer into a great Film School in the city. I was trying to attend in august or september but I was into the wrong things at the time and did not attend. I try to email the Film School to apologize for being so flakey and wasting their time, but they do not try to contact me back. But I truly feel like this is where my passion belongs and this is where I will be happy, writing and producing my own films. But i'm discouraged and scared because I feel like the school is either fed up with me and my flakiness and will not return any of my emails or messages. Should I just go up to the school tomorrow and demand to be let in and get it all fixed out. I just hate to put all my eggs in this one basket then I end up messing up again. But I don't know what else to do. And this program is for a year, I think this would be perfect for me. I don't know though what to do, because then I would have to break it to my parents the news, and how will i be able to face them, when my lie has been I have been in college and about to graduate. I feel so stuck. I woke up this morning though crying thinking 'film school, the film school, that is what i should be doing, not graphic design'.

any advice for this stupid girl?

[bigadam]

Wow, I feel for you. To me, you have major issues with drug use and telling the truth that must be addressed before you worry about the school you attend. In other words, community college or film school means nothing if you can't build and keep the trust of others. I recommend you rigorously identify the root cause of these major character flaws before you worry about the school you should attend.

Even a full ride to the UCLA film program will be worthless if your major flaws are not addressed. You'll simply fall into old habits and risk blowing a good opportunity.

One man's oppinion...

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by bigadam

Wow, I feel for you. To me, you have major issues with drug use and telling the truth that must be addressed before you worry about the school you attend. In other words, community college or film school means nothing if you can't build and keep the trust of others. I recommend you rigorously identify the root cause of these major character flaws before you worry about the school you should attend.

Even a full ride to the UCLA film program will be worthless if your major flaws are not addressed. You'll simply fall into old habits and risk blowing a good opportunity.

One man's oppinion...

They are NOT character flaws just bad action compounded over time.

I have been living a lie for four years. My parents think im in college and almost about to graduate this june, but that is far from the truth. I haven't been in college/my university since fall '06. I been lying to them saying i'm going to school and i leave early in the morning and basically drive around the city of LA, smoking marijuana and listening to music til its bascially time to go back home in the evening and I act like I went to school. I feel bad, horrible, terrible, miserable, want to disappear...trust me i feel BAD. I been trying though to fix the problem without telling them. I tried to get jobs, but I quit them or leave them. Tried to go to a community college so I can get some credits under my belt but I end up dropping the class or failing. sighhh. so this is a new year, i really want to be better and good. I decided I was going to go back to school and finish, since I don't know what I want to do for work (sorry mcdonalds is not going to cut it for me, i feel like i have something way more to offer)...my counselor recommended i attend a comunity college trade school and get my AA there. So i agreed and decided i'll just do graphic design, get my certificate in that, and get whatever type of job. But this has not been sitting well with me. I don't feel like this is really want I want to do, and if I start this i'm just going to end up quiting again. I mean I love art, but i'm not that artistic. I was accepted last summer into a great Film School in the city. I was trying to attend in august or september but I was into the wrong things at the time and did not attend. I try to email the Film School to apologize for being so flakey and wasting their time, but they do not try to contact me back. But I truly feel like this is where my passion belongs and this is where I will be happy, writing and producing my own films. But i'm discouraged and scared because I feel like the school is either fed up with me and my flakiness and will not return any of my emails or messages. Should I just go up to the school tomorrow and demand to be let in and get it all fixed out. I just hate to put all my eggs in this one basket then I end up messing up again. But I don't know what else to do. And this program is for a year, I think this would be perfect for me. I don't know though what to do, because then I would have to break it to my parents the news, and how will i be able to face them, when my lie has been I have been in college and about to graduate. I feel so stuck. I woke up this morning though crying thinking 'film school, the film school, that is what i should be doing, not graphic design'.

any advice for this stupid girl?

Very well, this is where you are and it sure ain't pretty.

Have you hurt yourself enough?
Are you ready to accept yourself?
Are you ready to change your mind? Literally.

If you are ready to take a different course right now then we can help you.
If you decide that you need even more pain to realize that this does not work then please don't waste our time and just say so.

So what will it be?
1) A long and sometimes painfull journey where you MIGHT end up in a glorious place.
2) Or a long and painfull journey where you end up in the depths of despair.

The first journey can be very hard or very easy. Very painfull or very joyous. This is also a choice you make.
The second journey is gauranteed pain but short term empty relief of pain.

I think you know what each journey stands for.



Now choose, can we help you or not?

Good luck whatever you choose.




Ps. If you choose to suffer on then this is ok with me, I would only appreciate the honesty.

[dancer]

Well done giving up smoking pot.

Is not telling your parents helping you? Think how much the burden of guilt is costing you and draining the energy and inspiration you have to claiming the life you are stepping towards? I've screwed up and have dreaded owning up, but you will be surprised how forgiving people are when you apologise with sincerity. Why make it harder for yourself than what it needs to be?

If you go to the film school, don't demand anything. Demanding will only get their backs up. Explain your case, show your enthusiasm and ask them to reconsider your enrolment application. If they say no, find another school.

Good luck.

[missing]

I don't know about the other stuff but I wouldn't put too much faith in film school. I don't know exactly what kind of films you want to make, but even if it's crazy big budget hollywood stuff that you need all sorts of money and connections for well, chances are film school won't help you do that. I'd say nothing will help you do that and your chances are beyond slim. HOWEVER if you are interested in lower budget type, more artistic film making, I think you are best off exploring that on your own. From what I know film schools tend not to care much about art. The old notion used to be a big reason to go to film school was to get access to equipment but with newer, cheaper digital technology coming on board that's less incentive. I guess at film school you get to be around like minded individuals, but really just cause you are into "film" doesn't meant you will have anything else in common. Lots of people are attracted to film for lots of different reasons. Granted it can be motivating to be around others who want to use the same craft, and you may find some people who you get along with to work withb but I think you can do that on your own outside a film school. You may have to work a bit harder but it's a whole hell of a lot cheaper! Plus you learn a lot more when you do things on your own. Go to the library and get some books on screenwriting and low budget film making, and then start coming up with ideas. I recommend Syd Field's work for screenwriting. For low budget stuff, Rick Schmidt wrote a classic, "Feature Filmmaking at Used Car Prices". He recently wrote an updated version for digital video called "Extreme DV at Used Car Prices". If you can't find that at a library it's worth buying, it's good inspiration and will give you lots of ideas. Research the possibilities that are within your grasp (friends for actors, public parks for locations, etc). You'll have to do this stuff anyway, even at film school which can be a distraction from actual filmmaking. It's kind of a trap, cause at film school you can tell yourself and everyone else that you are "on path to becoming a filmmaker". Maybe you are, maybe not but that's a poor substitute for actually going out and being a filmmaker.

Then again maybe film schools are changing with the times and offering more than merely equipment and connections. But I doubt it.

Anyway that's my 2 cents.

[Amandaaa]

I been lying to them saying i'm going to school and i leave early in the morning and basically drive around the city of LA, smoking marijuana and listening to music til its bascially time to go back home in the evening and I act like I went to school.

...First of all... I've actually done that^ before (minus the marijuana), so I know how terrible and guilty it makes you feel.

I did that on and off for about 5 months, until I finally just told my mom that I didn't like it there, and that I didn't want to go back to that school.
She could tell that I was depressed and confused, so she was more supportive than angry with me. I ended up staying out of college for about a year and a half following that, and even though my parents weren't thrilled, they were also really nice about it, because they knew that I was going through a hard time and trying to figure out what I wanted to do.


Soooo... my advice is to stop telling your parents that you're taking classes. If I were you, I would get a little part-time job so it looks like you're doing something... Tell them that you decided to take this semester off...and spend some more time brainstorming, and figuring out what you're really passionate about. Tell them that you really want to get into cinematography and production (or whatever), and start doing some heavy research in the entertainment industry. Enroll in one of the million film schools that LA has to offer, and start networking to get your foot in the door.


I really don't think that your situation will be that hard to get out of-- especially since places like The Los Angeles Film School have an open enrollment policy. and it only takes one year to complete!

Maybe you could get some kind of internship or small intern-type job this summer in the film industry...? That would be a perfect way for you to start meeting some people and making connections. Just keep learning more about it and exploring your options, and hopefully you'll find your little niche and everything will start making sense to you.


You'll be fine. Just try to be open and honest with your parents. Tell them what's on your mind instead of hiding it from them.

[jtrikster]

Don't look at college as the solution to the problem. You should go to college when you feel you know what you want to do and you feel passionate about pursuing it. I've noticed people nowadays push college without realizing there's something you have to do first before you attend and that is, to a certain extent, finding yourself. A more accurate explanation would be finding purpose in going to college.

So you need to ask yourself a few questions:
Why do I want to go to college?
What am I going to do with my college degree?
Is it really what I want?

Don't feel pressured either to get it right the first time. You don't necessarily have to make the RIGHT decisions the first time. Most of the time, you won't know the right decision, so don't beat yourself up if you find that you actually want to do something else. You need to make the decisions to narrow down your passions. The more decisions you make, the closer you get to discovery.

[loveliketheflowers]

Originally Posted by jtrikster

Don't look at college as the solution to the problem. You should go to college when you feel you know what you want to do and you feel passionate about pursuing it. I've noticed people nowadays push college without realizing there's something you have to do first before you attend and that is, to a certain extent, finding yourself. A more accurate explanation would be finding purpose in going to college.

So you need to ask yourself a few questions:
Why do I want to go to college?
What am I going to do with my college degree?
Is it really what I want?

Don't feel pressured either to get it right the first time. You don't necessarily have to make the RIGHT decisions the first time. Most of the time, you won't know the right decision, so don't beat yourself up if you find that you actually want to do something else. You need to make the decisions to narrow down your passions. The more decisions you make, the closer you get to discovery.

i understand all what you are saying...but i don't know what my passions are, and i don't know how to find it either because there are so many different types of careers and thing i can do, how can i just pick just one and be satisfied for the rest of my working life? I was taught to believe i guess that college is where you go to find out what to do, and that you go here for the experience to meet friends and also to figure out what you want to do. I guess you are suppose to already know at 18 right after you graduate high school and took general classes such as math (which suxed the whole 3yrs i had to take it), 2yrs of foreign language, chemistry, biology, 3 different electives just to prepare you for COLLEGE. from 1999 to 2003, my grandparents, family, and teachers and counselors were preparing my whole class and school for COLLEGE. now i find out i wasn't ready! why??? my grandparents paid a ton of cash for catholic all girl school and college prep school and the dumb SAT prep classes and college prep classes and all this other stuff to prepare me. But when i got into college, i found out i didn't have the focus to study, cause i wasn't studying. i would go out with my room mate to the clubs and have fun and joined a sorority my sophomore year (dropped out tho later on). when i was suppose to be studying, i would procrastinate the very last minute til the night or hours before the exam or quiz. i was kinda passing but not really and i just stopped going cause i started to strip and make loads of cash and studying became extinct and i started to become depressed after i broke up with my second love of my life after a year and a half and we were suppose to move in together but plans changed when we broke up, so i had to find my own apartment. wow that was a long sentence, sorry. anyway, the more stuff i started to experience, school wasn't getting taken care of. i don't really see how anyone can be a stripper and a student, when would you have time? school is in the day and stripping at nites, even if u wanted to work during the daytime, when would you be able to go to class. i know they have night classes but still...i didn't do that, so i stopped going....


but now i feel like i should go back because i don't know what else to do. getting a part-time job sounds like an option for me. but i thought having a college degree is a big deal and accomplishment. i know some people who have graduated recently and they are not the smartest crayon in the box. but they get theirs and i haven't! just makes me upset! why didn't i just stick with it? why did i ever strip in the first place? i lost my bf through it and lost alot of respect in my self while during it. it was like i turned something off while i was doing it, and just did it, cause i thought i was getting 'so much money'. but i have none of the things i bought from it nor any cash in my accounts. i just wish i would of known, but its the past now, and now is now. so what am i going to do now? what should i do now? right now, i'm not doing anything. well, i just recently started taking yoga classes. so that is something. but i mean, i still need something to do. i still have to get some knowledge or get a job or contribute to the society. i can't forever live off my grandparents and be a loser!

so i ask myself and others, what should i do now? i was thinking taking a few classes i guess at a community college. i was thinking about the film school, but its so expensive and i don't know if that is my 'PASSION'. I don't know what my passion is...is it helping people? is it listening to peoples problems? is it to help children? is it to just learn the trade of graphic design to increase what i know already alittle bit about graphic design?

what does one do, when one doesn't know. and then im starting to read 'Power of NOW' by Tolle and its saying 'DONT THINK'. Um, huhhhh? If I don't think, how will I do things? But I guess I have to keep reading to find that answer out.

Originally Posted by Amandaaa

...First of all... I've actually done that^ before (minus the marijuana), so I know how terrible and guilty it makes you feel.

I did that on and off for about 5 months, until I finally just told my mom that I didn't like it there, and that I didn't want to go back to that school.
She could tell that I was depressed and confused, so she was more supportive than angry with me. I ended up staying out of college for about a year and a half following that, and even though my parents weren't thrilled, they were also really nice about it, because they knew that I was going through a hard time and trying to figure out what I wanted to do.


Soooo... my advice is to stop telling your parents that you're taking classes. If I were you, I would get a little part-time job so it looks like you're doing something... Tell them that you decided to take this semester off...and spend some more time brainstorming, and figuring out what you're really passionate about. Tell them that you really want to get into cinematography and production (or whatever), and start doing some heavy research in the entertainment industry. Enroll in one of the million film schools that LA has to offer, and start networking to get your foot in the door.


I really don't think that your situation will be that hard to get out of-- especially since places like The Los Angeles Film School have an open enrollment policy. and it only takes one year to complete!

Maybe you could get some kind of internship or small intern-type job this summer in the film industry...? That would be a perfect way for you to start meeting some people and making connections. Just keep learning more about it and exploring your options, and hopefully you'll find your little niche and everything will start making sense to you.


You'll be fine. Just try to be open and honest with your parents. Tell them what's on your mind instead of hiding it from them.

I'm really going to try to do this. i think finding a part-time job is a very good idea for me at this point in my life. Doing tasks and having something to do and being around people...but i don't know what type of job or where to look?

I was also thinking of taking up a few classes at a community college, but i do not know what, general education classes (math, history, biology, chemistry, drawing) the stuff you need in order to graduate with a B.A.....or child development course, cinema course, psychology course....i mean there are so many options. i would hate to take a class, get the credit for it, then it doesn't apply to what i really want to do to graduate or with my major. or anything. i really don't want to take a class and it doesn't apply for credit with my major in the end. or maybe i want to try for an Associate's Degree and major in a trade like child development or graphic design, and go from there. But what to choose, what to choose??? just so many options.

I believe if i would of still in college when I first started and stuck through it, I would have a definite idea of what to do or what I want to do. But I feel like now, since I stopped and it seems more difficult to get back in, I don't know where to go or what to do.

Maybe I should just say forget college and a degree, and a possible guarantee for a job that would possibly be my passion or at least pays 50,000 or more a year, house, nice car, nice clothes. (sorry, but in LA, that is the illusion i keep seeing, trust me im not making it up. it really feels like everyone that is ahead HAS their BA's and Master's degrees, with their two story home they just remolded recently and just added a pool and jacuzzzi. and did i mention they have either a mercedes, lexus, or range rover. and i mean a good i dunno 45%. the other percentage is either in poverty on welfare or just middle class living pay check to pay check worrying about how to save more money and how to get ahead while they struggle along to pay their monthly bills, i don't want to be this!!).....

i really don't want to struggle in life. i really want to achieve and be happy and have a job where i feel joy or happy or at least content. but how do i find this passion? how do i find what i am or can do? or should i just choose something and say "f" it and just move along, and be like the masses. mostly miserable at their jobs sitting in front of a computer in a cubicle....it just sux, i wish there was a website where it can help u more on getting a clue on life and just get over it and do what u have to do, stop all this delay. but i am, i keep holding myself back...

[loveliketheflowers]

TV, well cable channels MTV, VH1, E!, even TLC and Food Network, makes it very delusional. It seems like you MUST have a degree or Money in order to have a happy life or be happy. I turn to MTV, super sweet sixteen is on and a girl having her quinceanera, is pissed at her mom cause her mom got her a black 2007 lexus, but didn't give it to her on the night of her party, so she is crying, screaming, and says "you ruined my life!"....i turn to E! channel or Vh1 they have forbes list of youngest stars under 25 making over 10million dollars a year selling perfumes, albums, clothes, books...whatever...

it just feels like im behind. everybody has a passion or already knows what they want to do. look at britney spears, she had a passion, to just dance and sing. that passion now turned against her, and she is probably very lonely and scared cause she doesn't know who to trust. And she has so much cash, and she is rolling around in her mercedes in the streets of LA everyday. its just sad, what is one to do? i dunno why i mentioned this but i feel like it affects and delutes our souls and minds into thinking this is what makes these people on television happy, the glitz, the glam, the clothes, the sunglasses, the heels, the money, the fame. but are these people even happy? was this their passion? to be on a reality show having their lives and selves broadcast in 30minute episodes.

what happened to just good ole TGI fridays with full house and family matters and step by step. what happened to studio audience shows, where a child wouldn't even be aware they are talking about something very adult or sexual. It's just sad? At least back in the day you could watch a show and they are your heroes and you want to be like these people or aspire to have something or whatever. But what do we look up to now? Where do we find this passion? Do you think other kids in my generation (Y generation, ages 16 to 25) are well off and are good with their passions, or are they just getting degrees or becoming an insurance or real estate agent, and they make this money? or they have nothing like me at my age and are lost?

sorry i wrote so much, i was really venting what was on my mind. i didn't proofread my entries either, so i apologize for that also if it sounds off.

[loveliketheflowers]

most of these reality stars, and mostly the celebrities they keep talking about like lindsay l. and britney spears, are not even slightly away maybe about the "power of now" living in the now, knowing self, that we are just 'being', to apply the law of attraction, positive thinking. but they are millionaires and have a couple of homes and cars and buy 2,000 chanel purses and balceno whatever leather purses that are a grand and blah blah blah. how did they get so lucky, but they are not even probably connected to their inner soul or inner peace. do you believe britney spears is currently pure consciousness and she 'don't think' and does she write down what she wants to manifest? she is depleting and depleting, and E channel keeps making these specials about how she's falling from grace and reporting on her every night about what she did that day. what do you think will happen to her and her soul? will she or others try to realize, and why should she? She already is okay, living wise. She has millions, cars, clothes, a record label still backing her.

I mean this is what is on tv and these blogs. look at perez hilton! he is making millions off his blog and getting free swag and clothes, for blogging. i understand steve pavlina is a blog but at least he is trying to help improve our lives and souls. perezhilton just bashes these celebrities and show was they wore, what they just did, how they are going to rehab or coming out of some LA club. Is he doing his passion? this blog? is this even good for our universe or our souls?? what is he so lucky by doing something not that great? And if you try to comment on his page, you will receive spam in your email boxes!! i mean this is not helping me!! i don't see what his passion is. but these people are happy, doing whatever, making money, getting things, no degrees...i mean is this passion? what would you call these people??

[bravebluemice]

I know exactly how you feel.

I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. My parents saved for me to go to college, and it was expected that I go.

I didn't know where I wanted to go, so I went to a local community college. The complete lack of direction there was so numbing, that I, too, found my days filled with roaming around town in a borrowed car, bumming my way through day in and out.

When my report cards came home, my mother was furious, and kicked me out. I learned the hard way that the world is cruel to those who don't have a direction.

It took me a long time to crawl my way up a corporate ladder, from working at a Radio Shack, to working for a Credit Card company in a phone center, to working as a Lab Monkey in a local testing facility. It was only when I thought back to my years bumming around college that I remembered what my real burning passion was.

The whole time I was working for a living, I kept concentrating on jobs that had bigger paychecks, because I wanted a Jaguar too. It wasn't until I started writing science fiction again like I had in junior high that I realized it was what I wanted to do. It's what I wanted to contribute. Only then could I look at the path to doing so successfully.

You said something about film school. Is it the school you need, or could you bang out a film next week, borrow a camcorder from a friend, round up a bunch of friends to star in it, and make yourself a movie?

When you say that you want to contribute to society, that doesn't always take the shape of a job. Sometimes it does. So what exactly is it that you want to contribute to society? Once you've answered that, you can figure out how to make it pay the bills.

Best of luck,
~BraveBlueMice.

[Tasaio]

You certainly aren't the first person to do this.

You've been smoking marijuana? 30% of young Americans are in that boat with you. Think about how much worse it could be; marijuana is mild compared to cocaine, ectstasy, LSD...

You've been stripping. Lots of women strip, and then go on to succeed in better ways. Think of the number of intelligent, successful actresses who have done nude scenes (Jennifer Connelly and Natalie Portman come to mind). Isn't that a kind of stripping?

WRT college, you honestly come across as wanting a quick degree...to avoid disappointing your parents.

They've done you a disservice if they taught you that "degree = success". Or, worse, "no degree = no success".

It's just not true. Lots of people--lots of women--are successful as authors, filmmakers, and artists without completing their degree. J.K. Rowling got rich off of her writing, not her English degree.

Of course, wrt that last point, you could argue that her degree helped her to develop her writing skills. They may be true, and it's for that idea that people recommend film school to aspiring filmmakers.

If you tried it, and didn't like it, then don't go back right away. Tell your grandparents that you haven't been enjoying, and haven't been doing well, and are taking some time off. Good parents are supportive of their children as these times.

Then, my advice, is to stay inside. Don't go out in your car--make an effort to stay inside and think "what do I want to right now". Research film famous filmmakers and their roads to success. Try making a short film of your grandparents' neighbourhood, and go from there.

Another thought that occurred to me was to use your experiences re: marijuana and stripping, to aid you in your filmmaking. You don't have to make the film biographical, but make a Michael Moore-esque documentary about college students, drugs, stripping, etc..

Lastly, I recommend avoiding TV if it makes you feel so lousy. Concentrate on this forums, Steve's blog, and success stories to keep your spirits up.

Other people have fared through far worse, and they did it--gasp!--without getting an A+ degree. And some people decided to go back after all--but they did it in their own time.

Regardless of what you choose, you'll be fine. The fact that you skirtted with reenrolling--the fact that you've come on this forum to talk about your guilt--tell us that you're a good, decent person.

Keep in touch, and good luck.