Personal growth experiences with Steve's site and forum

[Kazeko]

I'd like to discuss some feelings I have visiting this forums and reading Steve's blog.

Seems like these forums just don't work for me. Where I go wrong?

Let me explain. When I read Steve's blog, I get many positive feelings, which inspire me to grow. The similar effect I have when I read PD books (e.g. Covey, Ziglar). I get support, guidance, inspiration, power... whatever I need.

But every time (except rare occasions, e.g. when I read Steve's or Erin's posts) when I read forum, I end up with frustration. I see much negativity, "empty" arguing... It just sends me off track. When I ask questions, seems like nobody listens... or don't want to answer.

Do I want too much? Do I do sometiong wrong?

[Angela]

Kazeko, what would you like to create? What would you like to *get* by participating here?

[Kazeko]

Seems like I express my thoughts wrong somehow...

I'd like to give (create) and/or to get:
more inspiration, guidance, positive feelings, support, guidance, help - as I usually do reading Steve's blog and PD books.

I certainly _don't_ want posts here to be empty, meaningless or negative.

And one more thing that just came to my mind: I'd like to get many answers for my lame posts

That's what I want to create.

[Kazeko]

How sad...

...This thread is the perfect illustration of what I mean and what I don't understand "why".....

No one answered....

Angela: thanks, at least you've tried

I guess I just have to accept this situation and enjoy giving (answering other's questions)...

[Savage]

It's hard for people to answer a question that's so vague and general with minimal background info. Try asking a more specific question, and you'll probably get better advice.

I saw your question, but I can't really make sense of what you're asking. It's unclear what you actually want.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Kazeko

No one answered.....

...and I will do my best to deal with my CLS (Chopped Liver Syndrome).

[m18pak]

Not to be mean, but it seems to me that you just want attention because you feel a little left out.

[Fullcrum]

You want support and guidance for what? Only you can decide that.

What do you want to inspire?

Ask the right questions and get the right answers. Do you want general instructions for doing the above?

[Amanda Norris]

I think I understand what you mean, Kazeko. I am always inspired by Steve and Erin's blog and articles, but when I read the forum I am often disappointed. I guess I hope to encounter more people who are at the same level of personal development and wisdom as Steve, but the majority of posts that I see seem to fall short of that. Sometimes I feel like asking 'Where are all the Smart People?'. Of course we are all in different stages of our personal growth, and hopefully these forums can be a place for those who are more advanced to help those who are struggling. But sometimes it seems like the blind leading the blind. Maybe this means that I should take more responsibility for these forums and make more of an effort myself to provide valuable answers and discussions. But I certainly don't feel qualified. I'm struggling just like everyone else. Who am I to think that I know better than anyone else? I think we're all in the same boat. So here's a message to everyone like me and Kazeko who read the forums hoping for nuggets of wisdom but are disappointed: Have courage; step up; speak out; be yourself; create value; if you see a need, it's your responsibility to fulfill it.

Hope that makes sense, and I certainly mean no offense to anyone.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Amanda Norris

I think I understand what you mean, Kazeko. I am always inspired by Steve and Erin's blog and articles, but when I read the forum I am often disappointed. I guess I hope to encounter more people who are at the same level of personal development and wisdom as Steve, but the majority of posts that I see seem to fall short of that. Sometimes I feel like asking 'Where are all the Smart People?'. Of course we are all in different stages of our personal growth, and hopefully these forums can be a place for those who are more advanced to help those who are struggling. But sometimes it seems like the blind leading the blind. Maybe this means that I should take more responsibility for these forums and make more of an effort myself to provide valuable answers and discussions. But I certainly don't feel qualified. I'm struggling just like everyone else. Who am I to think that I know better than anyone else? I think we're all in the same boat. So here's a message to everyone like me and Kazeko who read the forums hoping for nuggets of wisdom but are disappointed: Have courage; step up; speak out; be yourself; create value; if you see a need, it's your responsibility to fulfill it.

Hope that makes sense, and I certainly mean no offense to anyone.

Loved your post, Amanda!

I just jumped right into the forums, baring all and I have received wonderful feedback and support thus far, so I am not experiencing any of the negativity that you two seem to be feeling.

We are all qualified to help others out. I do not feel degrees, having a blog, or being of high-IQ are the only means in which someone is qualified to help someone out with some insight.

Where are all the smart people? I don't like that term, "smart".... what does it MEAN??? We all are human and we all struggle at one point in our lives.

We are all smart in some areas and complete morons in other areas. I can tell you all about child development and write out a great lesson plan for preschoolers, but when it comes to my vehicle? I know nothing! I take it to a smart mechanic (who probably knows nada about child development).

So if one wants to be an active member in an online community such as this, one must actually speak and be open. ANd, just like in real life, we get what we give.

[Kevin Givens]

Originally Posted by m18pak

Not to be mean, but it seems to me that you just want attention because you feel a little left out.

I don't think that's the case at all. As a new member myself, I think it's normal to join feeling like the "new kid in school".

When you respond to others you want to feel like you are helping and are appreciated. When you pose a question you want to receive guidance, constructive criticism, and support. In short, you want to feel a sense of community with like-minded individuals.

Do I want too much? Do I do sometiong wrong?

-Continue trying to create value by helping others.
-Like Steve said, be specific when you are asking for help (like this post).
-Understand that any community is filled with people, and people aren't perfect. You're going to find a lot of intelligent, positive, encouraging people here. You also need to be prepared for a few negative vibes.

Give it time. I hope you'll stay and continue sharing your advice and questions.

[Fullcrum]

If there's one thing that's false - it's that you want too much.

Hahaha. If anyone ever told me that I'd laugh at them. Well maybe. Or empathize at least.

Read around the site and see what catches your interest.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by Kazeko

I'd like to discuss some feelings I have visiting this forums and reading Steve's blog.

Seems like these forums just don't work for me. Where I go wrong?

Let me explain. When I read Steve's blog, I get many positive feelings, which inspire me to grow. The similar effect I have when I read PD books (e.g. Covey, Ziglar). I get support, guidance, inspiration, power... whatever I need.

But every time (except rare occasions, e.g. when I read Steve's or Erin's posts) when I read forum, I end up with frustration. I see much negativity, "empty" arguing... It just sends me off track. When I ask questions, seems like nobody listens... or don't want to answer.

Do I want too much? Do I do sometiong wrong?

There's a great difference between a polished article, blog post, or book, and a forum post someone typed up in a few minutes. Heck, some books and articles I read seem like they were typed up in a few minutes, to convey the sort of quality (or lack thereof) that was present.

I too have difficulty pinning the Pavlina forum down, so my advice is to not worry about it. I find participation in the forum to be most educational, but honestly, as a resource in itself, it's had minimal impact on me and I prefer books, audio programs, Steve's blog, etc.

It's like talking to people -- you can get lots of good leads, but if you really want some life-changing ideas, usually you have to look elsewhere. I'm sure some people may have different experiences with the people they talk to, but right now I don't have the luxury of being able to speak to highly interesting individuals.

One practice I recommend is finding some forum members who resonate strongly with you or just some people you find to be really informative, bookmark their post history, and then view the forums from the lens of their posts. They then act as a sort of filter, leading you in the direction of discussions that will interest you rather then leaving you to sort through a quagmire of threads.

Eg. I found this post by browsing Steve's post history. I guess you could say I "subscribe" to Steve's post history. Why? (A) It helps me easily find any moderation matters he speaks about, which is something I need to keep an eye on as a moderator, and (B) I resonate with a lot of Steve's ideas and thinking, so his posts often provide a lot of value to me or point me in the direction of interesting discussions.

So ultimately, look at the forums as a resource. What you get out of that resource is up to you and how creative you are. As another brief example, by making this post, I learned a bit about my own writing skill and also became more aware of certain behaviour in myself. If you use the right mindset, you can get a lot out of your experience -- you just need to know how to look at it. Eg. I see an opportunity right now -- I could edit this post and work on making my writing more concise as I've been trying to do, but since I have some writing to do, I'll opt not to this time.

[Fullcrum]

What really helps me is to define a purpose before coming onto the forums.

"Hmm, I really need some inspiration for my business...oh look, the forums!"

"Damn, I feel so lonely, I wonder how I can get myself out of this rut...oh, the forums!"

See what I mean?

Otherwise you'll probably be aimless self-help-junkie chode. And no one likes aimless self-help-junkie chode.