Personal dilema: Live for myself or the people close to me?

[JackWright05]

PLEASE HELP i cant find a solution:
I'm 21 and finishing up college in the summer with a BA in English. I have no idea what I'm doing after I graduate. Here's the dilemma: I have not enjoyed anything the academic world has to offer since I was about 8 years old. I have coasted through school for 15 years, and the journey is almost over. In the past four years of college I have learned only one thing... how to play poker professionally (not from class). I truely enjoy playing the game, and have no doubt that I can support myself financially playing it... money is not part of my problem. For the past 2-3 years I have expected myself to be playing professionally after college, and almost dropped out to persue poker as a fulltime career on several occasions. My parents do not support this career choice. My mother has actually gone as far to say she would disown me if i were a professional gambler... though i dont know if the situation would truely go that far, there would definitly be problems and fights about this matter. The alternative would be to use my degree and get a job out of college. To put it simply the market simply does not have a high demand for english majors with mediocre grades at this time. I would no doublt hate any job I could get out of college as well as be throwing money away as I can surely make more playing poker. The problem gets more complicated... a few months ago I met a girl. Its going ok between us and she is not particularly the problem, but whether its her, the next girl, or the one after that, who is the one, I would have to meet her parents and explain to them what I do for a living. I am no mind reader, but I think its safe to assume that they will not approve... more problems. So back to getting a job. I have been living the poker player lifestyle for years now. I have slept through classes that start at 2 in the afternoon, to take a 9-5 job would be a nightmare to me. Also I see taking a job as giving up on my dreams of becoming somebody in this world. As a poker player I control my own fate and could strive to be the best. In an office I work for a meager wage with a pushy boss down my throat, with little hope for advancement, as undoubtedly my heart wont be in my work. I would hate my job, and likely my life, even with the one. Poker? My grandfather died a few years ago and ever since I have felt closer to my grandmother. Her father was a compulsive gambler, and it caused many problems for her household growing up. She sees poker just pure gambling and is more against it than my parents. I couldnt bare to dissapoint her, or go through trying to convince her that poker is not pure gambling, but skill based. I have no idea how, or if I could break the news to her that I was playing poker for a living. Job? I havnt had a job in years, and havnt started looking for one, because I hadnt planned to work. I learned nothing in college (I cheat alot on tests) and dont have much of a resume. I dont even know how to go about looking for work... the whole process makes me sick honestly. I could go up and back debating with myself about what my next move is, adding more factors to the problem, but Im posting here to see if anyone sees my problem differently. These are the basic points of my dilema that I'm dealing with. What can I do... Sacrifice happyness and money in the workplace for a stable home environment, or persue my passion, and distance those closest to me because of it?

[nick pagan]

Hi Jack,

I think that you would get a lot more responses if you edit your text to make it more readable and finish by being very specific with what your problem is and what kind of answer you are looking for. The way your post is currently written it's just too much bother for most people to figure that out (me included!)

Nick Pagan

[Sanity Panda]

Question:Sacrifice self-happiness, money by pursuing his passion (Poker) OR work for a stable home environment and staying close to those he loves.

Cut-down version for other people who may want to advise.

• I'm 21 and finishing up college in the summer with a BA in English but not interested in it and haven’t done so well academically.
  
• Plays poker and can support their life financially by doing so.
  
• Family do not like the idea of him playing poker, to the extent where they’d disown him.
  
• The option of getting a job out of college, but degree is not that great with mediocre grades. He’d hate the job and believes he could earn more by poker.
  
• Will have difficulty explaining to his girlfriend’s parents what he does for a living if he decides to go down gambling path if things get serious between them.
  
• Dislikes the idea of having a 9-5 Job as he desires to control his own fate and strive for the best. Too many negative variables in working instead of play poker.
  
• Grandmother is against gambling, more so than parents due to her father being a compulsive gambler. He doesn’t want to disappoint her as he is close to her after his Grandfather died recently.

I can't really comment on whether you should choose your own path or something that makes other people happy, is there some sort of compromise avaliable? If not, which is honestly more important to you?

In regards to the girlfriend being the one, her parents may influence her decision to be with you alot, or it may have no influence what so ever. They may have their opinions, but in the end it's her decision to be with you so there's no need to worry too much over that. I wouldn't consider it an immediate no-no for everyone.

[Pegasus]

Welcome to the forums, Jack!

Having useless degrees in Sociology and Political Science, and still trying to navigate my way through the professional world (after over a decade), take my advice with a grain of salt.

Try putting that English major to use by writing about poker. For example, you could write a column for an online magazine -- if there are newspaper columns for playing bridge, I assume there are for playing poker. Design a poker website or a booklet to sell.

In this way you could play poker for a living but give it a positive spin when you have to impress people. When asked what you do for a living, you can say, “I’m a writer.” When asked for more specifics, you can say, “I teach people strategies for communication and success, and how to play the hand they’re dealt with in life.”

By the way, you should definitely have a backup plan. Best of luck!

[Ralph]

I suggest you put some line breaks next time most people look at such post and hit backspace as fast as they can

I strongly advise you to pursue your dreams. You can't pretend someone you're not just for the sake of people around you. It's your life, not theirs. Try to find people who accept who you are instead of trying to change who you are to be accepted.
If you get a job now, you'll probably regret it forever.
It's a hard choice. Requires a lot of courage. Line of least resistance or a hard way you love.

I'd drive my parents nuts if I told them I'm going to be self-employed rather than have a job. Especially because I'm doing great at school and I could get a high-paid job. In Poland, self-employment is almost like gambling

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Pegasus

Try putting that English major to use by writing about poker. For example, you could write a column for an online magazine -- if there are newspaper columns for playing bridge, I assume there are for playing poker.

Oh, don't forget to use paragraphs while you're at it.

[eblight]

My mentor told me just a few weeks ago that the first duty I have is to myself which means doing what is right for me, living my own truth even if it upsets others. I was never very good at that because I would fall in with what others wanted of me rather than what was best for me. It's taken a long time to do what I consider to be correct for me and at times it pushes others about because I am not conforming to their expectations.
There's a wonderful quote that has been said so many times. It's so simple, "Follow your bliss." Joseph Campbell.

[Rivelli]

i only read the begginning of the first post, stopped when I read mother disown. i didn't have to read the rest. Just do what you enjoy doing. You see yourself being a professional pokerstar? Just do it. To simply change yourself because of someone elses ignorance is one of those insane things. This is one of those typical movie conflicts where the audience is screaming your character to just go for your dream. I use to do the poker thing myself and was quite good at it. I made money everytime I went to the casino and online of course and saw myself easily going pro if I would put in the time. The problem was that I never wanted to be a pokerstar. I already had a very detailed and better fit goal for myself so I quit poker. It seems you don't have any other goals other than perhaps making ignorant people happy... When you win a big tournament with the crazy amounts of prize money, I get the feeling that whoever wasn't happy before will now be happy. I believe they dont think you can be successful doing such a thing. Doesn't matter. When you make it, bring me on as a guest in the private rooms or even a game show with the other pros since I gave you the best advice, heck I can take on pros anyway, even Negranu

[The Cloud]

Stop wasting your time asking questions you already know the answer to.

[drummbellina]

Go for your dream! If you really can make it as a pro people will be impressed once the money rolls in.

However, be sure you're not kidding yourself. I know poker is strategy and skill but there is still a lot luck involved. Only one person can win a tournament. Even the likes of Doyle can't garantee a poker income, surely?

[Love]

Following your dreams doesn't always give you the success you first imagined, but it is a far better teacher than living the drudgery of a dull life. Go with passion and learn what you can from it.

[Calisto]

I agree with the post above, follow your dream. Surely you can take say five years of your life to see if this works out. And if it doesn't at least you will have given it a shot, and you won't spend your whole life wondering 'what if'.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Sanity Panda

Question:Sacrifice self-happiness, money by pursuing his passion (Poker) OR work for a stable home environment and staying close to those he loves.



I can't really comment on whether you should choose your own path or something that makes other people happy, is there some sort of compromise avaliable? If not, which is honestly more important to you? .

To quote one of my favorite authors, Joseph Campbell, "Follow your bliss" everything will be revealed to you in the right time if you live the life you were meant to live instead of conforming to that which others expect of you and living a life of quiet desperation (or not so quiet desperation) trying to please others.

I am not saying do this irresponsibly or without regard to consequences. Do what is right for yourself and make mid course adjustments as the need and nature of these adjustments become apparent to you.

May the course you choose bring you joy!

[Ninja]

If you really do become a success in the world of poker, there's a good chance your family will eventually warm up to it. I've seen interviews with professional poker players who weren't taken seriously either. But after they became more successful, their family turned around and evenutally became their greatest fans. When you start to shine, you need to give them a little time to get used to the light.

[m18pak]

This might sound hollow and slightly trite, but the only piece of advice I could think of to give you was:

"To thine self be true."

It's your life, so shouldn't you have some sort of say in how you live it?

[Amandaaa]

I'm 21 and finishing up college in the summer with a BA in English. I have no idea what I'm doing after I graduate.

^wow. even though that doesn't sound all that good, I wish that we could trade places! (I'm a year older than you, and about 3 years behind. )

but anyway... I almost always tell people to use their own intuition to make big decisions in life. If you feel like you would be miserable working a standard, entry-level job, then go do what your gut is telling you to do. Live life on the edge. Do something that excites you.
I don't see any reason for you to be bored and unhappy in your own life just because of the judgments that other people choose to place on you. If they have some kind of mental stigma attached to professional poker players, then that's their own issue that they need to deal with.

And speaking of stigmas-- you make it sound like a poker player is the equivalent of a gigolo. I didn't realize that poker-playing was so "taboo."
One of my sister's friends has a dad who's a professional poker player, and he has earned millions of dollars playing the game that he loves. They live in the biggest lap of luxury I've ever seen... and when I pulled up to that mansion, trust me-- I wasn't looking down upon him.


Now...I don't know what kind of poker player you are, so I'm not necessarily saying that it would be wise for you to live such a risky lifestyle... but if it would make you happy, then why not?

[Amandaaa]

(p.s, have you seen Rounders?!

i love that movie... )