Should I go back and finish college, I don't know what else to do with myself?

[loveliketheflowers]

I have been living a lie with my parents for the past 3yrs. It has been a huge weight on my shoulders but I don't know how to let this just go or to tell them. My parents (grandparents, they raised me) think I been going to college. I been keeping up with the lie by producing fake grade reports to keep up with the lie. i was even suppose to graduate last summer but lied and said since i changed my major its going to take an extra year. i was hoping i could have some time to fix my lie. but i haven't. i'm 22yrs now. when i started college, i didn't have any discipline and pretty much messed up the first two years, then finally stopped going altogether, but i never told my parents. i mean my parents like everyone else in our society believes that education is the ultimate gift you can receive which i believe is true as well, but everytime i go to school i end up messing up. i tried to not go back to my university and go to community colleges but i ended up withdrawing from my classes or just giving up. but i know in my mind how important a degree is though, i think. i just don't know what to do. i'm stuck in a hole i feel like. i don't feel like i can tell my parents im not in school or that i haven't been in school for so long, that would kill them. i tried to just get a job and live with that. i got a job as a receptionist at a commerical real estate place. i quit though after 4months, the people were too mean and i didn't feel like they appreciated all the dedication and hard work i put in, in my opinion.

maybe hilary clinton is right, my generation is just lazy and don't want to work. but i don't want to be like this! i want to get a degree, but college is hard...i want to work, but what type of job...i don't know?? how is it so easy for everyone else to have jobs, get degrees, get more degrees and masters, and live these lives. i want to live the life as well. i don't want to live in poverty or be a person living pay check to pay check. but i also feel like i want to change the world and that i do have a person to help our world and our people, some kind of way. as delusional as it may seem i sometimes daydream and fantasize about being famous (anyway, look at perezhilton...he is a blog person, now he is on mtv and vh1 regularly, and what does he do? slam celebrities...why is he getting off so great doing something not that great nor fantastic!).

enough talking about that though. please help, i don't know what to do. my parents think im in school, im not. i don't have a job, i don't know what type of job to get nor where to even look. and i don't want to be working a job 5yrs and then im unhappy miserable and unable to get anything out of it. i have some debt also. its just so overwhelming, it seems better to disappear than to choose because what am i suppose to choose?

im confused and lost and unsure on what to do. please help.

[nick pagan]

You have got yourself into a bad situation - there's no denying that. The more that you cover up the worse it will get. Get rid of the debt first - take a job and economize until that is done. This will also be in important step for you to face up to the problems you have created and to learn how to manage your life better. It is important for you to start tackling small tasks and to follow through on them. The debt might be large but getting work and following through each time by attending, doing the work and paying off the debt little by little will help enormously for you to take control of your life.

So far in your life you have been supported by your family and by society enormously but that usually stops (and should stop) once you finish or quit school and start earning an income in some form. You are going through the transition of being highly dependent upon other people to becoming dependent upon yourself. Perhaps you have not been prepared by your family or society to do this but do it you must. It's not so hard in reality but mentally it is hard for you because you have high expectations (for yourself, from your family, from society) and you are not fulfilling those expectations. You have to reset your desires and expectations to things that you are capable of now. Only then can you start to take control of your situation and build your abilities so that you can fulfill higher expectations and desires.

This paper will help you to understand the mental struggle that you go through now and how to overcome it with relative ease.

http://www.nickpagan.com/blog/wp-con...fectly-v10.pdf

Here's to hoping that you now create better luck for yourself,
Nick

[loveliketheflowers]

im not getting any feedback

i know my question seems similar to the one above but it isn't. i really hope i can get some advice and feedback.

[Ninja]

What I'm reading in all of this, is that your main motivation is fear. think about it: you want a degree... why?

- because it's either graduating college or blowing your secret.

- because you believe a degree is important (I agree, in most cases )

- because everyone else believes a degree is important

- because going to college might buy you some time to figure out what kind of job you want to do for the rest of your life. Okay, you might need a part-time job to pay for things, but that's not the same as 'the real deal', if you know what I mean.

- because you got to do something, right?! If you don't go to college, and can't keep a job, then what else is left? This would fit in with the previous point about 'buying time'.

Fear is healthy and often a good motivator. Without it, I doubt you would still be alive at this point. Humans are curious idiots by nature and fear is the only think that keeps us from eating moldy bananas and sticking our fingers in an electrical outlet, just to see what happens.

Unfortunately, there is a difference between wanting to stay out of/escape a bad situation, and wanting to change it into a better one. Fear helps you do the former, but not always the latter. If you want to get a degree, you need another source of motivation: desire.

- you should want a degree because you like the challenge.

- you should want a degree because it opens certain doors for you. You can become a succesful webdesigner without a degree, but if your dream is to become a dentist, you better hit the books.

You shouldn't want a degree because you want a good job, you should want one because you want a certain job. A degree is a tool, not a goal.

Do some soul searching and find a good reason to go to college. If you have one, it will be a lot easier to make it to the finishline. if you honestly can't find one, determine what would make you happy and find out what you need. if a degree is on the list... voila! There's your reason! if it's not, you can use your time and money working towards checking off the rest of your to-do list.

As for your parents... well, you really have no choice but to tell them. Even if you magically get a degree before next friday, guilt will still haunt you and eat you alive. If your parents supported you financially, offer to compensate them for the past years. Work out a system to pay them back. If you do this, they will know you're really sorry and that you're serious about your future now. Also make a plan to get rid of the debt: even a small debt can very quickly become a big one if you leave it to fester. Kill the interest before it kills you!

Your parents might not even react that harsly. Maybe they already have a feeling that 'something' is wrong and can't put their finger on it. If you fear their reaction, write a letter and include the first draft of your pay-back plan to show that even though you're confused, you're not a lazy beerdrinking, videogame playing moocher like you see on tv.

Once you get that off your chest and have organized the chaos in your head by making plans on paper, you'll have more 'brain space' to sit down and deal with the problem at hand: your future and what to do about it.

[Alison Jenkins]

It seems you have told one lie which has led to a whole load more - which is usually the case.

Why didn't you feel able to tell your parents the truth in the first place? Maybe this will answer what lies behind it all. Do they put excessive pressure on you to suceed?

Would you feel able to bite the bullet and come clean. Perhaps that way they could support you to work out what is right for you.

Alison