I want to change my character

[thatguy123]

Its just at a point I just can't be the person I am now, anymore. I don't want you to think I don't like myself or depressed or anything but, I just don't like way I act in certain situations and I don't like how my character is expressed to other people.

If things were ideal I would be a strong, confident, self-disaplined, man. I definatley believe you can be anything you want and you can always change. So, I come to this site and I read a lot and I read some books and I feel reading them that gain understanding and tools to help me become the person I want to be. However, when I have to use them in real life situations I fall back to old habits.

Parts of my life are disaplined like lifting weights. I lift around 6 days a week and lift at 8 everyday. But I feel like this is because when I was younger and I was extremely small and was critisized for it and I decided to start lift out of necessity. Now I still keep that feeling with me and it strongly motivates me to lift. Things like school and work I do well in because I almost have to.

But things like being confident and strong(mentally and emotionally) I am weak at. I will admit I have bad confidence problems but that comes from when I was younger. So this is part of where my self disiapline comes in. I feel (maybe incorrectly) with enough self disapline you can change almost all circumstances.

My problem is in a lot social situations I can not disapline myself to consistantly use the tools provide by this site and a book I read. Its like my if I try to be a dynamic person or a more confident person someone, or something will happen and kind of put me in my place.

I don't know this is hard to put down in writing I'm not really a person to talk about feelings . But its just come to a head and I'm not satisfied with myself and I need some other opions than just reading a site/book.

Sry for the long post thanks for reading.

[Ak47]

try taking small steps working in whatever you plan to try and change.

think of it as a progressive rock song. start out with something easy. once you're comfortable doing that, add something a little harder but continue doing the easy thing.. then add something a bit harder, etc.

you have to take your time. it's a hard task changing any aspect of personality after you're 15 or so (so says science). it can be done, it just takes patience, time, and hard work.

just don't forget, confidence is completely internal really. you have to convince YOURSELF that you are worthwhile, or whatever it is you're looking for. that you CAN do things that you believe are important, etc.

i might suggest setting goals for doing things... grades, work, with anything at all really... do the same thing with the small steps. start small and work your way up. don't set deadlines unless you have to (i.e. a grade on a project for school), just don't get lazy in trying because you don't have a deadline either.

also don't forget, your goal isn't to be overconfident or cocky.

as well remember, all people have limits, and so do you. the key is in accomplishing what YOU set out to do; meeting your own expectations. it's not doing better than someone else... trying to do better than someone else is where you get cocky.

[Ak47]

fyi- i come off as overconfident because i set goals far too high for myself.

realistically i have low confidence because i can't meet my own goals since i set them too high. meanwhile i'm told by many others that i'm very capable. over-setting goals has allowed me to strengthen and grow at the cost of being underconfident.

personally though, i care more about doing my very best than being confident.

food for thought.

[dangerlarson]

I think people can change habits, but not character (this is open for debate probably because of different definitions of character).

However, you can achieve what you're looking for 100% but it won't come out of the run-of-the-mill self help book or from a technique. Confidence will come when it is in something greater than my(or your)self.

[robertanthony]

Hi thatguy

It will take a little time for the confidence to grow. Some people are quietly confident while others are very loud and brash. You understand that you had confidence problems from when you were younger so at least you know the source. In life lots of highly successful people including A list actors say that when they were younger they had no confidence, were bullied , were geeks etc and it was those experinces that motivated them to become successful.

Have a look at .: The Community for Excellence :. were you will get support in achieving what you want to achieve.

20 quick and practical methods to increase your confidence.

1. Think about someone who is confident and act, talk and walk like him or her. Model their mannerisms and behavior. It works for them; it will work for you.

2. Smile a lot more. That doesn’t mean putting a silly grin on your face! But smile when you walk down the street, when you meet people and generally be happier even if you’re not feeling that way.

3. Learn from the past; don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s gone; it’s never coming back. Instead learn from it for next time.

4. Buy yourself some new clothes, get your hair done, and treat yourself to something new. It will make you feel better and will give your ego a boost.

5. Are you prepared for situations? Are you prepared enough to meet any challenge that may come up? Are you prepared for that meeting, that presentation, that job interview, when you meet someone for the first time? If not, prepare now.

6. Play to your strengths. Know what you are good at and expose yourself to these opportunities at every opportunity  because you’re good at it, you’ll enjoy it and have more confidence.

7. Improve your weaknesses. Know and appreciate what these are and put a plan in place to improve them over time.

8. Learn how to say no to people. Don’t be afraid, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of. Just watch the reaction on their face after you’ve said it the first time and there will be no going back.

9. Be positive. Look on the “can do” side of things rather than the “can’t do”. You’ve accomplished lots in your life and you will accomplish lots more in the future.

10. Be in charge of your thoughts at all times. What is a thought? It’s just a question that you’ve asked yourself and the thought is your answer. If you’re thinking negative thoughts, you’re probably asking a negative question. Change the questions to be more positive.

11. Whenever you feel a negative thought coming: STOP, THINK and ASK “Is this really important in the grand scheme of things?’ A lot of the time it isn’t. Many people in life major in minor things!

12. Do you let the words of others affect you? Do you mind what they think of you? Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s not what they say to you that’s the problem it’s what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking that’s the problem. Change the way you think.

13. List the words that you use on a consistent basis when you feel let down or annoyed. People use different words to mean the same thing and depending upon the intensity of the word  this will have an effect on your confidence. Instead of saying “I’m enraged about this” say, “I’m a little annoyed”. Make a substitute list for the words that you use. Make sure they are lower in intensity and then use them. You’ll be surprised with the results.

14. At the end of each day list your achievements and successes throughout that day.

15. Be appreciative of what you have to be thankful for in your life right now. Who do you love? Who loves you? Who do you help out?

16. Every morning when you’re in the shower, play over in your head the events in the day as though they have already happened and they were a success. Visualize all of the meetings that you had, the people you talked to, the outcomes you had. Visualize success and confidence and it will be so.

17. Improve your body language. The way that you move your body has a massive impact on your confidence levels. Move your body assertively and walk with your head up, shoulders back and as though you’ve got somewhere very important to go. Feeling low in confidence? Change you body language

18. Emotion is created by motion. As in 17, make sure you move around consistently. This creates energy and gets the blood pumping around you body  it makes you feel better and more confident.

19. Learn to brag about yourself. Yes, you heard me! Talk about your achievements and successes more than you currently are.

20. And finally - You only live once, so any time that you are down just ask yourself in 10 or 20 years time - will what I am worrying about really matter?

[robertanthony]

You dont need to change your character at all - it's about changing your perception of who you are - what you want to achieve and how you will go about it. Discover your values at All About Emotional Intelligence from Six Seconds and then discover your signiture strenghts at :: Authentic Happiness :: Using the new Positive Psychology

These resources and free reports are UNIVERSITY QUALITY PROGRAMS.

[nick pagan]

We need strong character to overcome internal mental struggle. That struggle occurs because we consciously try to do things that go against our survival instincts. Those instincts evolved over millions of years to keep us safe and free from harm and risk. To overcome those instincts is very, very difficult and it requires a great conscious force of will to do so. This cannot be sustained for long.

To truly overcome this problem we must understand our survival instincts and learn to work in harmony with them and even to harness them for greater personal effectiveness. When you can do this the need for strong character and self-discipline disappears because you work in harmony with your inner nature and not against it.

You can read all about it here:
http://www.nickpagan.com/blog/wp-con...fectly-v10.pdf

It will take you some time to read it, digest it and apply the principles that it explains but it will totally solve your current problem.

Take care,
Nick

[Fullcrum]

What robertanthony suggests is all very good. Follow it. What he suggests is BUILDING HABITS that will take care of problems AUTOMATICALLY as they arise. Build the habits. I'll detail one such habit, perhaps the most important for true fulfillment.

He suggests many ways to build your confidence egoically, through things. It's a great start, but eventually, you'll move away from egoic confidence, which is entirely situational. It passes with the wind. Don't believe me? Observe your confidence levels when you base it on "things" throughout the day and see how it rises and falls.

Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It's a 200 page masterpiece on "Being in the Now" and getting into the right headspace. The book will swirl around in your head for weeks after putting it down. Read it and re-read it. I'm rereading it now and you notice more things again after the second reading. And third. And fourth.

Just be. There is stillness in being. That which arises out of being possess a certain quality to it. Go from there.

[JennaMay]

I think the question of whether one's character can change is an interesting one. I think that it is possible to change your character-- to become stronger, more confident, less irritable or whatever you'd like to do. It just takes work. I read an interesting discussion about this recently that you can check out here

[sharinggan]

Hey, I've been in this position in the past, and I still find myself in occasionally. What I usually do is be specific - what is it EXACTLY that you don't like about yourself? Don't just say 'i'm not confident enough', but apply it to certain situations that happened to yourself, what did you do to seem like you werent confident enough? then think in your mind how you would have done it differently-if you were a more condfident person. remember it and next time when youre in a similar situation, try to do what you thought you would have done if you were a more confident person. Even if it feels sort of awkward at first, you still have to try it.

Also, there was a saying "fake it till you make it", meaning if you act fake to yourself, those qualities will eventually become part of you. er... i cant seem to describe it properly... its kinda like, if you lie enough you'll eventually start to believe in the lie? its sort of the same thing except with personality.... =S sry if that was not helpful or clear

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by thatguy123

But its just come to a head and I'm not satisfied with myself and I need some other opions than just reading a site/book.

Would you be satisfied if you were confident and strong?