A MAD confusion over Returning to College

[Echo34]

Hi everyone, Could you spare a moment to provide some advice and experience from your lives to help me?

I"m a 2nd year college student and I had enough of wasting my time there. After the last semester, I prompty took a leave of absence and decided to live life and follow my passions. I went backpackind and started an apprenticeship on the path to become a retail investor. So far, so good.

So, I left college behind me and don't intend to look back? I wish I could. However...

From the country I come from, every college student is given a study grant for 5 years. After this leave of absence, I'm due to return to college in the next semester or forfeit the grant. If you are wondering if I need to repay the grant if I drop out completely, the answer thankfully is a no. All that being said, I"m in a state of confusion and anxiety about convincing myself to enroll again for practicality reasons (ie. To save government's money and while I'm at it, get that piece of paper)

I've nothing against college. I'm all for the higher education, wider social circles, new experiences, and job opportunities. It's just that I don't see a need for it in my life right now. On top of that, the biggest obstacle for returning is that I"ve absolutely no interest in the subject I'm majoring in(economics) or with any other major. In fact, I want to return for higher education in the future when it is out of the genuine interest to learn rather than external pressure. Secondly, I've chalked up horrible experiences over the last 2 years that strongly depolarizes me from going back. Dragging myself out of bed, skipping classes, daydreaming and feeling numbed in the middle of classes, feeling awkward when I explain to my driven friends how I really feel about college. A state of chaotic funk. I'm sure for those who have been there know exactly what I'm taking about. Moreover, the fear of falling into the same depressive slump scares me A LOT.

Since then, I've dragged myself out of that mud and forge ahead with the goals that resonate with me. Now, I realize that I can achieve my dreams and goals even if I don't go back to college. For me, it's all about following your heart, being persistent and dilligent. I'm progressing well, but I've yet to reach the summit. I know that I"m a different person from the time I left college and I"m afraid that going back to the old enviornment would make me feel dead all over and zap my motivation. It is as if I have to put in my same work ethic to college or i'll be betraying my values of achievement.

I"m trying my best to look on the positive side if I should go back. For example, college as a backup plan for further education or a certificate towards a better paying job. As much as I try to reason, none of these answers really resonate and inspires me.

So why did I go to college in the first place? Parental Pressure, Everyone is doing it, Job Prospects, and the "I Didn't know what I want to do with my life" excuse.
I guess that is all in the past and I now want to evaluate my true motivations for going back this time.

Can anyone provide some insights that will guide me to answer the questions myself?

The clock is ticking with 2 months to make a decision and I feel the screw turning deeper with each passing day.

Sorry for the terribly long post. Thanks to all who bothered reading. Any advice is appreciated.

[cdn2wheeler]

Originally Posted by Echo34

The clock is ticking with 2 months to make a decision and I feel the screw turning deeper with each passing day.

There's your problem (well, it's not really a problem, but it's clearly an issue) right there.

You've been ruminating on this for ages, and have another two months to go. And in all that time, there hasn't been a path that's been made clear to you.

So what does that tell you?

For me, personally, I've found that once a decision is made, that really takes off the heat. It's not a question of "why" anymore, it becomes questions of "how" and "when."

Sure, economics might not be as exciting as, say, being an astronaut or something, but it has value. But more importantly, you'll create friendships and make connections in those courses that you might not have otherwise. And it's through those friendships and connections that you may very well find your true calling.

I heard a fellow on the radio this morning who got a degree in philosophy and is now an executive chef at a very swanky, 5-star place in Toronto. He made a connection in one of his philosophy classes that eventually put him onto becoming a chef, and now he's one of the top chefs in the country.

His work has nothing to do with philosophy ("life is an onion ring" perhaps), but if he hadn't taken that course he wouldn't have made the connection.

[Lola]

Originally Posted by Echo34

I"m a 2nd year college student and I had enough of wasting my time there.

Yeah, me, too!

In 1983.

So, instead of wasting my time I got a *great job* in Corporate America where I stayed for 20+ years while I raised a family. Was I successful? Moderately. Would there have been more opportunities with a completed degree? Certainly. Did I get to *follow my dreams*? Nope. Had mortgages to pay and kids to feed.

Now they're grown, I'm divorced and back in school. For no better reason than I can. Because these days, I'm the only one responsible for and dependent on me and I want to.

Echo34, the *practical* side of me says - finish out a degree program while you have funding available for it. Even if you don't really know what you want to do with it or what you want to *be* when you grow up. It's tough to pay for it yourself. The *everything's a learning experience* side of me says - do what you want. It'll all work out.

Good luck!

ps - I have no regrets. I did what I did and I am where I am. Whatever decision you make - OWN it.

[JimOfferman]

There is only one valid reason to sit through years of college: because you want to! If you don't, go do something else...

(I dropped out after the second year, because I realized that university wasn't going to help me realize my dreams)

[ixmatus]

I dropped out half way through my very first semester of college, after having dropped out half way through my senior year of high-school. I am now happily teaching myself many interesting things sitting at the library with my computer and books.

What about socializing? That's what meetup.com is for, I use interest groups extensively as a social outlet - specifically the Las Vegas Hiking and Outdoors meetup; I get to network with a large number of people.

While college/university may be well suited for many people, and is indeed a very successful formula, I feel it is an old and outdated way to learn important and interesting things.

An aerospace engineer I once I knew, who hadn't gone to college, said this to me: "Traditional [college] education stifles original thought."

[Love]

Echo,
It sounds like you have a temptation with a big dollar sign attached to it.
That said, I understand completely when you say that you'd want to go to school when you have genuine interest. I've finished my BA, but am thinking about going to grad school because it seems that when you're a certain age, you should go. I, too, have no burning desire to learn anything there yet... and so... I'm not going. I'm satisfied with this choice. What choice would most satisfy you right now? In a year or two?

[Echo34]

To those who replied:

Cdn2wheeler – Yes. It seems that there’s a tendency for me to be stuck and not make a decision. Just camping out in no man’s land waiting for a divine light to shine. Thanks for pointing out the obvious but hidden from my view. I realized that I’m waiting for an external factor to move me rather then find the strength from within.

Lola/Love – I’ve pondered about my beliefs about college and the utility of a degree in my life. It’s so easy, at the same time so wrong, to belief that just getting that piece of paper is the gateway to “success” as defined by a material standard of living and meeting a social expectation. To use the pretext of higher education solely for a false sense of security is the biggest lie that I actually want to belief. It’s a new frontier out there when we start to define success for ourselves and structure our lives to live it. Scary? You bet. Liberating and Exciting? You bet.

Jimofferman/Ixmatus – Thanks for the perspective from the outside. You guys are the trailblazers.

All in all, I’ve decided not to return. But I’m keeping the option open to attend the next semester as an experiment for personal reinvention.

Thanks to all.