The Hero Dad - "The world is nasty"

[cdn2wheeler]

Came across this today and thought it was worth discussing. Boost your child's self-esteem so that he, too, will thrive in a cutthroat, competitive world.

Essentially, the article says that if you want to build self-confidence in your child, make 'em fight. Not fisticuffs, but struggle and compete. One quote out of the article is, "Self-confidence is learned by fighting your way up the pecking order."

The article says little about what the results might be if the parent pushes a child into a sport or other venue that the child isn't suited to.

Doesn't this have the potential to create the perception in the mind of a child that the world is mean, nasty and cruel? Undoubtedly, there are aspects of the world that are like that, but is there not more to life than a win-at-all-costs mentality?

Or am I way off base here?

[emilee]

Holy crap!! My take on this is that it is a very fundamental corruption of the child mind and the sacred innocence that it is blessed with. (this seems to fade much too quickly at the best of times) Surely we as adults and parents have more respect for our children than this!! I guess the article doesn't really surprise me, in a society that seems to value power, control, and money so highly. Nevertheless, I deeply hope that this mentality is a school of thought which quickly closes due to lack of attendance. peace to you, emilee

[Honeywith4bees]

Here is my quick thought without even having read the article:
My boyfriend and I both have custody of our children from previous marriages. He is a successful business owner and has always provided well for his family. His children are well taken care of financially and have never wanted for any material possession. My boys and I went through a period of struggle were we learned to get along with very little. We went out on wood scavenging hunts together to get wood for our stove, we even at one point collected cans and went "dumpstering". My boyfriends son is almost 17 and has no motivation to go get a part time job. My kids seem to really value everything that they get and for the most part, don't expect to just get things without having to do some form of work for them. While personality has a lot to do with it, I think that undergoing some form of "struggle", is a great place to gain strength of character and from that, self esteem.

[emilee]

I agree with you Honey, that there are benefits to the character building aspects of life. (the finding of inner strengths, perserverence, flexibility, creativity......turning straw into gold type stuff) Where this article differs from my perspetive, is that these strategies (values) are imposed-- rather than developed- through life (it offers plenty on its own) and the kids own value systems. These teachings may interfere with the esteem and sense of self that is developing and even contradict the kids own sense of values or beliefs about life. For me, it is comparable to the differences between (authentic) power and force. Maybe I'm incapable or unwilling to accept this type of teachings as being a positive offering because it goes against some of my own fundamental values. At least I have an adult mind and have learned to sort what is true for me from what is not. I'm not a child needing approval from a parent or adult anymore......

[Mark Lapierre]

Viewed as a whole the article isn't as one-sided as the title, and your summary, cdn, make it seem. In fact, encouraging competition is just one out of six paragraphs that focus on different aspects of growth.

So, if you focus on the title and that one paragraph, then I completely agree with you cdn. Such a bleak view of the world is not only destructive, but since it's so one-sided it's also wrong.

Here's a great talk on how cooperation trumps conflict. Fostering that view of the world as a cutthroat place only serves to perpetuate the myth.

But it's also apparently throughout history, that competition between cultures (or cooperation) can result in shared development. Foods and domestic animals go one way, farming and building techniques go the other way. Everyone benefits. Or someone develops a superior weapon, then another nation steals it and makes their own. Everyone develops, but whether or not they benefit is debatable.

The same happens at all levels of societal grouping right down to interpersonal (yes, you can compete or cooperate with yourself. Thing about the times when conflicting desires either prompted growth, or inhibited it).

So I agree with the holistic view the article presents. Acknowledge personal definitions of success. Acknowledge effort. Promote self-reliance. Acknowledge that others close to you have gone through the same process. Encourage healthy competition. Encourage cooperation. It isn't as unbalanced as it seems at first.

[emilee]

I made the mistake of making assumptions based on the headline of this article before I had read it. (insert note to self here) It's a very strongly languaged title that charged me on a deep level. Children's minds are sacred ground to me. After reading the article, I see that there are some good solid esteem builders here. I completely disagree with the idea of replacing Tony Hawk with a while board. Kids need mentors, ideals and I'm sure that the white board would be just as effective alongside the kid's "idol". Seems to me llike they would compliment each other. Quite likely, Tony Hawk is a visual representation of some of the kid's hopes and dreams for life, which in my mind are just as important as, and are motivation, for productivity. I also couldn't help but notice that this article targets boys.......???? Why the need for the imflamatory title??

[Mark Lapierre]

One very likely reason for the wording of the title is that it grabs your attention. Article writers (including amateur ones. There are countless blog articles on this topic) are taught many ways to write titles which get people to read the article. This is an example of one of them.

I agree that replacing a Tony Hawk poster with a white board probably isn't as effective as it could be. I highly doubt the absence of a symbol of an idol would take a child's mind off it. Plus I doubt the child would see it as anything but a punishment. I completely agree that an idol could compliment a child's own forms of self-motivation.

But seriously, what kid is positively motivated by keeping track of assignments and due dates? I'm currently not motivated by that. If I enjoy the work I'll do it, and no due date is going to make me any more positively motivated to complete it.

[Old Soul]

I read the article you linked, and to be honest I thought it was a good article, and balanced , taking into account the childs view of sucess and working with that, honestly I did not get the perception that you did

[Kingston]

They also promote altruism as the best confidence builder.

They want to give character to kids, which is always a good thing. The kids learn to manifest self esteem. If they succeed, the confident kid will polarize with either fear or love, which is good. As they reach higher levels of conciousness, they can choose freely their prefered side.