Helping Friends

[laciemn1]

Hello everyone,

Around a week ago, I decided that I should try to improve my relationship with my friends and family. Well, not so much improve the relationship so much as help the people very close to me.

I was thinking of writing letters to each person in my life, telling them about my insecurities with them or how much they mean to me. It's not exactly the type of thing I do, but I haven't gotten around to it yet, I've been busy with my business.

This week, however, I think I should take some steps towards that goal of being a better friend, better person, and somehow helping those that have helped me in my life.


Does anyone have any suggestions? Would anyone like to join me in helping out our fellow men?

I'm specifically talking about people close to me, but perhaps people I don't know so well too.



Advice, encouragement, opinions, ideas welcome!
x x x

[Nick Hansen]

I think a lot of people will see this as very abrupt. They will be thinking why is this person all of a sudden care?

You will probably get mixed emotions back, some will welcome it and some will not.

I think your better option would be to just increase the amount you see them in life in general. If you want better relationships with people see them more, don’t just write a ‘ be all and end all’ letter out of the blue.

Simple things like remembering birthdays, random calls to see how they are, build good relationships.

I think what is really important here is that you do want to better your relationships with people close to you, so never give up and you will get what you want.

A really good book on social skills in general is ‘People Skills for Life: Easy Peasy’ by Allan and Barbara Pease.

Hope this helps

[emilee]

Hey Lacie! I've written letters like the ones you are preparing to write. One benefit of doing this is the freedom of doing as many re-writes as were needed to say all that I wanted to say, the way I wanted to say it without getting sidetracked. They were very heartfelt letters and were appreciated by those who received them. In some cases, some misperceptions were cleared up and the way opened to more interaction and easier communication. I never actually had any cool or neutral responses, so it turned out to be a win/win in my case. I felt good, and the people I wrote to felt appreciated and good.

As far as helping other people, through my son I met a woman who suffers from fibromyalgia, has seizures, and doesn't drive. I gave her my number and asked her to call me any time she needs to get to appointments, shopping etc., and she does. Through a friend I met a man who doesn't have a home of his own and I invited him to come when he wants to shower, when he needs a meal, use the phone, or just have a cup of tea and talk. Another woman who suffers from depression is working to find the courage to open a theatre group in our small town. (she used to have a large one in a city) I listen and encourage her. My point here is I think the opportunites to help others are around us always, and something that seems very small can mean a great deal to someone. I've been on both sides of this one.

Spread the love!! peace to you, emilee

[laciemn1]

Originally Posted by emilee

Hey Lacie! I've written letters like the ones you are preparing to write. One benefit of doing this is the freedom of doing as many re-writes as are needed to say all that I wanted to say, the way I wanted to say it without getting sidetracked. They were very heartfelt letters and were appreciated by those who received them. In some cases, some misperceptions were cleared up and the way opened to more interaction and easier communication. I never actually had any cool or neutral responses, so it turned out to be a win/win in my case. I felt good, and the people I wrote to felt appreciated and good.

As far as helping other people, through my son I met a woman who suffers from fibromyalgia, has seizures, and doesn't drive. I gave her my number and asked her to call me any time she needs to get to appointments, shopping etc., and she does. Through a friend I met a man who doesn't have a home of his own and I invited him to come when he wants to shower, when he needs a meal, use the phone, or just have a cup of tea and talk. Another woman who suffers from depression is working to find the courage to open a theatre group in our small town. (she used to have a large one in a city) I listen and encourage her. My point here is I think the opportunites to help others are around us always, and something that seems very small can mean a great deal to someone. I've been on both sides of this one.

Spread the love!! peace to you, emilee

Ah you have a great attitute! I love that. Yeah, I think I've just began to realize all the oppurtunies to help people. I've always been somewhat selfish, but still helping someone did give me a sense of purpose and I liked it but my mindset has always been, I'll get what I want, then other people. I realize now that helping people is sort of what I want.

[emilee]

Hi! One more thought here. I used to feel very selfish as well, and at times, I still do. There is a (I think) Buddhist (sp?) teaching that suggests when we give to others, it needs to be from our overflow, not from ourselves. That way we keep ourselves full. Through this teaching, my feeling of self-ishness became an indicator to me of when I need to take care of myself and fill myself up, so I can give without becoming depleted. <-(a lifelong pattern that I have recently changed)

[sandra]

I agree with Nick that the letters might seem a bit abrupt. Perhaps, instead of writing a long letter, you could send a few shorter emails, like:

"Hey Jane, I was helping a friend move house last weekend and it reminded me of how helpful you were when I moved house last year! You were so kind and willing to help, just wanted to pop you a note to let you know how much I appreciated it!"

If you are wanting to help out the people close to you, then you'll need to know what it is each of them need help with. If you've been a bit selfish in the past (which is what you seem to be saying in your response to lacie), then you might need to start by showing more interest in their lives. For example, you could give someone a call 'just to catch up', but focus the conversation on them - ask them how work is going, how home is, what plans they've got for holidays, etc. Pretty soon you'll find out something where you can help them out.

And well done you. It's a lovely thing that you are wanting to do and I hope the kindness you send out to the world gets returned back to you.

[laciemn1]

Hello all,
thanks for your posts again =). I have made some progress, I've started stopping and examining what motivates me.

I've made up with my biggest enemy by apologizing and I even talk to her and try to listen to her problems and be helpful or at least somewhat supportive.

When I am talking to a person, I sometimes ask myself, what would be a good thing to say to make this person feel better? I find myself listening more, asking more questions about how this person is instead of going on about me quite so much.

I've been trying to be better to my mom. I've offered to get her drink or make her food a couple times, this is a big thing for me. Usually, I'm pretty lazy and ask her to get me sodas and stuff. I'm also usually pretty cold towards her if she cries, for whatever reason I was completely insensitive to it. So my ferret got lost and my mother loves her very much and was extremely upset. When she started crying, at first I was just uncomfortable and looked away, but I thought of this oath to myself and tried to comfort her. My voice sounded pretty flat but it still seemed to work somewhat. Then I went to work with her and kept her company and promised to keep a lookout for our ferret. My mom found her at the dumpster on the way home! Also, I didn't even complain that much when she borrowed money for the bills.

Tonight I cooked for my grandfather, fed the dogs(which involves quite a lot at my grandparent's place) for my granny, and was being somewhat more helpful that usual. I also tried to keep sarcasm to a minimum.

I'm not doing too terrible on this thing!

Also, I didn't do the letter thing because I found it entirely too difficult. I had sat down to write it and could only get something like,

Dear Person,
Thank you for what you've done for me and I hope you are doing well and I love you.

[emilee]

And so it begins......I'm so glad for you. Kindnesses in life mean so much. I hope you find that the more of these kindnesses you do, the more your heart opens and the more warm and beautiful your world becomes. Please don't sell yourself short--"I'm not doing too terrible on this thing!" You're making big changes, you've made an oath to yourself and you're keeping it.....geez....How 'bout "Nice going, girl!" emilee