I've reached a milestone.

[thesnowyeti]

Tomorrow is my first truly depressing birthday

Now I completely sympathize with those undergoing midlife crises. The idea of not looking forward to growing older is completely new to me; as part of being young, life seems so full of easy possibilities. With the sudden realization of the effort that it takes to make the most of this life, another one comes: Time is quite an adversity. I realize it all depends on how you see it, but either way time is a funny thing. Here we are, stuck in it's grasp while it marches us inexorably towards death. We don't understand it, we can't control it, and all we can do is watch as it determines every bit of our existence.

I'll be 17 tomorrow. I'm unemployed, a burnout, a virgin, and a faggot in a xenophobic society. I'm lazy, unmotivated, inexperienced, unprepared, and by the time the earth inevitably careens around the sun once more, I'm an adult. I'll be expected to take on the endless toil that comes with life's societal norms, and I'll be expected to turn off that part of myself that debates said norms. And, in the full tradition of life, I'm left with few other options; I could give up my hopes of making something of myself and resign to a mundane office job. That, or I could take surrender a step further and live out my days smoking pot in my mom's basement. And of course, there's always that graceful early exit, but I've decided against it; life already decides every aspect of our being without fail, so why not trust it with the most absolute decision of all. I've got a lot to look forward to.

Of course, this happens to everyone. And as ridiculous as it sounds, we stay in this evil, mislead world, we suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, all the while devising excuse after excuse concerning its goodness: God works in mysterious ways, This is just preparation for heaven, Without evil there wouldn't be good, et cetera. God knows why we all haven't just given up by now. We can rationalize it any way we want, but there's always the possibility that this life is just a big cosmic joke and we've been fooling ourselves by believing that seeing it through will deliver an incredible experience. And the only reason we might fool ourselves is because everyone else does it too; there's no better example of a lack of meaning and purpose than the human tendency to stagnate in the circular reasoning that defines our society.

I should probably note that this is all just my cynicism talking; I actually love the **** outta life. I've already gotten a down payment on my incredible experience, and I have so much to left to receive. After all, it is just a matter of perspective. I just felt the need to refresh everyone's memory by sharing my experience of the shock and change that comes with the transition into adulthood, as it is certainly the most tangible feeling in my life right now. As human beings go, I'm blessed with an incredibly good position in life. I'm not starving to death in Ethiopia, I'm not bound for a concentration camp in Sudan, I'm not wearing a burka in Afghanistan, and I'm not undergoing conversion therapy in a bible-thumping southern US farm town. I'm reasonably healthy and birth-defect free, and I still have most of my life ahead of me. As I said before, I've got a lot to look forward to .

I actually plan to make the most of this life; after all, we have the inalienable right to enjoy ourselves on this pilgrimage to Death, and who knows what comes once we get there. I'll take my chances and assume that the here and the now are what really count, because it's up to us whether we want to pass them by in search of something better. Although I'm relatively new at this thing called life, I realize the incredible potential we are given, and I think I'll take advantage of it and live it as best I can.

So anyway, that's my meager experience in a nutshell. I've shared my thoughts, does anyone want to share back?

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by thesnowyeti

I'll be 17 tomorrow. I'm unemployed, a burnout, a virgin, and a faggot in a xenophobic society. I'm lazy, unmotivated, inexperienced, unprepared, and by the time the earth inevitably careens around the sun once more, I'm an adult.

Hmmm, sounds good to me. If you were a year older I'd ask ya out for coffee.

Originally Posted by thesnowyeti

life already decides every aspect of our being without fail, so why not trust it with the most absolute decision of all. I've got a lot to look forward to.

Don't worry, millions of others are right there with you, going through their own milestones. And you're right there with them too.

Whatever is win/win, wins.

[emilee]

Hey Yeti!! When I started reading your post, I thought you were turning 50!! (laughing) Wow! I remember 17..... I felt like I had gotten through the prologue in my life, and was just entering the story. I'm 45 now, and tho my life hasn't followed the fairytale format, it's a GREAT story!! (or maybe it has and I'm just getting to the "happily ever after" now!! Happy Birthday, Yeti! I hope you have an exceptional day!! peace, emilee

[cdn2wheeler]

Originally Posted by emilee

Hey Yeti!! When I started reading your post, I thought you were turning 50!! (laughing)

Funny... I thought exactly the same thing. I'm approaching the half-century mark (well, in a couple of years) as well.

That said, I don't buy the whole concept that earth and our existence here is some sort of waiting room, watched over by a supernatural being that will send you to eternal damnation, torture and doom for some metaphysical slight (but he LOVES you!!... wtf is that??).

Life is, alas, what we make it. It's really not much more complicated than that. One can live in fear, trembling and frustration, or one can live in love, abundance and joy.

Choice, as always, is yours.

[Honeywith4bees]

Happy Birthday Yeti!

I remember turning 25 as a milestone birthday. I was a college drop out, working a dead end retail job, two kids in diapers in an unhappy marriage. I never would have believed then that my life would change as much as it has. I feel like I am (almost) reinvented!
You seem like you are really grateful and happy to be alive and that you truly value and appreciate everything you have. I'm sure that looking back, you will be amazed too, at how wonderful your life has become as you age. Good luck!

[Angela]

I Love that you went from depressive glum teenager to grateful, present person of potentials, all in one post! That's a really good sign for the rest of your life.

My experience of the gratitude and excitement of life is that it ramps up as you get older. I imagine I'll probably die at age 120 of a heart attack brought on by the thrill of whatever exciting project I'm working on at the time, or maybe by my latest younger lover.

I hope you give yourself the birthday gift of being totally present to your brilliance, to your incredible 17-years-young vitality, and to all of the choices that lay ahead of you, all of which have the capacity to generate joy, freedom, and connection. You can't lose; you're the Elite!

Love,
Angela

[ZHereford]

Hi thesnowyeti,

If you haven't considered it already your calling is in writing - of the philosophical sort (see Nietzsche, Sartre, etc.) or poetry.

Like Angela said you went from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other in one expressive post.

You might like this poem by Walt Whitman

O Me! O Life!

O Me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities fill'd with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light--of the objects mean--of the struggle ever renew'd;
Of the poor results of all--of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest--with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring--What good amid these,
O me, O life?
Answer.

That you are here--that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

[ixmatus]

I wish my birthdays were as insightful as yours. I just turned 21 last weekend and found out how truly uneventful it is. Why?

A) no one ever ID'ed me anyway because I look like i'm 30

B) losing money at the casinos is pointless, a waste, and well...a waste unless you are good at card counting...

C) strip clubs were awesome, but, a tad bit boring. Since there is no real intimacy between you and the girls, it wasn't that exciting. I am sure the nicer ones (that are also harder to get into) are much more fun.

I remember 17... I had no friends because I stole my best friend's girlfriend, I had also just been pulled out of private school and had started educating myself (I did get a HS Diploma!)... Also lost my virginity at that age to that very girl, whom I continued to date up till a year ago.

[Ninja]

Personally, I'm still not used to being an adult. Yesterday while my parents were sleeping, I was watching a really gory horrormovie on tv. I felt all giddy and excited ("oooooh... I'm watching something I'm not supposed to watch! Hehehe!"), then suddenly remembered I'm 21.

Hang in there, we'll both make it someday!

[Fullcrum]

Dude, I'm 16, and totally relate with some of your feelings, especially the ones about social norms. They suck, don't they? Haha, follow your own path, to hell with our norms. You'll be surprised how many can be broken.

Take the ten day positivity challenge, I'm sure you can find it somewhere on the internet. It will change your life, dude. It changed mine.

If you're really serious about this, read the Power of Now. It's like the magic pill of your existence. If you can fully internalize and integrate the principles in that book, you're equipped to handle anything. And I mean that. You'll understand if you read it. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by thesnowyeti

So anyway, that's my meager experience in a nutshell. I've shared my thoughts, does anyone want to share back?

Happy belated birthday, baby. I'd hug you if I was there.

Honey, ages 11 to 21 was one big long awkward stage for me.

17 was such a powerful year. It was the year I started taking responsibility for me. I hope yours is as magical as mine. That year led me to where I am now, and I wouldn't trade this for the world.

[laciemn1]

Hah! You think that's bad, I'm exactly the same except I'm a YEAR olderand a lesbo, not a fag. I'm actually considered an adult now..it's really no different than before except I'm not held back by my age anymore...except for drinking, of course.

Smoking pot in your mom's basement sounds waay more appealing than the office job;D.

I am actually pretty motivated, I'm in the process of starting my own business and it takes a lot of work. Normally, I'm not the type for work..like when I'm working at a real job, I tend to not show up or get drunk and quit or whatever.

I relate to you though, because I've been through those phases where I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing, I go through them a lot. You have to pull yourself out of the slump, that's all.

You have my encouragement, I really hope you find something to get you excited about life again!

[laciemn1]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Dude, I'm 16, and totally relate with some of your feelings, especially the ones about social norms. They suck, don't they? Haha, follow your own path, to hell with our norms. You'll be surprised how many can be broken.

Take the ten day positivity challenge, I'm sure you can find it somewhere on the internet. It will change your life, dude. It changed mine.

If you're really serious about this, read the Power of Now. It's like the magic pill of your existence. If you can fully internalize and integrate the principles in that book, you're equipped to handle anything. And I mean that. You'll understand if you read it. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Haha, you're like a South Park character .

[Fullcrum]

?

How? I don't watch that show. Sounds funny though.

[ticktockclok]

I had your sort of epiphany about a year ago, when I turned fifteen. It was a bit after watching Napoleon Dynamite, actually. In the movie, Pedro realized he "had no skills". I realized I had no skills. So, I got skills.

[oberlee]

It's been very insightful for me to read your post, actually. I'm 28, and so of course, I'll complain about my age, but then others older than me will be like, "what are you talking about?!"

So of course, me looking at you, I first thought, "he has his whole life ahead of him! What is he complaining about?" But then I remembered, someone could say the same to me. It's not that there's any "good" age to be for anything--it's always something. Growing up is always hard, but what I like about it is this: it only gets better. The biggest obstacle we have is ourselves, which is, I believe, quite comforting. It means there's nothing against us outside of ourselves, which means we have absolute power over our lives.

I went through what you're going through when I was a little older--about 22-24. It sounds funny, but there's this musical called Avenue Q which is all about the "quarterlife crisis," among other things. It won the Tony for best musical a few years ago, and while it's very, very funny ("The Internet Is for Porn" is a song), it's very insightful. One song is about how everything (crappy job, no girlfriend/boyfriend, no money, George Bush) is only for NOW. It's not permanent; things are always changing.

The Power of Now suggested earlier is good, too. Steve says how to best categorize your current circumstances is that they are getting better. You may not have A, B, and C that you want, and to tell yourself you do would be false, but see it as a VERB, not a noun. It's helped for me tremendously in the last few weeks.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your sorrows. Good luck to you.

[Fullcrum]

Stop judging your age as good or bad. Just like you stop judging if you hate certain days of the week as many are apt to do, especially at my age. "DAMN! I HATE Mondays!" Hah! The day just is. Do the same with your age.

[laciemn1]

Originally Posted by laciemn1

Haha, you're like a South Park character .

The way you talk..type, whatever! They are known for saying things like "dude," "sweet," or"lame."

[thesnowyeti]

To all of you, thank you so much for your responses. In the time since I posted this, I've basically become a better person. I had this powerful realization, prompted by a pm from fullcrum (thanks dude), you know THE realization when you accept full responsibility for yourself and your life. I've basically been a new person for the last few weeks. All I can think about is how blessed I am, how beautiful everything is, how much I love my friends, et cetera. It came to me when I realized that life is exactly what we make of it. I'd heard it before, and thought I knew what it meant until that one moment.
Basically, the realization I'm talking about involves these ideas:
-I control how happy I am
-The only person restraining me from doing anything is myself
-The people and events that shaped my character for the worse did so because I allowed them to; I am fully responsible for who I am today
-I am fully responsible for who I will become
-I can make change in my life, I don't have to wait for it anymore
-I am only as strong a person as I decide to be
-I have the power to do whatever I want with my life
-I can define myself so much better than anyone who knows me; I am the only person who sees all of me
-I decide how much worth I have
-I have worth I am a worthwhile human being. For the first time in my entire life, I see myself as somebody who deserves to become a better person.

It took me years to find the answer. I searched among self-help books, social groups, drugs, therapy, even religion. But no matter how many varieties of these I tried, none of them could have any effect because I didn't see myself as worthy and deserving of the work I would put into self-improvement. The funny thing is that the answer is so profound and simple, and it's been right in front of me the whole time. I believe that above and beyond all self-help advice, the key to life is to love yourself unconditionally.

Doing this leads to so many better things... I stopped blaming my problems on other people, this put the power to fix them in my hands. I feel so much more capable and fearless, and now I can address my problems head-on without any excuses. And when things don't turn out how I want them to, it's ok because I love myself, and I know that my intentions are good, no matter how bad I am at manifesting them. Its this whole polarity shift, and it's revealed to me another side of life that I never even knew existed. It's like the negative circular reasoning that gets us in those 'ruts' (I'm not strong enough to make myself a stronger person) only this time it's positive, and I'm pretty sure its here to stay because it took no effort at all to come across it. The best part is that none of my circumstances changed in the slightest, but my life improved in so many ways the second I had the realization. For all intents and purposes, I might as well have won the lottery or transferred out of that god-awful catholic school (which i love every minute at since having the realization). really nothing changed, I just changed how I see everything.

Anyways, thanks for all of your help everyone, and I'll keep coming back to this website for more of your good advice.
Peace

[fourthdan]

That's an awesome post yeti. Put up the lessons somewhere so you keep drawing strength from them. After some time has passed, bump up this thread and post an update on your life. All the best!

[John Freestone]

Hi 'yeti'. I just wanted to post something in response to this, despite your birthday being long gone. It feels a bit weird posting here now. I started online this morning with the intention of looking into starting a blog, then searched for other blogs wondering what else was similar, half-consciously surfed my way here to PD4SPF (?), meandered semi-mindfully into 'Character and Contribution' and was woken up by 'I've reached a milestone' (like many others expecting the midlife crisis stuff!). By the time I registered in order to reply (with further detours via Ram Dass videos and a browser crash) it's lunch-time and I'm wondering what I'm doing here!

I wanted to say thanks and well done for sharing that. I also wanted to say that, although your realisation is important, joyous, meaningful, etc., and although I don't want to bring anyone down who's having that moment of clarity about their personal power in their lives, there's another part to it, IMO, which you may already have bumped into. We're not utterly in control of ourselves or our lives or how happy we're going to be. Yes, in a profound sense, with a lot of personal development under our belts (years? lifetimes?) we might be able to hold inner peace and self-mastery at all times, but for most of us it isn't so. Suddenly a loved one can die, or leave, or hurt us, or any number of dreadful events can impinge on us. Or sometimes that 'high' just fades without our noticing until we're once again in the pit (not strong enough to get stronger, didn't you say?). By the time you're my age (46) you will probably have surpassed any wisdom I've gained, but what wisdom I have is about trying to navigate the ups and downs, and to cope with the reality that there are downs. You only have to have a human heart and switch on the news. Keeping our commitment to love ourselves and others, choosing joy when we can, but accepting suffering also, is a lesson you may already have had to face since your last post. Or it may be one you have to face later. It's about navigating the waters between mindless ecstasy that can't be maintained or is attachment(drug)-induced, and anyway is so high that it hurts when it ends, and the whirlpool of doubt you described in your original post ('circular reasoning'). The deafeatism you were talking about is circular reasoning, and so is almost all of our religious and spiritual self-talk. One pulls down, the other up. Healthy humanity, IMO, is a balancing act, moving upwards if we can, but not so fast we leave bits of ourselves behind. If we're running towards heaven out of fear of hell, we're already in hell.

I probably should have said hello to the community in the proper place, but I wanted to write my first post here, where I meandered, out of gratitude for the gift of your post. Please don't (anyone) let my qualifier undermine the importance of personal responsibility for happiness, and I enjoyed the bit you underlined: the key to life is to love yourself unconditionally. ...or is it?... ...is the key to life to stop looking for the key to life?...

I was amused by your musings on time. I notice that I have a slight irritation that I set out to do other things today and got 'sidetracked'. I have 'wasted time'. I haven't acheived what I set out to yet. I throw that thought out and appreciate where I've got to instead. It feels good to have found this forum.

Happy 2008 to you all.
John

[thesnowyeti]

Originally Posted by John Freestone

what wisdom I have is about trying to navigate the ups and downs, and to cope with the reality that there are downs.

Thank you kindly, and i feel ya about the ups and downs. i've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder actually, and i've had a lot of trouble dealing with medications and such. the one thing that has kept me going is basically what you said, only a lot simpler in my head. just knowing that there are ups to pay for the downs in life is a great way to get through the bad stuff. thanks again.