Following Your Dreams?

[Marvinq]

There's a whole lot of literature out there regarding following your dreams. Which seems like a really nice concept. I like the idea. But, how does someone know it's realistic or even attainable?

Seeing shows like "American Idol" you see that for the vast majority of the singers they have no chance of attaining their dream. Yet, they declare they'll make it big some day.

On the other hand, you get a William Hung, who has got to be in the bottom percentile he makes it somewhat big at least for a small while. What if you're a father supporting a wife and three kids, is it ok to leave your job and suddenly declare, "Ok going to be a world class painter"?

Several years ago, before I married my beautiful wife, I went out on a date with an aspiring actress. She told me about her dream to be an A-List actress. I asked her if she had an agent, she said "No", I asked her if she'd been in anything, she replied "No", I asked if she had any training or schooling in acting, she replied "No", Then somehow the conversation turned to where she'd start, I said something like, "Harrison Ford's first gig was an extra in some movie as a waiter". to which she proclaimed, "Oh No! I'm not going to start as an extra, I'm going to start as the lead role". I sat there thinking "This girl is delusional. But, good luck with that."

It almost seems that 'follow your dreams' is really setting a goal for yourself. But, when is attaining that goal realistic?
Or when is it delusional or a lost cause?

[ixmatus]

I have high flying dreams as well... It is tough because my dreams are, in truth, what keep me alive - I honestly feel lifeless when I try to put them away for more 'rational' pursuits, such as: a job, wife, settled life style, and many other deterministic values that we equate to cultural norms.

Luckily I haven't got myself into the situation where I have a job I dislike, a family to support, and bills to pay - I do not intend on arriving at that destination unless I suddenly find myself with the urge to settle down and have a family.

But, your question still applies in a more general sense, how do I support myself whilst going after these dreams? I, after all, do need to eat and pay for gasoline, an internet connection, and other things I enjoy having in my life.

So far, the answer I have come up with has been to (for now) work part time, live with my open minded father, and educate myself while working on possible sources of passive income to replace the part time job. The self education and related learning projects are all geared towards my dreams.

I ache to pilot a space craft, to build them, to go to other planets and walk on their surface - to explore outer space. Now, how does a self educated youngster such as myself ever foresee the fulfillment of that dream? I have absolutely no idea, I just know I want it, and badly.

To finish answering your question; I feel that by defining a specific end point one will defeat their own journey, but developing enough of a defined goal is crucial not only for the inspiration but also for there to be any sort of idea of where to place one's feet.

Haven't 'delusional' dreamers been the ones to change the world anyway?

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by ixmatus

Haven't 'delusional' dreamers been the ones to change the world anyway?

Delusional dreamers who take massive action to make their dreams reality.

[ixmatus]

Is it 'massive action' that makes the dream reality? Or is it the dream (visual and conceptual cosmology of a particular interest) combined with 'massive belief' in that dream (instead of self-defeating statements that it cannot be so) that produces a manifest result through natural action?

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by ixmatus

Is it 'massive action' that makes the dream reality? Or is it the dream (visual and conceptual cosmology of a particular interest) combined with 'massive belief' in that dream (instead of self-defeating statements that it cannot be so) that produces a manifest result through natural action?

You got it very right. Massive action combined with the belief that one can achieve what he dreams about is the key to success in any endeavour.

[Marvinq]

Sam,
Doesn't your signature say, "Quitters never win, and Winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots"?
What do you tell people who have no chance of ever realizing their dream, should they keep pursuing it blindly? Ever see American Idol where a contestent would try out, proclaiming that this is their dream, their destiny and they will provail. Then they are shattered when they are rejected, crying that they now have to go back to work at "Taco Bell". If she would have concentrated on other aspects in her life she wouldn't be working at Taco Bell!
When should they quit and try something they have a better chance at attaining?

[Angela]

The difference between William Hung and your beautiful wife, Marvinq, is that William lived Being and Doing first, and then Having, while your wife has it the other way around. She *has* a dream, she dreams of *having* a lead role -- *having* it dropped in her lap, somehow, someday. William, dopey as he may be, took the initiative to *be* whatever it took to get himself down to the cattle call and *do* his audition, and then to *do* his best, such as it was, at performing. And now he *has* his dream come true.

I think if having your dream is all you've been thinking and talking about, it would be worthwhile to look for another dream that inspires you to be and do what it takes to live that dream right now.

[Marvinq]

Originally Posted by Angela

The difference between William Hung and your beautiful wife, Marvinq, is that William lived Being and Doing first, and then Having, while your wife has it the other way around. She *has* a dream, she dreams of *having* a lead role -- *having* it dropped in her lap, somehow, someday. William, dopey as he may be, took the initiative to *be* whatever it took to get himself down to the cattle call and *do* his audition, and then to *do* his best, such as it was, at performing. And now he *has* his dream come true.

I think if having your dream is all you've been thinking and talking about, it would be worthwhile to look for another dream that inspires you to be and do what it takes to live that dream right now.

Let me clarify that my wife isn't the girl I had the date with. I understand what you are saying. You've raised good points.

But, my question is, how do you know when to call it quits on your dream? And if you happen upon someone who has no chance of attaining their dream do you continue to encourage them knowing that doing so will have an adverse effect on that person’s life and/or their family’s life?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Marvinq

Let me clarify that my wife isn't the girl I had the date with. I understand what you are saying. You've raised good points.

But, my question is, how do you know when to call it quits on your dream? And if you happen upon someone who has no chance of attaining their dream do you continue to encourage them knowing that doing so will have an adverse effect on that person’s life and/or their family’s life?

Oops, sorry I missed that! I thought I did answer your question, though. When you see that your dream is all about having, and doesn't inspire you to be or do anything about your dream, then it's time to look for a dream that does. It's all about breathing life into life -- if a person is being or doing anything in relation to his dream, than he's breathing life into life. And if he's only talking or thinking about having his dream, without the being and the doing, he's a dream vacuum.

Even a little bit of being or doing is worth encouraging in yourself or others, I feel.

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by Marvinq

Sam,
Doesn't your signature say, "Quitters never win, and Winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots"?
What do you tell people who have no chance of ever realizing their dream, should they keep pursuing it blindly? Ever see American Idol where a contestent would try out, proclaiming that this is their dream, their destiny and they will provail. Then they are shattered when they are rejected, crying that they now have to go back to work at "Taco Bell". If she would have concentrated on other aspects in her life she wouldn't be working at Taco Bell!
When should they quit and try something they have a better chance at attaining?

First, i've never seen Americal Idol since i'm not from the USA, but i have an idea of how it works since in my country there's a similar program.


It depends from person to person; the person doesn't has a nice voice, is ugly (i'm sorry, but there aren't many ugly superstars around), and doesn't has much creativity and charisma, he should forget bout it, or he will spend many years trying to achieve this dream, but will never have the success he wants. In these cases my signature saying applies "If you never quit yet never win, you're just an idiot for having thought that you could have achieved this dream".

People have to go for things that they have at least some potential to achieve. Some people on American Idol have it, others are in the wrong place; their dreams should be something else, something where nature has given them natural gifts that give them chances of succeeding.

Originally Posted by Sam988

You got it very right. Massive action combined with the belief that one can achieve what he dreams about is the key to success in any endeavour.

Those are the key to success, but there are cases where one will need more than those to succeed, as in the American Idol case. It's like a guy with an IQ of 80 having the dream to be the next Einstein and come up with revolutionary theories; it's just foolish and not going to happen.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Sam988

...the person doesn't has a nice voice, is ugly (i'm sorry, but there aren't many ugly superstars around), and doesn't has much creativity and charisma, he should forget bout it, or he will spend many years trying to achieve this dream, but will never have the success he wants.

Feh on that! I live in La La Land, and there are plenty of folks who have broken through the stereotypes of what's ugly and what's attractive to forge out successful careers in the entertainment business. They might not be a household name or be a superstar, but you can be a working actor or singer and do quite well without being a conventionally pretty face.

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by Angela

Feh on that! I live in La La Land, and there are plenty of folks who have broken through the stereotypes of what's ugly and what's attractive to forge out successful careers in the entertainment business. They might not be a household name or be a superstar, but you can be a working actor or singer and do quite well without being a conventionally pretty face.

You're right. But these who don't have much beauty do have charisma and are very intelligent (creative, though i realize now that both aren't the same ), which are the other characteristics i've listed. And note that i put an and between the characteristics, not an or, which means that just not having one of these charactiristics should not be enough to stop someone from becoming a star.

[Angela]

But Sam, all those qualities are extremely subjective. I'm willing to bet that most people who are interested in a career in the entertainment business consider themselves to be very intelligent, charismatic, and creativity.
Who is anyone else to tell them they don't have it? As long as they're willing to go for their dream, I hope they don't let anyone else's judgement of them stop them.

[Marvinq]

Originally Posted by Angela

Who is anyone else to tell them they don't have it? As long as they're willing to go for their dream, I hope they don't let anyone else's judgement of them stop them.

What about that person's spouse?! What if there are children to feed? What if in perusing your dream you hurt others?

A couple things I left out from my example. That girl left her husband, got a divorce, moved to Los Angeles, found out she was pregnant, had an abortion, didn't tell hubby until it was done. All because she didn't want to ruin her dream of being an A-list actress. I'm not one to stop anyone from fulfilling their dreams, but I still feel there is a need for a dose of reality and common sense. At the time I met her she'd been here a year. No agent, no gigs, no nothing... And look at all the damage she caused in her wake.

[Uplift]

I've gotta find this article about an American high school kid from the ghetto's born with one leg. It was in a magazine sponsored by Nautilus about 30 years ago. The African American kid's family was so concerned with just staying alive that they had no time to give him any special treatment. He just had to fend for himself and was a loner. I think his last name was Brown, or Bruner, but I'm not sure.

So the article, with photo's etc was about how the kid was a sprinting, gridiron, and basketball star, holding school and state records. It was produced as an aid to inspiration. He never even clicked when he was little that anything was wrong, and due to circumstance he had no conditioning that there was. He just learned to do everything on one leg. In fact, as he got older, and realised what many other people thought, he actually felt it was an advantage in gridiron and basketball, when it came to direction change, and deception, or faking. He wasn't tall, but could dunk, and was a nationally ranked sprinter. His opponenets commented on how awesome he was, and how difficult to tackle, or defend. He had never used, and didn't use a prosthetic. He could just live a totally, by most peoples standards, champions level, normal life.

I'll never forget the photos. One gridiron photo had him almost horizontal to the ground, like a GP bike cornering, driving off one leg, tacklers being brushed aside, and from there he would just hurl his leg any where he wanted, again driving off it in any direction. He sprinted with the same action, hurling his leg forward and driving off it. Professional teams admitted that he was elite, easily good enough to play, but it was almost an embarrassement, a one legged African American, in that era, destroying their top athletes. They admitted it was too hard for them to come to grips with.

I had the magazine, but gave a lot of stuff away when I stopped playing at that level and moved to Elliston. Some people from Nautilus remember the magazine, and have given me a contact from back then, who may be able to locate a copy. I'll contact him and see what happens.

Can you imagine telling someone with one leg, that they don't need a prosthetic, and that they could be a professional level track, gridiron and basketball star. People would say you are dangerously deluding the kid, and filling their head with impossible dreams, setting them up for failure.

I don't know the answers to all your questions, but I know that conditioning runs deep, and in ways most, me included, don't fully, perhaps even remotely understand. I was abused really radically for 17 years, my whole childhood and adolescence, and have done mountains and mountains to address it. But sometimes even if my georgeous, loving wife, that I adore and love deeply, happens to touch me in the wrong way, or wrong time, something just happens beyond my conscious understanding. Instantly, I'm back there. Severely abused people, or severely traumatised people will tell you about dissociation, like a state where you go somewhere else. In that state you could be getting your head kicked in, and you wouldn't feel a thing. Its like slow motion and you watch. Other times that I have been able to mostly address, it causes the slow motion thing, but it triggers things I am ashamed of... literally kill or be killed. In that state I would start and win ridiculous fights, against anyone who triggered it, because I was conditioned to see everything, walls, teeth, words, corners, tables, knees, door edges, fists, nails, objects, everything and anything as weapons to not only avoid or survive, but to use. And everything, except me, including the one I was fighting would honestly... honestly be moving in slow motion. And in that state, only being knocked out, which I was used to from a little kid, would stop me. Then, when it wouldn't happen and I would win, it became more reinforced. Then you would see the conditioning of the other person fighting. Deep down not many people will fight until they can't, despite whatever lessons in the skill of fighting they've had, or what they consciously say. And as ugly, and as demeaning, embarrassingly rambling, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dribble as it sounds, not many people are conditioned to use momentum to put a face into a door edge, or wall corner. This all sounds like self grandiosing dribble, crap, but its the sad truth. And it has taught me about the deep, little understood or measurable power of unconscious conditioning.

Who knows why some achieve dreams easily, and some don't. One day someone will, I think some already do. But I truly know it has something to do with the unconscious power of conditioning. Like, I consciously believe I must go to the gym, eat a certain way, rest, blah, blah, blah, to stay fit, and healthy, but I kind of know its because I still really think, embarrassingly even as a fifty something year old, supposedly grown man, that I'd better be ready at all times to face abuse. So going to the gym, training, eating good is absolutely effortless. Necessary in fact, or something feels wrong, dangerous.

And I also honestly think that one day it will be normal for people to be in the best shape of their lives, or achieve anything, just by thinking it. And everyone will be conditioned to think it. Someone will find out how to do it, Maybe a Maxpower, maybe a Mark Lapierre, maybe some kid from anywhere. Guys thinking like me will be dinosoars.

[Christian223]

Interesting subject, i have been thinking about this subject for some months, and this is what i think, i may be wrong though so feel free to correct me

Almost all dreams are posible, the problem is resource management, if you dont have the right resource then you cant reach that specific dream, so you get the resource, or you just conclude its un-realistic.

The problem is people, more presicely their minds, hundreds of reasons for making mistakes and taking the wrong paths and attitudes, thats the main obstacle to reaching ones dreams. I agree with what Uplift says, "conditioning" defines our minds, as you know we CAN change our minds, but most people would not want to do it because of their conditioning.

The mind is the one who decides actually, not resources, if you have an un-healthy mind resource management wouldnt make a difference.

So i think it goes like this, for people to reach their dreams they must change their minds, to manage their resources succesfully, to reach their goals that accomplish their dreams.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Marvinq

What about that person's spouse?! What if there are children to feed? What if in perusing your dream you hurt others?

A couple things I left out from my example. That girl left her husband, got a divorce, moved to Los Angeles, found out she was pregnant, had an abortion, didn't tell hubby until it was done. All because she didn't want to ruin her dream of being an A-list actress. I'm not one to stop anyone from fulfilling their dreams, but I still feel there is a need for a dose of reality and common sense. At the time I met her she'd been here a year. No agent, no gigs, no nothing... And look at all the damage she caused in her wake.

Well, I get that you are outraged by this woman's behavior. And I still stand by what I said -- if you have a dream, and it inspires you enough to do and be something towards your dream, that's a dream that has legs.

Your example woman (let's call her Jezebel) didn't need a dose of reality and common sense. In her reality and her common sense, what she did was the right thing for her to do. What was missing and might have made a difference, for her and for her husband, was integrity (that might be part of why she's not getting any work, too). By the way, don't you think it's possible that divorcing her husband before she left to pursue this risky dream, rather than forcing him into partnership with her on it, was a generous thing to do?

Unless this was your marriage, you certainly don't know the whole story, so you're evaluation has to be incomplete. It sounds like it might even be a blessing for the ex-husband, who is now free to find a woman who will be a more values-matched partner for him.

Also, whatever your relationship to her, do you think that you are capable of instilling a dose or reality and common sense into her? She is going to make her own choices, just like you are. Why would you want to intervene and make her choices for her?

[4Mind4Life]

It all boils down to the fact that "anything is possible." Anyone has the power of free-will to make anything happen.

Focus on your own dreams and support others for theirs'.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by 4Mind4Life

It all boils down to the fact that "anything is possible." Anyone has the power of free-will to make anything happen.

Focus on your own dreams and support others for theirs'.

Well, I wouldn't go that far. Marvinq can't choose or veto Jezebel's dreams, but that doesn't mean he has to (or should) support her for her dreams.

[Aurora]

Actually, considering the girls funky dream about being an actress, some (but "wrong") actions to make it happen (e.g divorce and movin miht not have been necessary for the a-list actress dream but for other reasons).

I think the girl dreams about feeling absolutely loved and admired by everybody (esp. with the backround whch must take its toll) and its not the acting part thats the important but the fruits of being aknowledged.

Thats my theory bout it all.