What does it mean to be a Good person?

[LifeFirst]

I was laying in bed a couple of nights ago, and I was thinking. This thing just hit my mind straight on. I never had these thoughts during the day but at night when I go to sleep, all this stuff creeps up. I was beginning to question if I'm a "good" person. And the more I think, the more I become dubious. It's not like I've been in jail or been arrested or anything like that, I don't do drugs or drink, but that doesn't mean anything. I'm sure there are a lot of criminals who are really nice people, and I'm sure there are a lot of citizens out there like me and you who are just hiding behind a sheet of human skin.

I mean, I come here and I read the posts, and I feel that everyone here seem at least decent, or good people. And I'm, well, nothing like that. I mean, I have used my friends to a certain extent, I'm selfish, I have talked bad things about my friends, I'm spending my parents money away on college and I'm struggling as a student. I have gotten in a fight before in college (can you believe that?? I can understand if it's in middle school...but college??). I have almost gotten into a pyshical fight with my dad once. I have actually made enemies here, I know one guy who hates my guts although I really don't know why.


I guess this is the reason I don't really have that many close friends, I can't have people knowing this stuff about me. It's embarrassing, I can't stand them knowing this stuff. And I'm just afraid to get into a relationship, because that's when you have to talk for real, and I hate let them knowing about this stuff. I just want to be a good person, but what does that even mean, you know?

Yeah I'm a better person than before, but I there's a still a long way to go, it's like this ladder just never ends.

[Lisa McGregor]

I just want to be a good person, but what does that even mean, you know?

I think it means having respect for others no matter who they are. Never bad mouthing others and always treating everyone you come into contact with the way you would like to be treated yourself.

But of course you have to be sincere so this involves a lot of soul searching. Feeding ones own ego can often result in an attitude that others find unpleasant.

L

[Angela]

I don't think it's your job to judge yourself, or anyone else, as "good" or "bad."

Who you are is perfect, complete, and whole, LifeFirst. Whatever you've done or thought in your life does not make you a bad person, or a good person either.

If you take a look at the things you've done, said or thought, you'll probably find that some of them require you to do some cleaning up. Things you've done that have harmed others, or that you're embarrassed about, or that you feel guilty for -- the reason they're still nagging at you is because they didn't work in creating a life you love, and you're aware on a deep level that until you address the effect these actions have had on you and on others, you are resisting, and you're carrying the underlying cause into your present moment.

It sounds to me like you have some work to do in generating what's missing in your life that would make a difference. You'll have to look to see what those things are, but at first glance, I'd invite you to consider:

taking 100% responsibility
forgiveness
gratitude
peace
trust
Love, ya think?

....and it also sounds like it would make a huge difference if you were to make some apologies and state your commitment to bringing the above qualities to your relationships, and letting go of what has caused pain, such as being combative and manipulative. It's never too late to generate what you want in your relationships.

To sum up: Let go of judgement, make evaluations, clean up what needs to be cleaned up, and generate a life you love. Don't forget you are perfect, whole, and complete.

[cdn2wheeler]

Originally Posted by Angela

To sum up: Let go of judgement, make evaluations, clean up what needs to be cleaned up, and generate a life you love. Don't forget you are perfect, whole, and complete.

Ummm... if one is perfect, whole and complete, then why would we need to clean up what needs to be cleaned up?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

Ummm... if one is perfect, whole and complete, then why would we need to clean up what needs to be cleaned up?

Because your actions are not working for you in creating a life you love. None of your actions affects Who You Are, which is perfect, whole, and complete. You don't need to be changed or fixed.

The reason the actions need to be cleaned up is that they generated effects in your life and the lives of others. Those effects get in your way in generating a life you love -- you feel guilty, or regretful, or sad about what you've created, and if you deny or resist those feelings, whatever you did to make you feel guilty, regretful, or sad is likely to keep recurring until you acknowledge them and take the next right action.

And throught the whole process: acting, affecting, feeling, judging, evaluating, cleaning up, or not doing anything -- you are perfect, whole, and complete.

Do you get that?

[cdn2wheeler]

But don't one's actions come from who they are? They may not affect who you are - a debatable point, but I understand the intent - but they certainly emanate from who you are. So if one is perfect, whole and complete and all that good warm happiness stuff, wouldn't it follow that only perfect, whole and complete actions come from that?

In other words, does a "perfect" person have a choice to do "imperfect" things?

uh oh... getting existential again...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

But don't one's actions come from who they are? They may not affect who you are - a debatable point, but I understand the intent - but they certainly emanate from who you are. So if one is perfect, whole and complete and all that good warm happiness stuff, wouldn't it follow that only perfect, whole and complete actions come from that?

Nope.

In other words, does a "perfect" person have a choice to do "imperfect" things?

Yup! In every moment.

[Akashic_Librarian]

LifeFirst I get the feeling that what has been said in this thread has resonated with you on an intellectual level but still hasn't resonated with you on a deeper level. Am I right? If I am not then don't bother reading on because it won't be to your liking, but if you do feel as though I am right then by all means keep reading.

What you are asking however is for someone to define what it means to be a good person, and that is a deep and multi-layered philosophical question, one whose truth cannot be fully spoken through the ineffective medium of langauge. But here goes nothing.

In my life right now, my main philosophical belief is that Life is paramount. Life is glorious and noble and it is the ultimate goal for a human being. Those who wish to supress, end or control Life abdicate their right to Life itself.

On the surface it seems a paradox. But Life is not the counter to Life. By giving life to those who seek to end it, they will only further their cause and move closer to ending it.

For the perceptive amongst us you will have noticed my philosophy is based around Ayn Rands Objectivist Philosophy.

However its only one of my Lenses.

The blue one...if you must know....

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

I just want to be a good person, but what does that even mean, you know?

To agree with everyone else, the first thing to do is to forgive yourself. Do less meta: meaning, stop thinking about whether or not you're doing the right thing. Do that regularly, but don't worry about it: you already have a fine moral sense: you'll use it when you need it.

Instead, figure out something good that you want to do, and then do it. Make it challenging: something that'll take you a year, or more. Make it worthwhile.

You'll find that, by the time you're halfway there, you'll realize you're a good person after all.

What makes a good person, in short, is the desire to do something good, and acting on that desire. Or, even shorter, being human.

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

In other words, does a "perfect" person have a choice to do "imperfect" things?

Perfect is synonymous with imperfect.

The reason is because they refer to different things. Perfection is an isolated single-state. Imperfection is a previous state. Perfection is static. Imperfection is temporal. All changes are a matter of becoming better.

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

But don't one's actions come from who they are?

Actions do not emanate from some metaphysical concept of personality. There is no such thing as "you" or "I".

A person is their actions, and the actions made in response. Some actions are visible; others are not, and those we call thoughts. A person is merely a strung-together series of actions: even yourself. Even a newborn screams and cries: actions. A dying elder breathes deeply, releases himself: actions.

Nouns are but fixtures. At the end of the day, everything exists.

[Mags]

Angela, someone once used the following metaphor to explain something to me, which relates to what you were talking about. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on it. Okay, let me see if I can put the explanation into words that does justice to it...

We can imagine ourselves (our true selves, our higher self, our soul, whatever you want to call it) as a light bulb - it is perfect, whole and complete, and the light shines out brightly. The experiences we have during our lifetime can be likened to painting onto the glass of the bulb - depending on our choices, some of our light shines through, but perhaps over time we layer more and more paint onto the glass and it eventually becomes opaque. This doesn't change the original light bulb - the light still shines just as brightly. But, if we can't see it any more, ie our actions are not working for us, and need to be cleaned up, to borrow your words. It is always our choice whether to do the cleaning or to keep our light hidden.

[Angela]

Sure, Mags, that metaphor works for me if it works for you!

Personally, I think it's at least as important for us to experience the brilliance of our own light as it is to bask in the light of others'.

[Mags]

Originally Posted by Angela

Personally, I think it's at least as important for us to experience the brilliance of our own light as it is to bask in the light of others'.

Indeed!

(Heads off to polish own light bulb...)

[Angela]

I can see your light from here, Mags!