Fear of Professional Commitment?

[ProteusBlack]

Hey guys, this is my first post here so bare with me.

It seems I'm having issues. I have a number of skills that I can make a potential living out of. I can play guitar very very well, I can record and mix music, I can design and code websites and graphics, and I can write/blog rather well too.

My issue is that I can't seem to stick to one thing long enough before I suddenly feel myself not wanting to mess with it anymore. I have a fear of becoming committed to whatever I step into, to the point there is professional pressure being put on me and there may not be any option to step away. I know that is likely NOT going to be the reality of it, overall, but when there are other people who end up having their time and money wrapped in you, the pressure is definitely there, and that is what my fear really stems from (I think?)

The reason this has turned into a fear is because I get bored with things quickly. If something ends up feeling too much more like work and not fun, I my inspiration, spark, motivation, and passion for it just seems to fizz out right there. I also tend to find a fault in something I'm doing (which I KNOW this is normal), and end up feeling impatient and discouraged. I also have a lack of knowledge as to how to go about setting things up properly with the abilities I have so they can become a stable source of income. All these factors make it feel overwhelming to me to consider turning any of my abilities into an actual career. Nevertheless.... I STILL long for it to happen. I want it, and I need it.

I just need to know how to overcome this fear and the reasons behind them so I can, how they say, "finish what I start", and let myself be happy with it.

Does anybody else relate to this situation? What can I do to pick the right option out of my skills and stick with it?

[azmat]

Hey ProteusBlack,
I can certainly relate to how you feel. I would always get excited about starting new projects. However, a week or two into it I would not have the same excitement. I would just jump from one project to the next. At the same time I would feel guilty because I felt I could not commit to anything. As if this was a personal defect. I would sort of dabble into things but not completely commit to them. So I never fully mastered any real skill.

I think I am better now. When I chose projects now (I only focus on one or two projects at a time) I actually focus on projects that I think would be fun to get into. Projects that I think I can honestly learn from. Learning does not mean simply the skills required to do the project. It also means learning about myself and figuring out how I react to the project. If I end up quitting the project, I try to assess why that happened. Why didn't I anticipate this? What will I do differently next time?

In the past, my biggest fear for not getting into projects was a fear of failure. I tried to be a perfectionist and was very hard on myself for not completing tasks.

I think the best way for you to move forward is understanding yourself better. One of the best places to start would be to read "The Now Habit". I think that can help you understand a bit about yourself and why you think and act this way.

I had to read that book a couple of times to let the ideas sink in and make sense over a few months. One fear I got over after reading the book was my fear of failure. My fear of failure ( project failure, personal failure) would cause me not to take action and procrastinate. The book talked about how procrastination is never a problem, but a symptom of a deeper problem. And it provides you with several examples of how this plays out and what you should do about it. For example, I had unrealistic or unprovable assumptions about what would happen if I failed, how people perceived me, what it meant about me as a person etc.

At the end of it, it made sense and it wasn't something I didn't know intellectually. But now I FELT the change. I could see my actions and mindset about projects and challenges are completely different.

Other books which helped were " Full Engagement". This book talks about how people procrastinate because their life is not completely balanced. For example, you may not be excited about a project simply because your personal life is not that great or you have poor health. These things filter into your professional life and prevent you from succeeding. It's not obvious but it makes sense.

I think the best strategy for you to be is to take small steps. Read more and talk to more people about this. In my experience, it's never one or two books or a few talks that helped me changed. It was continual exposure to different ideas and new ways of thinking about things. They taught me to ask different questions and approach solutions from a different angle. This does take time but its worth it. Best of luck!

[MariconesUnited]

Can I relate to it? I could have written it, word for word!

First of all you're very good at guitar playing. You probably know the saying "Jack of all trades, master of none" right? Well, it's just a saying. You can learn a lot of skills and be very good at them! It sounds to me like you should make a website about music composition or something related. I see you have all the skills for it, and I doubt you would get bored with it all too quickly...

One last thing...I know the feeling of discouragement very well. Whenever you're stuck on a song or whatever, I suggest you take some time to ponder all the things that are progressing nicely instead. It's a good confidence booster. Sometimes you just need to step away for a few minutes. That frustration may just be the factor that's preventing you from moving forward.

[ProteusBlack]

Thank you both for the feedback, and you're right. It really is a fear of failure when it comes down to it. I took a piece of paper and wrote down 3 things that I am afraid of concerning failure and this is what I came up with.

1. I'm afraid of becoming too bored and too stressed with the work to want to continue
2. I'm afraid I'll end up turning away from my goal because it no longer feels fun
3. I'm afraid of wasting people's time and money from delaying my work due to procrastination.

Because of these 3 things, I have now stalled on even starting a large project with any of my skills. Mind you, I have tried starting projects with them in the past, and obviously, I ended up turning away from them over a small amount of time, after they just don't feel fun anymore. I feel this is what I need to try to eliminate somehow - either the feeling of boredom and stress from doing the work, or the perception of dealing with the boredom and stress of the work.

I just don't want to get as far as having people relying on me professionally until I have learned how to dominate these things.

[Rick L]

ProteusBlack,

First of all we don't move forward until we fail. Failure is not a bad thing. It's just a thing. We make it bad. You'd be reading this post in the dark if Thomas Edison was afraid of failure.

You've got to find what it is that drives you, motivates you, inspires you. The thing that you can wrap your heart around and surrender your being to. Otherwise, you'll be in this dilemma till your last breath. Took me a long time to even allow the word surrender into my vocabulary. I thought of it in terms of failure, of giving up and giving in. Very foolish of me.

It wasn't until I surrendered myself to my passions that life became meaningful and fun. Is there "work" to do? Absolutely! But, it's the kind of work I'll never tire of. It's the kind of work that calls to me daily. It's exciting, demanding and I crave it.

Get in touch with your true passions. It may have nothing to do with the guitar, blogging or writing code. It might just surprise you what it really is.

If you want some assistance with getting in touch with your passions I'd be happy to talk to you about it. I've helped others.

Don't waffle your way through life. You seem like a bright person with a lot to offer. It's really not about you. It's about what you can offer the world.

[falcan]

I can almost exactly relate to this. Fear of being professional, commiting myself etc. Ironically, my random customers (contract work) always praised my "professionality" in the past.

To get out of it, I had to beat few mantras, such as: every part of the project must be absolutely fun all the time. And that was very important.

I have prioritized rather learning something about myself no matter how hard it is, over demanding constant pleasure. Because that's what I felt I really needed. In time, this "hopping" problem just became so annoying I prioritized sticking with anything and figuring out more stuff about myself(and also helping my self-confidence), over constant pleasure. At the same time of course, I didn't give up looking for my greatest passion. I'm still starting new projects(well, 1 project now) alongisde my "stick-to-it" project, which I think could be always a bit closer to what I would like to do most.

And even in what I'm doing now there is a passion - I certainly enjoy building automated systems and I really like helping out people(supporting our customers). That's what I'm doing in my current project, so it's pretty cool. Plus, it provides me with constant stream of mostly passive income, so I don't have to go to job or take contracts anymore.

I think everyone has several passions, and our goal is to find something where most or all of them blend I think that before getting to it, one sometimes has to learn that life doesn't always have to be constant pleasure and prioritize self-developement over that. It doesn't mean giving up or anything, I think it actually made me stronger and more self-confident that once I will find "it", I will stick to it, if I'm already sticking to the stuff I'm doing now. It made me believe I can create something, stick long enough to it and make nice sums of money monthly completely by myself. I think I needed this to move forward.

I certianly wouldn't do work that I hated or didn't enjoy somehow though. It seems you already have few passions so I'd just pick one and stick to it for the sake of self-improvement and getting more self-confidence. You clearly need it, like I did 1 year ago when I got sick from my jumping around.