Please review my sales page!

[Rebecca800]

Hey everyone, I'm working on my lucid dreaming sales page and would really appreciate some outside input.

I don't like hard sells so this in it's current form is about as hard as I want it to be. Aside from that I am willing to try any new direction if it makes sense.

I know this is a really neat product. I just have trouble telling the story that leads to the excitement part...

It's worth knowing that people land on this page from banners around my website, so they already know what lucid dreaming is.

This is version 5! Totally open to constructive feedback. Thank you

A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Lucid and Controlling Your Dreams with Total Conscious Clarity

PS Current conversion rate is about ~1% based on ~150 daily views.

Cheers
Rebecca

[DANDUNGAN]

I have some thoughts and I'm wondering what kind of feedback would be constructive for you?

[Rebecca800]

Practical ways I can improve it please

[DANDUNGAN]

I'm thinking about it. I need more time.

[Kaie]

I will offer that I think it is very effective (I know that is not what you are looking for,) but it made me want to order it.

[Matthew Cluff]

Overall, it looks really good and professional! :)

The only things I'd recommend trying would be to:

• Try a split-test for the color/size/position (left or center) of the main headline at the top.
• Add in a bold price statement near all the Add-To-Cart buttons. (Just in case a buyer scrolls through QUICKLY to see what they'd get, you don't want to have to make them search for the price before clicking Add To Cart to find out.)
• Maybe try split-testing your price point. Find out what "numbers" work best for your market. $27, $29.95, $30, $25, $20, $19.95, etc...Find out what figures give you the best overall profit. (eg. If you make more conversions with $19.95 but don't make as much total profit, keep it at $29.95)
• I understand how the BLUE Add To Cart buttons fit in with the overall feel of the page, but you might want to try different fonts, styles, and background colors for those buttons to see what works best.

If you aren't already, you can use the Google Website Optimizer to help with split tests and find which changes work best for conversions.

Overall, though, great work! Looks good! :)

[azmat]

Hey Rebecca,
Here is my feedback:

I think you should move up the benefits of the product in the copy. Preferably within the first paragraph.

You could start the copy by engaging the reader by asking them some questions:

Have you never had a lucid dream?
Do you want to increase the quality and time of your lucid dream?

... I'll take you down the rabbit hole all the way to discovering this powerful mental skill in a simple, step-by-step manner.

List your benefits in the What You'll Learn in The Lucid Dreaming Fast Track

Purchase Button

Testimonials

Purchase Button

I think the stories about why you created the program is good but can be pushed further down in the sales page. ( Perhaps use a picture of yourself next to it to help people see a friendly face) . And like you said people are already coming on your site through your banners. So I don't think you need to sell them on the idea of the excitement of lucid dreaming and the misinformation out there. It's important but I think it can be pushed further down after the benefits to improve your sales. Could be worth testing out.

If you haven't already, I would suggest you purchase The Copywriter's Handbook by Robert Bly. Excellent book on how to write an effective sales copy.

Hope that helps. Best of luck!

[mikethedrummer44]

The copy looks good, but the headline doesn't grab my attention at all.

There's a TON of information online about lucid dreaming and I've read a lot of it. That being said, I've never had a lucid dream – even after applying a lot of the techniques I've read about.

I think I'm not the only one in this boat. You need to speak to that problem. Show people you realize that 99% of lucid dreaming material doesn't actually help you have a lucid dream, then talk about why yours will.

Also, have you considered doing a video instead of text copy?

[mpescetti]

Hey Rebecca,

You've done a good job of explaining what Lucid Dreaming is, but as the reader, I want to know WHY this is important to me.

Sure, your target market will already have some sort of reason to search for lucid dreaming.

However, unless you animate what about their every day life will irreversibly change AS A RESULT of using your information, you aren't activating their deepest desires.

This isn't about making a hard sell.

For example, when I write a sales letter for a client, my first task is to play a game of connect-the-dots with the emotions I want to elicit.

In this case, what emotions can you tap into that will inspire action?

You have to be deliberate about this process... because if you're not, I promise you're leaving a ton of money on the table.

Secondly, how are you going to convey emotion to create a very deliberate response?

To answer that question, you've really got to dive deep into what someone might be feeling to search for what you offer.

What do they stand to gain?

How can their life be more positive from learning your information?

What problem in their lives get solved by understand what lucid dreaming is?

Can they make more money?

Can they heal themselves of disease or disharmony?

Will they discover more peace and fulfillment in their lives?

If so, why?

If not, then what can they look forward to ultimately experiencing?

On a practical level, your headline needs to animate your end result more effectively and I would make sub-headlines WAY more evident.

Cheers!

Mark

[Humancure]

Couldnt have said it better!

Originally Posted by mpescetti

Hey Rebecca,

You've done a good job of explaining what Lucid Dreaming is, but as the reader, I want to know WHY this is important to me.

Sure, your target market will already have some sort of reason to search for lucid dreaming.

However, unless you animate what about their every day life will irreversibly change AS A RESULT of using your information, you aren't activating their deepest desires.

This isn't about making a hard sell.

For example, when I write a sales letter for a client, my first task is to play a game of connect-the-dots with the emotions I want to elicit.

In this case, what emotions can you tap into that will inspire action?

You have to be deliberate about this process... because if you're not, I promise you're leaving a ton of money on the table.

Secondly, how are you going to convey emotion to create a very deliberate response?

To answer that question, you've really got to dive deep into what someone might be feeling to search for what you offer.

What do they stand to gain?

How can their life be more positive from learning your information?

What problem in their lives get solved by understand what lucid dreaming is?

Can they make more money?

Can they heal themselves of disease or disharmony?

Will they discover more peace and fulfillment in their lives?

If so, why?

If not, then what can they look forward to ultimately experiencing?

On a practical level, your headline needs to animate your end result more effectively and I would make sub-headlines WAY more evident.

Cheers!

Mark

[Rebecca800]

Thanks so much for the feedback from everyone. I'll take this away and use it in my re-write. I can see loads of good changes already.

Really appreciate the input

[Rebecca800]

Here's my re-write:
How Learning to Lucid Dream Can Expand Your Perception Beyond Waking Reality and Create a Super-Sensory Fantasy Life!

I think it's come a long way overnight but I also feel there is still more testing and re-writing to do. I was wondering if I could get any more feedback on the changes and whether they hit the marks you were each getting at.

Hope you guys come back and read this...

Mark - Your ideas were really helpful, thank you. I have made the copy more benefit driven and eliciting more emotion (based on the emotions my lucid dreams give me, your insights were a real breakthrough). Now the audience can look forward to this outcome too. Do you feel this now activates their deepest desires or does it need more words, more benefits? I have more, but I wonder is it possible to go OTT? How do you know when to move on from selling the idea/benefits and get into the product breakdown?

Mike - My new headline is more exciting, more goal-oriented, but I still feel it could be better. Just waiting for the best idea to hit me. Any suggestions? You are my target audience so you are the best judge of this - what would grab your attention? I also tried to address your issue of reading lots about lucid dreaming but not actually getting anything out of it. Does my solution hit home for you now? I will definitely think about doing a simple video pitch too as I have this on another site and it does really help sales along. Great ideas, thank you.

Azmat - The first gray box was inspired by you. Thank you!

Matthew - Thanks for the ideas, I will do some split testing soon now that I have (hopefully) got the main copy to a good level.

Kaie - Still nice to hear!

One more question - I tried to explain the course in three parts by using a three-course meal analogy. Is this daft? Helpful or not?

[Curtis2011]

Hi Rebecca.

I would advise to change your title to something that "hits home" a bit more.

Your title talks about the effects of lucid dreaming. But I would guess that most people that are even close to a purchase of an ebook about lucid dreaming, have already researched it and learned the effects of it. They will most likely buy your ebook because they want a step-by-step guide to start lucid dreaming themselves. If they are emotionally motivated or excited enough to buy your product right now, their primary desire is probably to buy your ebook and immediately start reading about a technique they can use to start lucid dreaming as soon as possible.

With that in mind, I think a more powerful headline (and via a headline writing method taught by Eben Pagan) would follow this outline:

"How to [get primary benefit] [as soon as possible] [with no risk]"

So it would go something like, "How to have your first lucid dream within 30 days or less, guaranteed!"

Or you could go for a more "dramatic" or "shock" value with something like "How to have your first lucid dream Tonight!" Although that might be pushing the truth... I wouldn't know.

[Rebecca800]

Thanks Curtis, I can definitely see the impact of making a direct offer, it is attention grabbing. Will try it out next...

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by Lucid Dreaming Sales Page

How to Have Lucid Dreams in 30 Days - Guaranteed!

This is much better and a lot closer to hitting on the direct benefit that someone will want.

I think you could make it slightly more powerful by adding "or Less" after the 30 days, to appeal to the reader's sense of instant gratification.

Here are a few headlines that might have a stronger impact. As I recall hearing from Eben Pagan in one of his business products, he basically said you want to "stack" as many benefits into the headline as possible in order to create an irresistible offer.

With that in mind...

How to Have Lucid Dreams in 30 Days or Less - Guaranteed!

This one just adds "or less" for an appeal to instant gratification.

How to Have Your First Lucid Dream in 30 Days or Less - Guaranteed!

This one also adds "your first" to appeal to lucid dreaming beginners, who I'm guessing are your target market.

How to Master the Art of Lucid Dreaming, and Have Your First Lucid Dream in Only 30 Days or Less - Guaranteed!

This one is slightly more complex but definitely "stacks" some multiple benefits into the headline.

As for your subheading, I think it is great but could also be made "more tangible" than it is. Basically you want your headline to be as "concrete" as possible so that people have an easier time envisioning the gain that they will receive by buying your ebook.

The "learn proven strategies" part is great. It is a statement of a very tangible benefit that anyone can understand and imagine.

The next parts I've changed or removed to give an idea of a more tangible statement.

Learn Proven Strategies to Gain Conscious Control Over Your Dreams, Expand Your Perception Beyond Waking Reality, and Create a Super-Sensory Fantasy Life...

This just changes the first part. "Gain conscious control" is a bit more solid than the original.

Expand Your Perception Beyond Waking Reality

I can't think of anything to replace this, but I have a feeling that it could be made slightly more tangible than it currently is.

The original sounds good, but my concern is that "expand your perception" and "waking reality" aren't solid and well-defined things that people can imagine themselves doing.

and Create a Super-Sensory Fantasy Life...

I think this could simply be changed to "create a secret fantasy life" instead of "super-sensory" which is somewhat ambiguous. The word "secret" also tends to capture people's attention no matter what context it is used in, because everyone wants to have secrets and to know other people's secrets.

Ultimately, the full thing put together would look something like this:

How to Master the Art of Lucid Dreaming, and Have Your First Lucid Dream in Only 30 Days or Less - Guaranteed!

Learn Proven Strategies to Gain Conscious Control Over Your Dreams, Expand Your Perception Beyond Waking Reality, and Create a Secret Fantasy Life...

[Rebecca800]

Wow... thanks for the walkthrough!

Makes a lot more impact, it does sounds a bit marketing-y to me, but at the end of the day I realize you have to use what works. And this title is a lot more direct and exciting.

Cheers!

[azmat]

Hey Rebecca,
I like the new sales page. I think Curtis's suggestions are right on. I definitely think your headline and subheadline are better and are catchy. The only suggestion I have right now is to place your call to action in multiple places as you read the sales page. For example, you could have an "Order now" button at the end of the passage:

"Now - through decades of research and scientific understanding - we know a great deal about accessing the lucid dream state. And it's my job to teach anyone how to have lucid dreams using strategic mental programming."

And so forth as people read the sales page. As I was reading I felt the urge to order but had to search where the order button was. Giving people multiple opportunities to buy your service may improve conversions.

Some additional thoughts:
I have recently started using Google Website Optimizer to improve conversions on my site. Have you used that before? It basically lets you adjust the layout and content of your site and track conversions. For example, you could send half your visitors to a page that says "Add to Cart" and the other half to a button that says " Enjoy Lucid Dreaming Now" and see which has higher conversions.

From what I have read, seemingly simple and subtle changes can have huge impact on your conversion. You can test the location of testimonials, various headlines, button locations, background color, pictures etc. I think once you have a basic page set up you won't know which one really is the best until you test it against other versions. We all will have opinions on the best way. But after following some basic best practices you can further optimize your site for your visitors by testing with Website Optimizer. I think it would be worth checking out for you. Let me know if you have any questions. Best of luck!

[Rebecca800]

Hi Azmat, thanks again for the input. I have added a new call to action higher up and added some more compelling reasons to get started.

The new page is definitely doing better - conversions have doubled this week.

I will do split testing with this Google tool. I shied away from it in the past because it said each element should be tested for at least 100 sales. Well that's actually a lot of sales for me! It will take a long time to get enough accurate data on each point. But I understand how it'll be worth it in the long run, so I'm going to look into it again.

[azmat]

Hey Rebecca,
No problem. Glad to help. You doubled your conversions this week? That's awesome! Congrats.

I am sure if you keep testing your sales page ( different headlines, button colors, call to action etc) you will make even more improvements.

Definitely play around with the google tool. Yes I have read about the "100 conversion rule". However, I have found the tool is also helpful in dismissing clear failures. For example, I tried a new headline which I thought would improve conversions. At the end of the week my conversion rate was 20% lower than my previous headline. Ouch. Even though I didn't get up to 100, I knew that this headline simply would not catch up. So it helped me identify a wrong avenue. Just have to play around with it.

Here is a website that I have used before for conversion testing : Anne Holland's Which Test Won – A/B Test & Multivariate Testing Education for Marketing Professionals . It shows how companies test their conversion pages and the results they got. It could give you some ideas on how to improve your sales page. Best of luck!