35 y/o and Don't know what I want to be when I grow up

[perplexed]

Maybe I've hit my midlife crisis but I don't enjoy my work and really have no idea what I want to do.

I have a BS in Civil Engineering. I've spent my entire career in the Transportation Engineering (Highway Design) field.

I think that I need help to determine where my passions lie. Would a career coach be able to help me with this?

Thanks.

[Keith]

I'd suggest trying a bunch of stuff. Adult short courses are great for this (eg. it turns out I like to oil paint - who knew!?).

When you're trying to figure out what you'd like to do with your life, you're only able to consider the options you're aware of. If you experience more, you'll have more options (and a better idea of which ones you like).

Also, have a listen to Steve's Podcast on solving frustrating problems. It's not 100% targetted to your issue, but its message of keeping your mind open for 3rd options is pertinent.


P.S. No advice re: a career coach, sorry.

[Dwane J.]

Originally Posted by perplexed

Would a career coach be able to help me with this?

A couple of years ago I saw a career counselor. It was a worthwhile thing to do but they don't have a magic wand or have all the answers. She affirmed what I think are my passions. However, it's been difficult trying to switch from information technology to construction. The potential change in income and lifestyle has been the biggest obstacle to overcome.

In the end it comes down to taking action. You need to outline your interests, evaluate career prospects and start making headway into a new career. It sounds easy but is a very difficult thing to do. I'm 32 and have been going through with what you described for over 3 years now.

I agree with Keith, try different things to see what you like. Take classes, volunteer, take a leave of absence from work, etc. You could be burned out and just need a new hobby or change of scenery.

Good luck

[Leonard]

Are there things that you enjoy doing? It doesn't have to be much, but something that you find happiness while devoting time to it. That could very well be a passion for all you know, and may be one you can work on.

A long time friend of mine, somewhat younger than you by a couple of years had a passion for photography. He knew he enjoyed doing it, but never really thought he could capitalise on this passion of his. Whenever we spoke of this topic, he always had more things to say than anyone of us.

After several discussions we had, he finally decided to enrol himself in a professional photography course. He started out late in this trade, but is today a freelance photograper with the nation's press.

Take some time off to think about your interests in life. It could be anything like spending time with children, wake-boarding and etc. When you finally decide on one, then it's time to write down how you can capitalise on your interest.

It works for me, and I find it to be a beneficial tool.

[Mycroft]

Yeah, take some time off and spend a lot of it in the library. Start working your way through the periodicals and books. Make it your job to find something that sparks a passion!

[Alarin]

I would try two things. The first is thinking back to your childhood and trying to remember the things you really really enjoyed doing, often that's where the spark of your passion lies but often we ignore our passions for so long that we forget what they are. When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up??

The second, more drastic measure, would be to take a few months off work and just do nothing for a while. Creativity generally requires rest to function so if your passion - which may be yet to reveal itself to you - is creative, rest will really help. Take it easy and notice what you naturally gravitate towards each day and that should give you a good idea of what you're naturally passionate about.

I hope that helps

[cgs]

Originally Posted by Alarin

The second, more drastic measure, would be to take a few months off work and just do nothing for a while. Creativity generally requires rest to function so if your passion - which may be yet to reveal itself to you - is creative, rest will really help. Take it easy and notice what you naturally gravitate towards each day and that should give you a good idea of what you're naturally passionate about.

I'm currently doing this right now (I'm 25). When I got out of college, I worked for a year and a half as a software developer, and generally didn't like it at all. So I just up and quit with no plan, and sold the shiny new car I bought. My advice is to take up a hobby, and see where it goes. Last year, I started taking salsa lessons, and after a year I became pretty good at it. Now, it's playing Irish music. I'm getting into it pretty heavily now and I am finding it is something I really enjoy.

If you're like me, you might be one of those people that learn quickly, and are pretty good at whatever they try. I was just working under the assumption that I had to major in something tough, I had to get the high-paying development job, but quickly found out that its not what you can do, its what you want to do and what you truly enjoy doing. Just because you are capable of doing some complicated stessful job for high pay, doesn't mean you have to. I used to feel that I would be wasting my potential so to speak if I did something else, but now I know that life is too short, and that is a crock of bull.

So what do I want to do? Some options I'm debating:

1) freelance web design, or graphic design. I know I have an eye for design, but do I love it enough? I also thought about photography as well.

2) Something with music. Maybe teach guitar lessons.

3) Travel. I've always loved traveling.

But as each day goes by, I'm pretty sure my passion is music. I grew up with music, and it was always really important in my family and throughout my life. How I can monetize this, I don't know, but I'm working on it.

So try a bunch of stuff, and see what you like. And don't worry that you are 35, it is never too late to try something new.

Oh, and in regards to the career coach, I'm finding that you are your own best career coach. Of course you want someone to give you the answer, but you need to spend some time listening to yourself, and I think you'll eventually get the answer.

[jethro.]

Originally Posted by perplexed

Maybe I've hit my midlife crisis but I don't enjoy my work and really have no idea what I want to do.

I have a BS in Civil Engineering. I've spent my entire career in the Transportation Engineering (Highway Design) field.

I think that I need help to determine where my passions lie. Would a career coach be able to help me with this?

Thanks.

I had to check to make sure I didn't post this. If you cross out 35 and substitute 38, I'm in the same spot you are, word for word.

I think I really like the transportation field because I'm helping the traveling public every day. However, that's more of an academic argument than one I feel viscerally. I'm not charged up about going to work the way I used to be.

So I don't have any answers, but I appreciate what others have had to say so far, and look forward to other insights.

[ahimel]

Here's what I'm trying, and have advised my 23-year-old brother-in-law to try also.

I've determined that I need to earn $1500 after taxes in order to meet my committed expenses and have some to save/invest. But rather than try to find a single job that pays $1500, I've decided to try the multiple-streams-of-income theory. (Steve has an article on this, but I can't remember the title.)

Any day now, I'll find a part-time job that pays at least half of what I need ($800 or so). Then I'll try to generate $100/mo from 6-8 other sources, seeing how I can turn my hobbies into income. What I have so far:

Hobby: Music Income Stream: 1-2 singing gigs each month

Hobby: Spreadsheets (I know this makes me sick and wrong): Income Stream: designing spreadsheets that people can download for a small donation; computer consulting

Hobby: Photography Income Stream: 10-15 prints or 1-2 framed pictures sold each month

Hobby: Coming up with wacky ideas Income Stream: Consulting for people who need brainstorming help

Skill: planning and organizing Income Stream: Business consulting for operations departments

Skill: doing something exactly the same way every time Income Stream: business consulting for entrepreneurs who've read E-myth

Obviously, these won't all be making me $100/month instantly. I'll be living off of my savings for a while, and my family will recieve homemade Christmas gifts this year. But none of these is especially outrageous. Selling one picture/month? One gig/month? If I can charge $1/idea, I only have to come up with 100 ideas/month. They're very realistic goals.

And while none of them is (right now) passive income, it is income that I got by doing things I enjoy. And as I get more experience, I'll learn how to tweak them into passive income.

To help with your brainstorming, here's what I'm recommending to my brother-in-law

Skill: Basketball Income stream: coaching? Tutoring?
Skill: Guitar Income stream: gigs, teaching
Skill: Comedy Income stream: stand-up, freelance marketing
Skill: Magic tricks Income stream: children's birthday parties
Skill: Outdoor sports Income stream: tour guide

If anyone wants help brainstorming ideas for your hobbies and skills, PM me. (I won't even charge you. )

[ahimel]

I forgot to post why I'm doing it that way. That allows me to try out different things, without feeling like I have to commit to them, have to make them work. If I decide I don't like singing in front of crowds, I drop that line of income and start another. If it turns out that people really value my spreadsheet knowledge, I expand that to be more than $100/mo. It gives me a lot of freedom to mess around and see what I like, without committing myself to go in any single direction.

[cgs]

Originally Posted by ahimel

I forgot to post why I'm doing it that way. That allows me to try out different things, without feeling like I have to commit to them, have to make them work. If I decide I don't like singing in front of crowds, I drop that line of income and start another. If it turns out that people really value my spreadsheet knowledge, I expand that to be more than $100/mo. It gives me a lot of freedom to mess around and see what I like, without committing myself to go in any single direction.

Ahimel, that's a great idea. I need to get out of the all-or-nothing mindset.

[darkmoon]

That's indeed a very nice system, Ahimel! Writing down skills and hobbies, and trying to find small income streams for each, simple and effective!
I'm going to explain this to some people I know...

[Rat-race]

Well, you have a 10 year advantage over me.

I’m 45 and I still don’t know what to do with my life. I have recently left the corporate world after 20 years as a cubicle dweller. I was very unhappy in my job, so at least I know what I don’t want to do.

I think the “multiple streams of income” model is the smartest way to go (and I believe the way of the future for many people).

My focus right now is to try and figure out what I am passionate about, and hopefully create one or more viable income streams.

[Phi]

Originally Posted by ahimel

Hobby: Coming up with wacky ideas Income Stream: Consulting for people who need brainstorming help

How do you find anyone who will pay for wacky ideas?

I'm full of ideas, but I have yet to find some people who wants to pay for them... and I have no idea about how to find such people.

[ahimel]

Originally Posted by Phi

I'm full of ideas, but I have yet to find some people who wants to pay for them... and I have no idea about how to find such people.

Well, sit down and brainstorm about it. Let me know what you come up with.

[Klamachpin]

Originally Posted by Phi

How do you find anyone who will pay for wacky ideas?

I'm full of ideas, but I have yet to find some people who wants to pay for them... and I have no idea about how to find such people.

I'm one of those folks that need brainstorming help. I don't know if I'd pay for ideas... if I got stuck on something for an extended period of time and my friends couldn't help, then maybe. But I do have a good network of friends.

As far as finding such people, I've learned the term "idea flow" to describe a scale by which you may be able to identify people to help in this arena. People with a high idea flow (most likely you) tend to come up with ideas very quickly and have little trouble brainstorming. The trade-off is that they cannot focus easily on one subject for a long period of time. People with a low idea flow (like me), however, can concentrate and focus themselves quite easily - they often will "beat a dead horse" (for lack of a better term) in conversation. The trade-off there is that it is very difficult to look at an object or idea from different angles... and even when this is done, it isn't quickly.

I do hope that helps.

[ahimel]

Originally Posted by Klamachpin

I'm one of those folks that need brainstorming help.

See! I knew they must exist.

I don't know if I'd pay for ideas... if I got stuck on something for an extended period of time and my friends couldn't help, then maybe. But I do have a good network of friends.

I figure it will depend on the pricing and ease of use. Would you pay $5 for 5 good ideas for a term paper/project/advertisement/business?

As far as finding such people, I've learned the term "idea flow" to describe a scale by which you may be able to identify people to help in this arena. People with a high idea flow (most likely you) tend to come up with ideas very quickly and have little trouble brainstorming. The trade-off is that they cannot focus easily on one subject for a long period of time.

Yep! That's me!

People with a low idea flow (like me), however, can concentrate and focus themselves quite easily - they often will "beat a dead horse" (for lack of a better term) in conversation. The trade-off there is that it is very difficult to look at an object or idea from different angles... and even when this is done, it isn't quickly.

That's probably my target market. People who can come up with ideas, but have things that they'd much rather do. Any ideas on how to find them? (OK, that's probably my job, right?) How about, "Where can I find more information on this concept and the characteristics of high/low idea flow people?"

I do hope that helps.

It helps lots -- it proves that there is actually a market.

[Phi]

Originally Posted by Klamachpin

People with a high idea flow (most likely you) tend to come up with ideas very quickly and have little trouble brainstorming. The trade-off is that they cannot focus easily on one subject for a long period of time.

So true... get lots of ideas, but have problems implementing them because I loose interest (and I loose interest because I get some new ideas)

[Klamachpin]

Originally Posted by ahimel

Any ideas on how to find them? (OK, that's probably my job, right?) How about, "Where can I find more information on this concept and the characteristics of high/low idea flow people?"

Well, like I said before, I'm low idea flow, so you're not going to get much automatic info out of me. However, I can suggest that you start where I first found the idea: a book called "The Pathfinder" by Nicolas Lore. It's supposed to be a career self-help book, but is actually quite useful in terms of defining one's own traits and qualities. It may even be a resource for the starter of this thread to look at.

As far as the $5 for 5 solid ideas thing - it'd have to be a time crunch for me - the most likely scenerio being in school with a term paper due in a week. Good luck!

[Phi]

$5 for 5 ideas is nothing... don't forget that a really good idea is worth millions.

I would never work for such little money, but maybe that's just me.

[ahimel]

Originally Posted by Phi

$5 for 5 ideas is nothing... don't forget that a really good idea is worth millions.

I would never work for such little money, but maybe that's just me.

The million-dollar ideas I keep for myself.

[Joe Allen]

Perplexed -

Join the club, but don't think you have to know. Life is a journey, so you may have to continue the pursuit for a long time. Surely there are one or two things you enjoy but may never have considered those things as something to do as a vocation (not a job). But to be honest, you may not want to do anything specific, but just keeping trying new things. That's a valid thing to do with one's life too.

[ahimel]

My cousin said the wisest thing to me the other night.

She said she'd finally decided that she wanted to do theatre when she graduates from college, and she felt a little silly for taking 3 months to decide she wanted to do the thing she thought she wanted to do in the first place.

So I told her about the title of this thread, hoping to cheer her up.

She replied, "Well, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But I know what I want to be right now."

[Saidin]

Originally Posted by ahimel

She replied, "Well, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But I know what I want to be right now."

Wow, wise. Maybe she should be a philosopher when she grows up.

[yoopersmith]

Originally Posted by Phi

So true... get lots of ideas, but have problems implementing them because I loose interest (and I loose interest because I get some new ideas)

I get lots of ideas too, but never get around to doing anything about them.

BTW...I'm 37 years old and have one more year before I retire from the Air Force...I was thinking about a career coach and also about trying the start-doing-fun-things-approach to finding my bliss.

THANKS! to you all for helping me see that it's not just me in this boat.

[bluearctech]

Originally Posted by Rat-race

I’m 45 and I still don’t know what to do with my life. I have recently left the corporate world after 20 years as a cubicle dweller. I was very unhappy in my job, so at least I know what I don’t want to do...
My focus right now is to try and figure out what I am passionate about, and hopefully create one or more viable income streams.

I think one of the most easily-overlooked ways to succeed in a new direction is by helping others who are stuck with the problem you used to have.

For example: Rat-race, you started a blog called theratracejournal.com where you post some personal reflections. If you think big, you could also use this site to embrace, inform, and inspire the millions of people in this world who hate their job and need to connect with others of a like mindset. My family, friends, and coworkers would not tolerate or understand negative talk about jobs, so I always assumed I was crazy, lazy, and ungrateful when I hated jobs; I needed to connect with others who understood, but I didn't know where to turn. Ok, I know now that there is whywork.org and probably 100 other sites with an anti-job theme, but surely your personal beliefs, experiences, interests, and skills could serve job-sufferers in a unique and meaningful way! (It's not about designing a strategy to build web-traffic, it's about realizing how to best help the most people... the resulting web-traffic is an effect, not a cause.)

A similar way to look at this type of situation is that when we identify something we hate passionately, we get an indication of our purpose and goals. You stated on your blog, "...it was the actual “job” mentality that turned my stomach. The idea that the only way to eke out a living was to sell my time to a faceless corporation sickened me." (By the way, I completely agree!!) Maybe one of your core values is the belief that we are all valuable, powerful beings who can't afford to waste our lives in beige boxes slaving away at someone else's greed-driven, shallow dream. And maybe one of your life goals is to live as a free-thinking, free-acting individual and encourage others to do the same.

So instead of seeing it as wasting the last x number of years doing something you hate, realize that you have become an expert in the subject of something that your values and goals would have lead you to bring change to or wage war against at some point in your life anyway. It's likely that even if (in some parallel universe) you never worked a job by this age, your values and goals would still call you to speak out against the concept and practice. But now you're just better prepared to do it, more inspired to do it, more knowledgable about it, and better respected on the subject. It's true that an ex-prositute may have wasted her last 10 years prostituting, but as she reforms her life she is also in a unique and trusted position to help countless others still stuck in it and to prevent others from ever falling into the trap.

The same goes for anyone rising out of an unhappy, harmful, difficult, or confusing situation: help those who are hurting/needing/wanting/seeking as you were, and you will not only be a blessing to them, but you will further be blessed in the process and you will be that much closer to living your purpose.

Turn your mistakes into opportunities; use your pain to heal others; build your victories out of defeats.

[bluearctech]

Wow, I didn't realize the date on this thread. Guess I'll need to start my own blog where I can post such musings instead of responding to a question from two years ago on someone else's site

Anyway, thank you Steve for all your great articles.