WHY do these people SUCCEED???

[tiawood]

I have a couple of people in my life who I know very well.

On a personal level, they are the most unreliable people. They love material objects, are not loyal to their friends or even their family unless something is in it for them.

What bothers me is that they both are successful in business and the people who do business with them think they are wonderful people.

It pisses me off because I know how wonderful they aren't and I know how they cut corners in life, business, use people, are self centered, etc. Would stab their best friend in the back if they could.

I'm bugged to hell that I try to do the right thing by others yet struggle my ass off in my own business.

Yet these people I know move up so quickly and easily with their charismatic charm when they are crap on the inside.

I keep waiting for the cards to fall for them but it never seems to. It seems these people keep succeeding while I keep struggling. They don't even deliver top notch quality, either. Under the hood their product is crap. But somehow they know the right way to bulls&&t people, I guess.

I know there is a difference between business and personal, the limited persona someone shows in business versus how they are on a real personal level to their direct family and friends.

How should I be looking at this so I don't get so upset anymore?

[mikethedrummer44]

Originally Posted by tiawood

I have a couple of people in my life who I know very well.

On a personal level, they are the most unreliable people. They love material objects, are not loyal to their friends unless something is in it for them.

What bothers me is that they both are successful in business and the people who do business with them think they are wonderful people.

It pisses me off because I know how wonderful they aren't and I know how they cut corners in life, business, use people, are self centered, etc. Would stab their best friend in the back if they could.

I'm bugged to hell that I try to do the right thing by others yet struggle my ass off in my own business.

Yet these people I know move up so quickly and easily with their charismatic charm when they are crap on the inside.

I keep waiting for the cards to fall for them but it never seems to. It seems these people keep succeeding while I keep struggling.

I know there is a difference between business and personal, the limited persona someone shows in business versus how they are on a real personal level to their direct family and friends.

How should I be looking at this so I don't get so upset anymore?

Well, maybe you should get some charismatic charm without the crap on the inside?

The reason why they're succeeding and you're not is that they're something right and you aren't. Nothing personal, but a lot of times when people struggle they seem to pin the blame on external factors. You seem frustrated that others are succeeding yet you aren't, since you deserve to succeed and they don't.

Well, it doesn't look like that attitude has gotten you the success you're looking for. Seems like it's time to change something!

I'm not saying you have to be a backstabbing ******* to do well in business. Actually, far from it. But obviously these people you're referencing are delivering value to their clients. The only one who doesn't seem pleased with their business dealings is you, which doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

The cards are never going to fall for them (unless they're doing something illegal). People who are "self-made" can easily repeat their success. If they took a business from nothing to successful, they can do it again.

Here's my advice to you: stop worrying about other people. Stop caring about what they're doing. In fact, you should remove them from your life. They seem to do nothing but cause you to feel jealous and angry – two emotions which aren't going to help YOU become successful.

Start looking at yourself. Why aren't you successful? What are they doing that you aren't? Like I said, if what they're doing is illegal, it will catch up to them. If it's not, maybe you should pay attention to what they're doing and do that in an ethical manner.

Also, if you don't mind me asking, what's your business, and why isn't it where you would like it to be?

[tiawood]

Thank you for the reply, Mike. Definitely some things to think about.

My business is a service which means if I'm not physically working then I don't get paid. There are some personal circumstances against me that make it harder and of course, I try to just get around the hurdles.

You are right about a lot in what you posted. I have wanted to turn my business from service based into product based for awhile now (and I have the skill, resources and means to do it - it just takes time) but I've found it difficult to make that transition but really, maybe it's just mental hurdles I have set myself up for.

I guess honestly they must bring some type of value to their customers if they are still in business. I guess it just pisses me off that I feel they don't deserve it because of what I know about them on a personal level...and yes...to add fuel to the fire....it does bother me that I struggle versus them not so much.

Don't get me wrong, I am "successful" in the sense that I get to do what I love and I started this business from the ground up. It pays the bills but barely. Of course I have goals and would like to get farther than where I'm at.

I guess if I could pin it to one thing that I lack and maybe one thing they have it's - courage.

I guess in other words, I have never been comfortable "selling myself" to the right people because it feels weird. The funniest thing is I have years and years of contacts, people I've networked with that I haven't utilized in business yet simply because I don't know how to put myself out there.

I have done what I do for over ten years and I do have enough skill to get the job done, deliver quality, etc but the thought of putting myself out there to sell my ideas, move my business forward in the way I want is I guess out of my comfort zone and I'm afraid to look forever stupid and lose out on all the hard work I've done. There, I said it.

[mikethedrummer44]

Originally Posted by tiawood

Thank you for the reply, Mike. Definitely some things to think about.

My business is a service which means if I'm not physically working then I don't get paid. There are some personal circumstances against me that make it harder and of course, I try to just get around the hurdles.

You are right about a lot in what you posted. I have wanted to turn my business from service based into product based for awhile now (and I have the skill, resources and means to do it - it just takes time) but I've found it difficult to make that transition but really, maybe it's just mental hurdles I have set myself up for.

I guess honestly they must bring some type of value to their customers if they are still in business. I guess it just pisses me off that I feel they don't deserve it because of what I know about them on a personal level...and yes...to add fuel to the fire....it does bother me that I struggle versus them not so much.

Don't get me wrong, I am "successful" in the sense that I get to do what I love and I started this business from the ground up. It pays the bills but barely. Of course I have goals and would like to get farther than where I'm at.

I guess if I could pin it to one thing that I lack and maybe one thing they have it's - courage.

I guess in other words, I have never been comfortable "selling myself" to the right people because it feels weird. The funniest thing is I have years and years of contacts, people I've networked with that I haven't utilized in business yet simply because I don't know how to put myself out there.

I have done what I do for over ten years and I do have enough skill to get the job done, deliver quality, etc but the thought of putting myself out there to sell my ideas, move my business forward in the way I want is I guess out of my comfort zone and I'm afraid to look forever stupid and lose out on all the hard work I've done. There, I said it.

Nice!

You already know what's holding you back. The first step to selling yourself is to have complete confidence in your product.

You do what you love AND you pay your bills doing it. Do you know how many people wish they could do that? Do you know how many people wish they even had the courage to start a business? You obviously do have courage, you just don't allow yourself to realize it.

Stop comparing yourself to others more successful with you. You'll never win. What happens when you make a million bucks? A million is just upper middle class nowadays. What happens when you make 10 million? Well, to most "wealthy" people, that's chump change.

You can't compare yourself to others or you will always lose. Take pride in the fact you're paying your bills with a business YOU made. Obviously people are receiving value from you since you're able to pay your bills.

Now all you have to do is use the courage you already possess to take things to the next level. Oh yeah, stop comparing yourself to other people who are more successful (there's usually two sides to any success story anyways).

[Ilikeindowem]

I don't agree that good things should only occur to nice people.

Business success is based on hard work and sound business skills, ranging from marketing, human resources, accounting, strategic management, etc. skills. It has little to do with one's character or moral values.

[Mooresuccess]

Unfortunately there are those that have little morals and willing to cut corners or hurt people to get ahead. At the same time, some with real business savvy have learned the little things that can make a big difference, e.g. working smarter, not harder. I've gotten ahead in my career many times but watching those that were where I wanted to be, and figuring out which traits and methods they were using that I might want to copy. You don't have to like someone to learn from them, you just don't take on the negative characteristics.

You also have to just accept that you can't please everyone, so don't try so long as you don't cross certain boundaries.

The lack of courage definitely will hurt you as people pick up on that, people prefer to buy from someone very confident, they will sense your energy and react based upon that. So you're doing the right thing in studying personal development, as they can indirectly help your business.

[tiawood]

I'm not really sure how to develop more courage but I am willing to do whatever it takes. I have affirmations plastered all over my desk and upper story house, knowing I will risk someone seeing them and question me about it. Knowing I'll feel stupid but that is a risk I will take.

Where this comes from the most, I believe, is that I am living on my own for the first time in my life. I am also a single mother now. I am used to living with family, a boyfriend or a husband and feeling safe from having someone else around.

Now, I don't feel so safe anymore in the sense that I feel the burden of a lot more responsibility, especially for keeping a roof over my daughter's head - I am scared to death. I also don't have anyone around to tell me good job, I'm on the right track, etc. I'm learning how to handle it but even after a year, it is still overwhelming.

Suddenly I realized tonight that maybe the stress is an illusion and perhaps I can generate my own feelings of safety.

I'm just ready to move forward.

I keep a diary for my daughter that I've kept for years. Ironic that I stumbled across this diary today, entries dating back to about ten years ago. In it, I complained that I only had two clients in 6 months and wondered if I was ever going to make a full time career out of what I wanted to do. It felt like it was never going to happen.

Fast forward to today and I feel the same as I did ten years ago lol. But perhaps I should be feeling a little more blessed and optimistic, after all, I have gone through this before but worse, right?

I'm not really sure if this is a character flaw I have or maybe I let myself get overwhelmed by circumstances.

[180]

Originally Posted by tiawood

I have a couple of people in my life who I know very well.

On a personal level, they are the most unreliable people. They love material objects, are not loyal to their friends or even their family unless something is in it for them.

What bothers me is that they both are successful in business and the people who do business with them think they are wonderful people.

It pisses me off because I know how wonderful they aren't and I know how they cut corners in life, business, use people, are self centered, etc. Would stab their best friend in the back if they could.

I'm bugged to hell that I try to do the right thing by others yet struggle my ass off in my own business.

Yet these people I know move up so quickly and easily with their charismatic charm when they are crap on the inside.

I keep waiting for the cards to fall for them but it never seems to. It seems these people keep succeeding while I keep struggling. They don't even deliver top notch quality, either. Under the hood their product is crap. But somehow they know the right way to bulls&&t people, I guess.

I know there is a difference between business and personal, the limited persona someone shows in business versus how they are on a real personal level to their direct family and friends.

How should I be looking at this so I don't get so upset anymore?

I agree on so many levels,

If life has any lesson that hurts like hell, it's that appearances count the MOST beyond all other measures. A man with a smooth voice and a cool demeanor will sell twenty times more the product than a well intention honest man with a stutter.

This is not our ideal world at all. But I've never seen "justice". The manipulative continue to manipulate and people just fall for it.

They may never be found out, never be stopped, and continue on. Now I don't take advantage of people, but I do believe we need to put on the best appearances in order to get ahead.

I always think of politicians. Now look at Sarah Palin. We all know she's F***ing moron yet it's her looks and "soccer mom" image that has a lot of people buying into her. She's obviously not qualified AT ALL to hold any office. Yet people will elect her and like her. Contrast this to ross perot, who had pie charts (lol) and actually had his game together. He had plans, intellect, and from what i know, actually was very well intention politician. He lost, but I can imagine palin winning the American vote (sorry if you're not American, this may not make sense in that case)

But clear example of how "image" is what people buy. People are easily fooled, and often it's what portrayed as "popular" "relatable" or even "one of us" is what gains people support.

One of the worst things I've seen is this guy who lied to people's faces about how much money he had. When he was a kid he was obsessed with making friends and money was the way to do it. he doesn't ever shut up about money. But people around him eat it up. I clearly see through him, but no one else does. Women sleep with him, guys hang around him, but he doesn't HAVE any ******* money. People are idiots and buy into images without ever checking out the truth.

[Mynder]

I'd like to offer a few suggestion for your own business, to help you in your transition. Both assume you are in high demand, and simply need more time and money to focus elsewhere.

1. If you're booked solid, take a good look at your clients, and identify the clients that produce the most work per hour billed, i.e. the clients producing the most drama/feedback loops and unpaid hours going along with it. Cut these out, and you will find yourself with a lot more time to invest into better clients, or your products transition.

2. When you're in high demand and booked solid, raise your hourly rate. Drastically. Add 50%, or even 100% on top. Yes, you will lose some clients, but most likely you won't lose half, or a third (in case of 100%, or 50%, respectively). Meaning you have the same kind of income, less work, can focus better on the remaining clients and provide even better service, and still have a chance to get the others back in the boat at a "special rebate" (say, 35% added instead of 50%, or 75% added instead of 100%).

Some of the clients who turn away will return of their own volition because the service they received elsewhere wasn't as good as yours.

[Clint Cora]

I think there is something to be learned here. First is that interpersonal communications is paramount and these folks seemed to have mastered that. As for their underlying values, well that's another issue. If it ever affects the people they deal with, then it will come out negative in the end.

For yourself, imagine if you could develop great interpersonal skills like these folks have plus have good underlying values. This will put you over the top for the long term.

Don't let them get to you if what they do doesn't directly impact what you do in life.

[Roamer4]

Well, it's a fact of life, the masses are still asleep and fall for buying crap. they allow themselves to be manipulated by people with crap intentions so those sellers make big money! You have to learn to let go of the fact, but continue following your dream, regardless. There will always be room for you to live and give love. That's the wonderful starting point. You might have to struggle with keeping your spirits up, but you will be all the stronger for it. The financially successful ones are often not fulfilled. Not a rule, but a true statement. Getting rich is often not easy unless you inherit, so if u r selling crap, you must be pretty sad to invest so much energy with bad vibes!

Your inner voice is what counts, not comparisons to wasters.

[Roamer4]

PS I have a similar experience - I produce, perform and compose good quality music - the feedback is great! It's often even quite commercial without the cheap element. But it is a huge struggle to find decent places to play not least because the owners of venues are so fearful of trying something original, or they have no idea about quality.

Anyway I still need to work more on the vibe-transmission thing....;-)

SPIRAL-M Music and Empowerment

[FelixRicherd]

Originally Posted by Ilikeindowem

I don't agree that good things should only occur to nice people.

Business success is based on hard work and sound business skills, ranging from marketing, human resources, accounting, strategic management, etc. skills. It has little to do with one's character or moral values.

I am agree with Ilikeindowem.

[lycan]

Maybe these people are not bad. Maybe it is your own sense of morality that is warped.

[janicelou]

You should focus on you! See what they do right and learn from it. (they are obviously doing something right if they are successful in business) See what they do wrong and learn from that. But most important! Focus on improving yourself! focus on your goals!

[loapatti]

>On a personal level, they are the most unreliable people. They love material objects, are not loyal to their friends or even their family unless something is in it for them.

Even though they may have values and practices you don't agree with, you don't know what they are thinking about inside. They may think they are great people and are doing what is right for them and that manifests in their success. You are what you think you are. We all know there are a lot of wealthy crooks out there.'


Jesus says in the bible "the sun shines on the just and the unjust".