The Family Budget and Your Spouse-suggestions?

[newdad]

I have spent hours trying to create a budgeting system that can be maintained by the whole family. I tried the envelope system, but I found that trying to break down the money into the exact amounts was too time consuming. I then created a calendar that has all the bills and when they are due, and I created a monthly projected breakdown of each bill, so that I would know where every dollar of every paycheck is supposed to go. The problem is, I can't get my wife to follow it. She doesn't spend a lot of money, (five or ten dollars a week), but it adds up over the month. I could use that money to pay a late doctors bill or something. I get frustrated, because creating a monthly budget is time consuming and then it doesn't work. Anyone know of a practicle approach that makes it easy for both members of the family to follow?

[Michelle]

You need to make the budget WITH your wife, not for her.

[RT Wolf]

Perhaps this may help?

Getting Finances Done » 3 keys to making your personal finances work as a couple

The whole site is fantastic for lots of information on everything.

Remember, she has to be committed to a budget as well as yourself, and she might have an easier time doing that if she has a specific goal to work towards. I'm not sure where you are in life, but perhaps you both want to buy a house, or retire early or something else. Purpose is key, as Steve says. And remember to find out what she wants as well as you. Why do you and her want to budget?

Try to have an open conversation about this whole topic. Find out what you both want in life. Communication as a couple is key to a successful financial life, so I would also recommend picking up some books on communication if you haven't already. Difficult Conversations: How to discuss what matters most is a great one, another one is Messages: The Communication Skills Book.

Another thing is, remember to budget personal money for both people. Budgetting is about enjoying life just a little bit more and getting in control, not being miserly or miserable.

As you might have guessed, I don't think its the system, rather the committment of the people. The best system can be in place but if the people aren't into it, it will all be for naught.

Budget-wise, you might try this kind of a budget to start off with:

Getting Finances Done » How to create a zero-based budget

Really do read the Best Of articles highlighted on the left.

I've also got a whole bunch of other blogs about couples personal finance, if you're looking for reinforcement or a bit more info. I'm sure there are plenty of books about finances and families, too. Visit your local libary.

[Dani]

is $5-10 a week really that much to get stressed over?

You have bigger problems then than your wife not following the budget if it is!

But as said above, doing it -with- her will definitely improve your chances of getting her to agree to and follow it.

[Steve Pavlina]

Erin and I used to maintain a family budget. It got tedious after a while, and we soon abandoned it. Niggling over a few bucks here and there was pointless, and we soon saw the futility of it. We learned it was far better to focus our energy on boosting our income to the point where keeping a family budget wasn't even necessary.

Some say that as your income grows, your expenses will rise to match it. That certainly hasn't been true for us. As our income went up, our expenses didn't keep pace, so we ended up living well below our means.

If you have a bad habit of spending irresponsibly, budgeting may be a wise choice, but if you know you wouldn't become reckless after doubling your income, then by all means put some energy into doubling your income.

Surely there's a better use of your time than fussing about $20-40 per month in spending. How could you earn an extra $20-40 or more by creating value for someone else? Even kids can earn that much extra cash these days.

Nobody's income is fixed unless they themselves hold it fixed. You can always earn more money by creating more value.

[newdad]

Thanks to everyone who responded, they were all great suggestions. I love the "getting it done" site. I will be spending quite a bit of time there. I know that I shouldn't worry about a piddly (first time I've every gotten to put "piddly"in writing!) $40. It's the surprise of finding that it was just enough to cause an overdraught in your banking account, because I didn't know the money was spent.

My wife and I actually communicate pretty well. I should have brought her in when I did the budgeting. I didn't because we used to work together (that's how we met) and we both had to sit in budget meetings for days on end. I only had to sit in to two. She had been doing them for years and still shivers at the mention of the word.

I like Steve's idea of focusing on making more. I am working on that as I type this. But, if we don't follow a budget until that extra income is generated I will be sitting in the dark. I intend to use the budget as a bandage for the next six months and by then have enough new revenue coming in that I no longer have to worry about a budget.

[Dani]

I have an easy budget.

2 bank accounts. I know pretty much how much my bills are going to be, so I send that amount then a little more into one account. I send some for my investments.

The rest is mine.

No fuss, no stress. Not many companies will cut your power off because you are late on a bill. If you call them and ask them to give you until your next pay day they almost alway swill.

Money is just seriously not worth stressing about.

[RT Wolf]

Heh. Given the diversity of opinions in this thread, I would like to add that you should experiment with different ways and figure out what works best for both of you.

[ispf]

Hi newdad,

Here's what works for us, maybe some of these ideas might work for you too.

Set common goals, not common means to get there
Both the better half and I have very different idea on how money should be managed, budgeted etc. So one day we sat down and decided on some common goals that we both agreed upon. We could not however agree on what was the best way to get there. We agreed to disagree.

Do not try to impose personal will on the other
We are both "smart". While we agree that the other person's idea is great, we just don’t see why it is better than our own. So we decided not to impose one person's will on the other. Each person is free to follow his/her own choice. We just have to find a way to make this work, so we can each be independent and yet work towards a common goal.

Set clear expectations, but don’t let it "divide" us
To make this work, we decided to agree on what each person’s responsibilities are. So we sat down and decided which bills each one takes care of, how much each of us is contributing towards the long term goals etc. We do not however want it to "divide" us. So, when some "unexpected" expenses come up, we do not argue over whose responsibility the new bill is - one of us volunteers for it, the other person accepts it gracefully and steps up when something else comes up. Ultimately, we are both on the same team. We try to remember that the boundaries we have created are not about the money, but how to manage the money. Also, for large expenses (in our case anything > $100), we always talk to the other person first. It helps remember that it is an independent decision, but its still common money.

Don't Micromanage Each Other's Accounts
Finally, the most important one. At least for us. Since we have clear boundaries, we respect the boundaries. Each of us is free to spend/save our own money as we see fit. We do not micromanage (a.k.a meddle in) each others accounts. We share ideas and we discuss what each of us is doing, but don't dictate what the other person should be doing.

That said, I have to admit, it wasn’t easy to get here - especially since both of us have fairly strong personalities. Like everything else in a relationship (and life itself), this needed some hard work, some adjustment on each of our parts, and some ad-hoc learning as things progressed. But now we are at a stage where things work smoothly (most of the time anyway ).

Good luck with finding the system that works best for you. Never give up. If nothing else, persistence will get you there!

[RT Wolf]

Originally Posted by newdad

I know that I shouldn't worry about a piddly (first time I've every gotten to put "piddly"in writing!) $40. It's the surprise of finding that it was just enough to cause an overdraught in your banking account, because I didn't know the money was spent.

If you incurred an overdraft fee, you could call the bank and ask them to waive it or refund it. They aren't obligated to in any way, but if you're a good customer and don't incur those often, they just might.

[newdad]

This is why I like posting here. There are so many approaches to a situation and the people at this sight really offer some great suggestions. ISPF I really liked your suggestion and I'm going to discuss it with my wife tonight.

[rene_stpierre]

Hi Newdad,

First, congratulations on being a new daddy! We have a 3-year old boy and a 1-year old girl ... it's an amazing experience !

For your wife's budget, I suggest you agreee with her on how much she needs for the month and give her the agreed amount the 1st of each month. That way, you don't have to worry about what she does with the money.

For the bills, try to set automatic payments. This removes a lot of work and headaches. Since I've automated all my bills, I just have to monitor the account to ensure the money is there when they are due.

René