Fear and Self Doubt

[Natasha]

Hello,

Last August I made the decision to start making money with my hobbies. I have come further than I expected, but it seems the closer I come to my goal (the deal with my husband is that if I do not make a certain amount of money in a certain amount of time I have to get a full time job.) the more I get frozen by fear and self doubt to a point borderning nausea. I have been trying to think positively and get over these fears, but I cannot seem to make myself go to that point I want to be at.

An ironic thing is that it seems like I am likely to be at the point where I do not have to get a full-time job, but I am still completely stressed out with what I am doing: I perform and teach arts such as hooping, poi, fire arts, burlesque and bellydancing. I love the actual performing and teaching, and once I have a gig I do great at it, and just love it.... But actually putting myself out there: cold calling gyms to get them to host one of my classes, trying to get gigs, making an instructional video. All these things that I want to do, but am so scared (of failure???? I KNOW I won't succeed if I don't try...) that I don't "get around" to it. No matter how far I go, I still feel like a failure. That I am not good enough or motivated enough.

Even typing this I am starting to get into that negative mindset that I have been trying to avoid, so I will stop now (Take a deep breath. Smile. Tell myself "I can do this.") . But I would love to hear suggestions. Especially if any of you have been where I am and gotten past it.

[Dani]

Natasha,

What you are going through is perfectly natural.

It's called the 'terror barrier'.

A very brief description.

A person's self image is built up in their subconscious mind by all of their beliefs and it is the subconscious self image that controls their habits and actions. e.g. A person who has a confident self image walks, talks, acts and dresses completely differently to someone with a poor self image.

These actions control your results. If you act like a loser you will be a loser, if you act like a winner you will be a winner.

You subconscious acts like an autopilot to keep you on track for the actions and results that it considers to be 'you'

When you start to behave in a way that does not match your self image, just like when a plane goes off course, your subconscious will kick in and try to push you back on track, it does this by influencing your emotions.

The most common of which is being uncomfortable and frightened, even when you can see no reason for it. What is frightened is your subconscious, it is frightened you are doing something dangerous by moving outside your comfort zone and it is trying to 'save' you.

When you come to the major turning point in shifting your self image you will come up against what I refferred to earlier, the Terror barrier. Your Subconscious will make you absolutely terrified by this new behaviour as it fights desperately to keep you on track. It is here that is the point of make or break. Where you probably are now.

You have two choices here:

Firstly to struggle through it and your subconscious will eventually give up and accept the new behaviour as 'you' and reset the autopilot. At this point you are set! Because now going back to your old behaviour becomes scary for you.

The second option is to give up and go back to your safe old behaviour and put your subconscious at rest. Well this is the choice most people make, and the reason most people realise less than 5% of their potential.

The best way to get through this is via visualisation.

This is because your subconscious can't actually tell the difference between reality and imagination. You can test this by imagining a painful, happy or sad time in the past - You get those feelings again don't you, even though you aren't there and aren't experiencing the event.

So start visualising yourself as a success as often as you can. The more you do this the more your subconscious will 'see' you as being a success.

I have been through it many times, sometimes it's big, sometimes small depends on how dramatic the change is. It's something you will need to face every time you stretch yourself. But when you understand that it's natural, but not real, fear it becomes easier to deal with, and it gets easier with time. But the rewards are worth it.

go to Tapping.com - Tapping.com
It's a great way to relieve the fear.

[rene_stpierre]

Wow. Great post Dani !

Natasha,

I have experienced what you are going through a few times in my life i.e. getting out of my comfort zone and getting really scared about it. But every time, I hung in there and it made me the person I am now.

The best example is related to the fear I had of speaking in front of an audience. Through-out school, this was by far my biggest fear. When I got out of college, 6 months into my first job I went to a week-long course. That week, I volunteered to be one of the presenters for the report-out. Every night before the presentation, I had a very hard time finding sleep and questioned my decision. I was extremely nervous. But I still did it and it was a success.

Since then, I have been very comfortable in front of an audience. I have spoken in front of colleagues and customers, sometimes to as many as 100 people.

Bottom line, follow Dani's recommendations to get through this. You will never regret it.

Good Luck!
René

[PMcDonald]

Dani - what a wonderful post!!! Thank you for sharing that.

It is something that all of us deserve to hear, regardless of our level of success to this point.

[SeriousKidding.com]

This is really what we are all facing now or certainly have faced in the past. Looking for just the right thing for YOU is always exciting, scary as he**, and extremely gratifying all rolled into one.