My interview

[dreamjobdragon]

I know that I am way too late to chime in with interview advice but I thought that I would share this for anyone else reading the post for tips...

As an interviewee (i.e. the person wanting the job) I always felt as though the person interviewing me was trying to tear me down and make me nervous. It always felt like a test.

I can tell you now that I have sat on the other side of the table and conducted the interviews that the person interviewing you is ROOTING for you!! Interviews are no fun to conduct - employers just want to find a capable person to do the work and when and potential employee comes through the door for an interview they are saying to themselves "I hope this is the one".

If things are going well in the interview the thoughts running through the interviewers head are "C'mon... that a boy/girl... that's what I wanted to hear... Good Job!"

If things are not going so well the thoughts are "Ooooh ... You know you have a better answer than that, c'mon, think harder, I know you've had a conflict/deadline/project at some point in your life - just tell us about it"

My other tip, if the job is corporate (and remember that most chain companies are) that the interview is likely being "graded" on a custom corporate scale. Be sure to ask before an interview if there is a specific way that they would like you to answer questions and then answer them that way. Typically, in most behavior based interviews (the "tell me about a time when..." ones) the answer should be formated in PROBLEM that arose, ACTION you took, RESULT of your action.

My fingers are crossed for you

[danthony]

You are doing everything right imo, just make sure to not get too excited in the interview. Stay confident, yet calm. Let them know what you can do for their business, come up with some clear benefits that can really make a difference in the interview. Just my two cents

[dulaney0330]

Thanks to both posters.

Well, I doubt I got the job with Arundel Lodge since I haven't heard anything.

The good news is that the interview I went to at a Montassouri school went really well. I am going back on Wednesday for an observation of the children and I hope that they hire me!

One of the most important things at a job is the people who work there. They are so compassionate, soft spoken, respectful. I love it!

They liked that I had a psychology degree and I am interested in child psychology. I can't think of a more fulfilling job than this one.

Unlike the last interview, I am pretty sure I am going to get this job. It's a matter of hoping they like me above all the other people being interviewed.

[dulaney0330]

I didn't get the teacher's assistant job, either.

I must be doing something wrong. I know I am not the most confident person but my husband assures me "someone with more experience probably got it."

Who knows? But, I suspect it's me and I am finding it more and more difficult to have a sense of confidence with all these rejections.

Thing is, I was very personable, smiling, talkative and energetic during these interviews. Do I need to be the opposite? What I am doing isn't working, you know?

It's entirely subjective and I am frustrated that I am unable to impress.

[ssandra]

Have you thought of contacting them and asking them for the reasons why you didn't get the job?

Be clear to them that this is for you to learn from for next interviews, not to change their minds.

So, when they give you feedback, don't argue about it, just accept it, if you agree with it or not.

But it might be a very valuable lesson for you if you call them and ask for this information.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Have you thought of contacting them and asking them for the reasons why you didn't get the job?

Be clear to them that this is for you to learn from for next interviews, not to change their minds.

So, when they give you feedback, don't argue about it, just accept it, if you agree with it or not.

But it might be a very valuable lesson for you if you call them and ask for this information.

I did. I emailed her about 25 minutes ago and I hope she responds. The school was founded by her and her husband. It was her husband that I got along with and I only spoke with her for about 2min. She was more aloof and did not seem comfortable speaking with me.

The husband, on the other hand, was "are you able to start immediately?" He expressed a lot of interest.

But, my guess is that she will probably say, "someone had more experience or was more qualified."

My husband said it could be something as silly as she wanted someone older or maybe, since I am attractive, she didn't want me around her husband. It sounds silly but it could be that.

Or it could be she sensed I didn't carry myself well..but it's bugging me to find out.

Would it be too much if I called her if she didn't respond to my email?

[dulaney0330]

I feel like the only sure way for me to get a job is to know someone. Most of my friends who have great jobs knew someone. It wasn't about the interview, what they did or didn't say, but rather something outside themselves.

And I think back to Erin's blog about getting every job she had wanted and I feel so lowly compared to her. I feel like theres nothing special in me to get these jobs.

[LostMyMap]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I feel like theres nothing special in me to get these jobs.

Not true. Well unless you keep thinking that. Remember we are still not out of the recession. I heard this morning that employment numbers are not moving. Better than going down, but still, who knows how many people apply for the same jobs? I'm just saying, cut yourself a little slack in this area.

Like I said before, people hire people, not resumes. And as you see, there reasons are very subjective, and not usually shown. You are the exact right person for some job out there, it's just a numbers game at this point, how many interviews can you get going.

I forget, did you say you got someone to do mock interviews with you, or was that someone else?

[jacare]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

And I think back to Erin's blog about getting every job she had wanted and I feel so lowly compared to her. I feel like theres nothing special in me to get these jobs.

These forums are about intending, manifesting, creating something. Here's the secret, if you convince yourself of something, you can bend the world to your will. You begin to radiate it, and the external does your bidding, that's what it's all about. I do this on a routine basis. And on a global level (I'm building a global sales network and have customers in 70 countries). I made some outrageous goals at the beginning of the year. And they are coming true.

With your job situation, perhaps you are thinking too small. Maybe you need to sit down and figure out what you REALLY want to do. Then you convince yourself, which is the most important step. Once you believe it to the marrow of your bones, then you go out and you make it happen. You don't send one resume and perseverate over it. You send out 2000 resumes and generate 100 interviews. Then you play them off each other, because you demand it. I do this every time, with incredible and consistent results. This power is within us all, but so few of us actually tap into it, because they don't realize it's there.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

Not true. Well unless you keep thinking that. Remember we are still not out of the recession. I heard this morning that employment numbers are not moving. Better than going down, but still, who knows how many people apply for the same jobs? I'm just saying, cut yourself a little slack in this area.

Like I said before, people hire people, not resumes. And as you see, there reasons are very subjective, and not usually shown. You are the exact right person for some job out there, it's just a numbers game at this point, how many interviews can you get going.

I forget, did you say you got someone to do mock interviews with you, or was that someone else?

Thanks for your post. It's true that thinking this is not effective but it so dang hard to turn that off.

When I didn't get the Arundel Lodge job, I didn't take it personally. I was a bit relieved not to get it because I wanted to do something different. But this last interview, I really wanted the job. The people who worked there were so kind.

I did practice the interview with my husband. However, my anxiety levels are so high during an interview, it's difficult to appear composed and calm. The pressure to get a job increases each day and the stress of it is taking its toll.

My last option would be working at a Christian daycare center with my mother in law. It's almost a guarantee job but I've been putting it to the side because of the low pay, no benefits, and is no way a step up with my career.

I wish I just knew what I was meant to do.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by jacare

These forums are about intending, manifesting, creating something. Here's the secret, if you convince yourself of something, you can bend the world to your will. You begin to radiate it, and the external does your bidding, that's what it's all about. I do this on a routine basis. And on a global level (I'm building a global sales network and have customers in 70 countries). I made some outrageous goals at the beginning of the year. And they are coming true.

With your job situation, perhaps you are thinking too small. Maybe you need to sit down and figure out what you REALLY want to do. Then you convince yourself, which is the most important step. Once you believe it to the marrow of your bones, then you go out and you make it happen. You don't send one resume and perseverate over it. You send out 2000 resumes and generate 100 interviews. Then you play them off each other, because you demand it. I do this every time, with incredible and consistent results. This power is within us all, but so few of us actually tap into it, because they don't realize it's there.

Thanks for your encouraging post. Part of me knows that power is there but ultimately its fear and fear of success. There's a lot of fears within me and it quite irritating. I am scared to be a failure but to be a success is scary, too. That would mean I would have it all and I would feel guilty.

It's frustrating when your fears pull you in two different directions and you end up nowhere because of the fear of risk, defeat, failure, rejection.

It's tough to have an attitude, "ok..onward!" and not allow all the rejections to stay with you. While I may move on, I have this attitude "well, they all rejected you. You're just not good enough."

Deep down, I know I can do any job. It's not that. It's that people see something in me that they are not impressed with. My first impressions stink.

I have character, integrity, good work ethic, and I am reliable and dependable. I know what I can do and I've been passionate about it. But, yet I still fall short with these people who interview me.

And a little part says, "see! I told you people didn't like you."

[LostMyMap]

I can't say enough about doing mock interviews. Spouses may not be the best one for that because of the relationship. If you could get a friend, or maybe even the mother-in-law, someone that will be able to give you feedback objectively. Even better if the person actually interviews as an employer in real life. Plus more practice may help with the anxiety?

[jacare]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

to be a success is scary, too. That would mean I would have it all and I would feel guilty.

My first impressions stink.

These are just beliefs. Do these beliefs serve you?

Beliefs are not facts. Beliefs are one perspective, and it can be totally false.

You can install whatever beliefs you want.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by jacare

These are just beliefs. Do these beliefs serve you?

Beliefs are not facts. Beliefs are one perspective, and it can be totally false.

You can install whatever beliefs you want.

I know, I know.

If I were in your shoes, I would be sure to say the same thing. But it feels so true for me. To believe something else would merit,

"Look at the facts! They didn't like your impression! Quit trying to fool yourself!"

I may have to post something in emotional mastery about this. Nah, I don't want to whine anymore.

[SatvikBeri]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Thanks for your encouraging post. Part of me knows that power is there but ultimately its fear and fear of success. There's a lot of fears within me and it quite irritating. I am scared to be a failure but to be a success is scary, too. That would mean I would have it all and I would feel guilty.

It's frustrating when your fears pull you in two different directions and you end up nowhere because of the fear of risk, defeat, failure, rejection.

It's tough to have an attitude, "ok..onward!" and not allow all the rejections to stay with you. While I may move on, I have this attitude "well, they all rejected you. You're just not good enough."

Deep down, I know I can do any job. It's not that. It's that people see something in me that they are not impressed with. My first impressions stink.

I have character, integrity, good work ethic, and I am reliable and dependable. I know what I can do and I've been passionate about it. But, yet I still fall short with these people who interview me.

And a little part says, "see! I told you people didn't like you."

Hi Dulaney,

Sorry my advice didn't work out for you. I've searched for a job 3 times. Each time my job search took a long time, longer than anyone I knew-in the last case, it was 6 months before I got my job. Meanwhile people who were less qualified than I was, but with better social skills (mine were terrible!), were getting jobs instantly-and sucking at them. This was really depressing for me. So I really understand how much the rejection hurts.

What really helped me get past the pain was
1. Recognizing that the pain was just a conditioned response and
2. Actively reconditioning my responses.

Logic and willpower just don't work in these situations. When your instinctive response to a job application is fear (as mine was), it's almost impossible to get anything done. I reconditioned myself by listening to Tony Robbins, repeatedly imagining all the good things that could come from a job, getting myself in a very positive emotional state and associating that with applying for jobs/doing interviews, and repeatedly visualizing everything going well.

It was too hard for me to completely break the association of applying for jobs and getting rejected, so I actually conditioned myself to feel good when I thought about rejection. That way, anytime I thought about applying for jobs/doing interviews I felt good.

If this tack interests you, consider checking out Tony Robbins' Personal Power II program (you can probably find it at a local library for free, or somewhere online).

Good luck! Not getting a job means nothing about you as a person. You are still a wonderful, loveable person who is just in a state of temporary struggle.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by SatvikBeri

Hi Dulaney,

Sorry my advice didn't work out for you. I've searched for a job 3 times. Each time my job search took a long time, longer than anyone I knew-in the last case, it was 6 months before I got my job. Meanwhile people who were less qualified than I was, but with better social skills (mine were terrible!), were getting jobs instantly-and sucking at them. This was really depressing for me. So I really understand how much the rejection hurts.

What really helped me get past the pain was
1. Recognizing that the pain was just a conditioned response and
2. Actively reconditioning my responses.

Logic and willpower just don't work in these situations. When your instinctive response to a job application is fear (as mine was), it's almost impossible to get anything done. I reconditioned myself by listening to Tony Robbins, repeatedly imagining all the good things that could come from a job, getting myself in a very positive emotional state and associating that with applying for jobs/doing interviews, and repeatedly visualizing everything going well.

It was too hard for me to completely break the association of applying for jobs and getting rejected, so I actually conditioned myself to feel good when I thought about rejection. That way, anytime I thought about applying for jobs/doing interviews I felt good.

If this tack interests you, consider checking out Tony Robbins' Personal Power II program (you can probably find it at a local library for free, or somewhere online).

Good luck! Not getting a job means nothing about you as a person. You are still a wonderful, loveable person who is just in a state of temporary struggle.

Thanks a lot for your caring and thoughtful post. I always appreciate the effort put into these responses and the willingness to help out a stranger.

I studied thoroughly for this position. I researched the Montassori method, met with my mother in law to go over the interview, and I did everything websites said to do: maintain eye contact, smile, be personable, ask questions about them, look enthusastic about the job, firm handshake, what to say if they ask such and such, be passionate and interested in the job and in the people working there.

I really did all of that and I still fell short. Its understandable to shall short if you bomb an interview. But, as a human being, you expect good things if you work hard for them.

Part of me is energized by all these no's since it can be motivating. But, another part is just hanging her head low...afraid of the next rejection.

I will look into Tony Robbins. I also printed off a list of the top 50 successful people who were rejected at first. Individuals experienced hundreds of rejections until their books were accepted such as Jack London. Trying to think of it like that.

I just need one person to believe in me.

[jacare]

Lots of things, including job interviews, are just numbers games. And each time you call something a 'rejection' you are probably mercifully saved from a horrible situation, and remain available to a much more preferable situation.

As an example, last year on the consulting side of my business I was aiming for a financial client and made it pretty far through the interview process, but didn't get it, although I gave it my best shot. The very next day, out of the blue, a Fortune 50 client called me in, and hired me on the spot. That job was in an award winning building, and at a much higher rate, doing a much better project. Which one was correct, client 1 who 'rejected' me? Or client 2 which 'accepted' me? Both were correct, because it wasn't personal, and I didn't take it that way. That's why there are hundreds of car models, and hundreds of flavors of ice cream. You may be pistachio, and they are looking for macadamia. Who cares? It's nothing personal. Unless you want to be vanilla.

In my software business, my sales rate is about 10% of people who download and trial the product (for the download side of the business). This is considered phenomenal, as the industry standard is about 2%. So that means 9 out of 10 people reject my product, and it's still considered very good. I have a form people can fill out to give their opinions, and you should read some of the nasty, vile, offensive comments. I've been running this business for 6 years now, and have read probably 10,000 comments with foul swear words, etc. On the other hand, the business is doing well. I've learned to completely disregard the constant stream of negativity because it's part of the deal. So just know, rejection is part of every success, the more successful the person, the more rejection and negativity they face.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by jacare

Both were correct, because it wasn't personal, and I didn't take it that way. That's why there are hundreds of car models, and hundreds of flavors of ice cream. You may be pistachio, and they are looking for macadamia. Who cares? It's nothing personal.

So just know, rejection is part of every success, the more successful the person, the more rejection and negativity they face.

I really liked these two statements. Many people, including I, have this expectation that if you are rejected this many times, success will eventually elude you.

It takes a lot of faith and persistance to move forward.

Since I was a child, I have felt like most people wanted me to be macadamia but no one wants pistachio. And the few who do seem foolish for choosing me. It goes back to self-esteem and how I feel about myself.

I want someone to choose ME. I feel like they don't exist!

And, now I have the dilemma on settling on a job that I don't give a hoot about simply because all the jobs I want have been filled or I have been rejected.

[Angela]

What does it mean about you that people don't choose you? What is it you believe is true about yourself, that people who choose you don't exist?

I can already tell you don't believe that thought, whatever it is, with your grown-up mind (obviously your husband exists), but deep down, whatever that thought is, it sounds like it's sitting up like a puppy, requesting you resolve it.

[jacare]

You said: "It goes back to self-esteem and how I feel about myself"

This is really the heart of the matter. To keep this on the subject of a job interview, self esteem is 1000% projected. You need to walk in, and it has to be clear in every way that you are the one interviewing THEM. And they would be lucky to get you, and if they don't hire you, it's because they aren't good enough, aren't smart enough, or don't have to courage to hire somebody as strong and powerful and confident as YOU. Because that is the truth, and you know it, and you believe it. And like I say, you need to generate scores of job interviews, because not only are they risking losing you if THEY don't make a good impression, they have to compete against all the other companies vying for your services.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Angela

What does it mean about you that people don't choose you? What is it you believe is true about yourself, that people who choose you don't exist?

I can already tell you don't believe that thought, whatever it is, with your grown-up mind (obviously your husband exists), but deep down, whatever that thought is, it sounds like it's sitting up like a puppy, requesting you resolve it.

I visualize levels in my psyche. The deepest and most important level is of the belief, "you are lovable, worthwhile, special."

Immediately above this level are the beliefs that I received from my enviornment: "you are unwanted, a dork/loser, defective, inferior, in need of constant guidance by someone with more wisdom and intelligence."

And, finally, above this is my attempt to place adequate top soil by certain behaviors, both ineffective and effective, and the top soil remains stale and dry.

My psyche is riddled with conscious and unconscious memories of my childhood which was in excess of many negative events.

******

I was rejected about 3 times before this current interview and I did not have the same response as this one. I think the number of rejections have determined how I feel. After a while, its hard not to think there is something wrong with you with accumulating rejections.

In this particular case, I felt like there was something they could see in me that was deficient. Although, I believe this so perhaps I have projected this onto them.

People who choose me settle on less. While I don't feel like this all the time, I do feel bad when people show interest in me.

As a child, I had an abusive mother and a father who neglected the family due to alcoholism. And the worst part was our father continued to be in our lives and had this yo-yo effect. Sometimes, he would want to see us and other times he isolated himself.

So, in effect, I began to see the world as unkind. If my parents showed little interest in me, why would anyone else? That is the type of thinking that is done and is felt on a unconscious level as well.

[dulaney0330]

If anything, these months of unemployment have encouraged me to think about what I really want to do: studying behavior, doing clincial research, and working in a lab.

Problem is, how do I go about doing this? The closest place for this is John Hopkins and that is about an hour drive. Internships appear to be for students attending the school.

How do I get my foot in the door with this field? I am applying to jobs online but I wouldn't mind doing grunt work just so I get experience.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

If anything, these months of unemployment have encouraged me to think about what I really want to do: studying behavior, doing clincial research, and working in a lab.

Problem is, how do I go about doing this? The closest place for this is John Hopkins and that is about an hour drive. Internships appear to be for students attending the school.

How do I get my foot in the door with this field? I am applying to jobs online but I wouldn't mind doing grunt work just so I get experience.

Go to John Hopkins with this exact story...

[dulaney0330]

Well, I received an email today saying that they interviewed 50 people and I was their "second favorite." They never explained why I didn't get it, though.

Good to know, although I am idealistic and settling on second never feels satisfactory! But, at least I know I didn't do as bad as I had thought.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Well, I received an email today saying that they interviewed 50 people and I was their "second favorite." They never explained why I didn't get it, though.

Good to know, although I am idealistic and settling on second never feels satisfactory! But, at least I know I didn't do as bad as I had thought.

Are you sending them back a message asking them to keep you in mind in case #1 pulls a Vanessa Williams?

That's pretty good that you got a personalized message like that, rather than a the same form letter the other 49 people got. (Although wouldn't it be funny if they sent out rankings on everybody? Someone gets a letter saying "you were our least favorite out of 50")

[Solipsist]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Well, I received an email today saying that they interviewed 50 people and I was their "second favorite." They never explained why I didn't get it, though.

Good to know, although I am idealistic and settling on second never feels satisfactory! But, at least I know I didn't do as bad as I had thought.

This has actually happened to me twice, and in both cases, I got the job, anyway, because their 'favorite' opted out.

Not that I set a goal for coming in second, but if it still lands me a job I'm seeking, I'll take it.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Angela

Are you sending them back a message asking them to keep you in mind in case #1 pulls a Vanessa Williams?

That's pretty good that you got a personalized message like that, rather than a the same form letter the other 49 people got. (Although wouldn't it be funny if they sent out rankings on everybody? Someone gets a letter saying "you were our least favorite out of 50")

Well, I thanked him again for the opportunity and that I was still available for the position.

The founders of this school, particularly the husband, were some of the nicest people I have met.

And I wasn't surprised that they emailed me because they are the type of people who care that much.

It was the only time I had such a favorable opinion of those interviewing me.

haha, it would be funny. Although, I am saying this as number two in ranking

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Solipsist

This has actually happened to me twice, and in both cases, I got the job, anyway, because their 'favorite' opted out.

Not that I set a goal for coming in second, but if it still lands me a job I'm seeking, I'll take it.

Interesting! Are you glad you got the job?

Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't want to be "second best" and I know I can't complain too much with it. But, my day will come!

[dulaney0330]

Had another interview today for a medical assistant position. great pay/benefits and a lot of Steelers fan. Got along well with the woman who interviewed me and she said she felt "connected" to me. If the head doctor (a steelers fan) likes me, it seems I am in.

Although I was warned the doctor can make women cry! A challenging work environment indeed!
Fingers crossed!

[brendannz]

good luck,

my advice is having something you want to tell the employer about yourself, and focussing on what you want to say rather than focussing on how nervous you feel..

Be more motivated by the carrot than the stick is what works best for job interviews.

I've just had one successful job interview, and I'm working on applying my own advice to being in the job