A Big Ole Honkin' Look at Finances

[James81]

So, I'm noticing a theme come up in my life. Basically, it's just a new look at finances and my financial situation. And I haven't been actively thinking about finances lately, but I'm noticing that talk about finances is coming out in several areas of my life...both online and in real life. Some things that I've been thinking about revolve around finances, having the money to do them, and/or career in terms of making enough money to make bills.

So, I've decided that that means that there's something trying to surface in terms of finances or surrounding finances that I'm wanting to take a closer look at, learn something, and perhaps find some new possibilities.

So, this thread is me wanting to do some stream of consciousness kind of typing and journaling in that regard and see what bubbles up. Going to get my conscious thoughts out of the way so that I can see the subconscious fuel behind it.

I suspect that perhaps the idea of freedom is behind it, because that's what surfaced in a discussion in another thread where I talked about "tangling" finances together and how that creates a feeling of obligation instead of freedom.

And I can see how that might be a central issue here. Because part of the reason I feel "stuck" in my career (aside from the fact that that's an impact of my limiting belief), revolves around the idea that I feel like I can't make a move in that regard because I don't feel I can generate enough income to live off of, or the security surrounding what this job provides. I also have little support in terms of what my family encourages me to do (the general consensus there is that I am to be an Engineer, go to church like a good christian, get back with my ex-wife and raise our kids in church, and to stay in or around the town I grew up in. Funny, there was a potential possible apartment open up to me over the weekend, and it was 15 minutes outside of my current hometown, and I told my mom about it, and she mentioned how far away from work it would be (a half hour), how crazy the drivers were on the road that leads back to my hometown, and how far away from my kids that would be (about 15 minutes lol).

I also wonder if this financial thing revolves around the way I view my relationship with my parents, because, well, the first thing I did after seeing the bat was run back home and now I'm living there again until I find a new place. And not just that, but it's tempting to me, now that I"m there, to outright quit my job while I'm in a situation where I have very few bills, and start whatever it is I'm wanting to start. But again, that thought again circles around that freedom thing...being "stuck" there until I generate enough income to live on my own.

So, hmmm, I'll leave it at that for now. I'm open to whatever insights you all have to share. Probably more to come later.

[butterflyeffect]

Hey James,

I find myself to always have enough money and never be feeling dependant on my jobs.

The thing is I have felt like this for a couple of years now and its not because my parents give me money or anything like that but a product of financial knowledge, good investments and the mindset I take to work.

I am not an employee, I am an enterpeneur and freelancer, I am currently choosing to freelance in my part time position with the company I work with at the moment. for the company I am currently at in my opinion, I freelance with them. I learnt that skill when I worked in retail after leaving high school, I managed to get two or three casual positions at different jewellery stores and freelanced with them all. Its a mindset, not something you explain to your employer!!

Your attitude seems really foreign to me to be honest. I don't work for the money, I work to learn further develop my skills and my mind. I get payed and invest the money I earn but I arrive at work with the attitude, "I am here to further develop my skills. What can I learn today?"

It seems to me like your giving away an awful lot of power to your bills, your job and your self created situation. I don't get it. You want more money, invest what you have well!! Start small and get going. Spend less and get financially savvy, see opportunities and mentally quit your job and start freelancing for the skills, see if it makes a difference.

A great book to read is:
"Rich Dad Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki

[butterflyeffect]

Edit. I get the feeling that you are a really smart person and this thread is more about you working you out and my advice isn't really needed. Haha so im going to stop shoving advice down ur throat!! Haha besides I have already done my very best in projection in your last thread So good luck dearest and go out and make ur millions xx

[James81]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Edit. I get the feeling that you are a really smart person and this thread is more about you working you out and my advice isn't really needed. Haha so im going to stop shoving advice down ur throat!! Haha besides I have already done my very best in projection in your last thread So good luck dearest and go out and make ur millions xx

I actually really appreciated your comment. I read it last night right before I went to sleep. I just didn't scroll down enough today to see this thread to be reminded of it, so thanks for the bump.

This part really resonated with me:

It seems to me like your giving away an awful lot of power to your bills, your job and your self created situation. I don't get it. You want more money, invest what you have well!! Start small and get going. Spend less and get financially savvy, see opportunities and mentally quit your job and start freelancing for the skills, see if it makes a difference.

And I like the perspective of "mentally" quitting my job. I also see how I'm giving a LOT of power away to my bills and how that might actually be related to the issues I'm facing. It also feeds back into this "choice" theme that's been around for a while now. I notice that the thing that most activates me is a lack of choice. When i feel like I don't have a choice, I go batty with frustration/anger/whatever.

[James81]

The other thing I'm noticing that's starting to crop up (in terms of solutions) is the idea of "little things adding up in a big way."

I don't think it's a coincidence that my current challenge with the novel writing (small increments of daily writing) has popped up in conjunction with your advice, butterfly.

And I think it's worth taking a look at why I feel compelled to make BIG changes, why I feel like I want to do it all at once or not at all, instead of choosing to do daily, incremental things that will add up over time.

First thing that comes to mind when I think of it is "I am impatient."

I'm going to chase that thought and see where it leads. Any comments are welcome. I don't feel like advice is being "shoved down my throat." I sort of saw it as a more "tough love" kind of advice, so it's all good.

[butterflyeffect]

Oh lol i wasn;t sure, I was like hmmm, have I hijacked James's thread.. I have a tendency to do over give advice sometimes and I wasn't sure if now was one of those times.

Anyway something that really strikes me about your situation is that you seem to view your job as the only way to make a living. To me thats bizarre. You are surrounded by opportunities and you ignore them, I have previously been guilty of that.

So you have mentally quit your job. You freelance as an engineer during the week. At the weekend and in your evening time you write fiction and then what other income generating activities would you like to pursue?

In Australia there is a huge industry for security workers. There is a huge shortage of security workers and unlimited and varied work. For example my brother works in security at a department store and the course takes 2 weeks to train and you start at management level with career progression to anything from data protection, state and terroism to being a bouncer at a club. Endless opportunities. I know someone who is a fully trained accountant, in the process of setting up their own practise and does security work on a casual basis and freelances with several agencies and works on sundays for double pay at a department store. Theres someone who sees opportunities!!!

James, start seeing the opportunities. Your engineer, what could you be freelancing at besides your current day job. Do you want to do freelance security? Writing? Acting? Photography? Modelling? Babysitting? Sell things online? Have a garage sale and sell heaps of junk on ebay? Seriously endless opportunities. Since adopting the opportunites are endless mindest I have to keep a diary to write down all my ideas. Realistically I don't pursue them all but some of them are really easy and work well.

Like I am oiling my grandmothers stinkwood furniture for a fee while visiting them. I have to visit them and they need help, works well for both parties. You live in a small town, how about doing some handyman work on the side? My grandparents hire a police officer to mow their lawns and garden and he also does police work as well. See he is freelancing and they love that he is qualified and reliable. To their great excitement he also brought his police dog to show them, they told the whole neighbourhood!!! Their freelancer now does the whole streets lawns and thats about 5 houses. Think big and grow!!



Use your skills. Think big. Do it for yourself. Lets start using your skills.

Ps. If my advice becomes over the top and unwanted feel free to tell me, I can get over enthusiastic about things!! (Quite often, thats why i am soo good at selling!! The customers LOVE me.)

[James81]

Damn, butterfly, your advice really set something loose in me.

I kept thinking as I was reading your last response that "But I already KNOW what opportunities are available, I think about them all the time, I'm just not choosing them."

But then it sort of clicked. And it made recent events all make a WORLD of sense to me.

It's not impatience. It's SECURITY. I kept thinking, while reading your response, that being an entrepeneur in the way you suggested would involve several small increments of pay instead of two, nicely blocked off paychecks twice a month. And the thought of that was absolutely MADDENING. lol

And it hit me...security. I seek security. And I've said that many times before, but it was sort of off-the-cuff and I never really realized the impacts of how MUCH I seek security. And realizing that my Dad (my parents) are some of the most "secure" people I know (in terms of finances), and how when the little bat came flitting into my apartment I "ran" back up there to stay until I find a new place. I wasn't running to avoid something...I was moving back to SECURITY. They represent that to me, and when things go haywire, I run towards security...I choose security.

Right now I'm trying to think what that means about myself...and I'm also trying to think of an earlier instance in my life where I choose to become obsessed with being "secure."

[James81]

LOL (I'm laughing because of what I just realized)

It's comical actually. And it's funny how things just "make sense."

A few weeks ago, in another thread here, I remember thinking about some things that were affecting me and activating me, and the sensation was a feeling of "hard to breathe". And during that, I thought about two instances in my childhood where I had almost "died". Once as a baby, and the other as a kid where I could've drowned.

But the funny thing of it is, during that train of thought, I generated the possibility of being "elemental." And that represented to me "air, water, fire, and rock." And those things represented adaptation, renewal, attraction, etc. A whole bunch of possibilities sprung out of it.

Anyway, today, the first thing that popped in my head when I thought about security, was a situation where I was a young kid in a boat with one cousin who was my age, and my other cousin who was older (like a mother to me) and her friend. We were in a row boat out on the lake and it was fine. But at one point I remember the my cousin almost dropped the paddle into the water. And if her friend hadn't of caught it, it would've went right into the water.

And I SCREAMED and BAWLED like crazy. I was scared to death because that paddle going into the water meant that we would be stuck out there. For years after that, I wouldn't even get IN a boat. Even though I knew how to swim (even when this incident happened, I could swim), something about it triggered massive fear in me. And you know what? I can imagine in that situation making a decision about myself in order to cope with it. Deciding that I needed security. I need security to survive, so don't take a risk. (Like go out on a lake with a boat).

But what is really funny, and why I am laughing, is that I can think of instances in my childhood where "traumatic" (perhaps that's a little overkill, but I can't think of a better word) experiences revolve precisely around those four "elements" (air, water, fire, and rock).

Air -- the issues with almost drowning, and being "blue faced" as a baby and almost dying

Water -- almost drowning, the situation on the lake

Rock -- when I was a kid, again lol, I remember taunting one of my friends...sticking out my tongue and making fun of him, and he got so mad that he threw a brick at me. Hit me right upside the head and I had to get stitches.

Fire -- I took some Niacin as a kid (my mom was big into vitamins) and my dad did too. And I had a severe allergic reaction to it...my skin felt like it was on fire, so I ran into the shower and got into cold water. My dad, who didn't realize I was reacting that way (and had the same allergic reaction), ran into the bathroom and told me to get out of the shower, yelling at me to hurry up.

(Heh, I know these aren't "traumas" in sense that the word is usually used, but they were moments of heightened emotion for me.)

But yeah, I just got a huge kick out of the fact that what I thought were possibilities were also my subconscious trying to get some more messages across to me.

[butterflyeffect]

Ur gremlins are back.

"My current job gives me secuity, without security I would be...."

"If I leave my job, I will be..."

"Being a writer provides no security" - Really, coz JKL Rowling seems pretty secure..

My other question would be, why do you have to quit your job in order to freelance and pursue other opportunities? Like keep freelancing as an engineer but pursue the other options as well.

Your post reminds me of a conversation I had with a very wise man. He told me this, "
Your stock piling. Your clinging onto a false sense of security by creating a safety raft, with your ED (your case cigs and job), to keep you safe, because without you feel you won't be okay. Truth is you have everything you need to be okay inside of yourself. Take away your posessions, status and job, start from scratch in Siberia, you will be okay. Its not the "...behaviors, money, job" its the skills and mental strength you carry inside of you that protects you".

Food for thought. I think if you can unravel some of this stuff you will be alot free-er.

[James81]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Ur gremlins are back.

"My current job gives me secuity, without security I would be...."

"If I leave my job, I will be..."

Lost.

I am lost.

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

"Being a writer provides no security" - Really, coz JKL Rowling seems pretty secure..

True. So do James Patteson, Stephen King, Dean Koontz, and a slew of other people.

I can write a book and seel a million copies. That's doable. Or I could write a million books and sell one copy each.

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

My other question would be, why do you have to quit your job in order to freelance and pursue other opportunities? Like keep freelancing as an engineer but pursue the other options as well.

I like your perspective on this.

But you'd think it would be "easy" to do that, huh? But I don't. Brrrt.

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Your post reminds me of a conversation I had with a very wise man. He told me this, "
Your stock piling. Your clinging onto a false sense of security by creating a safety raft, with your ED (your case cigs and job), to keep you safe, because without you feel you won't be okay. Truth is you have everything you need to be okay inside of yourself. Take away your posessions, status and job, start from scratch in Siberia, you will be okay. Its not the "...behaviors, money, job" its the skills and mental strength you carry inside of you that protects you".

That's a great quote. And it's true. There's a whole lot of other options for survival and protection besides just money, job, etc.

[James81]

So, a lot of stuff is bubbling out of this. I'm bubbles mcgee over here.

First of all, I found another branch in my limitations.

"I need security to survive"

I can't be me. Nobody likes me. I need security to survive.

I need security to survive and that means I'm lost. I'm lost and that means I'm bad. ("Lost" in the sense that a christian would tell a "sinner" that they are lost....)



The impacts of "I'm lost" is this need for security to drive my actions, being stuck, wandering aimlessly about (unable to make a decision), feeling ashamed/shameful, and projecting all of that onto other people. Jealousy is a projection I discovered today and the projection of that onto someone that I loved. Jealousy shows up in a lot areas...anybody that does something I want to do (but feel stuck or paralyzed in doing for myself), activates that jealousy in me. And that jealousy creates obsessiveness, insecurity, and a "push/pull" dynamic.

But out of the impacts, a new possibility has sprung loose. (Yay for possibilities )

Who I am is the possibility of being motion.

If I am being motion, I am moving towards the things I want, I am generating new things in my life instead of laying around stagnating, I am able to take risks, and to have movement towards my goals.

***

That's the more psychological/mental aspect of this realization and it's impacts.

A more realistic approach involves making motion in my finances, my career, and creating my own sense of independence instead of falling back onto and stagnating on the safety nets I have in my family (namely my parents).

This involves taking a look at my finances, getting those straight, setting up a savings plan, and setting up some investments.

This also involves realistic approaches toward generating money NOW, independent of my job, but it also involves creating motion IN my job as it is.

More on this later, cause now I gotta bounce.

But this thread has been very useful for working some stuff out. Thanks for your replies butterfly.

[butterflyeffect]

I have to ask, are you actually eliminating the negative beliefs you hold about yourself or just identifying them and rationalising them out?

From my view point it sounds like on a sub concious level your still holding onto them strongly.

In order to pursue the sort of long lasting changes your looking for those beliefs are going to have go, permanently.

I like the Leftkoe Method Steve reccomends for eliminating beliefs but there are alot of other methods to permanently eliminate beliefs. I think Angela could be an excellent source of knowledge on the subject.

_____________________

Savings Plan:
- Excellent idea, how are you going to start saving your money
- What are you going to do with the money you save

Investments:
- I would reccomend not just doing it blindly, but reading the book Rich Dad Poor Dad and other information and understandign the market and then investing.

Security:
- At the moment you want it, how can you use all the security you have created to help you achieve your goals?

[James81]

So, I'm not actively looking for more gremlins here (I'm actually a little tired of doing that lol), but they keep cropping up.

Or rather, I should say that these frustrated/negative feelings keep cropping up and I keep allowing them through and start asking myself why I feel that way. And, inevitably, it leads me down a new rabbit hole to a new discovery.

And, voila, today out popped another one. And it was related to resistance...and why I'm like a pinball...freely moving about until I meet resistance and then rapidly changing course.

What came out of that?

It's my fault.

And an extension...."It's my fault she's not happy." Thinking about the relationship with my mother and father growing up and how she always told us that if it weren't for us, she would have left my dad a long time ago.

(And another thing I realize is that the very people I try to help here, all seem to be relating back to things that are in me. I mean, "i am a loser" and "it's all my fault" and "I'm stupid" are all gremlins for people I've worked with here. It's funny how that works.)

And this resitance and pinball like nature really resonates with my finances and career.

[Angela]

Just want you to know I'm really resonating and inspired here, James. Who I am is the possibility of Being Motion == I love it, and I'm with you!

Just thinking, remember how you were resistant about taking "MY" gremlin? I'm just thinking that it's no accident that we're attracted to others who share our gremlins, and "It's my fault" is a really resonant one, isn't it? Amazing.

Who I am is the possibility of Being Motion. Thank you.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by James81

I notice that the thing that most activates me is a lack of choice. When i feel like I don't have a choice, I go batty with frustration/anger/whatever.

I feel you brother on that one !!

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by James81

So, I'm not actively looking for more gremlins here (I'm actually a little tired of doing that lol), but they keep cropping up.

Or rather, I should say that these frustrated/negative feelings keep cropping up and I keep allowing them through and start asking myself why I feel that way. And, inevitably, it leads me down a new rabbit hole to a new discovery.

And, voila, today out popped another one. And it was related to resistance...and why I'm like a pinball...freely moving about until I meet resistance and then rapidly changing course.

What came out of that?

It's my fault.

And an extension...."It's my fault she's not happy." Thinking about the relationship with my mother and father growing up and how she always told us that if it weren't for us, she would have left my dad a long time ago.

(And another thing I realize is that the very people I try to help here, all seem to be relating back to things that are in me. I mean, "i am a loser" and "it's all my fault" and "I'm stupid" are all gremlins for people I've worked with here. It's funny how that works.)

And this resitance and pinball like nature really resonates with my finances and career.

all I can say is wow james !!

I cannot believe the smart ,funny, helpful and insightful fella is posting this
but I love that you did
it makes me feel more connected to you

not that I want you to have issues but watching u work through yours is grounding me in a world of human endurance and bravery
brave to bare ourselves and let the arrows fly where they may

how can I help you
now ?

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by Angela

Just want you to know I'm really resonating and inspired here, James. Who I am is the possibility of Being Motion == I love it, and I'm with you!

Just thinking, remember how you were resistant about taking "MY" gremlin? I'm just thinking that it's no accident that we're attracted to others who share our gremlins, and "It's my fault" is a really resonant one, isn't it? Amazing.

Who I am is the possibility of Being Motion. Thank you.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Angela

Just want you to know I'm really resonating and inspired here, James. Who I am is the possibility of Being Motion == I love it, and I'm with you!

Just thinking, remember how you were resistant about taking "MY" gremlin? I'm just thinking that it's no accident that we're attracted to others who share our gremlins, and "It's my fault" is a really resonant one, isn't it? Amazing.

Who I am is the possibility of Being Motion. Thank you.

Thanks. I read this earlier before there were any other replies and it felt good to know that my little ramblings were inspiring others.

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

all I can say is wow james !!

I cannot believe the smart ,funny, helpful and insightful fella is posting this
but I love that you did
it makes me feel more connected to you

not that I want you to have issues but watching u work through yours is grounding me in a world of human endurance and bravery
brave to bare ourselves and let the arrows fly where they may

how can I help you
now ?

You're already helping me. You're inspiring me. Look at what you're writing already! This does not sound like that little girl over there in that other thread. Your post actually gave me goosebumps. (the part about brave to bare ouselves and let the arrows fly really hit me)

And you're already feeling more connected. (And yeah, I feel it too, and I don't believe anybody comes into our lives by chance, so there's stuff we can learn from each other. )

[lifetimelearner]

thank you james
I feel it too !

[aelle]

Seems like you have made a lot of progress since your OP. But it seemed to me that in that first post, you linked a lot financial boligations with relationships that put strain on your life. Your ex wife, your parents, your boss. What happens if you think of finances in connexion to people you love? Your children, maybe? Are the feelings that arise any different?

[James81]

Originally Posted by aelle

Seems like you have made a lot of progress since your OP. But it seemed to me that in that first post, you linked a lot financial boligations with relationships that put strain on your life. Your ex wife, your parents, your boss. What happens if you think of finances in connexion to people you love? Your children, maybe? Are the feelings that arise any different?

Aw, geez, aelle. Your post hit me hard.

I read it last night and thought about it a little bit, but I didn't think of much then.

But this morning, however, it lead me to another realization, which stands very much at the heart of my finances, and it's an impact of believing "it's my fault."

And that is, very simply, that I live my life feeling indebted to the people who surround me. Especially my kids. It's my fault me and their mother aren't together, it's my fault that we split up, it's my fault that they don't have things they might want, so I owe them a debt. I owe them my life. The feeling of being stuck, here in this town, is produced not out of a sense of love, but out of a debt I owe them for what I caused. Ouch ouch ouch ouch. That stings.

and my go to phrase has been, "When my kids turn 18, I'm outta here. I'm leaving this place."

When the solution isn't runing away or leaving. I can be who I am right here. I just...wow. I didn't even realize that I was living my life as if I owe people something.

And all of that was spurred by some guy in my office buying me a pop tart. LOL

It's my fault, so there's a price to pay. It's my fault, so there is pennance. It's my fault, so I need to do what I'm told. It's my fault, so I need to sacrifice my life for my kids. It's my fault, so I deserve to be in this prison that I call a job. it's my fault, and thus I owe a debt.

And that is so powerfully pervading my life. And it fits with my finances and how I keep dropping behind at intervals in my life. The feeling of owing a debt is actually creating that very thing in my reality! And it's very ironic how much I absolutely *hate* being in debt. I just made my final lasik payment this month, and for the past year that debt has been looming over me. I've hated that bill. And I was so glad to find that I paid it off.

And it's also the reason I baulk at buying a new car. I don't want the payment because I know that sinking feeling I get when I take on a new debt.

it's my fault, and thus there is a debt to be paid. There are consequences for your actions. If you sin, then someone has to make a sacrifice. A sacrifice is required because there is a debt to be paid. And it's all my fault.

<---me=floored.

(I see how silly that thinking is, btw, but it's very much running me. More to come later.)

[James81]

More impacts, just from puttering around the forums today.

There are certain things I've set into place in my life in which I can manipulate and control (those two words are things that I've been generating ), while simultaneously avoiding and repressing myself. It's the pinball machine action. I'm bouncing around aimlessly, and in doing so I create problems, small problems, that i can solve (or try to solve). So I choose to procrastinate (another impact) in certain areas of my life (career, finances, health, and relationships are the top ones) in order to continously create puzzles to solve.

And it all feeds back into not being willing to do small things over time, but, rather, a need to create "big" (yet manageable) problems that I can solve, and in solving them, people can look at my accomplishments and go "wow, look at what he accomplished!"

I can avoid "it's my fault" by creating smaller issues (allowing myself to fall behind, thus creating this idea that I am "lazy") that I can manage and show of myself that I can achieve great things in small amounts of time.

It's a product of this debt I have to pay. It's a product of avoiding "fault" or "blame" with whatever I do. If I break myself (being "broken" is another impact), I can fix myself. And if I am constantly breaking and fixing myself, I'm too distracted to have any real affect on others (so nobody can blame ME for what is happening with them because I'm too busy working on myself...and being self-absorbed).

****

My little puzzle has all come together pretty nicely. I see very clearly why my finances are the way they are, why my career is the way it is, and why I have this constant "two steps forward, two backward" motion (<---haha!) in my life.

I'm moving, but I'm not going anywhere.

But my possibility is motion. And action.

Action and motion. Moving toward what I want. Using the momentum of the things that activate me to inspire more motion. To "keep moving forward" (<--haha!), finding strength in what's left behind (<--haha!). The meaning of live is to live it, so just enjoy it. Living is motion.

[James81]

Motion is poetry.

I like that. (Haiku! )

Motion is poetry. Flowing freely and effortlessly toward what I want.

Motion is poetry. Beautiful and inspiring and charismatic.

Motion is poetry.

EDIT: Ok, i'm done.

[Angela]

You are motion, James
You move me deeply, my friend
My fave emotion

[James81]

Originally Posted by Angela

You are motion, James
You move me deeply, my friend
My fave emotion

*******

The reason I became an Engineer was so that I could more fully understand what it means to be motion.

I wonder now that that purpose has been served, what that might mean for my career?

Because, good lord, my whole career has been centered around the idea of motion/moving people, things, etc. This whole thing pervades my life very much like my gremlin.

(Although I'm wondering which came first now..."I'm bad" or "it's my fault" because they both are so encompassing it's uncanny.)

But anyway, thanks to my career, I can really explore the possibility of being motion in a lot of depth. I've got formulas and concepts all that crap.

Motion is related to velocity, momentum, mass, acceleration/deceleration.

But to keep it simple....

If I am being motion, what is involved?

1. Do I want/need a vehicle through which to be motion? (a purpose, career, contribution)

2. If I am being motion, in what ways to I speed up or slow down to meet my daily challenges? (emotional kung fu )

3. What types of maintenance is required to keep the motion smooth and functioning (renewal of mind, body, spirit)?

4. How do I relate to other bodies that are in motion? (social/relationships)

5. How much fuel do I desire to move towards the things I want? (finances)

These are things I shall ponder now. If I am being motion, what will I be doing with my life?

A more "realistic" approach is to follow (i.e. a little planning in terms of actual goals here).

[Angela]

Generating goals is a whole 'nuther aminal when you're doing it inside of a new, inspiring possibility, isn't it!?

[James81]

Originally Posted by Angela

Generating goals is a whole 'nuther aminal when you're doing it inside of a new, inspiring possibility, isn't it!?

Yip yip.

It's fun now.

[James81]

And just for the hell of it, I'm going to develop my goals in the form of a good ole fashioned Engineering word problem.

I HATED those things in school, but I absolutely love the structure of doing a design problem for life goals. This is one design problem I'm looking forward to creating and then solving.

[ssandra]

As usual (it's almost getting boring ), I'm thinking about finances and money as well.

I have found out recently that I am terrified about making more money. About being successful.

My life so far has been:

Things go better
I start feeling bad / paralyzed
Things go down hill
I get more bad feelings / paralyzed
Things hit a bottom level
I get my ass moving
Things start going better
I start feeling bad / paralyzed
Things go down hill
I get more bad feelings / paralyzed
Things hit a bottom level
I get my ass moving
Things start going better

Etc. etc. etc.

I can think of 4 life changing events like that for me.

I finally moved out of my parents house, studied something I liked, had great friends and a wonderful boyfriend.... and became depressed, had mono, and failed several subjects in school.

I went to Mexico for a semester of study. I met wonderful people, I met my now husband. I stopped going to school here, flunked out, and simply didn't even return to get the credits that I did make.

We owned a restaurant, I LOVED working in the restaurant, even though there was a lot of stress. We got a drunken partner, things went to hell in a express train, we got stuck with a giant debt, my husband felt betrayed by his dad and sunk away in a huge depression for a year or so.

We moved to Belgium and got married. I found a job where I got promoted to team leader (within 6 months, and got to learn for the first time about NLP), loved the job, the environment not so much.
Quit the job, took another job. Learned so much about sales, I really really loved the psychology behind it.
Got a small burn out because I couldn't handle the pressure that goes with actual sales.

Quit my job, started my own company, got some nice clients. Stopped doing the work for them (paralyzed) and failed miserable at it.

Moved to Mexico... doing great now...

I have several opportunities that I will be able to make work and turn into money making.

And I'm reaching again the stage of paralysis.

Part of it has to do with my limiting believe and I do feel that that isn't as much an issue anymore.

Another (giant) part has to do with my parents.

When I was young I loved my life. My parents were happy together, I had everything I could possibly want.
Then they started to do better financially and my dad started his own company.... and everything went straight to hell. My dad is now an alcoholic who doesn't admit it, he used to scream at me daily.. my mom... well... she was living in her little dream world where my dad is king, and now realized that he could be wrong at times.. so although I applaud her for standing up for herself, it didn't make for a nice environment to grow up in..

And all this around the age of 12 - 15, where insecurities come out, where (I believe) a large part of your personality is defined. Where you are supposed to grow up.

And all that, for me, is tied up in making more and more money


No wonder I'm constantly looking away from making money and being secure. Feeling financially insecure for me feels emotionally secure.

Oh wow... I'm ****ed up.

Sorry to hijack your thread.

I'm going to think about this some more, and leave your thread to you now

[lifetimelearner]

I am in debt too james
and it's very dificult for me being a single mother and knowing I have to pay back all this money and provide for my kids at the same time

so I can see what you are saying

ooops cat emergency be back later