Changing the Frame

[dominick]

I've become very interested lately in the notion of "changing the frame." The more that I experience life the more that I see in many social interactions that one person is selling to the other. For instance, in business it's very easy to tell who is selling to who by the way people interact. Subordinates almost always "sell" to their boss. Salespeople almost always "sell" to their clients.

Where it gets interesting is when the sell relationship is not clearly defined. For example, imagine a CEO interviewing a high-level executive while simultaneously pitching her on why she should join his company. He is trying to sell her on what the company is good but at the same time she is selling him on why she could be the right person to hire.

In those situations the relationship is rarely equal. Almost always one person is selling the other person and the person being sold usually has the most power regardless of the existing hierarchy. Let's say that person joins the company but after a few months is thinking about quitting. At that point the CEO, even though he is her superior, will likely sell the exec on why she should stay.

OK, that's a long-winded way to say I'm really curious how people get good at shifting the frame and being able to get the other person to sell to them. It's one thing if you have natural points of leverage. However, what if you don't? Imagine Leo in Catch Me If You Can. How does he sell other people on who he is when he actually doesn't have much/anything to back it up?

It seems it's a combination of body language, conviction, charisma and probably a host of intangible things. I'd love to hear thoughts on this. And I definitely see how this skill could be used for good or evil. I intend to use it for good and am really curious what other examples there are out there of incredible frame-changers.

[JustinPopovic]

Great post!

You really got me thinking.

I think a lot of comes down to conviction and the "Act As If" Principle. Fake it till you make it type deal.

Here's what I mean. We can enter any situation or social interaction with a specific desired outcome. For me, I think about when I first started public speaking. On the inside I was a nervous wreck but on the outside I "acted as if" I was the most confident person in the world. The more I acted this way, the more it felt real to me. After doing this a number of times, I actually became the confident speaker. Not to say all nerves are forever removed but I am literally a new person when I speak.

In general, each person has a personal objective/goal in any given social interraction. I think it is the ability to embody the characterstics of someone who is already in possesion of the desired result that ultimately determines the outcome.

Thanks for bringing this up. Great food for thought

[Angela]

I think one important frame to be flexible about if you want to persuade someone is the frame of motivation. Many "salespeople" (people who want to persuade) operate from a rather stiff sense of motivation -- like what motivates themselves, or what's "common knowledge," or what they think their target *should* be motivated by; and they don't bother to discover what motivates the person they're talking to and then operate in that person's frame.

For instance, the wife who wants to liven up her marriage, so she suggests to her husband that they spend more romantic time together alone -- not realizing that her husband's idea of enlivenment is recharging his batteries by going out, meeting and engaging with lots of people, and spending more time alone together has him feeling less enlivened and romantic with her, not more!

Or the salesperson who tells me I can't pass up this sweater because it's the perfect shade of blue for my eyes -- not realizing that although I want it to look good, I'm far more likely to buy a sweater that feels good on my body.

I think a great place to start is with getting really familiar with recognizing meta-programs -- the unconscious perception filters that include but go far beyond the basic Myers-Briggs filters.