getting over getting sacked

[Aurora]

Hi there,
I know this is a somewhat basic post for all the ppl in this forum in regards to what to do with your life and most of all seeing the bigger picture.

I couple of months ago I worked as a substitute at a childrens welfare office. I got a phD in social work and I've worked with children before and have loved it! Although, the job I had didn't quite feel right for me since it's not so much motivational work as authority. SO; i didn't get the chans to continue there (which I reckon' is a bliss since i got really sick from the stress and tenure of that place) but now I'm struggling to get another job.. Because my former employer haven't given me good references (well, they're not bad but not all good either) and that backfires for me all the time. I get to the interview, they decide that they're interested - check my references and back away.

This all is getting to me. I'm lacaking self- confidence, I've lost my sense of direction and what I want to do for a living and I don't want to apply for another job since I'm no longer sure that I'm competent enough. I know this is a minor issue in comparison to many of the other post's in here. But still, I thought i'd ask for some help to get over the fact that I don't have the perfect references and what I can do to find my direction in life again..

thank you,
Aurora

[Holistic Star]

A couple of suggestions. Approach your last employer. Tell them you are struggling to find work and you think it is because of the reference. Ask what s/he is saying about you and maybe negotiate an amendment.

Or, in the interviews, be honest. Say it didn't work out at your old place and because of that your reference isn't great. Don't slag off your boss, just be honest about what you contributed to the situation, and what you learned from the situation.

Alternatively see if you can find employment through someone you know who might be more likely to give you a chance.

(I'm not sure what else to suggest. In the UK you can't give a bad reference, and because of that all anyone gives is factual confirmation of salary, dates of employment and job title.)

Hope that helps.

[jendoe]

Hi Aurora!

First off - congratulations on getting your PhD - that's a huge accomplishment! I know alot of people who end up dropping out of their PhD programs before they complete it. You should be proud of that!

It does sound like your self-confidence is a little low. When I've been in similar situations (unemployed, between jobs) - here are things that helped me...

- Can you make a list of things you've accomplished, and compliments you've been given? What hard things have you done (I'd start with the Phd!)? They don't have to be work related either... and if you can think back and write down nice, genuine things that people have complimented you on - I find those helpful to remember. For me, reading through lists like this, helps me to remember that I'm not incompetent, even if I feel like it at the moment.

- Also remember, you had a job (was that your first job, or were there others before?) That means, someone out there thought you were competent enough to hire. Never mind the fact that you're not there now - that could be for any number of reasons (bad personality fit with the boss, for example) - you were good enough at what you do to convince someone to hire you. That means... it's not impossible! If one person was willing to hire you, the odds are excellent that there are others out there who would also be willing to hire you!

- Do you have any other references besides your old boss? Previous jobs? Previous teachers? People you worked or studied with in school (assuming that was fairly recently)? I think as long as you're honest about who the person is, it's fine - I was a reference for a friend in school when we graduated. We were up front with the company he was interviewing with, I had worked on several class projects with him, and told them about those experiences and how it was working with him. If you have any co-workers from your job that you were friendly with, you might ask if they would be willing to provide references for you.

I'm not sure where you're located - in the US - I think that if a company that has interviewed you calls another company for a reference (as opposed to calling a specific individual that you provide) - the company that you used to work for is ONLY allowed to verify the dates of your employment (maybe your salary as well, I'm not sure?) Most will not say anything about how good/bad you were, because it is considered a legal risk - you could sue them.

While I'm not sure suing your former employer is the right route you might want to have a friend call them up, and pretend like they are asking for a reference for you. This way, you can get an unbiased view of what they're actually saying, since it's doubtful that the companies interviewing you will discuss it with you. This will also help you pinpoint if it's that reference, or something else happening that is getting in your way.

Finally - if you can - just take a little time to take care of yourself, and figure out what you really want to do - or at least what direction you want to be going in... Losing a job is stressful and traumatic, you deserve some time to get yourself back on track!

And, I believe that if you can pinpoint what you want - what excites you in your job - then you can bring that energy and joy into your interview and really wow them. The best interviews are when you're genuinelly excited about the job offered (not about having a paying job, but the work itself!) and you're able to connect with the person interviewing you about that.

Good thoughts to you, and good luck with the job search!

[Angela Leeds]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

A couple of suggestions. Approach your last employer. Tell them you are struggling to find work and you think it is because of the reference. Ask what s/he is saying about you and maybe negotiate an amendment.

Or, in the interviews, be honest. Say it didn't work out at your old place and because of that your reference isn't great. Don't slag off your boss, just be honest about what you contributed to the situation, and what you learned from the situation.

Alternatively see if you can find employment through someone you know who might be more likely to give you a chance.

(I'm not sure what else to suggest. In the UK you can't give a bad reference, and because of that all anyone gives is factual confirmation of salary, dates of employment and job title.)

Hope that helps.

Excellent suggestions.

Here's a suggestion to help you rebuild your confidence, which is the most important thing to take you to the next step.

Get our your resume and start to take fresh stock about what you have to offer. Put an "Objective" (what do you want to do?) at the top, and start playing with what that could be. Start asking yourself: What can you do? What are all your skills? What are your natural talents? What things have you accomplished... even if they don't pertain to your most recent "job"? What are the most powerful problems or services you have to offer someone, even if you don't know what job title they would entail..

The more you can list these out and get clearer on what they are, and start to recognize with new clarity what you have to offer, you're going to start to tap into a new feeling of self-worth and certainty that you have something good to offer people. Tweak your resume, and tweak some more, and tweak even more, to express this new clarity.

Doing this exercise is so powerful Aurora because it really does help you find your *heart* and that inner certainty that you have something good to offer, as well as the clarity around what that is. It gets your creative juices flowing, and all kinds of new ideas and opportunities may start coming to mind.

Don't lose heart! Losing a job can be a great opportunity to go in a direction that *doesn't* make you sick and exhausted, and instead takes you in a direction where your management or customers really appreciate what you have to offer!

[mysticmadness]

If you feel you cannot go to your previosu employer than dont show that company in your resume and show something else. Show your own work or working for some wealthy person in personal capacity. The wealthy person can be your friend. I know its not ethical but than friend in such a bad economy ............. who would want the opportunity to slip from hands. rememeber if you go down then everything would be black. if you decide that you gonna do than something will happen. to sae on a guilt feeling work for one of your friend and sho how your PHD work helped him. rest I am not pleased when I am writing this but at same time I am concerned about you too. Hook or Crook, if this is harming no one person in individual capacity and you confident about that than there is no harm in doing that. I maybe wrong but you have to take risk and own that completely.

[Aurora]

Hey everyone,
huge thxs for giving me excellent advice! I'm trying to get myself together and not being so bummed out due to the lack of job (and income!). Will definetly put some of the a advice into practice !

again, thanks.

Best wishes

[sedna888]

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[Tracy]

Its always a good time to start your own business on the side while looking for something menial to pay your bills in the meantime.

[mysticmadness]

aurora. think you have heard from many people. now just calm down and collect your thoughts. the solution is in your mind. bad time would pass away.

the person questions God-
Person-- in good time i can see four steps in sand two each of you and me. why in bad times there are two only. why you left me.
God- Son I didnt left you, I was carrying you in my arms in all bad times thats why you could see two steps.

like i said, bad time will pass away.