Dilemma

[seeker5]

I'm facing a little dilemma here. Ok, a big one.

I just finished my first semester of graduate business school. Working toward getting a business degree is something I had wanted to do for 10+ years. As a teenager, I used to see myself leading a big business and used to read books and magazines on that. A year and a half ago I took some undergraduate business classes, and I absolutely loved them, I couldn't soak up enough information from them. But I'm a different person now, I don't connect with that at all anymore, with this dream that my teenage self had and that I carried throughout my 20's. So, this semester, I didn't care about my classes. Each hour I spent studying, I felt was an hour away from doing what I truly wanted to do - which is to focus on my main personal development goals. The last month of school, I had a hard time with this, and I ended doing a paper I resisted doing so much and found myself resisting to even learning some stuff needed for my paper. I still ended getting good grades - 3 A's and 1 B in my four classes, but I had stopped really caring about my grades.

So, during this month-long break (of which I have 3 weeks left now), I'm finding myself hating the thought of going back to school. Sometimes when I feel very good and very high, I think I can manage it, but most of the time I just don't want to go back. I even got an email from one of my future professor in which he wants us to check out an article, and read the first chapter of the book....before the first day of class...! And on the syllabus he wants us to write a long paper with a minimum of 15(..!) citations. I can tell how I'm going to dread all of the time I'll spend on it.

So, it seems like a clear case for me to quit school and move to something else right? But here I'm facing a dilemma.

I can't go back to doing any kind of jobs I've ever done before, I just hate that thought too. I don't know yet how I can contribute enough right now to society to stay alive. I know I'm not strong enough yet to go the homeless route, nor am I strong enough yet to use LOA to get free housing like some other people have done. Going to school provided an easy solution to this as I got loan money to cover my expenses, but with what I mentioned above, this is proving to be difficult. I did listen to an interview with Steve in which he suggested working part time for a high dollar wage while living minimally, and that sounds great, except I’m not aware yet in what area I can do this in, nor do I feel ready to focus completely on contributing with my free time. I feel very pulled to using my free time to learn and focus on my main personal development goals. Furthermore, my job seeking skills suxs pretty bad.

I do feel very very pulled to have a life on my own, kind of like Steve does, where I contribute so much. But I don't feel I have the knowledge yet to do that - that I still have a lot to learn about the subjects I feel like contributing about. Right now I’m trying to figure out what to do in as I gain this skill and knowledge.

Furthermore, frankly this dilemma irritates the hell out of me. This month where I'm free of school and work, I wanted to focus on my main personal development goals of taking a lot of action in the area of social development, but I'm finding myself so distracted by this dilemma. I do wish I could ignore having to survive/contribute for a while so I could focus on what I feel most pulled to focus on in the area of personal development.

So, what's an intelligent way for me to solve my big dilemma before it becomes a major crisis?

[Rose of Cairo]

Hmmmmm.....

This loan - how much time do you have to pay it back?

Other question, do you absolutely want to stay where you live now?

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

This loan - how much time do you have to pay it back?

It's a government loan, therefore, I only pay back based on what I earn. I'm supposed to pay it back in 10 years time, however, I know that if I don't earn enough to make my minimum payment each month, I can easily and legally defer it and take longer to pay back. Of course the interest will add up. Alternatively, if I earn so much I want to pay it off earlier, I can do that too.

Other question, do you absolutely want to stay where you live now?

I would love to stay where I am, this is a great city. But I'm not closing myself off to moving depending on the situation.

[Rose of Cairo]

If I understand you correctly...

you don't want to go back to school (it doesn't resonate with you anymore)
you don't want (or think you can't) get a non-wonderful job
you'd like to contribute (and you already know in which area), but you think you can't do that right now, you need to learn about it first
in the next months you'd like to learn and develop yourself and focus on working on yourself with no concern about money

am I seeing this correctly?

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

If I understand you correctly...

you don't want to go back to school (it doesn't resonate with you anymore)
you don't want (or think you can't) get a non-wonderful job
you'd like to contribute (and you already know in which area), but you think you can't do that right now, you need to learn about it first
in the next months you'd like to learn and develop yourself and focus on working on yourself with no concern about money

Heh, yeah pretty much.

Except I'm not fully settled on the area I want to contribute. I'm still working out what that is, but what I'm very interested in contributing right now are areas I don't yet know if I'll have really anything to contribute and am still learning a lot about.

[InterfaceLeader]

Pull a Steve Jobs?

I think, basically, if you don't enjoy it then there is no point in doing it. You'll rack up more debt, you won't perform well, and you'll x-amount of years that could be invested into building what you really want to do.

Some random ideas:

Sub-let the place you are currently in, and travel around the country/world sleeping in friends houses.

Buy a camper-van and live in that. Cheaper than rent.

Cut living expenses to a bare minimum* and get a part-time job. Use the spare time to consciously work towards the future you want.

Find some communal housing or a commune where you can exchange work for food/shelter.

Move somewhere cheaper. Like, another country cheaper.

Become a squatter and a freegan.

Get a high-paid job and work really hard for six months and save every spare penny, then quit and spend six months doing what you want.



* great time to try some water fasts

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by InterfaceLeader

I think, basically, if you don't enjoy it then there is no point in doing it. You'll rack up more debt, you won't perform well, and you'll x-amount of years that could be invested into building what you really want to do.

I almost totally agree with you. I think Seeker will perform well if he continues, because that's just how intelligent and disciplined he is. But this performing well will have a huge emotional price for him and lead to depression! And yeah, this time could be better invested in building what he really wants. And yeah, he'd be better off listening to his feeling.

* great time to try some water fasts

Heeheehee I think I'll need a water fast soon too. For health reasons of course

[Kirill Pojev]

Probably my advice would be too narrow-minded and simple, but as I see the situation, I would suggest the following:

- don't drop the school, it's too easy and an always available option. Better if you continue the studies with a single intention to gain knowledge that you think would be worthy for you and your personal development "business". Abstract from grades and diploma, just do it for self-development purpose. This shall help avoiding frustration and, as a result, procrastination you are currently experiencing.
- set the goals and write down the plan on how to achieve adequate level of self-development skills, especially if you feel that you are missing necessary knowledge. Since it is your passion, it shouldn't be a problem.
- stick with your plan and start making baby steps towards its realization. You would surely need to dedicate maximum efforts and time to reach desired goals.
- at the same time start contributing to society in various ways by sharing your knowledge in your particular manner and understanding. Apply your charisma and personality.
- believe it or not, but at this point you would definitely figure out how to make living out of your skills. Or better if I say, that the environment (universe) will most likely give you this opportunity.
- now feel free to drop the school, if not graduated yet

[JimOfferman]

I think you're trying to pull a John Hammond.

You aim to bring back dinosaurs, but you don't want to earn the knowledge how to do it yourself. You just want to erect your amusement park as quickly as possible. We all know how well that turned out.

My feel is that you need to carefully consider whether staying in school or dropping out brings you closer to your goal. Remember that it doesn't matter how fast you can get there, what matters is if you can get there. You don't become an independent self-made man over night - it takes time.

Another things that concerns me is it seems to me that your goal is "to be like Steve." First problem I see there is that you'll have an awful lot of trouble to out Steve the Steve (he has a bit of a lead on you, you know ). Second, I think you can (and need to) do better than that. There has to be something that is more distinctly you.

You're at a crossroads. Carefully consider whether you should go right or left.

(and, no, I'm not going to tell you which way you should go... that's all up to you )

[seeker5]

Just a quick note for now as I see there's a misunderstanding.

When I said I wanted to live like Steve, I did NOT mean starting a general personal development business and website like Steve did. What I DID mean is having a lifestyle similar to his (and other bloggers/no-job people), where I can think deeply and write about subjects that will contribute to society, where I can work on building stuff that I think will help the world a lot, living according to my schedule, without a boss, etc. Of course that's a long-range desire. For now I'm trying to figure out what to do now.

I'll write back some more later.

[Rose of Cairo]

Basically, you want to be self-employed and do something aligned with your personality, right?

[Lupe]

become a truck driver and listen to self-improvement audios in the truck. Classroom on wheels.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Basically, you want to be self-employed and do something aligned with your personality, right?

yup, as a long term goal.

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

Hello Seeker,

How long left is there to finish the MBA ? I believe it's one year long so you have 6 more months to go before you finish am I right?

If it's 6 more months, go until the end, finish the thing so that you have the satisfaction to follow up your decisions until the end, also you'll have an "asset" to find a high paying part time job later on.

Following through decisions is tough sometimes but it's a learning process that gradually allows you to take strong decisions and build power.

Also it will help you develop your self discipline (I don't know if you are already very self-disciplined or not though), and you'll be able to attend the MBA and start a small business or work on your personal development.

I know I'm giving "one sided" advice here, but stick with it, press on.
Pursue your long terms goals step by step.

[straysweeper]

How odd, I want the same thing. My personality is more towards innovation, computers, and numbers.

[Cristal Lilly]

so um... you want to start your own business...

...and you're in a business school...



I'm sorry, I fail to see where those two goals clash.

just because you originally intended to use the business school for working for someone else does not make the business school any less useful for starting a business. if it does, then just switch your subjects/course to entrepreneurial one(s). or am I missing something here?

[seeker5]

BTW, thanks for all the feedback and suggestions guys

Originally Posted by InterfaceLeader

Pull a Steve Jobs?

Hehe, it's funny how that speech of his keeps coming back to me one way or another. Sounds lovely what he's done, except I need to sleep in a real bed because of the situation with my back. That's another real reason why I can't do the homeless/squatter/freegan/sleeping on bench route.

I think, basically, if you don't enjoy it then there is no point in doing it. You'll rack up more debt, you won't perform well, and you'll x-amount of years that could be invested into building what you really want to do.

I agree, if I don't enjoy it and I resent going to school, I probably will end up doing badly in it, despite Rose's confidence in my discipline .

Thanks for the suggestions you listed, some of them definitely won't work, but some of them are interesting.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Kirill Pojev

- don't drop the school, it's too easy and an always available option. Better if you continue the studies with a single intention to gain knowledge that you think would be worthy for you and your personal development "business". Abstract from grades and diploma, just do it for self-development purpose. This shall help avoiding frustration and, as a result, procrastination you are currently experiencing.

Hmmmm. You're saying I should go to school, but forget about the grades, forget about doing well, just focus on learning all that I can. I don't know though if I feel connected with the subject matters anymore. I've seen some of my classmates get totally fascinated by what my professors were teaching, and some of them were reading the book just for the fun of it. That was not me at all, I couldn't understand how they were enjoying the material or the professor so much. 95% of the time, I was learning the material simply so I could excel on the exams.

- at the same time start contributing to society in various ways by sharing your knowledge in your particular manner and understanding. Apply your charisma and personality.

Yeah, that's true, I shouldn't just not contribute at all but should start contributing a little. I do contribute to my classmates at school though, I seek ways to help them out, and I've helped some of them out and it's been great. However, that's not the way I want to contribute as a career.

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

You aim to bring back dinosaurs, but you don't want to earn the knowledge how to do it yourself. You just want to erect your amusement park as quickly as possible. We all know how well that turned out.

Yeah, I think that's been a problem I've faced throughout the last 8 years. I'd want whatever I want right now, and I'd get down if I don't get it or see a pathway to get it. When I graduated from college with my bachelor degree, I wanted to get business job right away, I didn't want to wait 2 years to finish an MBA degree. So I launched there without the personal skills nor any skills at all, and failed miserably. Had I taken the slower, longer route of getting the MBA at the time instead of being so impatient, it'd have been better.

I think I should be looking more at the 5 year timeline instead of just what's in front of me. On the other hand, I don't really trust myself to stick to a 5 year plan - if I set a goal that far ahead from me, it's like well, it won't happen, I don't currently trust myself to keep my focus on it. Ok, I need to remember what Steve said about how goals should impact the present, not what it means about the future.

I came to the realization today too, that when I compare different areas of my life, and then look at career/contributing, using Steve's Truth-Love-Power model from his book, my power is very low in this area. Grrrrr.

My feel is that you need to carefully consider whether staying in school or dropping out brings you closer to your goal. Remember that it doesn't matter how fast you can get there, what matters is if you can get there. You don't become an independent self-made man over night - it takes time.

Yeah. I know the lifestyle "goals" I have, but so much of my long-term goals are murky for now too. For example - you Jim want to be a successful musician who can live completely off making music without having a side job. Me, I want to be able to have a great lifestyle, contributing greatly, but....what. I have some ideas of how I'd love to contribute, but until I learn much more in those areas, I won't know if I'll have anything really unique to contribute.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I think you're trying to pull a John Hammond.

BTW Jim, what's a John Hammond? I looked him up on wikipedia, but didn't find anything that allowed me to understand what you meant by what you said.

You aim to bring back dinosaurs, but you don't want to earn the knowledge how to do it yourself. You just want to erect your amusement park as quickly as possible.

Also, are you referring here to Jurassic Park?

Just want to make sure I understand your references .

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Lupe

become a truck driver and listen to self-improvement audios in the truck. Classroom on wheels.

Hah, I kinda like that idea. I've never seen myself as a truck driver (and still don't), but I like the idea of driving around town or locally part time while listening to a lot of personal development audio programs. I could see myself with a laptop too mounted so I could maybe type while driving, and talk on the cell phone.

Originally Posted by theknightwhosaysni-NI

How long left is there to finish the MBA ? I believe it's one year long so you have 6 more months to go before you finish am I right?

No, the MBA is two years. So I have 1.5 year left, or 3 full semesters left.

Also it will help you develop your self discipline (I don't know if you are already very self-disciplined or not though), and you'll be able to attend the MBA and start a small business or work on your personal development.

Yeah, that kinda was my plan up to now. Minimize the amount of time I spend on the MBA so I could maximize the amount of time I spend on my personal development. That's kind of what I did this semester, I tried to minimize my time spent on MBA (and still get decent grades) so I could spend time on PD. Problem came the last month when I'd near finals, or near exams then I'd be drawn to spending as much time on studying/doing stupid papers, etc and my PD would fall by the wayside. I get this competitive juice flowing in me sometimes....And then I actually ended wasting a lot of time because I'd force myself to study and would refuse to...so a lot of time was wasted in that fight that I could have focused purely on PD. Wasn't pretty behind the scene at times.

Originally Posted by Cristal Lilly

so um... you want to start your own business...

...and you're in a business school...



I'm sorry, I fail to see where those two goals clash.

just because you originally intended to use the business school for working for someone else does not make the business school any less useful for starting a business. if it does, then just switch your subjects/course to entrepreneurial one(s). or am I missing something here?

Well, when I envisioned myself leading a big business as a teenager, I saw myself as the founder of that business too . And I did start my MBA with the intent to focus on entrepreneurship, and that's what my concentration will be. I'm not sure how this program is going to help me with that even though they have such a focus, it doesn't feel it'll be that good. I also feel the quality of this school is not good at all, nor is the quality of the professors. It feels that they are gearing us to be good corporate obedient employees. I also feel at this school that instead of us having the prize professors, we instead are the prize for the professors/chairs with the most clout, not necessarily the best teachers. I had some pretty horrible teachers this semester and what I've heard about next semester's teachers doesn't make me happy. (edit: In fairness, some of my classmates actually liked some of those professors I found horrible...but I think their standards were too low )

I know I got very spoiled when it took my undergraduate business classes a year and a half ago/two years ago. I researched each teacher according to the ranking they got from students, and I picked the best one for each class. So I ended having absolute fascinating teachers for all my classes. However, at this school, I don't have a choice for my teachers, so that impacts things. I don't think though having great teachers would have mattered all that much, I still didn't care all that much about the subjects this semester for the most part.

[Kirill Pojev]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Hmmmm. You're saying I should go to school, but forget about the grades, forget about doing well, just focus on learning all that I can. I don't know though if I feel connected with the subject matters anymore. I've seen some of my classmates get totally fascinated by what my professors were teaching, and some of them were reading the book just for the fun of it. That was not me at all, I couldn't understand how they were enjoying the material or the professor so much. 95% of the time, I was learning the material simply so I could excel on the exams.

Even though you are not aligning with the subject anymore, I still think you can grasp certain knowledge out of it. Please simply regard it as a temporary switching period for something you really want to do. Once you figured out all details, you can consider to drop the school, it's a minute thing anyway.

Originally Posted by seeker5

Yeah, that's true, I shouldn't just not contribute at all but should start contributing a little. I do contribute to my classmates at school though, I seek ways to help them out, and I've helped some of them out and it's been great. However, that's not the way I want to contribute as a career.

You are the decision-maker here

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by seeker5

are you referring here to Jurassic Park?

Yep!

John Hammond is the guy who built Jurassic Park in the book/movie.

Originally Posted by seeker5

I think I should be looking more at the 5 year timeline instead of just what's in front of me.

Bingo!

Yeah. I know the lifestyle "goals" I have, but so much of my long-term goals are murky for now too. For example - you Jim want to be a successful musician who can live completely off making music without having a side job. Me, I want to be able to have a great lifestyle, contributing greatly, but....what. I have some ideas of how I'd love to contribute, but until I learn much more in those areas, I won't know if I'll have anything really unique to contribute.

Yes, you do appear to be lacking direction. Here's my suggestion: just pick one thing and stick with it!

I am, was or have tried to be a game programmer, game designer, graphics designer, comic artist, movie maker, industrial design engineer, web designer, film composer, director, painter, writer and probably a bunch of other things I forgot about. It used to be that every vacation I would start on three dozen new projects, spending a little time on each and every one and finishing none.

At one point, I realized I wasn't going to contribute anything, ever if I kept trying to be all these different things. So I picked one thing and ran with it. Music wasn't even my top thing at the time, but it was the one thing I knew I could stick with until the bitter end.

Pick something you can stick with long enough to make it a success. If and when you achieve success, you can always turn in a different direction. Much like Steve did with his game business.

I still have plans for writing a couple of novels and aim to direct at least one feature length film before I retire, but I know I cannot let these things detract me from my musical career right now.

[Adrienne]

I dont know your life well enough, seeker, to give you advice on what you should or should not do. Maybe i can give you some food for thought tho.


Emulate/learn/take advice from those who have accomplished what you want to accomplish. You probably would not take fitness or weightloss advise from someone who weights 500 pounds or take advice on how to pee standing up from a girl . (I am not saying that girls cannot not figure out how to help their little boy learn to pee standing up or that a 500 pound person knows nothing of fitness, i am just saying hey are probably not experts on the subject)
When i desicdded to quit my job, alot of people around me thought i was doing something stupid. These were all people who were in debt, living the standard american dreams and worked 8 to 10 hours a day, basically working to support their TV habit. Most of these people make 6 figure incomes and still spent more then they made and started every week off wishing for friday. I am not saying these people are wrong living this way (that is a debate for another thread), just why would i take advice from people who have not succedded doing what i want to do?
When i talked to people who had done what i wanted to do, they supported what i was doing. Most of them said to do it now, not wait the extra time i was giving myself. The overall advice i got from them was, just do it. It takes guts, but just do it.
The more i thought about it, the more i realized other people cant define what living means to me. Everyone i know who has lived an extraordinary life, a word i would like to use some day to describe my life, has taken who risks and had major guts to step out on the ledge and live.

It looks like the underlaying issue is lack of direction. You dont know what you want to do with your life. I have sooooo been there myself.
You dont have an idea yet to create value. So you are filling up time with a job before, school now. Do you think that going to school learning what you are learning is on the track you need to be on? does your gut tell you so?

There is something to wanting something and doing what you need (even unpleasant things) to be able to attain it. But you are still moving towards a goal. If school helps you get what you want, more power to you. But if it does not, better to get off the wrong track as fast as you can.

I was really concerned about what i would do when i quit my job. But i found, as soon as i had an opening, ideas and opportunities flew into my life. Maybe you have to get rid of what does not work to make room for what can work.

Adrienne

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

seeker, it seems to me that you're in a similar situation as I am/was. You know sort of what you want life to be like when you are doing what you want to do, but you just don't know what you want to do.

Dan told me it's up to me to choose my purpose and that was a big turning point for me. I listened to Steve's "What is your purpse" podcast and got some really good ideas about choosing. Key word choosing. We get so caught up in our heads trying to figure out what we should do that we forget to do anything really.

I also had good success with The Passion Test as Angela recommended.

I feel like you're thinking too much. What do I do? I have to figure this out. What if I make the wrong choice? Too much!

I don't know, what do you think?

[seeker5]

Thanks for the feedback . I want to write back, but first, I want to post something I wrote last night to post in this thread when I had my laptop with me, but was not connected online:

I've come to realize that for the past two days, I was caught again feeling very disempowered and weak about this. I was running through an old mental pattern of feeling like a loser, and feeling so damn weak when thinking about what kind of a career I could go in and what my next step should be. I realized last night, what the hell? Here I am a successful MBA student, who's taken so much incredible action this past few months, who has grown so much as a person, and here I am letting myself get dragged into a stupid ass weakling state of mind when it came to this dilemma. I even looked at myself in the mirror and expressed "I'm much better then this!" dammit.

So I've realized through this thread that I have so many limiting beliefs and disempowering way of being that are really keeping me from seeing my options clearly in this arena.

Thus, I think that's my number one priority in solving this dilemma is not to focus on possible solutions for now, but rather first get myself into an empowering state, and look at my limiting belief & thoughts and change them. Figure a way I can approach this dilemma while exercising my power, my authority and my courage, instead of letting this old familiar pattern of feeling weak when it comes to figuring out my career. By feeling empowered, then I can take steps toward the kind of career I connect the most with.

Otherwise, if I keep letting myself feeling so weak, and disempowered considering this dilemma, no matter what, even if the "perfect" solution presents itself, I won't see it, or I'll feel too weak to take action on it.

I've also finally let go of all my other plans for this break and to stop feeling resentment toward not being able to focus on what I wanted to focus on. I had planned a lot of social action so I could exercise my courage and power in developing my social and relationship skills. While I may still exercise that to some degree, I'm becoming acceptance of switching to focusing on this issue here.

[Kirill Pojev]

Good to hear you got the pest out of your problem

[Erin Pavlina]

Seeker5, in what area of life would you like to make a difference? I.E., bring about peace, or justice, or help the homeless, impoverished children, etc. what is your passion or what is your heart break?

Once you've determined the area where you feel called to take action, ask yourself in what way you could best make an impact. I.E. starting a charity, working for a charity, bringing awareness of the problem to the masses, helping them out one by one, becoming a public defender, opening a restaurant that employs the homeless, etc. The sky's the limit.

Once you determine the method you'd like to use to contribute, see if that method requires time, education, relocating, etc. In other words, what would it entail for you to be able to serve in the way you want to serve?

Once you have the answer to these questions, you'll know where your path wants to go.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

John Hammond is the guy who built Jurassic Park in the book/movie.

OH! Didn't know that! My google search came up with a musician's name.

Yes, you do appear to be lacking direction. Here's my suggestion: just pick one thing and stick with it!

Yeah, that's what I'm realizing here. If I don't know where I want to be 5 years from now, it's harder to figure out what my next step should be isn't it?

I am, was or have tried to be a game programmer, game designer, graphics designer, comic artist, movie maker, industrial design engineer, web designer, film composer, director, painter, writer and probably a bunch of other things I forgot about. It used to be that every vacation I would start on three dozen new projects, spending a little time on each and every one and finishing none.

Wow. I always thought you were a budding musician/singer!

At one point, I realized I wasn't going to contribute anything, ever if I kept trying to be all these different things. So I picked one thing and ran with it. Music wasn't even my top thing at the time, but it was the one thing I knew I could stick with until the bitter end.

Pick something you can stick with long enough to make it a success. If and when you achieve success, you can always turn in a different direction. Much like Steve did with his game business.

So I assume that now you feel you've been successful in the sense that you've now contributed much more as a singer/musician then had you kept switching around?

I still have plans for writing a couple of novels and aim to direct at least one feature length film before I retire, but I know I cannot let these things detract me from my musical career right now.

That's so interesting to see you that you're "much more" then a musician . From all I had read about you on this forum, I thought music was the one and only thing in your life.

[seeker5]

Adrienne, That's some very good point you've written about learning from those who've done what I want to do.

That's one thing I'm concerned about being in grad school - I'm surrounded by people who just want to work for a corporation, make good money, and live the standard life like that. For the most part, almost all of them don't care about contributing to the greater good, they are just in it for the money, and they don't mind becoming good obedient corporate citizens to do it. I don't resonate with that lifestyle at all. I resonate much more with the lifestyle of being your own man, contributing on your own, forming your own organizations, etc.

Originally Posted by Adrienne

When i talked to people who had done what i wanted to do, they supported what i was doing. Most of them said to do it now, not wait the extra time i was giving myself. The overall advice i got from them was, just do it. It takes guts, but just do it.

That's great! If you don't mind me asking (or maybe we can pm if it's too off-topic or personal), what is it that you're wanting to do, and how did you contact the people doing it?

It looks like the underlaying issue is lack of direction. You dont know what you want to do with your life. I have sooooo been there myself.

When I read that from several people here, at first I was like "no, that's not it", but I'm becoming more acceptance as I wrote in my previous post. I think that I also have limiting beliefs about actually being able to contribute, so it's keeping me from seeing how I could do it. It's funny that after I decided to feel empowered and powerful when it came to my career/ways to contribute instead of this weakling state I had let myself in, I immediately felt like writing some posts that I thought could make a difference for people. That kind of tells me I need to work on removing those limiting beliefs so then I can allow myself to see what kind of impact I want to make 5 years from now...no?

You dont have an idea yet to create value. So you are filling up time with a job before, school now. Do you think that going to school learning what you are learning is on the track you need to be on? does your gut tell you so?

Hmmmm. I do now a slight feel a pull to continue grad school, I feel I have some lessons to keep learning here in Las Vegas, and perhaps in grad school. But that's just right now, and it may be because it's now been a 9 days since I finished my last school assignement, and so much has happened since then that it almost feels like it was in a previous life. .

I was really concerned about what i would do when i quit my job. But i found, as soon as i had an opening, ideas and opportunities flew into my life. Maybe you have to get rid of what does not work to make room for what can work.

Awesome, thanks for sharing all of that Adrienne

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

seeker, it seems to me that you're in a similar situation as I am/was. You know sort of what you want life to be like when you are doing what you want to do, but you just don't know what you want to do.

Yup. I identified a good bit with that thread you started not long ago about this.

Dan told me it's up to me to choose my purpose and that was a big turning point for me. I listened to Steve's "What is your purpse" podcast and got some really good ideas about choosing. Key word choosing. We get so caught up in our heads trying to figure out what we should do that we forget to do anything really.

I also had good success with The Passion Test as Angela recommended.

Oh cool, you finally did that Passion Test! I saw you had written about it a number of times. Per your suggestion, I'll go ahead and listen to Steve's "What is your purpose" podcast and do the Passion Test in the next few days.

I feel like you're thinking too much. What do I do? I have to figure this out. What if I make the wrong choice? Too much!

Hehe .

Yeah, part of it is also "what if I'm wrong and go down the wrong path for years before finding out I have nothing to contribute in this area?" Maybe too, that this feeling/belief that I have nothing to contribute now is a limiting belief that is keeping me from seeing what I can do?

I don't know, what do you think?

Hehe, NOW you ask me what I think after you say I'm thinking too much.