Work situation.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I'm not really sure exactly what I want to ask here, but I just have a kind of uneasy feeling at my new job. I have been told I'm doing a great job, but at the same time, there are things that I don't know how to do or make mistakes with. When that happens or I have to ask for clarification, I feel like I'm being looked down on. It may be in my head, but it just seems that I'm being viewed as incompetent. Often the reason I miss something or don't know how to go about it is that I haven't been given enough information to begin with. Quite a few things don't have a real system in place that I can see so it seems like things are done differently each time. And I'm in the same field as my former job, but here they do a lot of things in a very different way.

So, how do I deal with this? I'm the only person working for my married bosses. Of course they have a long history together and just kind of know what the other would want or how they like things done. I'm told that they don't like to be asked the same question twice and I'm the type to always ask so I do things right.

ETA: It feels like they want me to just do things, to just know how and take the initiative, but at the same time have a very specific way they want them done. Totally understandable, of course, but tough for me at the same time.

[silicon toad2000]

I reckon it's all in your head.

Don't make the same mistake twice, learn the methodology behind their decisions and you'll be cruising soon.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Thanks. After realizing that I was thinking very defeating, negative thoughts about some other things after I went home from work yesterday, I figured that I was making more of it than there really was.

It's the same old issue with me. Need to stop worrying so much about what other people think of me. It's exhausting!

[smartile]

Originally posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}
When that happens or I have to ask for clarification, I feel like I'm being looked down on. It may be in my head,

Most likely it is. This is something I came across when I was working for my previous supervisor. Every time I felt inadequate I noticed the same theme playing in my head: "I'm not good enough"

When I realized how loudly and often this song was playing, I was able to see the impact it had on me and then choose the higher choice.

The next time you ask for clarification, pay very close attention to that little gremlin in your head. You choose or the gremlin does, you decide.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I'm not really sure exactly what I want to ask here, but I just have a kind of uneasy feeling at my new job. I have been told I'm doing a great job, but at the same time, there are things that I don't know how to do or make mistakes with. When that happens or I have to ask for clarification, I feel like I'm being looked down on. It may be in my head, but it just seems that I'm being viewed as incompetent. Often the reason I miss something or don't know how to go about it is that I haven't been given enough information to begin with. Quite a few things don't have a real system in place that I can see so it seems like things are done differently each time. And I'm in the same field as my former job, but here they do a lot of things in a very different way.

So, how do I deal with this? I'm the only person working for my married bosses. Of course they have a long history together and just kind of know what the other would want or how they like things done. I'm told that they don't like to be asked the same question twice and I'm the type to always ask so I do things right.

ETA: It feels like they want me to just do things, to just know how and take the initiative, but at the same time have a very specific way they want them done. Totally understandable, of course, but tough for me at the same time.

I would agree with those above and say that much of it is in your head, along with your views and "shoulds" about your employers.

However, I see something that might not be in your head. If they are the sort of people that: want you to take initiative, won't tell you what to do, but want things done in a very specific way, then there could be a particular problem later. That kind of conflicting purposes is counter productive and points to furthur problems with their business alignment, specifically with truth. This comic says it best, (language warning) - http://www.machall.com/comics/20050602.jpg

If you manage to get out of your head and still find yourself in this kind of bind, perhaps it's not your head after all.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Thanks, all. I think at this point I am going to just do the best job I can and work on picking up on cues.

The thing that has hit me just this morning is that part of the issue is probably due to resistance inside me about having this job at all. I'm happy to be able to pay my bills, but I'm just right back in the same situation I was before as an employee. I think I need to start working more on finding and exploring my purpose so I can leave this situation behind.

[Brutha]

Maybe they don't want to micromanage yourself. If there you can do things the way A or the way B maybe you should decide more for yourself instead of asking them.

Quite a few things don't have a real system in place that I can see so it seems like things are done differently each time.

Maybe things really are done differently each time.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

You're right, Brutha. I think they want me to handle things independently. It's something I'll need to work on because I generally do well with clear instructions. I'm pretty sure the reason things are done differently each time is that they haven't found a way that works how they want it to. So, maybe I can be the one to come up with one.

[sbdiane]

I've been in that situation.

In the past I worked for a lady who was extremely particular. She would sigh at my incompetence for asking questions and then get angry when I didn't ask because I would invariably do something wrong. I ended up on the bathroom floor in tears and on medication. I decided never to be in a situation like that again.

So fast-forward to my latest job. I did not feel right there almost immediately but decided to stick it out a year and be sure it wasn't just the new job jitters. I almost didn't make it through the first month because I felt that if the person training me was not willing or able to provide me with the resouces to do my job, it was pointless to stay. I stopped asking him questions and figured it out on my own. I never asked him another question no matter what it took to find the answer. I did things my way.

I think my independence irked him. I heard he was trying to undermine me with my boss, telling my boss I was not a good coder. I remembered that previous job with the lady and how I vowed never to be in a double-bind kind of situation again. I know I am a valuable worker. I knew that guy only wanted people around him that he could control and manipulate. I refused to go back to crying on the bathroom floor. So I left.

I say give the job enough time to where you are sure it is not all in your head. You could try writing down the events. I kept a folder called nasty grams with all the nasty emails and conversations I had with that guy. It was validating to me to see that it was not all in my head. He was very good at talking in what seemed like a polite way, but he'd be ripping me to shreds while he smiled. Knowing it wasn't in my head, that I wasn't crazy, was very validating to me and gave me the confidence to do my job my own way, and eventually to walk away with my dignity.