Discussing money and feelings of self-worth

[dominick]

I have a situation that many of you can probably relate to. I'm in a position where I'm on the verge of breaking out to the next level financially. However, I've realized lately that I have a difficult time asking people for money (ie raising money) for my projects. I can describe the vision for what I'm creating and get people very excited about it. I can provide a great plan for what we're going to do. Basically the whole pitch is fantastic until it's get down to the nitty-gritty of actually discussing an investment. For some reason that makes me very uncomfortable.

I think it really boils down to feelings of self-worth. I tend to feel like "Who am I to take this person's money?" or "I'm not really worth of running a company with a big valuation." Now I know all of these feelings are BS because I've seen people much less talented raise lots of money on much worse ideas. And I have a very strong belief in my ability to deliver a big financial return to my investors.

However, there's still lingering doubt there. I'm wondering if people could recommend any books or exercises dealing specifically with issues around self-worth as it relates to money. Think about presidential candidates, they have to be incredibly congruent with their donors when asking them to write big checks. This is much smaller but I aim for larger scale fundraising in my life (whether for business or politics) and so I'd love to work on this issue now.

Looking forward to hearing your suggestions.

[Liveformx64]

You already know the answer to your question, now you just have to confirm it with committing to the process, and moving forward.

No book in the world can teach you real world experience.

Just Do it.

[dominick]

I appreciate this answer but I'm still at a bit of a loss for where to start. When you say "real world experience" what do you mean? How do you develop strong feelings of self-worth around money? And I'm not talking about the level of consciousness required to manifest thousands of dollars or even a million dollars. I'm talking about a much higher level. At what point did Donald Trump or Bill Gates say "I'm worth being a billionaire" or was that something they never consciously did. My guess it's the former because without that they probably would have self-destructed (as so many have) when they started to realize that their external reality was surpassing their internal expectations.

[Liveformx64]

Do you feel the the fees you will be charging will be returned to the investor in the form of value by the services you offer?

If the answer is yes, then you need to get the ball rolling. The confidence that your services are worthy will come from a satisfied customer and nothing else.

As far as attracting money. It think the best way to really get a handle on if you are ready or not, is to use Steve's method.

I refer to his blog about attracting wealth when he mentioned house shopping for houses he couldn't afford. When the thought of moving into those houses made him giddy and excited.

You will know you are ready to go to the next level when that amount no longer excites you. Notice I didn't say motivate. Excitement and motivation are two different things.

Ask yourself, if tomorrow you woke up and closed a 100,000 dollar project, $10,000 project, $5,000 project and so on. Would it excite you? Would you be grinning and carrying on like a schoolboy? Or would get right to work to provide your client with the most value possible. Often times when someone is presented with something they aren't ready for it soon disappears.

As for the journey from thousandaire, to millionaire, to billionaire I would argue the process is very linear however there are those who have techniques to a shortcut to millionaire such as: www.thephenomenon.com

[Angela]

Sounds like you've got some limiting self-beliefs, alright! And they're not just for yourself, by the way. When you believe negative thoughts about yourself, you are also powerfully creating a negative way of being for the people around you, too.

For instance, I've talked with many, many people who were looking for money for all kinds of different things. The ones who are the most fun to participate with are the ones who are generating something inspiring -- those people I know are practicing letting go of their negative self-talk. But, whooo-boy, the people who believe things like "I am worthless" and "I am nothing"? Ugh... it is absolutely no fun to consider partnering with them. Not even if I think I'm going to profit financially. Because even if you do profit, the cost of partnering with someone with an unconscious negative habitual thought pattern is ENORMOUS!

If I were you, I'd get to the bottom of it (well, there is no real bottom to limiting beliefs; but you can start to unpeel the onion. ).

[dominick]

@Liveformx64 - Thanks for this advice. I think my outlook on wealth creation has changed dramatically in the last several years. If you had asked me a few years ago what my goals/potential would be I would have likely said maybe a few million dollars someday. In the last few years after extensively studying people who've created billions of dollars of wealth and spending time with people who've created tens or hundreds of millions of dollars of wealth I've realized that all that is within my grasp. In fact, I'm about to close on a deal that would put my net worth (at least on paper) at several million dollars.

I think where the challenge is in feeling consistently that I'm worth that. Since it's a relatively recent phenomenon in my life that I've opened the door to, there are moments when I feel self-doubt and I ask myself "Who am I really to create fantastic wealth for myself?" Those are the times when issues of self-worth come in. And I will definitely check out thehphenmenon!

@Angela - Couldn't agree more. I think everyone has a sticking point when it comes to wealth. For someone making $20k/year the thought of making $100k/year might be daunting and they might self-sabotage when they get to $50/year or more. For a businessperson who is worth $20MM the thought of having $100MM might produce the same feelings. I think as you set your expectations higher it actually becomes progressively more difficult because you have less frames of reference. For instance, if someone set out with the goal of becoming the world's first trillionaire that would be immensely challenging because there's no one there to prove it can be done (think Roger Bannister and the four minute mile). However, I think it's quite likely that we'll see someone achieve trillionaire status by the year 2100 so that's actually not an unreasonable goal!

[Boreas]

Personally this issue for me is a kind of victim identity sneaking in from the back end.

By that I mean you want to be the person struggling for millions and not the person with millions, you don't want to see that underdog with a vision die and turn into the winner with all the crushing responsibility of making that vision into a reality, plus having lots of cash too.

Do whatever you can to simply focus your attention on your mission, this is what Bill Gates and Donald Trump have done. You don't see them stopping. It cannot be about the dollars, it has to be about what you care about. Gates still competes with Google, and Google with Gates, neither of them care about the billions to their names, they care about the shape of the internet, they care about their visions and missions.

Try exercises and affirmations in the morning where you affirm your vision and mission for your ideas and plans, and why they are more important to you and the world than any amount of money. Get so excited and driven about it that the money will always seem like a detail and afterthought. It always should be anyway.

[dominick]

Boreas, this is perhaps one of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given. In fact, I'm going to print it up and put it on the wall in front of me as I work each day. My stress levels and feelings of self-doubt increase when I think about temporary things like cash in the bank or net worth. When I think about meaningful things like the impact our business can have on the world or the peoples' lives we're affecting then the stress vanishes. Lately I think I've gotten too caught up in the former and off my center.

I really appreciate you sharing this with me. It definitely came from a place of truth.

[gr8tocre8]

Dominick,
I highly recommend you read "The dark side of the light chasers" by Debbie Ford. In my 15 years of pursuing personal transformation, I haven't found anything even close to what she does. Her approach to eliminating limiting beliefs is nothing short of mindblowing. It changed my life forever.

The thing about affirmations, etc, is that they only work for a while. Why? Because after a while, you "run into yourself". That would be that part of yourself with the limiting beliefs - that part of you that does NOT want you to succeed, have love, etc.

As long as you're trying to GET RID OF those qualities, or beliefs, they will always be there to sabotage you. The only way you can break free of them, is by embracing them for what they are, thereby dissipating their energy.

I know, sounds a bit confusing, but when you read the book, it will all make sense

Good luck to you!

[dominick]

Fantastic. I will definitely check that out.

I think for me personally one of the biggest challenges when it comes to thinking about great wealth is that I'll feel more disconnected from people around me. I think my limiting beliefs may stem from that. What if I'm worth $100 million or a billion dollars someday? Will I still be able to relate to the friends and family that I love so much? That sounds a bit elitist but I'm sure many of us go through similar thought processes albeit at different dollar amounts.

Tony Robbins (I think it's him) talks a lot about a "success thermostat". Most of us can stand a certain amount of success but when it gets past a level that we're comfortable at we tend to do things that drop us back into the range of comfortability (e.g., self-sabotage, complacency, etc.). In order to break out to the next level we must be able to reset the thermostat to a higher level. I think that's the challenge that I'm facing.

[gr8tocre8]

Yep - that's the challenge most people are facing I think. But yeah, check out the book and let me know what you think! If you really do the work in the book, you'll find that all of your beliefs, including your fear of being unable to relate to friends/family once you're wealthy, all stem from a very innocent episode from your childhood.

Once these "innocent" episodes happen, we make some kind of desicion, and from that point on, we are slaves to that decision, until we find a way to embrace that quality and thus break free of it.

It's pretty sad, but in reality, most of us make over 90% of our decisions from our 5-year old point of view. No wonder there's so much discord in the world.

[RLF]

Yeap, same situation I "was" in. I knew I'd succeed and be free of slavery (work) if I just raised some money and pursued it. I'd always know how to talk about my idea and my plans but never was I able to say "I need the money, can you lend it".

So I turned to the banks. but now a days you can't. So I learned to say with confidence "if I gave you back $2 for every dollar you gave me, would you do it?" Most people will say yes, the ones that say no either don't have a dollar or they're just flat out stupid.

Once they say yes, you say "if you lend me $5000 for this idea, I'll pay you back $10,000 by next year or 3 years or $200/mth for 48 months. However you think will help you out paying it back.

Another approach is, asking if they want to make money off you. Tell them you'll pay them interest each month until the loan is paid back.

Hope this helped.