Should I let my mother buy me a new car?

[seeker5]

Kinda of a silly question, but I'm serious. I don't currently have a car, and I'm resigning myself to buying a car, even though, I'd really prefer not to have a car. I've spent this past year without my own car for the first time in my adult life, and I actually enjoyed it. However, I'm looking to move to a city far away from anyone I know in real life so it's probably best I have a car.

I was thinking of buying an old used car for about $2K to $3K. I had a friend who bought an old used Japanese car for that amount two years ago, and it's worked perfectly since he bought it - and he even goes on long distance trips with no worries. I don't mind having an old used car as long as it's a clean car, and I do have the cash to spend that much. I've sworn I'd never get in debt to buy a car so I want to pay cash for any car I buy.

However, my mother doesn't like the idea of me buying a used car, and she wants me to put my $3K down on a new car that normally cost $15K, and that she would then take over the monthly payments. So for the same amount I'd spend, I'd instead have a brand new car, and she pays the monthly payments for 5 years.

My first, second, third, and fourth reaction was "hell no". I'm still in the "hell no" mentality over this, but I thought I'd post my reasoning here and see if anyone could give me any good arguments or reasoning that could lead me to change my mind on this.

First, I think I don't mind having someone offer me a brand new car, but for someone to get in debt to buy me a new car? While the monthly payments for the car would be a small amount of her monthly income, it still amounts to getting herself into debt. How could I allow someone to get into debt for me over something I myself wouldn't even do for myself?

Second, while I know my mother would always keep on paying (and she's also offered to take an extra $5-10/month insurance in case she loses her job so the car would be paid for), and she'd never threaten not to pay it - there is still this obligation. For her to be paying month after month for my car...I know she'll feel I owe her something. That's the way she's been in the past when she's done things for me. Then when she needs help, she'll really resent it if I say no because she's been helping me all along. She'd still continue paying for the car, but she'd really really resent my not helping her or not being as nice as I could be in here eyes. Furthermore, I may feel slightly more of an obligation to do something more meaningful in her eyes with my career. I don't like that idea at all, it seems to rob me of freedom from unhealthy obligation.

Anyhow, is there something I'm not seeing in this, as to why I should indeed accept the offer?

[Erin Pavlina]

If she's buying you the car to emotionally blackmail you later, I'd say no.

If she's buying the car because she wants you to be safe and have a good reliable vehicle AND it's not going to hurt her finances to do so, I would accept her generosity. But I would also be prepared to take over the payments as soon as I was reasonably able.

Also disconnect feelings of obligation with the purchase of the vehicle. Unless she expressly states she expects you to have a more meaningful career than the one you are planning I wouldn't assume that's what she wants. You could ask her. You could say, "If I accept your offer of buying me a car would you expect XYZ in return?" See what she says.

[Angela]

My feeling is that since you have declared a commitment to yourself not to go into debt to buy a car (great idea, by the way, on anything that diminishes in value), having your mom go into debt to buy you a car would clash with your integrity.

If I were you, I'd just let her know you will make sure the car you buy is safe and sound, and that you have AAA and good insurance, and that you are committed to being a very safe driver.

Your mom sounds wonderful -- she loves you dearly. Acknowledge her for that!

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

If she's buying the car because she wants you to be safe and have a good reliable vehicle AND it's not going to hurt her finances to do so, I would accept her generosity. But I would also be prepared to take over the payments as soon as I was reasonably able.

Hmmm. I should mention that while she can easily afford the monthly payments, she does have a huge debt to pay off, so whatever she's paying off for the car, that pushes her debt back.

Also disconnect feelings of obligation with the purchase of the vehicle. Unless she expressly states she expects you to have a more meaningful career than the one you are planning I wouldn't assume that's what she wants. You could ask her. You could say, "If I accept your offer of buying me a car would you expect XYZ in return?" See what she says.

That's true, I should be very clear with her on that. Thanks

Originally Posted by Angela

My feeling is that since you have declared a commitment to yourself not to go into debt to buy a car (great idea, by the way, on anything that diminishes in value), having your mom go into debt to buy you a car would clash with your integrity.

Ah, yeah, that puts it in writing what I was feeling - it clashes with my integrity.

Furthermore, I'm my mom's financial advisor. Per her request, I've been calculating her net worth every month for the past year so she knows where she stands in terms of debt/assets and I've been advising her on how she can improve her position and what strategy to employ to reduce her debt and increase her asset. And as her financial advisor, I'd strongly argue against buying a new car like this for her son. I'd tell her her son needs to work harder to make a life for himself - that she works much harder then he does so she should keep her money and use it to reduce her debt and that her son should get his butt in gear to make himself a living .

If I were you, I'd just let her know you will make sure the car you buy is safe and sound, and that you have AAA and good insurance, and that you are committed to being a very safe driver.

Yeah, that gets to the heart - that's why she wants to buy me a car, because she is scared I might buy a used car, and have it break down in the middle of nowhere or far from any family or friends, or get into huge financial trouble in trying to repair a lemon.

Your mom sounds wonderful -- she loves you dearly. Acknowledge her for that!

Hehe, yes she can be incredibly and amazingly supportive. .

[Mags]

A couple more things to think about...

In a financial sense, buying a used car is a much better proposition than a new car, since the new car depreciates by a huge amount the second you drive it off the car dealership premises.

Secondly, if you get your second hand car checked out before you buy, you will reduce the risk that it will turn out to be a lemon. I'm not sure what options you have where you are, but you must be able to take it for a roadworthy check etc before you sign on the dotted line and hand over the money?

In terms of new vs second-hand, there really is no guarantee that a new car will be perfect. One of our new cars had a problem with it (luckily minor and easily fixable, but nevertheless a problem), our other new car was perfect from the get-go. A friend's new car gave endless trouble.... We've also owned second hand cars before - one a Mazda that was 20 years old when we eventually sold it (and still going strong!), another a Toyota that was was a joy to drive and very reliable (my very first car - I loved it!).

[Ninja]

Listen to your intuition. I think you already know the answer and just want us to confirm it.

Buy your own car, even if it is a used one. Will the benefits of a brand new vehicle (which doesn't always mean it's better!) outweigh the fact that you owe your mother? If your gut says 'hell no', then 'hell no' it is.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I actually prefer an old, but clean, toyota or nissan even to a new car. I bought a brand new car two years ago and I've had one person rear-end me, one side-swipe me, endless dents, a broken side mirror from some overactive kids in the neighborhood...the list goes on. It's not worth what I owe on it at the moment.

There are a lot of perfectly good used cars that will give you no trouble at all. I also agree that it sounds like it goes against your integrity to have your mom go into debt for a new car. I'd stick with your original plan. The only exception, are you sure you will need a car where you are planning to live? If you would prefer to be car-free, I bet that could be worked out as well!