need support! about to launch e-business, and I'm shivering in my boots!

[uberinquisitive]

I'm procrastinating like crazy.

I write some crazy awesome erotica, which I'm selling as e-stories for $1.99 each. The website is in the final stages of testing, and all of a sudden, I'm afraid to start promoting.

First off, the fact that it is erotica - I was totally down with it, and everyone who knows about my project is eager for my stuff. But now, I have writer's block from hell. Writer's block has never been a problem for me before.

I'm afraid of being judged. My stories are explicit - not in disgusting ways, and yet I worry that I'll be judged as being a total perv. I'm female, for god sakes, I shouldn't have to worry about this! And yet, I do.

I'm afraid the product isn't "good enough." As in, I'm so hypercritical about my porn writing. I do other types of writing, and I'm not critical about those at all. But my porn writing - I scrutinize every line and feel like it's not literary and cool and well-written enough.

I'm also afraid I won't be successful at this. This is my first business, and I'm afraid of the amount of work that needs to go into the site. I have to write content...promote...promote some more...but what about all my other writing? What about my life?

But...the business hasn't even really begun, and I'm projecting how much it will intrude in my life!

It took me 2 month to open up a business bank account (for my paypal cart). I'm dragging out every step as much as possible.

Thing is, I've wanted to open this sort of e-business for years. I've had so much encouragement from others, also. And when I finally get the chutzpah to go after it - I've become my ultimate (and only) enemy.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Ninja]

I'd say years of enthousiasm > sudden and unexplained fear.

You now have two gut feelings and one of them is false. Which one do you think it is? The one that has been driving you for years, not only earning your enthousiasm but that from others as well? Or the one that popped up recently for no apparent reason?

No, wait, there is a reason: fear of the unknown, also known as the 'what if?' demon. I know what you're going through, because that same demon has held me back many times before... and I always proved it wrong. Problems that seemed big won't arise at all, or will be so small that you have no idea why you were worried about them in the first place. This fearful, darker side of you wants to keep things as they are: nice and predictable. And the minute you think of stepping out of your comfort zone, it will shriek and wail in protest. This instinct has served us well when we were still living in caves: it kept us from entering dangerous areas, challenging unknown opponents, or eating suspicious looking fruit that could be poisonous when there was a perfectly safe alternative growing right next to it. It is perfectly natural to have this fear, but in this case, it's unreasonable. Going through with your plans won't kill you and you can always quit if it indeed becomes too much.

Go out there and shine! It's what you are here for!

[Nelson]

This is obviously an important chocie for you since your name will be attached with this. You think people are going to judge you on your work.

The first thing to do is ask yourself some questions:
1. Do I really love doing this?
2. Is this business model right for me and for the product?
3. Am I creating an excellent product?

If you really love writing porn, if you know it's excellent porn and you know that you distributing it in a way that is both low-stress and high profit for you then you need to feel the fear and take action in spite of it.

If you can't answer positively to the above questions then the fear is justified because you already know that you are doing something wrong.

[Tayrak]

Have you thought about publishing over at Elora's Cave? That site is recognized by the Romance Authors Association (??, I think that's the right name) Any way they are legit. Two reasons for you to think about it, you get paid higher than what you are asking, and they have a huge audience. So if they take you on it would be tremendous publicity for your new site. Also, you can use a pen name if you like.
There is really nothing wrong with good porn, you know what you are writing, but some people will turn their noses up, others could care less. The real question is "How do YOU feel about it?" There are some things some people just won't do and that is between them and themselves.

For myself if there is something I'm not sure about I always ask myself what I would do if xx found out I'd done this? If my answer is find myself a deep cave and crawl in, I don't do it. If I answer, they'll just have to get over it, I go for it.

If you are simply afraid, join the crowd, you're in good company. Doing whatever scares the crap out of you is a real rush you may not want to miss .

Let us know how you decide and post a url--striclty for us to give our expert advice and encouragment, of course

[Selmanito]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

I'm afraid of being judged.

I'm afraid the product isn't "good enough."
I'm also afraid I won't be successful at this.

This is my first business, and I'm afraid of the amount of work that needs to go into the site.

I have to write content...promote...promote some more...but what about all my other writing? What about my life?

.

This is exactly what our friend, Steve, talks about. Ready...FIRE..AIM!!!

Do you see what your doing? I find it very interesting to point this out, because i have a feeling you will too!

Look at what you just said (i deleted most of it so to make it clearer). Your using the words...im afriad...im afraid.

Your afraid because your trying to AIM FIRST! (Rather than FIRE, then AIm)....Your trying to focus on your target (which is a good thing but over analyzing it can be self sabotaging at times).
As Steve best puts it, you are creating scenarios in your mind, the what if's, that you are overwhelming yourself to the extent of killing creativity! And then you get out of "tune" and then of course you will get writers block, and all other emotions around it!

Take it easy. Your analysing too much right now and worrying before even "fireing". Worrying is good as long as it will be constructive, but right now its affecting your creativity, so kill the worry, by uhmm maybe some dancing!!! (random thought hehe) or anything else just to step away for a bit!

Problems (hate that word) do arise, but you cannot try to analyze all possible problems and then let it overwhelm you to the extent you cant move.

Steve himself started off that way it seems. He lauched the site, and he took it slowly, experimented. That means he did fail in some of his experiments, but enjoyed the process whilst doing it, not letting it bother him, stayed commited and focused and aware.

Hehe i think i might have repeated myself here, but its only to emphasize on it.

Take it easy, and enjoy it all !! (Remember, gratitude article!!)

[Ninja]

I think you also need to realize that there is no such thing as being neutral or refusing to choose. You are not procrastinating: you are failing. And you will continue to do so, until you have reached your goal. You are choosing to fail, by choosing not to act. And the only way to turn this around, is by acting. Maybe you will fail, but since you're already doing that now, you really don't have that much to lose. And it beats never knowing what could have been, hands down.

[uberinquisitive]

Thanks everyone.

I've done some more thinking about this. I have a lot of limiting beliefs:

1. I'm a girl - I shouldn't have to stress over making money. A man should take care of me.

I resent that I'm broke and thinking about money. I should be doing this as a free-for-all hobby - my man should be providing me with financial stability and security so I can do what I want.


2. Porn writers are not real writers...and I want to be a real writer.

Trying to make porn, which is generally so shady, into something cooler, seems so daunting. Am I talented enough to even transcend the porn? Because if I'm not, then I suck.


3. I'm not smart enough to run a business. That's what more dynamic people do. Not a dreamer/artistic type like me.

Even in my corporate life, I feel like such an incompetent phony. In the beginning, I can fool my boss and co-workers that I know what I'm doing...but eventually, I start f*cking up. I miss deadlines. I forget about meetings. I let things slip through the cracks.

I feel like I lack the logic to run a business - everything I do seems to run on emotion, intuition, and total lack of discipline! I'm going to f*ck up my business, too.


4. I hate trying new things!

Change is my biggest enemy. I may seem like a ballsy chick...but deep down, all I want is to be taken care of and to never have to worry about the scary stuff.

Once I have a business, the rules are all different. Even my taxes will be filed differently. What if I mess up? What if it's not as cool as I expected? I'll be all alone, figuring this out...and I just was starting to figure out the rules of my old life.

****

You know what really boils my blood? I've used romantic relationships to avoid all these fears. Of course, the boyfriend never lasted. And now, here I am. When people tell you, "face your problems now, because they're not going anywhere" ... it's totally true.

[Erki]

Is there a reason why you say you write porn, not erotica? I don't know what Webster says, but it doesn't matter anyway - people have their own preconceptions regarding porn/erotica anyway. Mine is that porn is a brute thing that I don't really want to have anything to do with. Erotica is OK, though.

Especially a woman talking about making porn sounds...not even weird, more like contradictory to me - porn being degrading and objectifying and etc to women.

[astra]

Wow, that's a great idea you have there! I love reading/writing erotica too (although haven't really done much of it for quite a while). The thing is, when you're writing pornographic material, there's always going to be some people who think it's disgusting, and some people who think it's quite plain. One person's chocolate is another's vanilla. This is the same with any sort of writing (or anything really) that you may do - it's like some people like sci-fi and hate romance novels, but in your case it might be B&D vs lesbianism.

Besides, my theory on it is that people who don't like that sort of thing, don't have to read it. I mean, if you hated sci-fi novels, would you go to that section of the bookstore and then criticise the writers? Would a sci-fi writer really care about criticism from romance readers anyway?

Good luck with the new venture!

[Tayrak]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

Thanks everyone.

I've done some more thinking about this. I have a lot of limiting beliefs:

1. I'm a girl - I shouldn't have to stress over making money. A man should take care of me.


2. Porn writers are not real writers...and I want to be a real writer.

Didn't we march and burn our bras to win that first one?? I kinda thought that was settled. Don't wait for no man to take care of you honey, he's waiting for you to take care of him.lol Really, take care of yourself. Nuf said.

I know a few writers that would thump you for that 2nd one. A lot of people say the same thing about romance writers, and children's writers and sci fi writers -- when are you going to write the real stuff? Know the answer, Right after I finish spending my 6 figure advance. lol. If you write , you're a writer, if you think about writing you're a dreamer. So, what's it going to be, you a writer or a dreamer?
Tayrak

[uberinquisitive]

Porn writing, erotica - same thing to me. I like to call my stories "filth."

I wish I was truly "free" enough to just do what I want, without worrying about whether it will fail or succeed...or I will be judged...etc..

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

I wish I was truly "free" enough to just do what I want, without worrying about whether it will fail or succeed...or I will be judged...etc..

Don't we all.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Erki

Is there a reason why you say you write porn, not erotica? I don't know what Webster says, but it doesn't matter anyway - people have their own preconceptions regarding porn/erotica anyway. Mine is that porn is a brute thing that I don't really want to have anything to do with. Erotica is OK, though.

Especially a woman talking about making porn sounds...not even weird, more like contradictory to me - porn being degrading and objectifying and etc to women.

Sorry to go off topic, but how is porn degrading? If women want to show of their natural beauty and get paid for it, why do you have a problem with that? Also, porn doesn't only depict images of naked women!

My view is that porn educates people. Personally I don't care for erotica, so what else do you suggest I jack off to? I can't conjure up a mental image of something unless I know what it looks like first!

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Personally I don't care for erotica, so what else do you suggest I jack off to? I can't conjure up a mental image of something unless I know what it looks like first!

Well Spartan, there are no pictures on my site. Just stories. But I'd argue that stories are even better than picture.

And...my stories are pretty frickin' awesome, if I do say so myself. As in, I've had guys read it and they come back with this glazed look in their eyes like, "please, ma'am...may I have some more?"

[Ninja]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

Porn writing, erotica - same thing to me. I like to call my stories "filth."

I wish I was truly "free" enough to just do what I want, without worrying about whether it will fail or succeed...or I will be judged...etc..

You are. But you probably haven't realized it yet.

Think of it this way: the people that may criticise you... will they be at your deathbed? Will you feel happy that, even though you never lived your dream, at least you didn't upset a bunch of closeminded people you likely didn't care about, or even knew anyway? Will your loved ones, the people that encourage you, feel relieved that you preferred the opinions of (non-existent) strangers over theirs? Will you die at peace with yourself, knowing the music is still trapped within you? Can you forgive yourself for that?

...

Yeah, I thought so.

[uberinquisitive]

Will you die at peace with yourself, knowing the music is still trapped within you?

No.

I envisioned the very worst case scenerio - I lose all the money I invested into the business, my stories are disliked and ignored, and I have to fold. No big deal, when I think about it. I'll still have a hot dinner to eat, my health, cable tv, air conditioning.

[Ninja]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

No.

I envisioned the very worst case scenerio - I lose all the money I invested into the business, my stories are disliked and ignored, and I have to fold. No big deal, when I think about it. I'll still have a hot dinner to eat, my health, cable tv, air conditioning.

I found a website that gives great inspirational quotes when you refresh it. This one of the best ones I think and it suits you:

"It is not the critic who counts; nor the man who points out how the strong stumble, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

Don't be one of those cold, timid souls

[uberinquisitive]

ACK! Still procrastinating. Can I be accountable to people on this board?

I'd like to announce the following:

1. My website will be open for business on May 15.
2. I will put my website in my signature.

[JorgeHTQH]

I can save you a lot of trouble and heart ache... Don't do it... Study the Law of Attraction. What you put out will come back to you. You start putting out porn and I can guarenty you that the universe will make sure that you have a miserable imorral life bringing you all kinds of imoral situations into your life along with the consequences... and worse yet, into your families life. I feel so sorry for you if you have or ever have a daughter because our children will become a reflection of the parents. And they and you will suffer greatly. Trust me on this. If you have a gift in writing then write on positive issues, write positive, moral, clean romance stories that will change lives for the better. Drop the whole porn thing before it's too late. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see that porn/erotica is imoral. Do the write thing. Good luck.

[Ninja]

Originally Posted by JorgeHTQH

I can save you a lot of trouble and heart ache... Don't do it... Study the Law of Attraction. What you put out will come back to you. You start putting out porn and I can guarenty you that the universe will make sure that you have a miserable imorral life bringing you all kinds of imoral situations into your life along with the consequences... and worse yet, into your families life. I feel so sorry for you if you have or ever have a daughter because our children will become a reflection of the parents. And they and you will suffer greatly. Trust me on this. If you have a gift in writing then write on positive issues, write positive, moral, clean romance stories that will change lives for the better. Drop the whole porn thing before it's too late. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see that porn/erotica is imoral. Do the write thing. Good luck.

Don't be ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with erotica/porn if all parties involved agree with it (fictional or not). Sex is just as much a part of our lifes as eathing and breathing. There should be no shame in it.

Follow your dream, Uber!