I wish I was fired.

[seeker5]

I've been thinking of starting this thread for a while. I secretly wish I was fired, or better yet, layed off. I have enough cash to survive a few months.

I just have so many blocks to overcome to just quit. I feel like I'm developing habits of not being productive at work. Meanwhile, I'm not spending enough time doing the journaling I wish I was doing, and working toward my goals of returning back to school, etc.

Yet, I've tried that before, quitting to pursue my passion and it ended up with my going broke, in debt, and feeling like a loser for years until I finally overcame most of that last year.

Yeah, I know Steve wrote a bunch about it before the RAW Vegan diet, and I've been thinking about starting this thread for a while.

[OnionJack]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I've been thinking of starting this thread for a while. I secretly wish I was fired, or better yet, layed off. I have enough cash to survive a few months.

I just have so many blocks to overcome to just quit. I feel like I'm developing habits of not being productive at work. Meanwhile, I'm not spending enough time doing the journaling I wish I was doing, and working toward my goals of returning back to school, etc.

Yet, I've tried that before, quitting to pursue my passion and it ended up with my going broke, in debt, and feeling like a loser for years until I finally overcame most of that last year.

So you failed, ONCE. What about the next time?

I'm not advocating quiting tomorrow. But if you're done, you're done. So look into putting back up cash into a savings account(above and beyond your current means). Prepare for the worst. It may take them awhile but they'll come to realize it. Or you will first.

And why did your passion fail? Can you put it into definable terms for us? Or did it fail to translate into a viable business?

If your passion isn't viable, what would you like to do for yourself, or for a few others that would provide for your future?

-OJ

[codefreeze]

I'd have to quote Rocky Balboa (at least I think it was Rocky).

It's not about getting knocked down, it's all about getting up again.

[seeker5]

wow, I sure seem to have a lot of difficulties talking about this subject. I've wanted to start this thread for weeks. Then when I first wrote the first post, I had written a long post. But before starting the thread, I cut it down to just a few lines. Then I posted the response to OnionJack last night. When I got up this morning, I felt too vulnerable and too naked so I cut it down in size. then mid-morning, I still felt too vulnerable so I just deleted it all.

And yet, this is the most important subject for me to work through. From this exercise I can see how much resistance I have to discussing this. It is the number one thing that has held me back for the past years - the number one source of embarrassment to myself and to my ego. And, it is also a subject that was so painful for me for years that I tried to run away from truly dealing like I should be dealing with it. When I read the previous posts several hours after I had posted them, I felt "wow what a loser!", and I didn't like looking like that, so thus part of my impulse to delete it. But I know if I don't deal with these things now, my life will still be on hold. I don't want to die at the age of 50, and never truly have lived my life the way one lives his life when he goes full out.

Ok.

Originally Posted by OnionJack

So you failed, ONCE. What about the next time?

The truth is I didn't fail once, but five times. I just didn't remember the other four times when i wrote my initial posts. The first time, which is what I was referring to above, is when I gave up a comfortable and secure programming job with a nice salary to try to get the kind of job in an industry I was fascinated in. For a few months, I researched the best kind of company in that field, crafted a great letter/resume and sent it in. I started a correspondence with the president/vice-president and felt that I was going to be hired. Then I made a huge faux movement, and I ended getting rejected. I didn't know how to handle the rejection, as previously to the rejection, I had felt I was on top of the world, able to achieve anything. So, I started to feel depressed, and tried to get another job, but couldn't get myself to take much action at all. I distracted myself from the pain until I had the choice of getting a job, any kind of job, or end up at the homeless shelter. I actually slept in my cars for a few nights until I decided to call a friend several states away to go live with while I got the first job I could - a retail job.

The next four times I quit had a very similar pattern. The difference is that I was quitting jobs I hated and that was low pay, so I wasn't truly giving up much. However, in each of these times, I'd quit, search for a new job for a little bit, then distract me from my pain until I used up all of my cash and got in more debt and then _had_ to find another job, any job or I'd once again be threatened with having to go to the homeless shelter. In each of these four cases, I ended having to get another manual job, such as at a retail/fast food place - jobs that I hated.

I ended getting so scared of quitting that I kept my last retail job for several years until I got this job I'm in now. This job is comfortable, I'm respected, well paid (in terms of income/expenses and in terms of the other jobs), I'm doing stuff I actually prefer to anything I've done in the last few years except that initial job I quit.

I'm not advocating quitting tomorrow. But if you're done, you're done. So look into putting back up cash into a savings account(above and beyond your current means). Prepare for the worst. It may take them awhile but they'll come to realize it. Or you will first.

Yeah, I'm saving as much money as I can - my living expenses are significantly lower then my income.. With my current job, I finally paid off all my debt that I had accumulated, so it's finally nice to be debt-free and I don't want to go back to being in debt. All previous times I quit ended me getting more in debt - debt that was huge compared to how much money I was able to make.

And why did your passion fail? Can you put it into definable terms for us? Or did it fail to translate into a viable business?

I'm not sure what my passion is now. Back then it was to get into a specific industry I was fascinated with. I'm still fascinated with that industry, and I’m thinking that by getting a masters in business administration I can perhaps get an entry level job in that industry. However, my feelings are mixed, because I'm not 100% sure that I want a whole career in that field. I don't want to slave away, having my future tied by my boss and having to please him so I can get promoted. As Steve says, that's risky.

However, I do know I want to do something related to business/organizations - because I love the concepts of business. When I was a teenager, I'd read business magazines and think/dream of owning my business and thinking how I'd lead it and stuff. But I didn't get a degree in business. For the wrong reason, I got a technical degree in college. Last spring, I finally went and took four classes in undergraduate business, and I absolutely loved it! I loved my lectures, I enjoyed my homework, I loved thinking about the concepts the teachers were talking about. So I know I want to do something related to business and I'm trying to get into graduate school right now for the fall, but that's 8 months away. But exactly what in that field do I want to do? I'm not 100% sure yet.

I just don't feel I can stay sane at my job for the next 8 months. I feel like my brain is going mushy, I'm worried that my habits of not really working while at work will get the best of me long term. I don't like having to force myself to do work because after all, they're waiting for me to finish what they are depending on me to do. I just feel like I'm wasting away. The first six months at my job were great, I was learning a lot of stuff, and finally getting used to being a white color worker who works on interesting multi-million dollar stuff after so many years as an entry level retailer-fast food person. But now that I've learned all I care to learn about this industry and this job, I just feel wasting away.

Suggestions/advice still welcomed. I appreciate the responses, it’s had me dig deep and figure out some of the stuff I've just written. Makes more sense why I've had this fear of just quitting like that, and also why I have to face this and deal with it.

[moire]

Looks a lot like me. Different jobs, different reasons, but overall the same feeling.

I just gave my resignation letter last thursday, and will be free on february 7th. I'll write more as soon as I get home, in an hour or so. Hold on.

[OnionJack]

Originally Posted by seeker5

wow, I sure seem to have a lot of difficulties talking about this subject. I've wanted to start this thread for weeks. Then when I first wrote the first post, I had written a long post. But before starting the thread, I cut it down to just a few lines. Then I posted the response to OnionJack last night. When I got up this morning, I felt too vulnerable and too naked so I cut it down in size. then mid-morning, I still felt too vulnerable so I just deleted it all.

And yet, this is the most important subject for me to work through. From this exercise I can see how much resistance I have to discussing this. It is the number one thing that has held me back for the past years - the number one source of embarrassment to myself and to my ego. And, it is also a subject that was so painful for me for years that I tried to run away from truly dealing like I should be dealing with it. When I read the previous posts several hours after I had posted them, I felt "wow what a loser!", and I didn't like looking like that, so thus part of my impulse to delete it. But I know if I don't deal with these things now, my life will still be on hold. I don't want to die at the age of 50, and never truly have lived my life the way one lives his life when he goes full out.

Ok.

Well I also had a whole post written out the other night but didn't post it and deleted it to start over on this one. Sometimes a new day is a new perspective.

Originally Posted by seeker5

The truth is I didn't fail once, but five times. I just didn't remember the other four times when i wrote my initial posts. The first time, which is what I was referring to above, is when I gave up a comfortable and secure programming job with a nice salary to try to get the kind of job in an industry I was fascinated in. For a few months, I researched the best kind of company in that field, crafted a great letter/resume and sent it in. I started a correspondence with the president/vice-president and felt that I was going to be hired. Then I made a huge faux movement, and I ended getting rejected. I didn't know how to handle the rejection, as previously to the rejection, I had felt I was on top of the world, able to achieve anything. So, I started to feel depressed, and tried to get another job, but couldn't get myself to take much action at all. I distracted myself from the pain until I had the choice of getting a job, any kind of job, or end up at the homeless shelter. I actually slept in my cars for a few nights until I decided to call a friend several states away to go live with while I got the first job I could - a retail job.

I would suggest looking at and reevaluating this first experience, as per your words it sets up a pattern. Before I even get on to you. I'm going to talk about a few other people.

He started one of the largest and most recognizable brands in the word. According to his own semi-biography he lost his first wife over taking risks associated with it, and life. I tried to find the book for direct quotes, but not sure where I placed it. His company at one time was quoted as owning more real estate than anyone except the catholic church. Also in his own book he attributes an anonymous quote about himself as, "Having created more millionaires than anyone else, ever." And if you can guess the age when he got the business you're a champ.

Next Up is from Reader's Digest October 2007-
"I've missed more than 9000 shots. I've lost almost 300 games. I've failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

Lastly is:
-He failed as a business man - as a storekeeper.
-He failed as a farmer - he despised this work.
-He failed in his first attempt to obtain political office.
-When elected to the legislature he failed when he sought the office of speaker.
-He failed in his first attempt to go to Congress.
-He failed when he sought the appointment to the United States Land Office.
-He failed when he ran for the United States Senate.
-He failed when friends sought for him the nomination for the vice-presidency in 1856.

Answers will be given at bottom

Originally Posted by seeker5

The next four times I quit had a very similar pattern. The difference is that I was quitting jobs I hated and that was low pay, so I wasn't truly giving up much....edit for space

I ended getting so scared of quitting that I kept my last retail job for several years until I got this job I'm in now. This job is comfortable, I'm respected, well paid (in terms of income/expenses and in terms of the other jobs), I'm doing stuff I actually prefer to anything I've done in the last few years except that initial job I quit.

Below this you talk about loving business in general terms. And so do I, I'm one of the few I know that can honestly talk to anyone about their business throughout an entire night and discuss various points of it and thoroughly enjoy the night.

The question is how do you translate this in a viable, career or business? If you have the answer I would honestly love to hear Things aren't always that easy.

Also you mention programming, can you pick up side jobs to possibly pad your accounts for the future?

Originally Posted by seeker5

Yeah.. With my current job, I finally paid off all my debt that I had accumulated, so it's finally nice to be debt-free and I don't want to go back to being in debt.

Debt can suck, but it's not all apples to apples. You may have to take the risk to launch a new product or career. A favorite speech of mine is Life Value and Paradox of Risk

It's all about calculating ROI and if the juice is worth the squeeze =)

Originally Posted by seeker5

I'm not sure what my passion is now. Back then it was to get into a specific industry I was fascinated with. I'm still fascinated with that industry, and I’m thinking that by getting a masters in business administration I can perhaps get an entry level job in that industry. However, my feelings are mixed, because I'm not 100% sure that I want a whole career in that field. I don't want to slave away, having my future tied by my boss and having to please him so I can get promoted. As Steve says, that's risky.

However, I do know I want to do something related to business/organizations - because I love the concepts of business. When I was a teenager, I'd read business magazines and think/dream of owning my business and thinking how I'd lead it and stuff. But I didn't get a degree in business. I loved my lectures, I enjoyed my homework, I loved thinking about the concepts the teachers were talking about. So I know I want to do something related to business and I'm trying to get into graduate school right now for the fall, but that's 8 months away. But exactly what in that field do I want to do? I'm not 100% sure yet.

I'm going to quote a great book that I often tout to read. E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Fail, and What to Do About it. By Michael Gerber

IBM is what it is today for three special reasons. The first reason is that, at the very beginning, I had a very clear picture of what the company would look like when it was finally done. You might say I had a model in my mind of what it would look like when the dream - my vision - was in place.

The second reason was that once I had that picture, I then asked myself how a company which looked like that would have to act. I then created a picture of how IBM would act when it was finally done.

The third reason IBM has been so successful was that once I had a picture of how IBM would look like when the dream was in place and how such a company would have to act, I then realized that, unless we began to act that way from the very beginning, we would never get there.

In other words, I realized that for IBM to become a great company it would have to act like a great company long before it ever became one.

From the very outset, IBM was fashioned after the template of my vision. And each and every day we attempted to model the company after that template. At the end of each day, we asked ourselves how well we did, and discovered the disparity between where we were and where we had committed ourselves to be, and, at the start of the following day, set out to make up for the difference.

Every day at IBM was a day devoted to business development, not doing business. - Tom Watson

We didn’t do business at IBM, we built one

Originally Posted by seeker5

I just don't feel I can stay sane at my job for the next 8 months. I feel like my brain is going mushy, I'm worried that my habits of not really working while at work will get the best of me long term. I don't like having to force myself to do work because after all, they're waiting for me to finish what they are depending on me to do. I just feel like I'm wasting away. The first six months at my job were great, I was learning a lot of stuff, and finally getting used to being a white color worker who works on interesting multi-million dollar stuff after so many years as an entry level retailer-fast food person. But now that I've learned all I care to learn about this industry and this job, I just feel wasting away.

Suggestions/advice still welcomed. I appreciate the responses, it’s had me dig deep and figure out some of the stuff I've just written. Makes more sense why I've had this fear of just quitting like that, and also why I have to face this and deal with it.

None of us can give you a real answer about anything. That's one of those fun things only you can answer. I would just venture to say think on it outward, you've probably been doing too much inward thinking.

As for above answers in order:
Ray Kroc(founder of McDonalds)
Michael Jordan
Abraham Lincoln

[codefreeze]

I knew the first one (Ray Kroc) and guessed the second one. Completely guessed wrong about the third one - hey I'm English.

I think Ray kroc was 52 or something like that when he started McDonalds.

[Dbarker]

Originally Posted by OnionJack

In other words, I realized that for IBM to become a great company it would have to act like a great company long before it ever became one.

I really like that quote. The same can be said for us.

I have long sought the path on which I was supposed to follow. It always seemed that whatever I was doing was not quite right. I'm trying to be more open now to opportunities and knowing that a change will occur when I am ready for it to occur.

Seeker, I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. I ended up resigning from a position before I had another job lined up. I had faith that something better would come up as well as the knowledge that I had the background to do a number of different things while waiting for something better. In the end, several opportunities presented themselves, although I am still seeking. That can be frustrating.

Why did you wait until this next fall to take graduate classes? You might look for something via distance learning.

Try to intend that an answer will come. Meditate and read some motivational stuff when you get down.

Good luck,
Dave

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by moire

Looks a lot like me. Different jobs, different reasons, but overall the same feeling.

I just gave my resignation letter last thursday, and will be free on february 7th. I'll write more as soon as I get home, in an hour or so. Hold on.

So, where is your writing? You said you'd write more

Originally Posted by OnionJack

I would suggest looking at and reevaluating this first experience, as per your words it sets up a pattern. Before I even get on to you. I'm going to talk about a few other people.

Thanks for the inspirational stories of others. I knew about Abraham Lincoln. I've started an inspirational blog, and that's the kind of stuff I'd like to post on it.

Below this you talk about loving business in general terms. And so do I, I'm one of the few I know that can honestly talk to anyone about their business throughout an entire night and discuss various points of it and thoroughly enjoy the night.

Heh, I haven't had a chance to do that with anyone yet, but sounds like fun.

The question is how do you translate this in a viable, career or business? If you have the answer I would honestly love to hear Things aren't always that easy.

I have a few things I'd enjoy, but not sure how I could get there. Part of me though wants to be smack in the middle leading a business. The other part of me wants to just go sit to some retreat for months or years and really do deep inner-work to really sort everything out and figure everything out - there's a lot of self-exploration I would love to do and I know I really enjoy doing that stuff.

However, one thing I'd like to do business wise is to be a turn-around leader. That is if a business is failing, yet it could do much better, I know I'd enjoy coming in and turning it around. Then once it's turned around, I'd leave and give it to someone who just keeps it going at normal pace. Then I'd go and find another challenge. That could be interesting. I've really enjoyed turning around some community clubs in the past, but that's probably a far cry from business. Just one idea I have. I guess the quotes of people you quoted knew exactly what they wanted, I need to find what I'd want to do now.

When I think of looking for a job, other then the one I have to hold me until I start school in August, I'm not actually sure what job/method-of-making-a-living. The thing is I also have no intention of staying in this city - I'm trying to get into a school outside of this city/state. I've only been living here for 7 months and it's meant to be temporary.

Also you mention programming, can you pick up side jobs to possibly pad your accounts for the future?

Well, I haven't done programming for a few years now, so I'd be very rusty. I did get hired on my current job because of my programming experience and they figured I'd be good with computers (which I am). To get back into programming, I'd have to open up some programming books and get back into it, and it's not something I want to do since it's not my career interest.

Debt can suck, but it's not all apples to apples. You may have to take the risk to launch a new product or career. A favorite speech of mine is Life Value and Paradox of Risk

Thanks for the link, I'll check it out.

I'm going to quote a great book that I often tout to read. E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Fail, and What to Do About it. By Michael Gerber

I'll check that book out too. Thanks for the recommendation.

None of us can give you a real answer about anything. That's one of those fun things only you can answer. I would just venture to say think on it outward, you've probably been doing too much inward thinking.

I think that what I'm most afraid is that I'll fail, not because of outside circumstance, but because of inner circumstance. Whenever I've outright quit in the past, I failed because of my inner being - I just felt depressed and didn't take action. It'd be one thing to quit and fail but still be kicking and trying my hardest and not feel depressed but be full of action. I'd probably be ok with that. I'm not ok with me failing because I got depressed and didn't give my all. Does that make sense?

Originally Posted by Dbarker

Why did you wait until this next fall to take graduate classes? You might look for something via distance learning.

Because most business graduate schools don't start until the Fall.

Try to intend that an answer will come. Meditate and read some motivational stuff when you get down.

Ok, thanks.

[Rose of Cairo]

Seeker, success is not the absence of failing. Success is when you try once more than you failed

I admire you for what you did. You went for it. And fell on your nose, so what? Try again! You already failed ten times? Try for the eleventh time!

What I don't understand though is why you always want to find a job. You're talking about jobs all the time. But

Originally Posted by you

When I was a teenager, I'd read business magazines and think/dream of owning my business and thinking how I'd lead it and stuff.

So basically getting a job was against your own dream. Why don't you start your own business?

It doesn't mean that you'll be stuck in that business forever. How about starting it, making it run fine and then selling it and starting the next one, possibly in a different field?

You said that at the beginning your current job was great and now that you've understood everything, it's boring. If you are like me, then this is a pattern and if you get your dream job in that fascinating industry, maybe you'll get bored when you've checked it out too. I think you need more diversity, and more challenging projects.

Imagine you get your MBA and start your own business. Do you feel more motivated with this image in mind than with the prospect of getting a job?

And about retreat: France is a beautiful country to hang out in a few months...

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I secretly wish I was fired, or better yet, layed off.

Post your boss' email address here, and I'm sure we can all help you along.

[Love]

Seeker5: "I've been thinking of starting this thread for a while. I secretly wish I was fired, or better yet, layed off. "

Wow, I can't believe that someone else is thinking the same thing I am. I wish I were fired, too. I want to go but I don't want to leave them hanging with no one to fill the spot. It's a unique kind of teaching job. But I'm kind of secretly hoping that they'll ask me to go, so at least I know that I'm relieved of any obligation to them.

[RT Wolf]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Post your boss' email address here, and I'm sure we can all help you along.

Lol. Agreed.

Might suggest reading Failing Forward. Really good book.

[munish]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I don't want to die at the age of 50, and never truly have lived my life the way one lives his life when he goes full out.


I ended getting so scared of quitting that I kept my last retail job for several years until I got this job I'm in now. This job is comfortable, I'm respected, well paid (in terms of income/expenses and in terms of the other jobs),


I just don't feel I can stay sane at my job for the next 8 months. I feel like my brain is going mushy, I just feel like I'm wasting away. I just feel wasting away.

Suggestions/advice still welcomed .

Just quit that job.

Find a good park bench nearby ,and start working from there.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by munish

Just quit that job.

I agree. Quit that f***ing job already!

Now seriously, it's not doing you any good. If you're afraid of failing because of being depressed, staying in a depressing situation is not the smartest way to go.

I love your idea of being a turn-around leader Something like a company-doctor. Why not?

I did that once too, a few years ago I turned around the bar at my students residence. The bar was there to have fun but also to finance all "social" things in the residence, and it was 2000 euros in debt. I decided to save it, got full power, radically organized the system, built a team of about 20 people and trained them. After three months we were at +3000 and I left.

I was really good at knowing which people would do a great job together, which position would suit to each one and which combination of them would be perfect for a given theme party. I loved the job! And they still work with my system now.

There can be SO many reasons why a person/project/team/company is not doing well. I find that totally fascinating. There is so much to learn too. That would be perfect for you!

But ok, I'll stop mirroring now Just quit that damn job


edit: Marc Allen, The Visionary Business

[laciemn1]

Originally Posted by seeker5

wow, I sure seem to have a lot of difficulties talking about this subject. I've wanted to start this thread for weeks. Then when I first wrote the first post, I had written a long post. But before starting the thread, I cut it down to just a few lines. Then I posted the response to OnionJack last night. When I got up this morning, I felt too vulnerable and too naked so I cut it down in size. then mid-morning, I still felt too vulnerable so I just deleted it all.

And yet, this is the most important subject for me to work through. From this exercise I can see how much resistance I have to discussing this. It is the number one thing that has held me back for the past years - the number one source of embarrassment to myself and to my ego. And, it is also a subject that was so painful for me for years that I tried to run away from truly dealing like I should be dealing with it. When I read the previous posts several hours after I had posted them, I felt "wow what a loser!", and I didn't like looking like that, so thus part of my impulse to delete it. But I know if I don't deal with these things now, my life will still be on hold. I don't want to die at the age of 50, and never truly have lived my life the way one lives his life when he goes full out.

Ok.



The truth is I didn't fail once, but five times. I just didn't remember the other four times when i wrote my initial posts. The first time, which is what I was referring to above, is when I gave up a comfortable and secure programming job with a nice salary to try to get the kind of job in an industry I was fascinated in. For a few months, I researched the best kind of company in that field, crafted a great letter/resume and sent it in. I started a correspondence with the president/vice-president and felt that I was going to be hired. Then I made a huge faux movement, and I ended getting rejected. I didn't know how to handle the rejection, as previously to the rejection, I had felt I was on top of the world, able to achieve anything. So, I started to feel depressed, and tried to get another job, but couldn't get myself to take much action at all. I distracted myself from the pain until I had the choice of getting a job, any kind of job, or end up at the homeless shelter. I actually slept in my cars for a few nights until I decided to call a friend several states away to go live with while I got the first job I could - a retail job.

The next four times I quit had a very similar pattern. The difference is that I was quitting jobs I hated and that was low pay, so I wasn't truly giving up much. However, in each of these times, I'd quit, search for a new job for a little bit, then distract me from my pain until I used up all of my cash and got in more debt and then _had_ to find another job, any job or I'd once again be threatened with having to go to the homeless shelter. In each of these four cases, I ended having to get another manual job, such as at a retail/fast food place - jobs that I hated.

I ended getting so scared of quitting that I kept my last retail job for several years until I got this job I'm in now. This job is comfortable, I'm respected, well paid (in terms of income/expenses and in terms of the other jobs), I'm doing stuff I actually prefer to anything I've done in the last few years except that initial job I quit.

Yeah, I'm saving as much money as I can - my living expenses are significantly lower then my income.. With my current job, I finally paid off all my debt that I had accumulated, so it's finally nice to be debt-free and I don't want to go back to being in debt. All previous times I quit ended me getting more in debt - debt that was huge compared to how much money I was able to make.

I'm not sure what my passion is now. Back then it was to get into a specific industry I was fascinated with. I'm still fascinated with that industry, and I’m thinking that by getting a masters in business administration I can perhaps get an entry level job in that industry. However, my feelings are mixed, because I'm not 100% sure that I want a whole career in that field. I don't want to slave away, having my future tied by my boss and having to please him so I can get promoted. As Steve says, that's risky.

However, I do know I want to do something related to business/organizations - because I love the concepts of business. When I was a teenager, I'd read business magazines and think/dream of owning my business and thinking how I'd lead it and stuff. But I didn't get a degree in business. For the wrong reason, I got a technical degree in college. Last spring, I finally went and took four classes in undergraduate business, and I absolutely loved it! I loved my lectures, I enjoyed my homework, I loved thinking about the concepts the teachers were talking about. So I know I want to do something related to business and I'm trying to get into graduate school right now for the fall, but that's 8 months away. But exactly what in that field do I want to do? I'm not 100% sure yet.

I just don't feel I can stay sane at my job for the next 8 months. I feel like my brain is going mushy, I'm worried that my habits of not really working while at work will get the best of me long term. I don't like having to force myself to do work because after all, they're waiting for me to finish what they are depending on me to do. I just feel like I'm wasting away. The first six months at my job were great, I was learning a lot of stuff, and finally getting used to being a white color worker who works on interesting multi-million dollar stuff after so many years as an entry level retailer-fast food person. But now that I've learned all I care to learn about this industry and this job, I just feel wasting away.

Suggestions/advice still welcomed. I appreciate the responses, it’s had me dig deep and figure out some of the stuff I've just written. Makes more sense why I've had this fear of just quitting like that, and also why I have to face this and deal with it.

That's so beautiful, man. I think it's absolutely amazing that you failed 5 times yet you still obviously want to try again! Come on, buck up! Keep trying, it's obvious you are going to, might as well do it now. Seriously though, I went through a lot of disappointment last year, one of them realizing I had failed at something I put a lot of work into, and that it wasn't for me. It was a really hard thing, and I can imagine that feeling 5x over is quite hard on the spirit.