Is Anybody Else Worried (american please respond)

[williamhessian]

hi B & Fers. I rarely post in this section of the Pavlina forums, normally i run around in the health and fitness section. However, I've recently had a rough time with feeling worried about starting a family in america given all the growing concerns. I am 25, an artist living in minnesota. I am slightly in debt and I want to start a family but dont feel, given the current state of the country, that i should. I'm worried about what type of world my kid(s) would grow up in. I hate our president and have little hope about the next one. The house I renting is being foreclosed, the apt i moved to had a painter that stole $300 in DVDs. Overall I'm just frustrated.

I wrote a blog about this exact same thing (with a few more concerns) here: ZOMBIE ROBOT FROSTING: Is anyone else Worried?

But basically I am just looking to hear what other americans feel and if they have any advice for me. I'm just struggling to figure out how to feel more comfortable in my own country given all the pending problems.

thanks to any responders. it is much appreciated.

[Erin Pavlina]

I don't worry about things I can't control. I used to, but found it to be a big waste of energy. I can't decide who will be president. I can't prevent someone from stealing from me. Etc. What I CAN do though is decide how I feel about what is happening. And then I feel empowered instead of vulnerable and instead of scared. Shift your perspective.

You can give your child love. That's in your control. Not having kids is not the answer. If you really want kids, just have them, love them, empower them, and who knows... maybe your kid is destined to change the world...

[williamhessian]

Thanks for the reply Erin,

How do i effectively empower myself about things I cant control, when the things i cant control are negatively effecting my job, my friends and family, my safety and living situation.

I completely agree with your comments about having children though. I just feel uncomfortable raising them in such a dangerous society. I do not want to over control them, nor let them fend for themselves, but having so many evils swarming this society it seems inevitable that the odds stacked against them may have a negative effect.

My outlook is normally very positive and optimistic. I just really dislike a number of things going on around me. And feel powerless about it.

[Honeywith4bees]

I'm willing to bet your parents were worried about bringing you into the world that seemed more dangerous to them than when they were children. And their parents before them probably had the same worries and fears. And so forth and so on . . .

[williamhessian]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

I'm willing to bet your parents were worried about bringing you into the world that seemed more dangerous to them than when they were children. And their parents before them probably had the same worries and fears. And so forth and so on . . .

i would agree with you. but i was actually an unplanned child. unplanned possibly because of the same concerns i feel. im not sure.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

People who are conscious and will strive to teach and guide their children to make the world a better place need to continue to have children. Otherwise all the coming population will be full of people who's parents just bred without giving it much thought. That's much more scary to me than anything that's going on now. Spread consciousness and awareness and compassion by raising kids with those qualities!

[Erin Pavlina]

You need a shift in perspective. The language you're using is disempowering. Find another way to frame what you see so that it's positive. I remember Tony Robbins doing it at a seminar:

"I'm too young to be in this business" changed to "Youth is power! I have more energy than those older guys."

"I don't have a degree" changed to, "I have PhD from Life! I've learned more than most people just from living."

And so on.

Reframe the negative.

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by williamhessian

hi B & Fers. I rarely post in this section of the Pavlina forums, normally i run around in the health and fitness section. However, I've recently had a rough time with feeling worried about starting a family in america given all the growing concerns. I am 25, an artist living in minnesota. I am slightly in debt and I want to start a family but dont feel, given the current state of the country, that i should. I'm worried about what type of world my kid(s) would grow up in. I hate our president and have little hope about the next one. The house I renting is being foreclosed, the apt i moved to had a painter that stole $300 in DVDs. Overall I'm just frustrated.

I wrote a blog about this exact same thing (with a few more concerns) here: ZOMBIE ROBOT FROSTING: Is anyone else Worried?

But basically I am just looking to hear what other americans feel and if they have any advice for me. I'm just struggling to figure out how to feel more comfortable in my own country given all the pending problems.

thanks to any responders. it is much appreciated.

Well i'm not american but since we live in a global village and people all around the world know (are obligated to, at least those who want to go into the financial world) a lot about the world and american economies.


I don't know why you're complaining about the country you're in. You're still in the richest country in the world, you know. And from all today's richest countries, the USA is the only one expected to still grow firmly and reasonably well for many decades (expected to grow and average of 3%, while most european countries and japan are expected to grow less, on an average of about 2%).

America still has all it needs to keep being strong for a long time; a big quantity of labor-age population, a big general population (3rd largest in the world), a lot of space (3rd largest country in the world), vast natural resources, and so on and on.... these are just some factors that are on top of my head.


By 2050, USA is expected, according to ernst&young, to be the 2nd richest in the world, behing only, obviously, of china. Meanwhile, all european countries will be far behind from USA and the BRIC countries.



Sometimes i wish i lived in the US. I guess that if i didn't live in one of the BRIC countries (where many opportunities are popping), the place i would move to would be certainly the US. I wouldn't worry about the future of the US. You guys are going to to very well still for a very very long time.

[williamhessian]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

People who are conscious and will strive to teach and guide their children to make the world a better place need to continue to have children. Otherwise all the coming population will be full of people who's parents just bred without giving it much thought. That's much more scary to me than anything that's going on now. Spread consciousness and awareness and compassion by raising kids with those qualities!

this is a good point. a really good point

[williamhessian]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

You need a shift in perspective. The language you're using is disempowering. Find another way to frame what you see so that it's positive. I remember Tony Robbins doing it at a seminar:

"I'm too young to be in this business" changed to "Youth is power! I have more energy than those older guys."

"I don't have a degree" changed to, "I have PhD from Life! I've learned more than most people just from living."

And so on.

Reframe the negative.

hmmm. i will attempt to do just that. i do want to respect my fears and will not ignore my concerns. but to help cope mentally, reframing the negative may be the answer i need to help transform the feeling of helplessness into a feeling of hope and excitement.

[williamhessian]

Originally Posted by Sam988

Well i'm not american but since we live in a global village and people all around the world know (are obligated to, at least those who want to go into the financial world) a lot about the world and american economies.


I don't know why you're complaining about the country you're in. You're still in the richest country in the world, you know. And from all today's richest countries, the USA is the only one expected to still grow firmly and reasonably well for many decades (expected to grow and average of 3%, while most european countries and japan are expected to grow less, on an average of about 2%).

America still has all it needs to keep being strong for a long time; a big quantity of labor-age population, a big general population (3rd largest in the world), a lot of space (3rd largest country in the world), vast natural resources, and so on and on.... these are just some factors that are on top of my head.


By 2050, USA is expected, according to ernst&young, to be the 2nd richest in the world, behing only, obviously, of china. Meanwhile, all european countries will be far behind from USA and the BRIC countries.



Sometimes i wish i lived in the US. I guess that if i didn't live in one of the BRIC countries (where many opportunities are popping), the place i would move to would be certainly the US. I wouldn't worry about the future of the US. You guys are going to to very well still for a very very long time.

point taken, Sam. however, these invisible US national govnt bars that keep showing up are disconcerting, and they keep waging unlogical wars with our colors on their backs, i dont care how fast america is growing, its not something i want to be a part of. but again, point taken, thanks for the comment.

[Gordon]

Originally Posted by williamhessian

hi B & Fers. I rarely post in this section of the Pavlina forums, normally i run around in the health and fitness section. However, I've recently had a rough time with feeling worried about starting a family in america given all the growing concerns. I am 25, an artist living in minnesota. I am slightly in debt and I want to start a family but dont feel, given the current state of the country, that i should. I'm worried about what type of world my kid(s) would grow up in. I hate our president and have little hope about the next one. The house I renting is being foreclosed, the apt i moved to had a painter that stole $300 in DVDs. Overall I'm just frustrated.

I wrote a blog about this exact same thing (with a few more concerns) here: ZOMBIE ROBOT FROSTING: Is anyone else Worried?

But basically I am just looking to hear what other americans feel and if they have any advice for me. I'm just struggling to figure out how to feel more comfortable in my own country given all the pending problems.

thanks to any responders. it is much appreciated.

You cannot live your life in fear!!! You will miss out on so much!!

Go start your family....your persprectives will change.

G

[williamhessian]

Originally Posted by Gordon

You cannot live your life in fear!!! You will miss out on so much!!

Go start your family....your persprectives will change.

G

Gordon
fear will not control me. i appreciate the words of advice

[hotwired]

Einstein once said something to the effect that "The most important decision a person will make is whether or not they live in a friendly universe". I personally believe that our perspective and outlook on the world often dictates our experience of that world. This is kind of a strange concept to wrestle with. I personally live in a very friendly world and have always left my doors unlocked (until I got married and had child ... and then my belief that I must be the man and protect my family over rode the "I live in a world where we can leave our doors unlocked" belief!!).

So it's all beliefs. No matter what you believe, you'll find someone somewhere successfully living out the opposite belief

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by williamhessian

point taken, Sam. however, these invisible US national govnt bars that keep showing up are disconcerting, and they keep waging unlogical wars with our colors on their backs, i dont care how fast america is growing, its not something i want to be a part of. but again, point taken, thanks for the comment.

Ah i don't know very well what you're talking about, but i think it is about the wars that the US is always in?

It's true that many wars are unnecessary, and it's not your fault that the US is in wars such as in Iraq. But i do believe that after bush leaves the white house, the situation will get better. But we don't know; maybe the US will make a new war against another country... that's unfortunately likely to happen again sometime in the (hopefully distant) future.

But i wouldn't leave the US just because it engages in a war now and then. But of course i can't make a choice for you.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

People who are conscious and will strive to teach and guide their children to make the world a better place need to continue to have children. Otherwise all the coming population will be full of people who's parents just bred without giving it much thought. That's much more scary to me than anything that's going on now. Spread consciousness and awareness and compassion by raising kids with those qualities!

Ouch! I had never seen it that way, Aspiring. Thanks. Maybe I should change my mind and have children after all??

WilliamHessian, do you already know Esther and Jerry Hicks' books? They would help you a lot with your problem!

[Nicketas]

Originally Posted by williamhessian

Thanks for the reply Erin,

How do i effectively empower myself about things I cant control, when the things i cant control are negatively effecting my job, my friends and family, my safety and living situation.

I completely agree with your comments about having children though. I just feel uncomfortable raising them in such a dangerous society. I do not want to over control them, nor let them fend for themselves, but having so many evils swarming this society it seems inevitable that the odds stacked against them may have a negative effect.

My outlook is normally very positive and optimistic. I just really dislike a number of things going on around me. And feel powerless about it.

I can feel that you have a lot of feelings to express about so many things.

Don't worry, you are loved.

You have to understand that while you cannot control the outside world, it's up to you to guard yourself against it.

Get tools. Get Skills. Get Supplies. Get Resources. Do what YOU must do for YOU.

Yes, outside things can affect us, but we can shield ourselves against them by bettering our own life situations.

Once you learn how to do this, you can thrive even in a crisis.

Most people look at a downed market and think their is no hope.

Smart individuals throw themselves into the dip, or shield against oncoming conditions and see opportunity anyways.


Look, if your airbrushing business (or any business) is going down the tubes, you need to do more marketing for it.

Market yourself constantly or die in a vat of burning money. That's business.

Post revver.com and metacafe.com (producer rewards) videos for extra revenue and advertising.

Offer your artistic services to OTHER BUSINESSES IN THE AREA.

Start a website or blog showcasing the great work you can do in designing advertisements using airbrushing (then perhaps scanning it into photoshop).

SHOW THEM that you can create great ad images and airbrush logos (or any artistic medium).

Your life needs balance, and you need to say "NO" to the things (even the small ones) that are pulling you away from taking better care of yourself, so that you can be prepared for whatever happens.

If you need further help, try the free ebook "The Ten Laws of Being a Man" by Dr. Paul Dobranksy.

I've been coached by him personally and he's been a HUGE help to me as an artist, personal coach, and aspiring video game designer.

He also offers free (and paid) coaching for right brained individuals such as yourself.

here's the link:
The Ten Laws Of Being A Man

Oh and william.

Get your psychology completely together before you start a family. You owe your children that much.

People here who say "Oh go have kids, they're lovely" either don't have a family, or have just by happenstance improved their personal psychology enough to successfully raise a kid.

But, if you have the choice, and YOU DO, GET YOUR HEAD IN BALANCE BEFORE YOU HAVE A KID.

Having a child is a ONE WAY DEAL. The kid will ALWAYS need your resources.

Your money.

Your Time.

Your Energy.

Your Love.

Your Ideas.

Your Strength.

If you do not have these things running at 98% efficiency, do not have children.

I love babies, I love children, I helped raise two younger brothers and have babysat innumerous times.

I also know the reality of it. Yes, they are wonderful, but there's no question about it:

Children are a one-way deal.

You give.

They take.

Untill they are more than equipped enough to give back - which will take longer if you do not have your ♥♥♥♥♥ together.

I'm just trying to give you the raw psychological facts of the matter.

It is not my intention to down the idea of having children, you just need to be ready.

This will sound blasphemous to others in here, but, The law of attraction alone cannot help you raise a family.

Let me say that again.

The law of attraction BY ITSELF cannot help you raise a family.

If it could, all of the massive amounts of repeatable results and research done by modern psychology would have been vaporized by the release of the secret (news to the naive: it hasn't)

If you do not have your psychology, your mind and your life, in balance with real work and real scientific guidance, having a child will make your life exactly one thousand times more difficult than it already is.

Dr. Paul is the best at handling the whole picture of your life, visually, since he's a unification theorist who maps out your mind so that you know exactly what you need to do.

And again, his book is free.

[Nicketas]

Originally Posted by Gordon

You cannot live your life in fear!!! You will miss out on so much!!

Go start your family....your persprectives will change.

G

Changing your perspective is a terrible reason to start a family.

No one can grow up overnight.

Don't have kids to "change the world" - this is displacing your wishes upon another human being.

Don't have kids to "change your perspective" - this is using that child as an object for your own improvement.

Don't have kids because you want love - children need all of your love all the time RIGHT NOW.

Don't have kids to fulfill any of your own needs. ONLY have children if you are fully ready as a human being to give all of yourself all the time.

THEN AND ONLY THEN will that child be prepared to actually change the world IF HE OR SHE WANTS TO.

Let's shed the narcissism already and treat children for what they are - separate individual human beings who need constant replenishing of resources in order to be able to give back.

[RFSCOACH]

Hello-

I am not worried about bringing my children into this world. Not that there are not alot of things to be worried about. Its more about, how do I want to live my life. My children are not a one way deal. I totally disagree with that.

I love them with my whole soul and they love me that way in return. But it is not without trial and tribulations. I also feel that what my children have to offer the rest of the world - the comment about breeding, may sound funny. But these are quality people being raised.

I am not turning them out to the world to raise them, they are being raised by smart, intelligent, spiritual people. I am teaching them the values I was raised with, with God as our center. Not everyone believes this way and that is ok. I am not preaching here. We talk about god, we pray, we talk about satan. They need to know everything thats in the world. Good and Bad.

I dont let them just watch tv all day, I am home schooling them, they are doing sports. They get a wide variety of things. The world is not the same as when I was young. Some for the better, a lot for the worse.

Our children are our future and if we we just let people who do not care about what their children become populate the earth, then whose responsibility is it. Dont let fear rule what you want. When you are old and gray, you will certainly not say, I sure wish I didnt have my kids. If you work and strive to raise good kids, they will be standing beside you and comforting you and taking care of you.

Live your life, have a family if you wish. Just don't let fear rule your life.

Have a happy & proserous new year.

[TonyRush]

William, I'm new here but participate in a few other forums on these same topics so I hope you won't mind me responding.

I think there is a balance between having a "positive" attitude and being aware that you might be in a precarious situation. There is no question that America has some serious problems and I don't think anyone is served by ignoring them.

The trick is to view the problems objectively and from a "solution-directed" focus.

For example, the American dollar is declining at an alarming rate. In fact, the dollar is actually doing a slow-motion version of what happened to the peso. What took the peso a couple of years is taking us a few decades. But, if you look at the signs and the trends, I think a crash is imminent.

So, what is the proper response?

A. Put our head in the sand and pretend it's not happening?
B. Get worried about it?
C. View it for what it is, adopt the belief that you are larger than the problem and plan accordingly.

Obviously 'C' is the preferred answer. And what that might look like is to say, "Hey, I'm aware of what's going on. Let me educate myself about things like how to accelerate my earnings...how to bank in other currencies....find out what investments will let me protect my assets, etc."

I guess my point is that the most powerful people seem to be those who have an empowering attitude coupled with good information. Ignoring situations doesn't tend to be a good strategy. And you are to be complimented for wanting to plan ahead for your family.

To your success!
Tony Rush

[Amatrine]

That area of the country MI, is also doing worse than other areas so it will show in that it is hitting harder. I am Az, and we are moving to MI. MI has the worst housing slump in the nation with the big 3 closing, jobs moving to China. People can not sell their homes. We are moving there though, and for us we are getting a house cheap, in fact 1/3 the price they would cost here.

I think things will even out over time. Manufacturing moves out, something moves in to replace it. Nothing is a constant. We are in for rough weather as in any transition, but it will level out. It always does. Chinas ecomony will grow larger, and thier employees will start demanding more money , and
then the jobs come back here. Toyota is already paying people to make thier cars oversees more money than they would american workers, and are looking to move more plants here already and in fact are doing that.

I used to work myself up over doom and gloom, it is easier to do this day and age because of the internet, tv, etc. The world just became very small. Now I just look at today, face what is today. I do not have my news station on 24 7 , I relax more. Yeah times are tougher, but they will be better.

Ama

[teatree]

There is hardly ever a time where things are NOT dangerous. I'm British not American, so I can't comment on your political situation, but you do need to understand the world has always been a dangerous place and it's actually safer now than it's been for decades, and indeed centuries.

My grandparents had children in the 1930's and lived through WW2 when they hid the kids under the bed during air-raids if they couldn't get to the shelters. During my lifetime, the IRA kept setting off bombs everywhere. Indeed tall buildings and railway stations were their favourite targets, and they were also keen on hoaxes. During the early 1990's I was in several buildings where a warning was phoned through, and we all had to evacuate while it was all checked out. We had several IRA bombs go off in the early 1990's - one shattered London's Canary Wharf, another blow up Manchester city centre. That's all been solved now - but without pause they've been replaced by Al Queda nutters. And when we sort out Al Queda, some other nutter group will take their place.

400 years ago, a religious nut called Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliament, and now we have religious nuts trying to blow up underground trains. I expect in 400 years time my descendants will also be dealing nutters of one sort or another trying to blow things up. Tis the way of the world.

Don't worry about it. Try to clear your debt, and just go ahead and start your family. If you wait for a time when things arn't dangerous, you'll be waiting forever.

[rebelwithacause]

There are so many great points here.

Like Erin and reframing your view points...

it's such a great thing to be able to look at those
thoughts and beliefs and just ask your self are they
honoring me...and do those thoughts and beliefs serve
me well?

And I am a total believer in that we create our own personal Universe...and that our thoughts and beliefs completely make up our outer world.

After reading over 600 books and studying great teachers and masters over the years both Western and Eastern...

It really begins to sink in.

Intentions and perceptions are everything...

I think that this is a Friendly Universe and that is the experience that I get...I know it sounds fluffy or new age...but it really works...

If we believe all the great teachers that what you focus on expands, and where you put your energy, is what you get...then isn't on us to raise our consciousness to a level that looks for the highest vision of our selves and what's possible.

then when those crazy things show up, we realize that they are just things, and we don't have to make it our whole reality...

Some of the greatest teachings are around how you look at things.

If it's raining what kind of day is it...is it a lousy day, a good day..or is just a day that is wet?

Things that show up just are...what we see in the world just is...it doesn't mean that we have to give it energy or buy into it with all of our being...

I mean since we are all connected, of course things effect us...it's just how we respond.

I know that to bring in children to this world like one of the above posts says and help empower them to be and live their potential...is a great gift to the world...and can be a catalyst for great love, impact, and change in the world...

Fear is useful to motivate, but for me, I don't like to let it run my life or rule my decisions...

may you and your family be filled with positive, loving energy...and pour it out in the world in large doses...

Everyone is so powerful...it's the little monkey mind noise that gets in the way of a lot of great things...

All the best,

[drummbellina]

Is the world really keep getting more "dangerous" or is it that we are all more aware of all the badness? Communication and media etc are so advanced these days that if a man is robbed on the other side of the world we can know all about it the same day. The news reports bad things, newspapers print bad things, all news is bad news by the looks of it!

There were probably as many murders, rapes, thefts, peadophiles, con artists, whatever, 100 years ago, they just weren't reported to the general public all day every day.

[openeyes]

From looking at the post on your blog it seems like most of your concerns are financially oriented (cost of gas, food, health care and so on). Would you feel okay having kids in the US if money were not an issue?

Right now I'm dipping my toes into the health field to see if it's something I could enjoy, as it would provide me with the ability to easily get a job anywhere in the US, insurance would be covered, and working part time (max 30 hours per week) would readily cover everything. If I want to start my own business in addition to that, that'd be fine. I've always tried to set up my life in such a way that finances would never be of great concern, as so many relationship/life issues seem to stem from that for most people.

As for gas and food, both are still cheaper here than in any other first world nation. If I didn't end up working in healthcare I'd go for high deductible catastrophic insurance that covers 100% of expenses after the health savings account is depleted.

America is a large and diverse country. There are certainly areas I wouldn't want to raise children in, but I also wouldn't want to live there myself. The areas I spend most of my time are so amiable that I'd happily raise a child in them. At the local organic grocery co-op I see little kids running around happily all the time.

Where I went to college (just graduated last month) the violent crime rate is nil and a car is optional as most everything is in walking or bicycling distance (free buses are also abundant, along with zipcar). The public schools are excellent, but there are also interesting and affordable private options, plus the chance to homeschool. I'll likely be moving back there in a few months, after taking a brief health course and helping out my dad for a while. When initially picking which college to go to I did so with the view that I'd likely end up living in the area long term after graduation.

Whether I have kids or not will largely be determined by whether or not I decide I (and whomever I'm with) want raising a family to be a major portion of my (our) life. The conditions for doing so are fine, and in many ways we're in a better position for doing so than our parents were 30 years ago. I've been well aware of many of the things people get stressed out over regarding having kids, and rather than it evoking paralyzing fear, it just inspires me to research more and be better prepared, along with learning to be comfortable with whatever inevitably happens.

I'd prefer to have child rearing be at least 2-3 years off as my foundation will be more settled then, but even 9 months from now I feel things could proceed well enough to be proud. Parenting is not something I'd just jump into, it's something I've thought about and planned for since my early teens, particularly making a point of looking into attachment parenting and making sure whoever I end up with has parenting interests compatible with my own (otherwise I'd just assume remain child-free, and have been careful enough to not have to worry about "accidents").

[smartile]

Hi williamhessian,

Is Anybody Else Worried... I've recently had a rough time with feeling worried.... I'm worried about what type of world my kid(s) would grow up in.

It sounds as if all this worrying has you acting out of fear. I agree with Erin. It's best if you reframe your experience. All this worry is just going to attract more circumstances, people, thoughts and feelings of worry.

Recreate a new experience by reframing your thoughts.

Here's a great question to ask yourself: "What is great about this problem?"

Ask away and see what answers you can come up with. Questions are a great way to reframe your experience.

Stephen Martile — Personal Development Made Simple