My New Software - Sales Page Critique - Free If You Help Out

[VacMan]

Hey everyone!

I just launched my new software (OK-Cal) it's a piece of software that lets you enter virtually any food you'd like and the program will help you figure out how much of each food you can eat and still lose weight.

Or hit a variety of other weight/body composition goals.

The sales page is not completely done yet, and I have a rough draft video up right now as well.

I've spent over a year, and thousands of man hours on this software from concept to creation. It's been a long, but extremely fulfilling journey.

I was hoping to get some of your expert opinions on the page and how to improve it.

Note: I've taken the 1-page scrolling sales letter approach because I understand it can convert traffic into sales very well.

Also note: I'm not trying to sell you on anything, in fact if you're good I'll give away a free copy to those who help out and want the software.

Here's the page:

OK-Cal Easy Diet Solution - Lose Weight

Thanks for your help! I really appreciate it!
-Sean

[Brutha]

-I would create a hyperlink to your university. If you can link to a place that let's prove your claim about having studyed there it would be even better.

[ellie]

I think this could really take off.

You do know it's very similar to caloriekings software? Still I don't think that matters too much. Visually yours is better.

Now to the webpage...it's such a let down to your product. Those template pages that I see everywhere, just does not instill the word "trust" in me.

They're to gimmicky and I always associate them with scams. Your product is not a scam.

It think the video works well, but I have to scroll down a lot to even see it's there. I would put it up close to the top of the page. You could probably have it even a bit smaller?

Anyway, I would really suggest looking into the design a bit more.

[VacMan]

Brutha,

Thanks for the advice, I'm a little weary to link off of the page, as I hear that can lose peoples train of thought and they never come back to the site.

Any suggestions on that topic?

ellie,

Thank you so much for your compliments! I really appreciate it!

I do think that this program has an advantage over Calorie King and other similar software packages, because this software works with you to hit specific nutritional goals based on your body goals. And it can do so with almost any foods you choose.

ellie, I've added a second video up on top like you had suggested.

Which video style do you like better, the top or bottom one?

Thanks for your help!
-Sean

[ellie]

The video on the top is much better. Can you have a clear screengrab on the first frame rather than all pixelated?

Also I think your playing up the eating unhealthy food aspect of it. I don't think that many people want to eat unhealthy or be encouraged to eat unhealthily.

Can't you say something like "eat healthy, but you can have those special treats that you didn't think you could have".

It is a bit gimmicky saying eat bad food and get rewarded for it.

[Frans]

Nice feature.
FYI: I do the same thing since years with an ordinary Excel spreadsheet.

[Spiritual]

Like Ellie said, the website really looks like a scam. Been reading and looking at affiliate marketing last couple of days, and everywhere you see these kind of websites. It's just horror and I can't understand why anyone is making sales through those websites.

Maybe it's my dutch personality that keeps me from believing all what those websites offer, maybe it's just general intelligence....

Anyways, I'm not sure what to expect with your program, but I would lose the "Eat all you want and still lose fat like you're taking a dump"-idea.

Be realistic in your marketing, tell what it does and what it doesn't. There are enough people offering all these quick-fixxes, and that's all nice and shaggy ofcourse, people are always looking for quick-fixxes. But you can show if you're an ethical salesperson or not just by saying what you're offering right here, right now!

And seriously, who is reading those long salestalks? Just tell in short what your program does and what not, show the high quality vid (only host it on youtube as a way of marketing outside your website, but for marketing purposes ON your website, use your own hosting to host the video).
And show a link to the orderform and you're done. And for me personally the pictures of people who lost enormous weights are the same you see on tellsell, try to be different and unique. Those pictures aren't motivating me to get it, I've heard to much about the broken promises.... And I'm a person who lost 30kg's in 8 weeks, so I pretty much know what's possible and what's not. Right now when I'm looking at your website and product I'm just thinking "Ah another one of those same old same old".

Show why you and your product are different, be real!

Oh and you might building a more professional and complete website, these templates can be found for free aswell and really add to your reliability. You might consider adding a forum, where people can share their experiences and you can offer some support. If your product really does what you say you can gain massive trust by adding a forum like that. And on the website you can add the articles about why your product works. And you in the future you can even use your website to add new products, maybe you will write a book about how to use your software.

It's all possible!


Btw, I was not trying to break you or your product down, just telling how I experience what you want feedback on.

Good luck!

[ellie]

I think Spiritual hit it on the head exactly.

[JimOfferman]

I would recommend you change your tack. Like others have mentioned, your current website looks like one of the many internet scams - the 'success guaranteed' ones that end up selling you a lousy formatted PDF for $35. You don't want to associate your product with that kind of crap. Your first sales run might turn out half way decent, but if you make people feel like they're being scammed (even when they are not actually being scammed) they won't return and, more importantly, won't refer friends to your product. Even if your product solved my (non-existent) weight problem for me, I'd be hesitant to recommend it to a friend, because of how the site looks now. The first thing my friend is going to think when she sees the site is: "Jeesh! Jim sure has become gullable!" That's not how I like my friends to think about me...

For an example of a site that (in my opinion) does a very good job at presenting a software product, check out the FogBugz website. It does a really good job of presenting the product (FogBugz) in a way that just exudes quality. Of course, the quality website has to be backed up by a quality product also...

[VacMan]

Thanks for your advice everyone!

Yea...

Even though it took forever to make that webpage... I don't feel 100% awesome about it, because it conflicts with how I feel about the product.

I'm not sure exactly how to market it, or how to position it correctly to show it's different from other programs similar to it.

The real advantage:

Is that it can take the foods you want to eat and figure out how to make them work for you to hit your weight goals and body composition goals.

Most diets try and box you into little categories and tell you to eat specific foods, OK-Cal lets you break out of that box.

I am thinking about trying out more of a website like:

www.gotomypc.com

The only thing is I need to show people that OK-Cal (my program) is different and unique, and it really works.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Man... I hate scrapping so many hours of work... but what must be done... must be done...

[ellie]

I think that site you showed is a bit too clinical.

Before coding up the page. Why don't you design the look and post up screen grabs. Will save you a bit of time.

[Ninja]

The folowing may start out rude, but bear with me here

My mind just screams: scam! scam! scam!!!

Words like "guaranteed" are underlined, you have to scroll down endlessly (huge page with lots of photos and embedded videos = long loading time!) and the random big&bold fond reminds people of those 'classical' spam emails about losing weight, or enhancing...ehm... certain bodyparts. It's cheap and tacky, if I may be so blunt (I'm Dutch, it's in my nature ).

If you believe the product will take off (and underneath the tellsell-ish outer shell, it does look promising!), why not invest some money in a good website? Hiring a good and respectable webdesigner might cost you more than throwing your geeky 12-year old nephew a few pokemon cards, but it's an investment that will pay itself back! You'll get a goodlooking site that is also user friendly, loads fast and is viewable on all browsers, computers and operating systems.

Think about it: if you owned an 'offline' store, would you want to make the windowdisplay look like someone ran over it with a bulldozer?

If you don't have the expertise: hire someone who does and reap the rewards!

[VacMan]

Ninja, ellie, JimOfferman, Spiritual, and Frans, thank you guys!

I know the site looks "scammy" right now, and therein lies the internal conflict...

I've been talking with some professional copywriters (people who make websites that sell products online) and most of them use this format, and they use it and make money doing it.

I've actually posted it up to have it critiqued by these pro's and most of them say that overall it looks good. Which is confusing...

All the studies say that this long scrolling sales letter does the best for sales, but whenever I show it to anyone I get a "scammy" kind of response.

I don't really get it...

How do these types of pages sell product?

And P.S. They are hard to write too, do a word count on the site Lottts of writing

[Ninja]

Who are you trying to sell your product to? Those salemen or potential customers? Figure that out and you know who's opinion you should value more.

P.S. Of course they say their product sells. If you were them, would you say: "Oh no, my product hardly sells because people think it's a scam, but I'm too lazy to make any changes". Would you really want to advise you competition to make their site look better than yours?

[Lucas]

Originally Posted by VacMan

Ninja, ellie, JimOfferman, Spiritual, and Frans, thank you guys!

I know the site looks "scammy" right now, and therein lies the internal conflict...

I've been talking with some professional copywriters (people who make websites that sell products online) and most of them use this format, and they use it and make money doing it.

I've actually posted it up to have it critiqued by these pro's and most of them say that overall it looks good. Which is confusing...

All the studies say that this long scrolling sales letter does the best for sales, but whenever I show it to anyone I get a "scammy" kind of response.

I don't really get it...

How do these types of pages sell product?

And P.S. They are hard to write too, do a word count on the site Lottts of writing

I agree with Ninja in that you shouldn't listen to sales people, or even us. What you should be listening to is what is converting into sales.

Marketing is all about testing and finding out what works. As long as it works and you aren't lying to customers and you're converting sales, then it is a good page.

I don't think the site looks scammy, it looks like a sales page for a single product. In fact I think it looks less scammy than a lot of sales pages. I do agree you have too many demos, maybe put the software box where the first video demo is, and then pick the better of the two demos to keep on the site. (The Demos seem a little weak in narration too)

I dig the 110% money back guarantee, thats a great incentive.

Your ad copy seems a little weak, as I don't feel like it is speaking to me. It feels like the words aren't coming off the page. It almost feels like there is too much information to sift through.

You don't have a very expensive product, so you may actually have too much copy. I would recommend picking up "Hypnotic Writing" by Joe Vitale to spice up your ad copy a little bit more. In that book as a general rule, the more expensive the product, the more text you will need.

So in short, cut out the fat, use more powerful words and do it in the least amount of text needed to convert to a sale.


IMO of course.

[mellom]

Very nice site! I hope you do well. Now go promote it here: http://www.sivatar.com

[VacMan]

Ninja, and Lucas,

Thanks for the encouragement, and you're right there's no way to really know without putting it out there, so I'm planning on testing it out on Monday.

mellom,

Thanks for the compliments! I may check into that site for advertising.

Check it out:

I've changed up the site quite a bit, with the copy, video (hopefully lower loading times) and a few formatting changes, etc.

OK-Cal Easy Diet Solution - Lose Weight

Any opinions?

Thanks!
-Sean

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by VacMan

All the studies say that this long scrolling sales letter does the best for sales, but whenever I show it to anyone I get a "scammy" kind of response.

What studies say that? I know for a fact that not all studies say such websites are effective and I would doubt any study that says so. I also think you should talk to some other (as in better) copywriters. If the "scammy" tone of your content would really be that effective, why aren't all the big boys using the same type of language?

I would recommend you read a few of the articles on Jacob Nielsen's website, useit.com: Jakob Nielsen on Usability and Web Design. He is one of the biggest if not the biggest experts on internet usability. In particular, you should read this article:

Fancy Formatting, Fancy Words = Looks Like a Promotion = Ignored

[VacMan]

JimOfferman,

I agree that usability is important on any website.

I'm talking about converting traffic into sales.

They seem to be separate subjects.

Here's a good study on long vs. short copy:

Long Copy vs. Short Copy Tested

[ellie]

Interesting, because I read the first few paragraphs on your page, scrolled down, saw a lot more text and kind of switched off.

I feels there's just way too much information on there.

[Minsc]

Still look scammy IMO.

If I were you I'd write two paragraphs about your software in a somewhat big font along with a screenshot to the side and put everything else onto other pages(although you'd probably want buy, download demo, and more info links to have more emphasis, maybe put those below the two paragraphs and then have a nav bar at the top of the site with more general stuff like "Ok-Cal", "Videos", "About Us", "Buy products", ect). Make it more personal, like if you were telling a friend about it. But the front page should quickly answer the first questions a user would have("what is it?", "what does it do?", ect) and they'll read more in-depth info if they're interested.
(not that I have any marketing experience)

Anyway, keep track of your conversion rates(unique hits to demo downloads and demo downloads to sales). This'll help you track how well your site is doing. You should also find some statistics for conversion rates in your market to see how well it's doing overall. (The downside to this is that it takes time to get enough statistics to make a decision; it's better to get it right the first time)

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by VacMan

JimOfferman,

I agree that usability is important on any website.

I'm talking about converting traffic into sales.

They seem to be separate subjects.

They are not. Poor usability means less traffic is converted into sales, so I'd say the subjects are pretty connected.

Really, go read a bunch of Nielsen's alertbox columns. He has done extensive research into all the different stumbling blocks for website users.

Here's a good study on long vs. short copy:

Long Copy vs. Short Copy Tested

It is unfortunate that they never give any indication to the lengths of the copy they test with. But I'd dare to wager that their long landing page was a few paragraphs at most, not half a books worth of text. And it probably did not have the scammy formatting.

The article doesn't actually say that long is always better.

Both short- and long-copy pages offer some advantages to the website owner. Depending on your product or service, you may find that one serves you better than the other. Or you may find that some areas of your site warrant long copy while others require more brevity.

So your mileage may vary. What is it that really counts? Quality!

The long vs. short debate often overlooks the most important factor when it comes to website copy: quality. High-quality short copy will outperform poorly written long copy every time. The best possible copy should be developed and tested before you even begin to worry about the long vs. short debate.

(emphasis is mine)

My opinion (as a former professional web designer) is that layout and content that work in harmony to broadcast "this is a quality product" will outperform anything that screams "this is a scam!".

[Ninja]

I'm in college, studying "commuication & multimedia design" and I'll tell you: NOTHING will kill your sales faster than a scammy looking website. The problem with your site is that it doesn't look like a site. It looks like a pamflet. What you need to do, is make seperate pages. One about the product, one with Frequently Asked Questions, an order page, an "about me" page, a contact page and so on. Let me illustrate my point with a (pretty gross) example: if a banana is black and slimey... would you eat it? What if I told you that my black and slimey bananas actually taste divine? I'd be surprised if you could even work up the courage/stupidity to smell the suspicious looking fruit, even if it really does taste heavenly.

[Lucas]

Originally Posted by Ninja

I'm in college, studying "commuication & multimedia design" and I'll tell you: NOTHING will kill your sales faster than a scammy looking website. The problem with your site is that it doesn't look like a site. It looks like a pamflet. What you need to do, is make seperate pages. One about the product, one with Frequently Asked Questions, an order page, an "about me" page, a contact page and so on. Let me illustrate my point with a (pretty gross) example: if a banana is black and slimey... would you eat it? What if I told you that my black and slimey bananas actually taste divine? I'd be surprised if you could even work up the courage/stupidity to smell the suspicious looking fruit, even if it really does taste heavenly.

I know where you are coming from, however, layout of the site isn't really that important when compared to targeted traffic. If you are selling what people WANT, and you speak to THEM, they will buy from you.

If you are selling slimy black bananas, you need to find people who are looking for slimy black bananas, or something comparable, and then give them the benefits of why buying slimy black bananas from you is the way to go.

I do agree that a FAQ page would be a good idea, but you don't need to make that huge of a site for a single piece of software.

Maybe he should meet in the middle. Put the high quality ad copy on one page, testimonials on another, and FAQ on another and then have a contact button on each.

However, like I said before, it doesn't matter what I think or what you think, or what anyone thinks if the page is converting sales!! Marketing is all about testing, over and over. I think that he can expand or contract if that page isn't converting, and then he can add the other pages and see how that impacts sales.


Again, I highly reccomend you go out to Borders right now and pick up Joe Vitale's "Hypnotic Writing" and implement those ideas on this sales page ASAP. The writing on there is kind of weak, it is just kind of there.

For instance

Yes, If You Can Find A Food's Nutritional Information - Even You Can Indulge Guilt-Free In Almost Any Food You Want - Even Candy - And Lose Weight - Guaranteed 110%

vs

Imagine indulging in all the foods you love and still shedding your unwanted weight by using a simplistic computer program, all backed by our NO RISK 110% Guarantee.

Now, I am not a copywriter, and maybe my hypnotic writing isn't such, but if you are going to put something in bold, it should speak to your audience right away, cut to the chase of what you are going to do for them and how, and back it up.


Oh, on my last note, the URL kindasucks. I cant even remember it and I have been there like 6 times. mycalk or something? Is that your test server?

[Brutha]

I think the question is:
"Who is your target?"

1) You want to sell your product as a miracle cure. There are people on the internet who buy product that promise them a miracle cure. Those people don't check your references (for them you don't have to link out to a reference).
They probably are also more likely to read your long copy.

2) You want to sell the product as a useable one. People who search a useful product will click away at the point they fell sold.

3) You go to clickbank and let affiliates do the marketing and sales stuff.

[Lucas]

Ok, I have a question for you VacMan.

How come in your headline you are instilling doubt into the minds of your buyers?

Yes, IF YOU CAN FIND A FOODS NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION...who the hell really cares about the rest since there is a chance we cant find the information!?

Wouldn't that be a benefit these days with such improved ingredient/nutritional labels?

Losing weight is as simple as entering a foods nutritional information in our simple to use software!

[VacMan]

Lucas,

Good question.

I am trying to be "less sensational" and more real.

I don't want to come off as making huge claims that I can't back up.

Because the reality of it is, that you have to find the nutritional data for the foods in order for the software to work.

There's already 6,500 + foods already built in, but if it's not in there, and you can't find it, then it won't work for that food.

I'm not sure if this is the best headline, but I don't want to come across as a miracle pill, or magic bullet.

Because that's not what this product is. It certainly makes things easier than any other diet I've ever experienced. But nothing is magic.

[Lucas]

Originally Posted by VacMan

Lucas,

Good question.

I am trying to be "less sensational" and more real.

I don't want to come off as making huge claims that I can't back up.

Because the reality of it is, that you have to find the nutritional data for the foods in order for the software to work.

There's already 6,500 + foods already built in, but if it's not in there, and you can't find it, then it won't work for that food.

I'm not sure if this is the best headline, but I don't want to come across as a miracle pill, or magic bullet.

Because that's not what this product is. It certainly makes things easier than any other diet I've ever experienced. But nothing is magic.

I don't think you need to be sensational, and I hope I am not coming off as that. You need to speak to the customer and use positive language. There are people who want this, so you need to speak to them and tell them why they should buy your product over another.

Does your software get results if used properly? Then pitch the results if used properly!

There are already 6,500+ foods in there? How come I didn't know this? I did another check of your page, and I didn't see that info on there! That sounds like a benefit to me. Another benefit I don't see you talking about is what looks like a wonderful UI!

Personally, I don't feel that the suggestions I have given you are any more sensational than your bit about eating candy and junk food and still losing weight.

When you write ad copy, you show features and sell results. People aren't going to buy your software because it has a nice UI or 6500 foods already in it. That will help, but they will buy it because of the results people can obtain.

You have a great guarantee. You believe in your product. Your words don't match your belief, imo.

[VacMan]

Lucas,

And everyone else.

Thank you, seriously, thank you for your help!

I'm at the point right now where I'm just going to take action with the page, the way it is.

I may not be the best copywriter, but we'll see how the page does for sales.

Depending on test results, I'll come back here and revisit suggestions and start tweaking.

But I think there's just no way to know without testing.

I've just gone so far, I want to let it happen and start tweaking from there.

____

On a side note:

Does anyone know any good PPC resources other than Perry Marshal?

Thanks a ton!
-Sean

[JimOfferman]

Sean,

I think you have made a very wise decision there! If you succeed, you'll prove us all wrong and if you fail, you've at least tested the current design and know for sure it has to change. Either way, you're the winner

good luck!
Jim.