Just need to get this out of my mind

[jwz]

I live at my parents place until I get the apartment I've applied for.
I think I will get it in a month or two.
I'm currently saving up for 1+3 months rent and all the stuff I will be needing.
(frigde, washingmachine, furniture etc etc).

I'm also saving up for child-support, which I will begin paying when the court has decided. (I've been waiting for the courts decision for 2 years now, so the bill for 2 years will be approx. £1600/$2700)

Now while I live at my parents, I pay £100/$150 (approx) twice a month to help out my mom who buys food etc.
I use the internet quite a bit, and I've asked my father if I could pay at least the internet part of the phone bill each month. He always refuses this.

Yesterday he came in mad, saying that the phone is shut down because the bill hasn't been paid. And that it was because of "our" big usage of the internet. £600/$1000 (approx). Mostly internet he said. Of course he said that to make me feel bad.... I did...

Today I found out that he hadn't paid the phonebills for the past 3 months!!

OF COURSE with his own company (gone bankrupt a few weeks ago) phone and our (mostly mine) internet usage the phonebill could add up to £200 per month.

It could also be more than 3 months (smaller bill each month). He's too "proud" to talk about such things.

Now I feel committed to pay the £600/$1000 phonebill to get the phoneline opened again. That would also shut him up, although I don't intend to make him feel bad. He's got enough problems already.

But it would take this particular problem off of my shoulders and my emotions.

But paying for "his" phonebill would set me back pretty much regarding saving up for furniture etc. for my apartment and the child-support money....

If I don't save up, especially for child-support, I could be forced into an infinite ring of debt.

Omg I'm glad to get this off of my heart.
I'm not reviewing my post, so I'm sorry if the grammar is a bit bad.

Thanks for listening.

[Ninja]

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get off the guilt train! You offered to pay part of the bill, he refused and now he's suddenly mad at you? He should have accepted your offer earlier and if his pride won't let him do that, than he's the one who should feel bad. Not you.

You're being very responsible here: in a time where people swarm the malls, point at everything shiny and shriek "OMG! I want it NOW!!!" while waving their creditcards, you are saving up for rent, furniture, appliances and child support. You also realize that getting into debt is not the wisest move. Your father should be proud that he raised you to be responsible enough to handle your own finances, not guiltrip you into paying a big wad of money to open the phoneline again, a bill he could have prevented had he not been to stubborn to accept your help earlier.

No dice.

[Alex2007]

I agree with Ninja

Life is not that easy. Debt is not good. Try to save a bit on your internet habits.


Saving money is a good habit. It serves as a magnet for other money to come in.

Offer the money you were about to offer originally, and wait for your next salary. Keep off the internet for a while. Take a break! Just be still and wait for the transmutation to happen !

Alex

[jwz]

Thanks for the support.
And he COULD also have asked for help when the first phonebill arrived..
That way all of us could've contributed a bit to help him out. INSTEAD of coming several months late with a £600 bill in his hands..

But since the rest of my family will be affected by this if I don't do anything, I've decided to pay the darn phonebill. (rent, electricity, water etc will have to be paid also. If I dont pay for the phone, I don't think he will be able to afford those other bills)

[Honeywith4bees]

Where I live internet access is less than $40 per month for unlimited access. Your bill sounds high ~ can you get a better deal?

[jwz]

Nope.

I live in Greenland. 1 company has monopoly on phone and internet lines.
Government owned. lol.

But they plan to lay a cable from Greenland to Europe (or Iceland), that should lower the prices.

[Ninja]

Don't pay the bill! You're not giving him money, you're giving him a message: "If you're too stubborn to ask for help, hide your problems and act like a child when they catch up with you, I'll bail you out. You do not have to respect me and you do not have to respect yourself by taking responsibility. Please feel free to use me as a doormat anytime you wish, incase you have more hidden bills. If you hid this one for months, I know there's bound to be more. My future and that of my children can wait. Do you accept cash?"

[hotwired]

Thank you Ninja. I was trying to formulate something in my mind but you put it quite well. Now all I have to do it "add" my own two cents. If you are committed, or even interested in the "highest good", it might do to keep in mind the "message" you send, as Ninja states.

Look at your thoughts, words, beliefs, actions as the "same thing" only different volumes. What are you saying with your actions? We have a responsibility to support only higher things, I believe. We have a responsibility to not cave into people's drama and pyschological tools. See every time we do, we reinforce them. So, taken to the final conclusion, you're hurting this person and yourself by giving into your guilt and his drama. You're "helping" him stay sick, to put in another way. This is kind of similar to the "codependent" theories put forth years ago. But consider this anyway to see if it rings true for you.

Meanwhile my best to you and I hope you have so much danged money soon that you look back on all this and laugh loudly!