Delaying kids while starting a business.

[Dwane J.]

What has the groups experience been with starting a business and having kids?

A year ago I started a business while being employed full time. It's been a lot of work and consumes all my free time and weekends. My revenue is nowhere near close to supporting my family. However, I enjoy the work and find it more rewarding than my day job.

My wife and I are 32 and have been married for 6.5 years. So we need to seriously start thinking about starting a family.

Unfortunately feel that I need to shelve my entrepreneurial endeavors and focus on my full time job. I'm not happy about it but feel it might be the right thing to do. From my viewpoint, I'm not sure the time is available for job + business + babies. I don't want my future kids to always see dad locked in his office working.

At the same time I'm not happy slogging through the next 20 years as a corporate drone. I feel that once I have kids the "golden handcuffs" will be locked and keys thrown away until the kids are grown.

I know there is no job security. Since 2000, My wife and I have been through 6 layoffs. Somehow we always find a decent job that pays the bills.

I know the first years are slow with a new business. However I feel that I am running out of time to have kids.

Am I crazy for thinking this way, am I giving up, should I keep chipping away until I have some success?

What have your experiences been?

[Holistic Star]

Hi Dwane,
That's something i'm working on too so I don't have any easy answers.

At the moment I'm looking at mixing part-time salary work with part-time running a business. Not ideal in the long term, but it provides a safety net for transition. What does your wife do and what is she planning to do after maternity leave? What can you juggle with her in terms of salary work, running a business and childcare?

Also what spend do you have at the moment that isn't necessary? When children are small, so long as they are fed, warm and cuddled lots they will be content. What do you currently consume that you could save the money on for necessities?

I'm also working out how I can harness the Laws of aAttraction to manifest unity between running a business and being a mother...watch this space...

[Blaine Moore]

Right now, I am working full time+ at the "job", and working part time to build my own business. I just bought a house and got married, and I am supporting my wife while she goes to law school. Once she gets out of school and gets a job, I would like to quit mine and go full time towards my business. Hopefully I will have enough base work in place that I can get it able to support us within a year or two.

Our plan is to start trying for a baby once she is out of school and has gotten a job.

[Eggzachery]

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." -- Henry Ford

I am married, with a stay at home Wife and a six month old Son. I run my own business. My ability to provide for my family is entirely in my hands. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Children are not a death sentence to your entrepreneurial aspirations. Just relax a little and don't go on a fool's quest chasing frivolous "business ventures." Make sure that what you're doing actually has a chance of succeeding.

[Cat Dancer]

Originally Posted by Dwane J.

I know the first years are slow with a new business.

Why? Who says?

You're right that your business, if you're going to have a business, needs to be viable. It needs to pay you enough to support you and your kids. So, yes, something needs to happen to bring up the income. Whether that is better marketing, or you raise your prices, or you do some automation so it isn't so time consuming for you, or you reduce your costs in some way -- something has to happen. But that solution doesn't need to take "years".

If you have kids, you will probably have less time to devote to your business. This probably means that it will grow slower. So what? "Less time" for the business doesn't mean "no time". There's enough time in the week to work full time, sleep, take care of your kids, do your chores, and to also have time for yourself, whether that is for a hobby, entertainment, or following your dream.

You may need to cut something out. Do you, for example, watch television? You may need to drop television.

Your questions seem to me to be primarily fear based: you fear you will be locked into a job you don't like, you fear you are running out of time to have kids, you believe it will take years to grow your business, you fear you won't be able to grow your business, work full time, and be a good parent at the same time. It's real tough to see opportunities from a fear based perspective.

So something needs to knock loose here, to get you beyond fear, to seeing opportunities. You say your business is "more rewarding than your day job". Does that mean it's OK but not terrific? Maybe you need sometime terrific. Something that you really enjoy. Perhaps the solution is to find a different job, to take the clues provided by what you enjoy about your current business and do work that you really like. You say you have found a job six times. Well, gosh, you don't need to wait until the next layoff , you can go find a better job now

If I were in your shoes, and I wanted to have kids, I'd have kids. I think what needs to happen here is that over, say, the next month or two, you address your fear that having kids is going to lock you into your job that you dislike. Without knowing more details, it's hard to say what that looks like. But you need confidence that something will happen: either you can grow you business while being a good parent, or you find a different business, or you find a job that you're excited about! That solution doesn't need to be in place before you have kids, but it sure would be great if you can see that it exists. Then over this time period (a month? two months?) you explore lots of options, and your fear begins to recede, and at that point you say, "OK! Let's have kids!"

I hope this was helpful,

Cat

[Dwane J.]

Cat, thanks for you response, and yes it was helpful. I appreciate the other comments as well.

You hit a common theme that others are picking up on, my fear. It is something that I have been working on for years now. It appears that I still have some work to do to overcome it.

It appears that I have a lot of work to do and some key life decisions to make.

Thanks for your insight.

[MamaDuck]

I think it's a very personal decision. I just wanted to say that I have a little guy, he's two now, and while I don't have as much time as I would without him, I still do have time to write two blogs, run a business, do contract work on the side, and manage the house/home/husband/life . It's about time management and what you want out of your life - if you want a child now and you are ready, you'll make it work. If not, the fear will overwhelm you, stress you out, and sap your productivity.

[Cat Dancer]

Originally Posted by Dwane J.

You hit a common theme that others are picking up on, my fear. It is something that I have been working on for years now. It appears that I still have some work to do to overcome it.

It appears that I have a lot of work to do and some key life decisions to make.

(Emphasis added).

What if it wasn't hard?

What if it wasn't a lot of work?

Two people want to climb to a height. The first person goes up the cliff, with enormous effort. The other person finds a path, and nonchalantly, easily, simply, walks up the path.

You've gone through 6 layoffs. Somehow you have each time found a job that pays the bills. You slog through your work. Each day you get up, overcome your resistance, and go off to toil at a job you don't particularly enjoy. You are where you are now because you have worked hard. You worked hard to find a new job after each layoff. Your side business is a lot of work.

It is natural to imagine that the future will be like the past.

So if you want more... if you want kids... the natural belief is that it will need more work.

If you want more... you want a job you enjoy... the natural belief is that it will need more work.

If you want more... you want your side business to grow... the natural belief is that it will need more work.

If you want more... you want to overcome your fears... the natural belief is that it will need more work.

In an economy of scarcity, you bring forth wealth by the toil of your labor. By the sweat of your brow, your head down, you toil in the field and bring forth food from the ground.

If you want twice as much food... the only way to get it... without stealing from others... is to work twice as hard.

In an economy of abundance, you bring forth wealth by going out and finding it. You look up, look around, and see... over there, over the next hill, is a wild apple orchard, food for the picking. Over there, is a path up to the height. Over there, is a job you will enjoy. Over there, are ideas for overcoming fear without effort. Over there, is information on how to grow your businesses without taking more time.

If you enjoy reading books, you might like 48 Days to the Work You Love by Dan Miller or The Type-Z Guide to Success: A Lazy Person's Manifesto to Wealth and Fulfillment by Marc Allen.