Facing Challenges - Two Months

[elliot]

I wrote this in my personal blog but thought it might be more useful to me here, where people actually comment on others entries.

When I look back at the course of my life and the turns it has taken, I often wonder how things would be different if I made a decision and simply stuck to it. At the same time, I realize time is a finite resource and I can only accomplish so many tasks over the course of my lifetime. Barring any type of major disaster or debilitating illness, I figure I have a good 50 years left of my life to have a lasting positive impact on the world and to set myself up to be a competitive player in this global arena. Not merely a follower, but a leader and someone who is having a hell of a lot of fun doing it.

Right now, I have several obstacles in my way.

Work : At present I work about 40 hours a week, but it really works out to be closer to 47 once the commute and break time is factored in. Yes, I come home sometimes on my break, but it usually isn't time I have found myself able to relax during. My mind continues to think about how many minutes are left and what I have to get done for the rest of the day.

In addition my job is repetitive to a point that almost sickens me. I don't think I can do it for much longer. My degree is an amazing asset, but if I can't do anything with it professionally, it's worthless. So I make about $13/hr now, more once you factor in other benefits, tuition reimbursement, etc. However, at what point do I just decide this isn't right for me, thank you for your time and move on with my life. My friends don't speak for me, but many I talk to say they could never do a job like that for so long. I have spent so many years just doing the same thing with very little flexibility. Two years as a bank teller and seven as the supermarket boy. I focused on security instead of abundance. I never took the steps necessary to make a name for myself. Even though networking circles, I was an average player, not a 'star. On the other hand, there are lots of people who chose passion over money and barely have two sticks to rub together at the end of the week. To me, that isn't healthy either. I want balance, badly and I don't think I'll be able to discover it until I either: a) experience it or b) discover a mentor who can aid me in this area.

All the jobs posted at my current employer are either for more experienced personnel with a lot more drive or are completely uninteresting to me. So it seems like the end result is all too clear. The question is, can I change, am I willing to change. If an opportunity should present itself would I act or sit on the sidelines I have in the past. If you don't want to be in the game, it might not be a bad idea. Then again, isn't that sort of selling myself short in the meantime? Or from a pure functional perspective, doesn't it make sense to have insurance / some pay / keep myself in the black until I find a job that really is right for me? How do I make this happen sooner rather than later? If you know, show me how.


Personal Life: Things are going great with me and the boy. I want to spice things up a bit, but my life in other areas seems to drain me of my reserves, of my drive. I also feel like I don't have enough money to save / continue on the asset allocation plan I came up with earlier this year if I am not working for a few months. He seems patient with me, though my geek side is completely outside his range of familiarity. It's ok though, I like an outside perspective when it comes to certain things.

Education : There are so many things I want to learn and it seems like the end is nowhere in sight. Yes I will have an Associates, Bachelors and Masters degree come January but what's next. If I want to get into accounting or finance there is almost no doubt in my mind that I'll have to go to classes for that. Want to become a CPA, here's a book the size of an encyclopedia you need to read though and memorize in some capacity. Then good luck on the exam and using all that knowledge at work each day. What about marketing? Ok, we're going to start you out cold-calling then see how you do. I have a mental on / off switch when it comes to destroying my dreams or letting them flourish.

Attitude : I don't have the attitude right now of someone who is highly employable. You could argue I'm a bit burnt and disillusioned with reality. My self-esteem is sort of in the shitter too right now. At my current pace though I feel powerless to change my situation. Some say you're still young, don't think about these things too much. I have to though, I control my own destiny. I want to have enough money to retire when I'm old. I want to be able to afford a house of my own. I don't want to fall into a category of people just waiting for their government assistance check in the mail and don't have a whole lot to look forward to. I'm 24 but that will easily be 25 and 30 soon if I don't take risks and action. I can't get comfortable with only driving 15 minutes to work and being able to come home during break from work. I can't stay mediocre for the rest of my life while my body slowly deteriorates.