Advice Sought Regarding My Blog

[Andrew Michaels]

Hey guys. I started writing a fiction blog awhile back. I've been putting off my love of writing for years, and I thought I'd give it a try and see if I could make a few pennies off it. I started the blog a few months back and put it on the back burner due to some personal issues, but now I'm ready to get back to it.

Right now, I'm essentially writing a book, but broken up into small posts. What I really need is feedback and advice.

1) What do you think of the story so far? I realize that the style will not be for everyone, but I'm interested in hearing what people have to say.

2) How is the layout of the site? I'm really looking for a skin that's more minimalistic and easier to use, but I'm not having much luck. Something along the lines of what Steve uses would actually be better. I think that I should have some way to go straight to the beginning of the story, but I'm not quite sure how to go about it.

3) Are the Ads placed well?

4) How do you suggest that I advertise the site to interested readers? It's a fiction blog, which excludes many of the buisness/tech blog directories which would normally list a blog.

5) Any other advice is welcome.

Thanks.

The site is: Maimed Kraken

[Scott Bird]

The blog looks like a great start. I haven't had a chance to read the story yet (I should do in a few hours though), but a couple of quick thoughts on the blog itself :

I'm not sure that Google ads are your best bet for something like that, as they are advertising things based on the story, and that's not necessarily why people will go to a site like that. More specific ads for things that your audience will probably like (it's up to you to determine your audience, and that in itself is a challenge) may do better.

You might consider re-ordering the items in your sidebar, based on importance. I'd suggest that things like search and rss feed are more important than archives and category.

Your about page doesn't actually say anything about you. A few personal details, and perhaps a photo, help to establish credibility. You're happy to stand behind your work.

As you pointed out, there's no quick way to go back to the start of the story. Keep in mind that most people won't start at the front page of the site (especially if they arrive via a google search or similar); perhaps put a link at the end of each post.

This possibly sounds a bit negative, but it isn't intended that way. Overall the site is good, and a bit of tweaking will sort things out. I'll provide a bit more feedback once I've read the story.

[Lotus]

Hi Andrew,

I read the story, so as one writer to another, but more importantly, as an editor to a writer, I give you the following:

Originally Posted by Andrew Michaels

1) What do you think of the story so far? I realize that the style will not be for everyone, but I'm interested in hearing what people have to say.

I'm interested. But a key question that is haunting me: "can you get an audience to care about an 80-something y/o man, mystery or no?" I understand that we should be suitably impressed by the 80 y/o hoofing it around the rainforeset... but, sudden infirmery in someone this old is not a "hook" that will pull a lot of readers immediately into the story. Where's the scandal? If it's the poison, it needs to heat up right away, or you're going to lose your reader in the history. (Yes, the history is beautiful, and we appreciate how it's fleshing out the uncle and the speaker... but right now, the backstory is overshadowing the now-story. If you want to tell a story of a scandal in the past, let's get to it very quickly.)

Originally Posted by Andrew Michaels

2) How is the layout of the site? I'm really looking for a skin that's more minimalistic and easier to use, but I'm not having much luck. Something along the lines of what Steve uses would actually be better. I think that I should have some way to go straight to the beginning of the story, but I'm not quite sure how to go about it.

Actually, I like the skin. It's simple, elegant, low-fi... what are you thinking of changing? The skin helps set the tone for the story, and right now, the clean lines are putting me in mind of of the Romanesque villa where we're sitting in the story. However, it does stress the dichotomy of telling a turn-of-the-century story on a blog. But I wouldn't start pinning rococo to the site or anything.

You need a link to each chapter/part on the side bar. I had to hunt for Part II quite a lot before I found it. Most readers won't bother.

Originally Posted by Andrew Michaels

3) Are the Ads placed well?

Defer to other comments. This isn't my speciality.

Originally Posted by Andrew Michaels

4) How do you suggest that I advertise the site to interested readers? It's a fiction blog, which excludes many of the buisness/tech blog directories which would normally list a blog.

There are certainly fiction bloggers out there. You might consider entering your story in a contest. You'll get a lot more traffic catering to other blogfics than you will to tech blogs. I'll see if I can remember the big contest from while back. Maybe they are rehashing it... seems like it was out of Blogger, but I'm not sure. Give me a day or two to ruminate and google.

Originally Posted by Andrew Michaels

5) Any other advice is welcome.

*I like the title: who is the maimed kraken? Is it the uncle or the speaker? Is it both? How is one or the other a kraken? Just a great beast brought low? Am I reading a tragedy or a mystery? Both? Good good good; kraken for thought.

*Writing style feels a little flowery; terms like "hollow, sickly wrath" and "self-befouled bed sheets" somehow feel redundant. Perhaps it's just me. I mean, who would be fouling his sheets if not him? Did a dog wander in and take a leak? Probably not.
"...ancient Pompeii" Again, Pompeii was dusted a freaking long time ago. No need to say "ancient" because it is implied. Give your reader more credit;
consider paring down some of the redundant description.

*Fabuluous. Still a little wordy, but shows your reader all about the character through his own actions. This is what you're aiming for (show, don't tell): "A grunt of annoyance escaped his lips then, probably more at the associated slight to his abilities as a horseman..."

*"What seems so impressive about these years is not his depravity, for it was only the garden variety found amongst the worthless the world over..."
Muhahahahahaha! Again, this is what you're aiming for: the speaker tells us what he thinks of drunks in a passing musing.

*Minor grammatical/spelling errors throughout (here's a couple of examples, but there are more):
"He was smart, apolitical, loyal to a fault, and best of all, his gray streaked temples and warm gaze hid a keen awareness and host of talents which no cursory inspection would ever show up." Don't end a sentence in a preposition! "Show up" might better be worded as "reveal" or some such.
"child hood" Um. Childhood? Or is this an anachronism?
"...the average Englishman would believe only existed in the heart of the orient." Orient is capped to refer to a place. Occident, Orient.

Overall, very not bad. Keep writing! Focus on showing, minding very minor typos, and pushing the story forward to a breaking point.
~~
EDIT: here's some links to writing communities
National Novel Writing Month : community of writers
Blogging your novel from Blogger, and Part Two of that article.
Creative Commons License - for legal detail on letting people know what they can and cannot due with your work

[Andrew Michaels]

Originally Posted by Lotus

Hi Andrew,

I read the story, so as one writer to another, but more importantly, as an editor to a writer, I give you the following:

Thank you Lotus. That's exactly the type of feedback I need. I really appreciate it. I'll certainly take everything you've mentioned into consideration.

As to the 80 year old man, Lucio, he'll actually end up being secondary to the the main character, his nephew. The reason he's been playing such a prominent role is because his [Spoiler] demise, and the events that lead up to it over the course of his lifetime, are what draw his formerly reclusive and bookish nephew into the adventure.[/Spoiler]

You're completely correct though, I think I need to get to the main plot very quickly or risk boring the audience. Further background will have to wait.

I'd be curious to hear what you have to say about the jumps that I'm making. For instance, post #1 starts in Lucio's bedroom and then jumps to a year previous at his Newphew's house in England. The 2nd post Begins with Jerrico walking outside the house in Argentina, and then I have to do a quick explanation to tell the reader that he just left the bedroom after hours of futile conversation.

Do you think it will confuse/lose the reader?

Also, just to clarify, you had said:

*Fabuluous. Still a little wordy, but shows your reader all about the character through his own actions. This is what you're aiming for (show, don't tell): "A grunt of annoyance escaped his lips then, probably more at the associated slight to his abilities as a horseman..."

Do you mean that you like or dislike that line?

[Lotus]

Originally Posted by Andrew Michaels

I'd be curious to hear what you have to say about the jumps that I'm making. ...
Do you think it will confuse/lose the reader?

Actually, I noticed the jumps, but this is fairly stylistic; there are other authors that have done this with great success. I don't personally feel confused or disoriented. I think you're handling the flashbacks very nicely. In fact, I was expecting to continue seeing them throughout the story, as the speaker gets into whatever he's getting into. With this sort of plot, the most satisfying read would probably come from the speaker using/accepting/owning his uncle's wisdom to push him through the (crisis).

Plus, it's natural. Have you ever visited a loved one who is dying and not had flashbacks?

Originally Posted by Andrew Michaels

Do you mean that you like or dislike that line?

I like! Sorry for being unclear. I was meaning that your "tool" or concept there was right-on: use the words and actions of the characters to show how they feel about x, y, and z. Some authors make the mistake of just telling the reader flat out. Ex: "He grunted. The uncle was feeling slighted about his horsey skills. Etc, etc."

The way you have tackled that particular sentence is showing of good storytelling technique in terms of show & tell. I added in "still a little wordy" bit... because it is a bit wordy. You could drop the word "then," for instance. It's implied that the grunt happened right at that moment.

Words like "then" and "that" are grossly overused by many authors, especially when they first start writing. It's like a verbal tic. You have to learn to find your tics and suppress them. I have problems with "just" and "particularly," just to name a particular two.

I didn't notice anything glaringly tic-ish in the story, but try to keep at least one objective eye when you proof your stuff.

Again, I think this story has a lot of promise. Do poke me in the PM if/when you want more criticism when the next few parts are posted.