[Mariana Trench]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Because if you move out faraway from your family members, then obviously in practical terms, they can't depend on you, and you won't be in a position to help them.

That's simply not true. Not the healthiest example but my mom's been flying and driving a thousand miles multiple times a year to take care of her parents and brother.

Originally Posted by russianrocket

You chose to create a child. That's one of the first things that gets people out of families. Guilt. It's always the guilt of " I raised you! I put all my time and money into you! I deserve respect and for you to take care of me". I'm sorry, but it doesn't work like that. You're child didn't abandon you. They went on to have their own life. Isn't that why you raised her? I don't understand this whole concept of having a child to take care of so that you have someone to take care of you. It happens all over the world, which is why we are so overly populated. People having kids so that they can bring money in for the family, or so that they have someone to love and love them back.

lol tho I doubt my post will encourage you to come on here more, it's how I feel about the situation. I had the same guilt trip by my parents, and I hated it. Always telling me that all the work they put into me, means I should take care of them when they get old.

Oh hell yes. There is also, "I raised you, therefore you're obligated to obey me, lest you be a horrible person, God says so". WTF

It's all unhealthy. Healthy relationships are never built on guilt.

Huh...do we...agree? A momentous occasion, haha.

Originally Posted by aelle

Very valid point. There is this growing trend in Europe where college graduates don't move out from their parents' until their late 20s - early 30s, simply because they can't afford rent early in their career. And it is problematic in a society that radically shifted the shames and expectations attached to living with your parents.



I love this. Actually, creative communal living solutions are sprouting out all over the place out of economical necessity. My recently-separated mom has been looking into it, turns out there's this big movement of divorced mothers rooming together.
I have this fantasy of communal child rearing, living with one or 2 other friend couples as a way to simplify chores and childcare, and develop new, more meaningful ways to relate to my close friends.

That sounds fantastic. I love the intentional community concept.

Originally Posted by Cado

And the power dynamic never really goes away. It changes, and you can break its hold to the point that you're able to act independently, but when you're living with someone you were conditioned to obey for the first 18 years of your life it's incredibly easy to slip back into old habits, or take on more of their 'stuff' than is healthy for you. For example, while my relationship with my mother is far healthier than the one I had with my father, her presence has an unusually strong effect on me, which isn't good considering that I'm generally a positive and confident person while she suffers from crippling self-doubt.

At the very least, they are not honest relationships when one party believes they do or should have control over the other.

I realize it's up to me to control my own emotions and how I respond to people, but sometimes control means avoidance of particular people. When those people are related to you things get complicated.

Which makes moving out a brilliant idea.