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Originally Posted by munish  I don't know about China , but in India 90% -95% + live with their parents or if they are in another country , they will call them everyday.
But i feel it is not healthy. |
So you have first hand experience with this type of family living? This is what I want to hear. This will be more than an opinion but an actual account of what happens in these situations.
Again, I've only seen these cultural beliefs being applied within America, therefore fighting the American norm where the children are being taught to believe one thing inside the home but being taught something else outside of the home through the school system, peers, etc.
What I found personally, is that it caused problems in the marriage between an Asian woman and American man. The child(ren) rebelled. My stepmother raised her own daughter and her nephew. The nephew moved away at 21 and refuses to return home because she won't allow him to visit his girlfriend, eat as he pleases, watches his every move. He is actually 29 now and still refuses to spend much time in the house with her.
Her daughter was forced to pursue a college education in music, after being forced her entire life to play piano, and is now stuck in a position of playing for various churches and giving lessons and basically having a very difficult time making it on her own because she complied to her mother's wishes instead of pursuing a medical degree like she wanted to.
Her mother remained involved in every part of her life, including dating (which she was not allowed to do until out of college unless she did it secretely), shaving her legs, wearing makeup. The daughter basically told her mother to shove it when she was 25. And there was constant arguing and disagreeing between the two of them from the time she was a little girl. One thing I've learned from that experience is being a very strict, demanding parent does not keep a child from arguing and rebelling.
Although I'm sure it's much different when you are raised in a country where other families practice the same type of family setup, I wonder if most are actually happy not being allowed to steer away from the family or if most just comply because it's what is expected of them.
Personally, because my parents have been so wonderful to me, even my mother who can be manipulative and emotionally abusive at times, I will always be there for them. They've given me everything they can, loved me, supported me, and taught me that I CAN survive whether they are here with me or not, which is something I appreciate greatly and want my children to also possess. I think it's the norm that most children who are brought up in a healthy home will also do these things for their parents without resentment. Not because they HAVE to but because they love and appreciate their parents.
Again, I think there is some serious dysfunction and bound to be very negative surroundings when when an adult is expected to do these things for their parents. It's as if the only reason to have children is to make sure you're taken care of when you get old and that seems very selfish to me.
You know you've done something right when you can set the little birdie free and it comes back to you just because it loves you and wants to. On the other hand, whether one wants to admit it to him/herself or not, something has gone wrong in the relationship when the little birdie flies away, fleeing for dear life and never to return or if you have to trap it to keep it there for company.