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Originally Posted by sk8joyful  It's like this: Mom, you're not the average dummy. You are really intelligent. But
you married a career-criminal, how could you not have known? - I've watched you read people accurately, whom you've never met before, so how could you have married that jerk!! - You really blew it that time, and don't give me this bit about how the Church talked you into it. My god! |
I'm sure you have blamed yourself enough without copping it from her as well.
Plenty of very smart women have fallen for people like your ex. I've walked away from abusive boyfriends in the past and still ended up getting into relationships of sorts with men who were abusive towards me, even though I knew the signs, and I'm a pretty smart person. Even psychologists get duped all the time by psychopath's, and they are supposed to know exactly what to look for.
The point is, we're human and we make mistakes and we don't always see what is right in front of us. I'm sure your ex made it seem like he was a 'normal' man. These people wouldn't be able to do what they do if they didn't learn how to manipulate and make themselves appear normal. Maybe your daughter isn't really seeing things from your perspective right now because she is too lost in her own pain and darkness?
If you had no idea that he was what he was while you were married then it's not your fault at all...but that's a hard thing to reconcile with yourself, and it must be hard for her to reconcile with as well. She's hurt so she lashes out at you, and blames you.
It's really unfortunate...and I'm sorry you've had to go through this.
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I never asked her to 'camp' next to me, in the hospital. - I asked her only -
1. to be at least my Advocate, like I was for her.
2. May I come, even it's to stay in the shed outside, for 2 months.
But it's ok, I don't ask, anymore.
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Sure, I didn't mean that you asked her to camp out next to you, but it did sound a bit like you expected what you gave to her to be returned, and that's not an unreasonable thing to expect either by the way.
That's really hurtful.
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No.
And my Birthday is next month, the day after Thanksgiving. - Will I get a card?
I would be very Surprised, considering the last 5 years
I've had to call her, to find out how she liked the presents I sent to everyone...
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I don't know if there is anything I can say that will make it better for you right now, so I will leave it there. I'm learning a lot from your story though. I've been really stubborn about calling my own mother and father lately, but that has been for my healing, and there is some element of your story that is relevant to my own family story, so thankyou for that.