Last night, I had a nightmare for the first time in I don't know how long. I'm assuming it could be just the release of painful and negative energy from the subconscious, which would be being released through Ho'oponopono. I don't remember what the dream was about, unfortunately.
Yesterday was great, though. My mother-in-law and a nun that Christine is really good friends with came in yesterday to visit. I do not usually get along with my mother-in-law at all, but that's a very long story. A lot of times I feel like my respect and personal power is stripped around her.
But this time, I honestly didn't care what she thought. I was able to be honest and be truly myself. We went out to dinner, and it was great. Christine said later that I was really outgoing, which is not normal for me. That just proves for me that I was just relaxed and enjoying myself without any concerns. That's such a huge improvement for me.
So I think yesterday was a big testament to how these practices are helping me.
If you really look at it, how does this happen? I never felt respected by her because I never respected myself. Now I finally do. I finally feel like an equal, not a 23-year-old child trying to make it in the world, and that's how I felt around her a lot.
In general my social life has been on the rise. A friend has asked us just to go hang out somewhere and enjoy a snack, for the last two days. A guy who I hadn't seen for two years or so is coming around more now so we are becoming better friends. Someone randomly wanted to come meet me yesterday because we have a common friend, but unfortunately that fell through.
I just think I feel more confident for the first time in my life, at least for a long time.
When you realize you really only have to worry about yourself and what kind of life you are creating, and not about anyone else in the least, it is so freeing. My mother called yesterday saying she had gone out to lunch with her ex-boyfriend. I'd usually be really upset, because this guy was so controlling and possessive, though he was really great for a while. She asked me what I thought, and I told her honestly that I thought it wasn't a good idea to get too involved with him because of what happened before, but it was her life, and I really meant it. She said, very sincerely, "Wow, you're the most uncritical, non-judgmental person I know." I had simply told her what I thought, but said she was free to do what she wanted and I wouldn't stop her.
And if they do get together, and he is controlling? Then somehow I'm creating that, and I just keep cleaning on it. And if it bothers me a lot, I just do The Work on it and see how something in me is really the source of what is bothering me. Reflect it back on myself and see how I might be possessive and controlling.
But maybe it won't happen. When it happened before, I really was more controlling. Not necessarily to the degree that he was, but I felt like I didn't have an identity without Christine and wanted to be with her all the time, lol. So maybe it was just a reflection to show me what I was doing. I am not like that at all now.
So that's how Ho'oponopono and The Work are changing my life. It's working from the inside out, and my world is changing as a result. And hey, this is only the first week of it. Imagine what might be happening in a month!
I will continue to update.