HI Lemon, you are right... what you are now, how you behave... may be traced back to the enivironment you are in. Having said that, it does not mean that you should be bound by it.
I encourage you to spend more time alone, perhaps at the beach or at a quiet park and quietly reflect what have been happening and how you could manage it. Do not rationalise or justify your outbursts, or they remain unsolved. Each time you get fired up, and you are about to scream,
walk away from the scene immediately - this is definitely one way to cool yourself. If you remain at the scene, you will definitely burst, and again regret over it.
And as I quote from the Bible, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (Ephesians 2: 26)", it simply means that you try your best to cool down and talk about it to the other party, resolve the problem before going to bed at the end of the day. In essence, if you go to sleep with a heavy heart, you wake up feeling lousy and the unhappiness remains...
Well, we are all in the same boat... there would be times when we can't control ourselves and we burst. But strive on, to become better each time you lose youself,, ya? I actually wrote about "managing my upsetness"
Managing my upsetness « Training, Engaging the Adult Learners
Feel free to read it. Take care...
JT
Training, Engaging the Adult Learners