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Originally Posted by Lotus  Well, as a female, I'm just going to add that quiet boyfriends can be a bit disconcerting. If it were me... I'd want to pick your brain when you got quiet and thoughtful. It's in those midnight conversations on the porch that go on until dawn that you really get a know a person.  |
Me too Lotus! When our men go too quiet, we know they are thinking of some stuff.
Justin, I guess your gf's probably feeling scared and insecured because of the way you are acting. It may not be due to those changes, but how you treated her in the process of changing.
Keeping silent for days and telling her it's not about her is scary for a girl. And not talking about what you were thinking of and what you got out of those thinking makes her even more defensive that she must be the problem. Or she may start equating to your few days of deep thought as another change which means another possibility of bringing you further from her.
Like you said, she's not involved in all the during and after process.
I think Adam really summarises it very nicely here
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Keep being a man. Keep going off and brooding, but let your girl friend know that you just need time to think about a problem, and let her know that you're not brooding about her. While you're mulling over things in your head, be available to listen... Women want nothing more than someone to listen to them without having to share equal time listening to someone else's problems. She will notice and appreciate this one small change... simply take the time to let her talk.
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Tell her you love her, and you need to think of some stuff and you are definitely not upset with her. Then share your findings and discoveries on any new perspectives or philosophies with her. You'd be surprised that she may actually have some interesting comments to give if she's brought into this loop.