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"it is written objectively nowhere, that your worth hinges solely upon how f***able random men consider you to be."
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I know logically that this is true but emotionally, I don't. Possibly because of the power men hold or how much their opinion is valued in our society, I feel as if their response to me reflects my worth. I don't know how to get to the root of that belief and not feel that it's true.
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"find a passion, something you enjoy doing and can do well."
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I have something to work on which I can get lost in... until I am 'rejected' at which point I cannot even focus on it and this will last until I am given a positive response. It could also be because the project may involve future stage-work and I do not want to be on stage receiving lots of abuse (perhaps my desire to be on stage is for that very same approval - whenever i imagine my audience, it's always men). At the very centre appears to be the belief that what a man says about me is the absolute truth.
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"the things that complete strangers say to you are NEVER about you. They are ALWAYS about them. "
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I need to get to the stage where I really believe this deep down.
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"You perhaps need to work on filtering out what people say, and perhaps not seek validation from others as much. True confidence comes from ourselves, ultimately. "
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"I think you are putting too much of your value on how other people see you. If a guy seems to respond positively - you have a good day. If they respond negatively - you have a bad day. Don't let other people have so much power over you."
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This is exactly right and what I want to get to the heart of but how do I stop this? I don't know how to devalue their opinion - or perhaps value mine more?
The Cloud - yes I completely agree with everything you have said. How do I get out of this game? My need to feel safe is so strong. As an example, when a man looks at me as if he appreciates me, my mood is seriously unnaturally elevated like i'm on a drug. it's not healthy and with any high comes a low. I feel as if I am very addicted to this approval. I cannot imagine an alternative reality within which I do not feel like i am 'seeking approval' nor feel 'safe'.
I feel positive because I feel that deep down I have this enormous strength and if I overcome it, I will really be able to 'own myself' but the question is... how do I get there? any strategies you can offer so that I don't fall apart when it happens? some kind of self-talk? I feel I need to somehow separate the comment 'she's ugly' from the follow-up belief 'I then have no value'.